by Bec Botefuhr
“Dash…oh god,” he begins.
“You know what,” I hiss. “Kill each other, I’m done.”
I turn and rush off, pulling my phone from my bag. I dial the one person I know will help me.
“Payton, can you come and get me?”
Chapter Twenty Five
I run a good three blocks before stopping and waiting at a bus stop. I quickly text Payton my location. She arrives about fifteen minutes later, just as Slade’s car screeches to a halt behind hers. They both jump out. She looks over at Slade’s bleeding lip and frowns. Then she turns to me and her mouth drops open.
“You…you…fucking bastard!” she screams.
“He didn’t do it,” I whisper.
“You have a black eye!”
She rushes over and drops down in front of me, taking my face in her hands and turning my face from side to side.
“It’s ok Pay,” I whisper.
“What happened?” she barks at Slade.
Slade is looking down at me and I dare to peer up and meet his eyes. I can’t read the emotion there, so much is going on in those eyes right now. He stares at me so painfully it causes an instant burn in my chest. He walks over and kneels in front of me, taking my chin in his hand.
“You ok?”
“I just…I need to be alone Slade.”
“Dash, I’m sorry…for what happened back there.”
“What happened?” Payton cries, throwing her hands up.
Slade doesn’t look at her, he keeps his eyes on mine.
“I’ll stay with dad tonight, ok?”
I nod weakly. He leans in, kisses my head and then stands. He looks over at Payton. “Take care of her,” he says then turns back to me. “I meant everything I said back there Dash, everything.”
Then he gets into his car and speeds off. Payton helps me up and she tucks me into the front seat of her car. I peer down the empty street and wonder where Lucas is. I wonder if he’s ok? I wonder if I should go and look for him? Payton gets into the front of the car and looks over at me, she reaches out to squeeze my hand.
“Are you ok honey?”
I nod, swallowing. “Can we just drive a while before I go home?”
“Sure.”
We begin driving and for the first twenty minutes I’m quiet and Payton doesn’t push. Then I begin speaking.
“It was my dad’s fault.”
“What was?” she asks, not moving her eyes from the road.
“My mother’s death. It was his fault.”
“I don’t…understand…”
“Slade’s father told me tonight that Slade caused the accident. After he left the party that night, he was drinking and driving and caused a lineup on the highway. My dad was coming home and…well…he slammed into the back of the cars and my mother’s head went into the dashboard. It killed her instantly. He was speeding and he was drunk. He blamed Slade and Slade took the blame, he said he got charged for drink driving. I get the feeling it’s why he went away for two years and I didn’t see much of him in the racing world in that time. He wouldn’t have had a license. Anyway, my father got away with it. All along…all along he warned me against Slade because he knew…”
“Oh Dash, I’m so sorry.”
“I can’t face him Payton, I don’t even know what I would say.”
“Take a few days, time always helps.”
“I can’t believe…I can’t believe it was always him.”
“You know he made a mistake Dash, your dad loved your mum.”
“I know that, I do, believe me but I also know he hid it from me and blamed Slade.”
“It was partly Slade’s fault.”
“I know that too, but my father shouldn’t have gotten into that car drunk and worse, he shouldn’t have lied to me. He let Slade take full blame for it and the only reason Slade isn’t in jail is because his car was stopped at the time of the accident.”
Payton nods, staring at the road ahead. “I don’t know what I can say…”
“It’s ok Pay, nothing can change it now.”
“What about the black eye?”
I sigh.
“I ran from the function when Michael told me about Slade. Anyway, Slade followed me and we got into a massive fight. He pushed me into his car, desperate to explain and he did. Then…well…”
Payton’s eyes widen but she doesn’t move them from the road, even though I know she wants to.
“What?”
“I slept with him Payton.”
“Oh…OH!”
“Yep, it was…god…Pay it was beautiful and I hate myself for it.”
“Why?”
“I shouldn’t be going there with Slade, he hurt me.”
“I know that honey, but you know what went on now, you know why he did it.”
“I know why he left, I just don’t know why he treated me badly for months before he left.”
“I know Dash, but you can’t keep running from what you want.”
I sigh and put my head in my hands.
“So how did sleeping with Slade result in a black eye? Does he like it rough?”
I chuckle and she smiles over at me. Trust Payton to lighten the mood.
“Well, I got out of the car and Lucas was there. He was coming to surprise me at the function, he knew I didn’t have a date.”
“Oh no.”
“He was so upset Pay, I feel so awful. They said some harsh words and got into a fight. I leaned down to separate them and Lucas threw a punch at Slade, hitting me instead.”
“Oh no…poor Lucas.”
I sigh. “I know, I don’t even know if he’s ok.”
“He’ll be ok, he’s tough.”
“I know, but I’ll never forgive myself if this damages him.”
Pay takes my hand and squeezes. “It’ll be fine honey, come on, you need to rest. Do you want me to take you home?”
“Yes please, thank you.”
She nods and we’re both silent on the way home. When we pull up, I see Lucas standing out the front of my unit. I stare out the window, feeling a deep pang of hurt in my chest.
“Are you sure you want to talk now?” Payton asks.
