This was inevitable because Sally and I shared this proximity of controlling each other's lives since our childhood. We were practically sisters; schooled and brought up together, just not biologically though. And so she was always pragmatic about anything related to me and I was too for her.
"Get your brain shit together Carmela. Cause' I don't really have to explain anything to you. You'll see who this guy is for yourself. And I am telling you it's going to be soon." I had not heard Sally say my name properly in a long time.
I avoided confronting Sally for the day and found all possible nooks and crannies of the college to hide myself. As class dismissed, she insisted that we walk to the library together, forget everything and just focus on the pile of assessments that were due for the coming week. Ignoring anything and everything she just murmured in my ear, I managed to tell her off. I told her that I had skipped breakfast and that my tummy was gurgling like anything. Strolling casually towards the cafeteria, I caught an unusual sight.
I saw Rory standing alone in a corner knelt on the cafe window pane. In a pale blue shirt, his skin sparkled even brighter. His blonde hair were a sensual mess bordering his creased forehead, like waves that part with a beach. He seemed bewildered and this was the first time I saw him look so puzzled. What was the worst that could happen if I just went out there and asked him I thought to myself. Nothing. He might confess that it was one of his many episodes and that he was just living the moment. There was nothing more to it than just fun. But this time I was thinking straight. It wasn't all just fun for me. My head was fogged up since the past few days and I couldn't digest a crumb through my stomach. So I advanced towards Rory. I got close enough for our conversation to be absolutely confidential. He still didn't look into my eyes.
''Do you have an explanation for your alien behavior?'' I gritted through my teeth in a rude husky undertone. Rory looked around hastily, making sure nobody saw us. I felt like I was a crime that he had committed and that he just wanted to omit this one from his crime list. My heart was racing like a speedboat at maximum speed and my brain cells were cloudy. All I could make out from his flawless face was that this was a mistake on his part. On my part, it was greed. Greed for Rory.
''Listen we cant do this.'' He was abrupt. Like he was waiting for a long time to say this. ''Thats it?'' I snapped at him again, this time in vain. Even though I had no idea of who he was or what I was doing there talking to him, I just felt like a crumpled piece of a paper. Sally's verdict on Rory echoed in my ears and I tried hard to hate him that very moment but I just couldn't.
''You won't understand. It's too complicated. Nothing happened between us okay?'' Rory was so close to me now that I could sniff his signature scent around me.
His whisper in my ear tingled my sense receptors and I felt a chill spread through my ear canal. So close that I moved my face to stroke his just because I couldn't resist not doing so. In a blink, he kissed my ear lobe that was embedded beneath a thick hair lock. His warm moistness damped it. It was so short of a time that I couldn't even feel the pleasure for more than a second and he turned. He just turned once again. This time was even more seducing. Though it was just a touch but his very existence had me floating in air. I ran a finger across my ear and replayed his touch in my mind. Why was he doing this to me? I ought an explanation. There had to be something I was unaware of. Maybe a tragedy that had hit him. Maybe a sword hanging over his head that he can't tell me. Or could it be his girlfriend. Who he hangs out with all the time.
But the way he just touched me was not ordinary. It was like in the stories and I can tell he had awaited this feeling as much as I had.
College dismissed and Sally and I paced towards her car unhurriedly. We were in a weird kind of a tension and things weren't as smooth as they usually were. Again it was in the air. The blue funk. I was a cheerless cheerleader today. And this had never in the least happened before.
''What happened between you both?'' Sally sounded rather confident.
And the first thought that struck me was that she might've seen us. In the changing room. But nobody was there. Then outside the cafe. But that was something trivial and she was in the library anyway. She was just guessing and as always, it was on point.
''Nothing really happened. We just talked and he seems like a nice person Sally. I don't understand how you heard claptrap about him and more importantly from whom you did'' I sustained Rory like I knew him since forever.
''Dude he was found guilty of offences I cant even imagine to tell you. The charges have been suspended for as long as he completes his graduation. And its not just me, the whole college is talking about him. I really don't know where you are throughout the day though.'' Sally was now trying to talk me out of what she thought was nothing but a dirty trap.
''Not just that he has a new fling every other day. All those girls around him arnt just his friends. They're more and you know what I mean by that. You so do.'' She had me thinking deep now.
''We kissed.'' My eyes studied the pavement on the ground while I struggled with my words.
