by Bec Botefuhr
~*~*~*~
“Hey, wake up honey.”
I flicker my eyes open to see Payton standing by my bed. The hospital could really kick me out, considering I don’t really have anything wrong with me, but they don’t. God bless them for that. Payton strokes my hair and whispers, “He’s out.”
I bolt upright. “Is he ok?”
“Come on, I’ll take you to his room and you can talk to the doctor.”
I don’t hesitate, I take her hand and leap out of the bed. She rushes me to Slade’s room. When we get in, there is a doctor standing by his bed, talking to a nurse. Slade is out of it, tubes come from so many different directions I don’t know where they begin or end.
“Doctor, is he ok?” I whisper.
The doctor turns and stares over at me. “Dasha Jewel, right?”
“Yes.”
“He’s ok. He had serious internal bleeding but we managed to stop it. It’s going to be a rocky twenty four hours, so many things can go wrong, but for now, he’s stable.”
“And his leg?”
He sighs. “It’s not in a good way. While I believe he’ll walk again and race again, it’ll take months of physio…”
I swallow and hot tears drip down my cheeks. “This shouldn’t have happened to him.”
The doctor pats my arm. “It could have been a lot worse for him.”
I nod and Payton squeezes my hand. I didn’t even realize she had it.
“I’m going now, you can sit with him, I know he has no one else here.”
I thank him and then take the seat beside Slade’s bed. His skin is pale, his cheeks hollow and he looks like he’s lost all his life. I grip his hand. It’s cold and I have to maneuver around a tube to get hold of it tightly. Payton touches my shoulder and I peer up at her.
“I’ll leave you to it, call me if you need.”
“Thank you Pay, I love you.”
She kisses the top of my head. “I love you too honey.”
When she’s gone, I let the waterfall burst and I sob until I’m heaving. I squeeze Slade’s hand and whimper useless words to him.
“Remember when we had that food fight on my graduation day? I think it was the first time we nearly kissed. We got so close and then right as we were about to connect lips, you smashed an ice cream in my face. I’ll never forget your laugh. It’s like my sunshine, it’s my everything. It keeps me going. Slade, if you don’t wake up…you have to wake up. You keep me going. Without you, I’m empty. Slade please, please, wake up.”
I run bury my head into his side, and I breathe him in. Even after surgery and being slathered in all the wonderful smelling things hospitals use, I can still smell him. I can still smell that musky, manly scent. I grip him tighter and cry until there’s nothing left but the sound of my breathing alongside of his. I’d never race again, if it meant he woke up. I’d do anything to see his cheeky, devilish smile just one more time…I’ll give it all up. All of it.
Chapter Thirty Two
“Hey, wake up.”
I groan and lift my head from the side of Slade’s bed. I blink a few times and the hand on my shoulder shakes me again.
“Hey baby girl, are you ok?”
I turn and peer up at my father, relief floods me knowing he’s ok. I was so worried…when I see his face, I gasp. It’s bloody, his eye is black and his lip is split. Dried blood is spread across his cheek.
“Daddy!” I gasp, leaping up. “What happened?”
“I found Michael.”
“Daddy, what did you do?”
He forces a smile and shrugs. “I beat him senseless, then I dragged him to the police station and forced him to admit what he’d done to Slade and you. When you’re done here, you’re going to tell them what happened.”
“Will he be charged?” I whisper.
He nods, cupping my cheek. “If anyone ever hurts you, baby, you tell me.”
“I was frightened of him daddy, but now…I wish I had told you. Then…” I turn and look at Slade. “He wouldn’t be here.”
“Sweetheart, it’s not your fault Slade’s in here.”
“I knew Michael was beating him and I let him convince me not to tell anyone. He was ashamed that his father still beat him…”
My father stares over at Slade too, and his eyes soften. “I know how he must have felt. It wouldn’t be nice to not be able to escape something like that.”