“I have to Pay, he’s my friend.”
She nods and leans over to hug me.
“Thank you, for everything,” I whisper.
“Always honey, call me if you need.”
I hug her once more and then slip out of the car. When her car disappears into the night, I begin slowly walking over towards Lucas. His face crumples in pain as he looks over my eye.
“Dash, I’m so sorry…”
I stare at his face with the same pain, Slade did a good job.
“Don’t be sorry, Lucas, I’m the one that should be sorry.”
Lucas reaches out and his fingers slide over my swollen eye.
“I never meant to hurt you…”
“I know that,” I whisper.
“Dash, I wanted to see you before…I leave.”
My heart seizes and I feel my mouth opening at his words. “What?”
“It’s not forever, I just have to go away for a while. You were right Dash, you’ve never led me on. After that night we had together, you made it very clear that you didn’t want more. This wasn’t your fault, it was me not listening to something so clearly laid down for me. I hurt you because I didn’t listen. I just need to go and have a month or two away, I need to clear my head.”
“Lucas, please,” I say, feeling a tear slide down my cheek.
He swipes it away. “This is not your fault, you’ve loved Slade since the moment I met you and I’ve always known that deep down. I hoped maybe you would stop, but you haven’t and that’s ok. It’s ok Dash because you can’t choose who you love.”
“I don’t want to lose you Lucas, if I lose you…”
He takes my face in his hands. “You won’t lose me Dash, I will come back and we will be friends. I just need time to get over this.”
“Do you promise?” I say i
n a small, damaged voice.
He pulls me in for a hug and I wrap my arms around him, letting more tears escape. “I promise,” he whispers.
When we pull back, he stares down at me for the longest moment, just taking in my face.
“Dash,” he begins. “You need to fix this with Slade, whatever it is. He loves you, it radiates off him. You love him too or you wouldn’t have let it go so far. You have to fix what was broken and fix yourself.”
I nod, swallowing. Lucas swipes away one more tear and then he walks past me and gets into his car. I spin around and call out his name. He stops and looks back over his shoulder at me.
“You know I love you Lucas, I always will.”
He forces a smile. “Yeah, I know.”
Then, just like that, he’s gone.
Chapter Twenty Six
I sit in the kitchen pressing ice to my face for the next few hours. I feel numb, emotions are running wild in my head and I can’t take a breath without it being painful. I don’t understand why my dad let Slade take all the blame. I don’t understand why they never told me. I don’t understand how Slade has lived with such pain, thinking he killed someone. I don’t know anything and it burns.
I hear the door open mid-way through my thoughts and I jerk my head up to see Slade step through. He said he wasn’t coming home tonight so why is he here? I glance at his battered face, and something doesn’t look right. He’s trembling and I’m damn sure that black eye wasn’t there before, Lucas didn’t hit him that hard. I leap off the bench and rush over, stopping in front of him. Holy shit he looks terrible.
“Slade, what…”
I reach out and press a hand on his chest and he winces so loudly I leap back. He leans against the door frame, staring down at me and his expression is pure agony. Something is wrong.
“Slade what happened?”
“Just…just…got bashed on the way home.”
“What?” I cry.
“It’s nothing Dash, a bunch of drunk boys got a few in.”
“Slade, you’re hurt, I can see it.”
“I’ll be ok.”
I grip his shirt before he can react and I lift it up. A soft whimpering sound comes out of my mouth at the fresh, purple bruises covering his beautiful body. I narrow my eyes at the fading ones too. He’s not telling me the truth, I just know it.
“You’re lying to me,” I say in a soft voice.
He looks down at me and I turn my eyes up to meet his.
“I…”
“Who does this Slade?”
“Dash, don’t…”
“Don’t you lie to me Slade or I’ll call an ambulance and make these questions a whole lot worse.”
“No, you can’t do that!”
“THEN TELL ME WHO DID THIS?” I scream.
“Michael,” he whispers.
I feel like someone has slapped me. I knew Michael was an asshole, but I never knew he would hurt his son.
“How long?” I choke out.
“It started about a year after we became friends, he suspected…”
It hits me like a brick and I stumble backwards. I know exactly what he suspected. He suspected Slade and I were getting close, he suspected his son might lose because of me. He beat him to keep him away from me. Oh god, my mother knew, she knew and that’s why she used to help us sneak around. Oh god…she knew.
“My mother knew, didn’t she?”
He shakes his head. “She didn’t know for sure, but yeah, she suspected it.”
“Oh god, Slade…this…this is my fault?”
He grips my face and rasps out, “No!”
“It’s because of our friendship. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you let me help you?”
“I couldn’t,” he whispers. “I couldn’t tell you because I couldn’t lose you Dash. I knew you would run. I knew you would do it to save me and I couldn’t bear it.”
“It’s why you started fading off in the few months before you left, isn’t it? Why you started becoming so cold towards me?”
“I did that because he was making me leave, he knew things were getting too close between us and so he organized my racing elsewhere. He knew I’d follow, I had no money to stay, racing was my life and I loved it. I was going, I didn’t really have a choice and I knew it would break you, so I figured if you hated me…”
“It wouldn’t hurt so much,” I finish for him.