''Oh Gosh'' Sally sighed dreadfully like the sky had fallen on the ground. ''But you know what? This doesn't come as a surprise. It just does not. He likes to screw girls like you. Girls like you make guys like Rory.'' Quickly redeeming her expressions, Sally tried to sound casual but it wasn't working.
I knew her good enough to interpret her emotions right now. She wanted to smack my face in a hard wall and probably tear Rory up and chop off his limbs. There was no preceding conversation between the two of us for the next few days as I had said enough. Enough to blow all the steam inside Sally. I didn't even spot Rory around except once when I went for my routine practice in the football ground. Even then, he managed to ignore me very skilfully. I thought id get over it but I just couldn't. Every Time I saw him, I almost completely felt him. And there was a reflex numbness all over my body. Each night drew out so far that it practically towered over me. I dreamt of our episode in the changing room over and over again. It was haunting me now.
''Final match is scheduled to be on Tuesday.'' Our head sports teacher made an announcement while all of us were called to assemble in the hallway. Everybody roared and bucked up their teams that were to compete in this final game. Sally and I stood clueless in the mob thinking of everything but the match.
''So gear up guys! Players start warming up. Show us what you got. And students get your tickets now.'' Sir Isaac looked around and finished his word,
''And a hip hip hooray for the lovely ladies cheering for us.'' He pointed in our direction and the pitch of the screams raised even more. I frowned at the thought of cheerleading after all that had happened. I abstained from going in the changing room and then on the ground to feel so insignificant.
In our robotics class today, the pair project had to begin. As soon as I heard about how most of the pairing was done, I speeded across the room to see my name hoping it was Sally because I didn't get along with anybody else. My heart skipped a beat. There it was, fourth on the list,
'CARMELA-RORY'
I felt the same chill again. This had me believing for sure that a cosmic world did exist. I remember vividly how our instructor ensured it was going to be purely random assortment. This was not random. It was meant to be. Arranging the class into pairs, the instructor guided us all about the completion of our final term projects.
I was now sitting with Rory just a few inches away on the last bench. Not listening to a word that was being taught, I focused on how to bring it up again with him.
''You need to stop doing this to me.'' I took the advantage of our back bench and initiated a whisper.
''I so feared this Carmela.'' Rory's provocative tone was already having its impact on me. He sounded as if he was troubled.
''I am not good for you. And I don't want to mess it up for someone so clean as you. You don't know where I come from. There is more to me than just football. I am a criminal wanted by the US police. This is my time off and
even though every molecule of air around is pulling me towards you, I don't want to burn in hell when I go back to where I belong. '' he heaved a sigh of despair.
I wasn't looking at him but he seemed vulnerable. I slowly headed my hand towards his fingers that clenched the bench smoothly. His fingers mingled with mine and our freezing hands warmed up. He painted my hand with his fingers for a while and with the speed of a snail slowly progressed his hand up my lower arm. He stroked the skin lightly provoking goosebumps all over it.
''But I don't care who you are. I don't even know you and I don't have to. I just want you.'' I was so far in this there was no coming back and I had to tell him this now. His flushed hand induced heat in my palm as we wrapped each other's hands rigidly.
''Carmela I am not going to do this to you. I am seeing someone'' he mumbled in a paranoid undertone and pulled his hand away. '' Is that not enough or do you want more?''
''Do you love her?'' I was almost teary-eyed. He nodded unsteadily, looking in another direction. I could see that there was distress in his eyes too.
''But what have you done? Why are they after you?'' I wasn't moved by the fact that he loved someone rather it bothered me why he was on the wanted list. Because somewhere in my heart, I could tell that he was lying.
He stayed quiet for some time and then gazed right back into my eyes and confessed,
''Because I killed someone.''
*****
I was behind bars of my own thoughts for the rest of the day. Killing someone was just way off. How could someone as hot-blooded as Rory commit such a sin? My already impetuous mind started boggling new ideas. Even then I was immersed so below in his relish, that I thought of how he might've been put in a position that may have compelled him to do so. Making my way through the reference center, I spotted Sally sitting in a dull corner buried under stacks of assignments.
''Good Lord. You better give me a hand with this nuisance, should see all this. Its so woolly.'' Frantic Sally was always a pushy one as well.
''Ahan'' I comprehended her command half heartedly.
''Did you see him again?'' She could be so straight with words, you could almost get caught.