I nod and feel my eyes burn again. “Daddy, what if he doesn’t wake up?”
My father squeezes my shoulder. “You have to have faith baby, you have to believe he will.”
“I’ll lose everything if he doesn’t wake…he’s…he’s….everything to me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” my father whispers.
I turn and peer up at him. “You blamed him for mum. You hated him.”
“No, I didn’t. I just wanted someone to blame…I didn’t hate him Dasha. I just…I couldn’t accept it was my fault. It was easier to blame him.”
“He lived with it daddy, for years.”
“I know that, and nothing I do will take that away.”
“He’s a good person,” I say in a small voice.
“I know, baby, I know.”
Neither of say anything else until a nurse walks in. She sees my father’s face and gasps.
“Sir, what happened?”
My father smiles and points to Slade. “Just defending the boy here.”
The nurse smiles and her cheeks flush as she takes in my father. Oh my, the nurse is blushing. My father smiles at her and she rushes over, taking his hand and leading him towards the door.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.”
My father looks back at me and shrugs. I laugh softly.
“I’ll be back soon, Dash.”
“Ok daddy.”
When he’s gone, I look back down at Slade. He’s breathing lightly, and his face has a little more colour. A doctor comes in a few moments later and smiles at me sitting beside Slade’s bed. He’s an Asian doctor, but he has a kind face.
“Good morning,” he says, walking over to Slade’s bed.
“Good morning.”
“Any changes overnight?” he asks.
I shrug. “Not that I can see.”
“Let’s have a look.”
He goes over him and I sit and watch. He writes things on a chart and a nurse comes in and does some routine observations. When they step back, they both look pleased.
“He seems to be doing very well considering,” the doctor says, smiling at me.
“Will he wake up?”
He nods politely at me. “We’re expecting a full recovery, he was very lucky.”
I smile and nod. The nurse does a few more things before leaving. I know they checked on him all night, I could hear them frequently pressing buttons on machines and chatting lightly as I slept. I didn’t mind. I wasn’t here for a goodnights sleep. I was here for him. I stand and stretch, my legs scream at me as I move them. God, I’m stiff. I stare over at Slade and then let a nurse know I’m just going to get a coffee.
I walk down the long, bland halls until I find the small coffee stand. I order a coffee and then walk slowly outside until I find a garden seat. I sit down, inhaling the fresh air and sipping the warm coffee. It’s not hot, but that’s fine by me. I text Lucas and Payton, and then I just sit alone in my thoughts for a while. My father finds me an hour or so later, and he takes a seat beside me. His face is cleaned up and he looks a lot better.
“How are you feeling, Dash?”
I shrug. “As good as can be expected. The doctor said he should wake up.”
“That’s great news.”
“He’s going to be devastated about his leg.”
“He’ll race again Dash.”
“I know, but it could take a few years to get to the level he’s at now.”
My father takes my hand. “He’s alive Dash, it could have been so much worse.”
“I know that, but it doesn’t mean it won’t hu
rt.”
My father nods and then in a very light voice says. “What are you going to do about the race?”
I turn to look at him. “What do you mean?”
“Dash, you won it…the championship race is in three weeks. If you win that, or even place well, you’re going to get sponsored and go around the world with your racing.”
I blink, not once having thought about that. “I can’t do it daddy, I can’t leave him.”
“This is your dream Dash, you might not get this chance again.”
I turn away and stare at the line of dark, leafy shrubs in front of me. “He’s my world now, I won’t leave him daddy. I won’t.”
“Dasha, you can’t give up your dream…”
I stand and look down at him. “He is my dream, daddy.”
~*~*~*~
When I get back into Slade’s ward, I hear nurses chatting loudly in Slade’s room. I rush in and see him sitting up in the bed. He looks groggy, but he’s awake and he’s alive. A loud, strangled sob escapes my throat and Slade turns his eyes to me. A small, frail smile touches his lips. The nurses smile and watch as I slowly walk over. His hand lifts and stretches out to me. I rush over and take it, pressing his cool hand to my cheek.