“I know that was a stupid move, Dash, I really do. I was trying to protect you.”
“It’s why you treated me so badly when we saw each other at that race, isn’t it?”
“It killed me Dash, but he warned me so…hard…and I mean that quite literally. When I came back this time and I tried to be an asshole, I could see the pain on your face and it broke me, I couldn’t keep doing it, I couldn’t keep hurting you.”
“He found out, tonight, didn’t he?”
“No, he was just mad I ran after you. This,” he says, pointing to his body, “is a warning.”
“You need to report him Slade, he can’t do this to you!”
“I’m a grown fucking man,” he snarls. “How bad is it going to look to walk in and say my daddy still beats me?”
“You think it’ll make you look weak, because you’re not a child?” I whisper, shocked.
“Of course it will, I still let my father beat me.”
“Your father is a big man and he’s using your weaknesses to get to you. He knows you won’t give up racing, he knows you love it and so he’s doing whatever he can to use that against you.”
“He knows that without him, I have no place in that racing world.” Slade says, his voice broken.
“That’s crap Slade, and you know it. You’re talented…”
“I know what I am Dash, I also know if I don’t do it his way, my career is over. He’ll make sure of it.”
“Slade…you can’t live like this…”
He looks over at me with pained eyes. “I have no choice.”
“You have to report him!”
“If I report him, I will lose everything. Racing is my life Dash, it’s everything to me.”
“Is it worth this?” I say, gently running a hand down his chest.
“Yeah, it is.”
“Slade…”
“If you say anything Dash, I’ll never forgive you.”
“Why don’t you fight back?”
He looks away. “Because I’m scared if I fight back, he’ll do something far worse than beat me.”
“You think your own father would…kill you?”
“I don’t think he’d mean to, but Dash, when he loses it…he loses it. If I fight back, it’ll only make that reaction worse.”
I take his hands. “Oh Slade.”
He reaches out and strokes my eye. “Are you ok?”
“Don’t worry about me, come on, let me help you.”
He lets me lead him into the kitchen and slowly remove his shirt. He has bruises all over his chest, his stomach, even as low as his belly button. They’re ugly, purple and painful. I feel my eyes fill with tears as I reach out and stroke the soft, beautiful skin that is damaged by hate. Hate from his own father. When I lift my face to look back up at him, his eyes are glassy and red.
It’s the first time since Slade has been back, that I see the boy I loved so deeply. I reach up and cup his cheek, then I bring his face down to mine and I kiss him so softly it’s barely a touch. He makes a pained sound and puts a hand up to tangle in my hair. Our lips slide together gently and I can feel the warmth of his tears mingling with my own and sliding down my cheeks.
I take his face with both hands now, bringing his forehead down to mine. We stand like that, me just holding him as tears slide down his cheeks. Broken, painful tears. He presses his lips to mine again, but this time the kiss becomes heated. Our mouths move together in a desperate dance that has us both panting. Tongues softly combine, groans fill both our ears. Slade forces himself to pull back and looks down at me.
“W
e can’t…”
I nod, stroking his cheek. “I know.”
“But…I want to Dash, I want to so badly.”
I look him right in the eye. “I want to as well.”
His eyes search my face as though he’s looking for the punch line.
“You want to?”
“With every soul crushing part of me, I want you Slade Devaroe and I always have.”
His breathing becomes deep and he pulls me closer, even though it causes him to wince.
“Dash, my life has been so dull without you. Without your laughter. Without your beautiful face. Tell me we can fix this, tell me you’ll be mine?”
I cup his cheek and whisper, “We already are, and I already am.”
Chapter Twenty Seven
I wake early the next morning and shift carefully as the hard body beside mine groans and rolls. I spent the night with Slade, I guess you could say we’re a couple now…right? I don’t know, but I do know I want to help him and I’ll do anything to make him happy again. I also know he makes my heart do things no one else has ever made it do and that is enough to make me want to fight for him. For us.
I stare down at his bruised back and stroke my fingers over his soft skin, poor Slade, he doesn’t deserve to be beaten by his own father. I can’t imagine how it feels, to be twenty-three and still running. He should have his own life now, but instead he hides in his father’s shadow because he’s so afraid of losing the one thing he’s worked so hard to be amazing at. Knowing Michael, he would drag Slade’s career into the dirt. The man has serious problems.
I straighten my shirt when I step out of bed and smile down at Slade who is breathing deeply and peacefully. We didn’t have sex last night, but sleeping with him, feeling his arms around me, it was nice. I tiptoe from the room and into the kitchen. After fumbling for the light, I finally manage to flick it on. I squint as it burns my eyes and continue to fumble for the coffee. When I get it on and it’s brewing, I slide onto the bench and wait.
I touch my puffy eye and wince. It feels warm and tender under my fingertips. I think about Lucas and I hope he’s ok, I’ll text him later to check on him but I get the feeling he doesn’t want my contact, not for a while anyway. I let my thoughts drift over to Michael. I try to think back when we were younger, and I wonder how I didn’t know. Though, there was that one time I saw him and Slade fighting. It did get pretty heated.