“You’re ok,” I whisper, my tears dripping down onto his hand. “Oh Slade.”
“I’m ok,” he croaks.
The nurses flitter about some more, and then an older one stops by the bed. “We’ll leave you to it, the doctor will be in soon. Don’t move or do anything strenuous, Slade.”
I smile at her and when she leaves, I turn back to Slade. He’s staring at me with those intense aqua eyes. I watch as they become glassy and he reaches up to stroke my cheek.
“Dashy…”
“I thought you were going to die, oh Slade, it was awful.”
He nods, then stares at his hands. “I thought I was going to die. I was feeling dizzy, and the pain in my stomach was intense but I was determined to be in that race. I’d been beaten by him before, I didn’t think it would be any different. Just a bit of bruising. Half way around that track my vision started swimming and my ears started to ring. Then, all I remember was being pulled out of my car. I saw you…”
I sob again and he reaches up to stroke the tear from my cheek.
“Baby, I’m ok.”
“Slade, I thought you were going to die. There was blood coming from your mouth and…”
He soothes me by taking my face in his hands and then pulling me onto the bed beside him. I rest my head against his chest, just listening to the beating of his heart.
“I’m ok.”
“Your leg…”
He sighs. “I know Dash, they already told me.”
“I’m so sorry Slade.”
“I’m alive,” he whispers. “It’s going to be fine.”
“My father…he knows what Michael did to you and me…he went after him.”
Slade tenses. “What happened?”
“He beat him, badly from what I heard, then he made him go to the police station and tell them what he did.”
Slade’s silent for a long moment. “Michael admitted it?”
“Yes, and I have to make a statement later.”
“It’s over?” he whispers.
I take his face in my hands and press a kiss to his lips. “It’s over, Slade, you’re free.”
Chapter Thirty Three
TWO WEEKS LATER
“I can’t fucking do it!” Slade snarls, hurling the crutches across the hospital room.
I cringe and the doctor sighs.
“You can do it, it takes time.”
“Fuck time!” he spits, falling down onto the large recliner.
It’s been just under three weeks and Slade has been up and about. His leg is obviously still healing, but the doctors are trying to get him up and moving it and he’s begun physio. Of course, Slade being temperamental like he is, is getting frustrated because he can’t just walk off and do what he wants. He has to use crutches and even then it’s difficult.
I walk over and kneel in front of him. His blazing aqua eyes meet mine. “Slade, stop being so angry. You can do this.”
“Fuck off Dash, I can’t do it.”
I glare at him. “Listen to me buddy, crippled or not, don’t you speak to me like that.”
I stand and shake my head, Slade has been in a mood for two days now and I know it’s because of his leg and losing the race, but he won’t say it directly. I am growing tired of it though, we’re all here to help him and he’s refusing to let us.
“You know what, I’m going home. I’m done here for the day. If you want to whine about your condition day in and day out, you’ll find yourself alone with no help. I’m sorry for what happened Slade, but you’re not the only one who lost your dream. You don’t see me throwing a fit.”
I grip my purse and turn towards the door.
“Dashy!” Slade calls.
I don’t bother to answer, I just walk out and slam his hospital door as I leave. The poor doctor in the room, he must be feeling very awkward right now. I stride down the halls, pain and guilt filling my heart. Slade doesn’t know I’m not planning on racing in the championships. I think I just gave him a fair idea of my plans, so it doesn’t surprise me that my phone begins ringing right away. I don’t answer it. I know the ringtone, I know who it is but I can’t face him right now to tell him.
The drive home is long, and when I arrive, I’m exhausted. I spend all day and most of the night by Slade’s bedside, encouraging him, helping him, urging him on. It’s been exhausting. I turn on the kettle and slide onto the kitchen bench, waiting for it to boil. I think about Michael, wondering if he’ll bother Slade again now? He got charged for the beatings, but he didn’t remain behind bars. The system is so great that way…not. I sigh and rub my temples. I don’t think he’d dare come back after what my father did to him.
I hear my phone ringing again and I sigh, staring down at the screen. It’s John. He needs an answer by tomorrow noon, he needs to know if I’m racing. I haven’t found it in my heart to tell him I’m not yet. After all he’s done for me…I just…I don’t want to hurt him but I have no choice. I couldn’t do it to Slade, not after what he went through. He had his dreams ripped from him, I can’t shove a win in his face and make him watch me do the one thing he strived half his life to do.
When my phone rings again, I sigh and answer it. I know it’s Slade and I also know he’ll drive everyone at the hospital mad if he gets in a worse mood. So I know I have to answer.
“Slade.”
“You gave up the race, didn’t you?”
I sigh. “I haven’t yet, but I’m going to.”
“Why?” he whispers.
“Why?” I gasp, “Because you nearly lost your life. You lost your dream. I won’t flaunt this in front of you Slade, I won’t do it.”
“I haven’t lost my dream, Dashy. It’s on hold but I haven’t lost it. You can’t give this race up, you can’t give it up for me.”
I close my eyes and whisper. “I can’t do it Slade, I’m frightened.”
That’s part of the reason I don’t want to race anymore. It’s deep down in my soul, and I haven’t admitted it to anyone until now, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’ll crash. All I can see is Slade’s car flipping and burning. Then seeing him with blood…
“Dashy,” he says in a gentle tone. “It’s ok…you’re a good racer.”
“I just don’t know…I don’t know if I can do it.”
“You have to do it, you’ve worked your whole life for this.”
“Maybe, but I’ve also seen so much pain come from it.”
“Dash, you can’t give up on this.”
I swallow. “Can we talk about this later? I just….can’t make a decision right now.”
“Dash, don’t give it up. Promise me you won’t give it up.”
“I can’t promise you that Slade.”
He sighs. “I’m coming home tomorrow, don’t make a de
cision until then. Please?”
I swallow, whisper an ok and then hang up. I don’t know how to do this. I just don’t.
~*~*~*~
Slade’s homecoming is something I’ve been waiting for, for weeks. When I get him in our unit, I feel such relief wash over me it almost hurts. I settle him on the couch, and he watches me with a narrowed gaze as I flit about, making sure everything is easily accessible to him. My phone begins ringing, but before I can snatch it up off the coffee table in front of Slade, he’s gripping it and staring at the screen.
“John.”
He answers it before I can get to him.
“Slade!” I cry.
“John, it’s Slade.”
Slade listens, nodding and holding me back as I try to leap over him to get my phone. Of course, I’m not trying too hard because I don’t want to hurt him. He holds my chest, and continues to listen.
“She’ll be there.”
He hangs up and I snap. “What did you just do?”
He stands, using his crutches. He leans against them and looks over at me.
“Get in the car, we’re going to the track.”
“Slade, no…”
He reaches across and grips my face. “Dashy, we’re doing this.”
“I can’t,” I whisper, looking away.
“You can, I’ll be with you.”
I lose it then. “How can I do that to you? Make you watch me take something you have been beaten up for half your life to get. You’ve sacrificed Slade, you deserve it, not me.”
He grips me and jerks me until we both fall back onto the couch. I cry out as I land with a thud and he flips me, flattening his body over mine.
“You dare say anything like that again, I’ll flog you Dasha Jewel. Don’t you tell me I’m the only one whose sacrificed for this, because you know it’s not true. You lost your mum, your dad went crazy and you lost me. You’ve lived through pain and heartache just as much as I have and you’ve fought. You deserve this. You deserve it and you’ll do it because if you don’t, I’ll kick your ass.”
I shove his chest and he chuckles.
“I hate you, Slade Devaroe.”