''No Sally I did not.'' I snapped back at her frantically.
''But theres one thing I wanted to know about.'' Adjusting my pitch to the normal range, I urged Sally like she could give me a relieving news. Sally listened to me as cautiously as she almost knew what I was about to say. ''Where is Rory from? What's there to know about his past? Why doesn't it reflect through his personality? He looks like any normal guy from the neighborhood. Not just normal, he appears to be way more clean than all the others. I don't get the immoral vibe from him like you do.'' Words slipped out of my mouth like jelly.
''Honey if it was all about looks, the world would've been a whole lot different. And remember there are always and I repeat always two sides to guys.'' Sally felt superior in knowledge but I couldn't tell her how it wasn't about looks anymore. It was about his remorse, one I had never experienced before. ''He was in a lock up from the past couple of months. And it all began at a very young age. That's what I've heard. His family were settled in Chicago and they weren't doing well for a living. So less that he got ramified with a group of thieves and murderers. He used to play football with them along with all other low-tariff activities they could afford to do, girls was one of them. He survived his way through one of the cheapest government schools and graduated from high school.'' Sally paused to sip her long-isolated coffee and then continued, ''This is the grisly part; between his high school and his admission into a college, he seems to have been involved in a killing episode somewhere near the subway. They say a young boy got slain by his gang and he was there.'' Sally halted again to study my downcast expressions and held my hand. ''The police have just granted his leave on the basis of a request that was sent in by his father who is so poor that his only hope is Rory, their only child.'' Sally completed her tale and left me into an even perplexed thought process.
Still, my brain analysis convinced me to meet Rory once more, ask him how much of this is actually true? Isn't he as soft as he appears to be? Or are there two sides to him. My blood was flushing faster than usual right now and Sally continued to impart more knowledge.
I woke up in a weirdly erect position on the ring of my alarm clock and as the sun rays hit my whole body, penetrating through the white chiffon curtains. I felt as dull as my pastel room appeared in shadows of the sun before my eyes. In all the hustle that had diverted my attention, I had almost forgotten about the dance club where I was to sign up yesterday. I missed the only, the sole chance I had to pursue this thing. That's how screwed over I was. I pressed the pillow against my chest, wishing my heart could go back in time and be normal again. But that wasn't going to happen and it wouldn't let me assess things as I used to. If I had to confess that was I was mentally ill right now, I would do so. Because I wasn't functioning right.
''Carma honey you're late for college. Breakfast's waited long enough for ya honey.'' Mom's nectarous voice didn't change with her moods. It was just the same honeyed tone for as long as I could remember. Separation with Dad just within few months time after their marriage was a crumbling phase for her. But my birth fused a new life into her, as she puts it.
''I am not going today Momm!'' I screamed at the top of my voice letting out all my undirected fizzle. Mom was already climbing the stairs in a rush,
''All okay in there?'' Mom questioned heaving heavily.
''Yeah. I thought I could take a day off before the final practice.'' I struggled to sound natural again.
I spent the day in bed neglecting all the chores and paperwork that I had to do. I wanted to see Rory for he had left me dangling like a pendulum after the last time I saw him.
Cheerleading went racy the next day. We spent less than an hour rehearsing our routine and were free for the rest of the day. Final match feel was in full swing around the college and I hadn't even noticed a single ribbon all this time. I ran a fleeting look across the hallway, scanning it to see if Rory was there. I spotted him in a lot of players, dazzling the most magical smile, running his hand through his hair in a seductive way. He didn't look. Today was the last day before final match. There had to be a reconciliation. I could go and talk to him but that would just make things more flaky. I had to leave it to fate now for I had done enough hunting. But at the same time I didn't want to miss our only chance. He was too careful to progress things between is but I wasn't. I was daunting enough to face anything but not rigid enough to not see him again. Not talk to him or hold him again. Late for home, I rushed past the parking aisle hurriedly after submitting my assignments at the reference centre. College was almost empty at this hour of the day. There were no cars in the parking lot or students in the outer premises. Burying my head deep into my bag, I ransacked to find my car keys when I suddenly felt someone grab me placidly by my waist. I felt a satisfying chill sweep up my body again. I closed my eyes tightly and absorbed the touch for as long as I could like a barren garden would absorb water to come back to life.
''Ror-hy'' I moaned in a slow voice.
''I couldn't help it. I tried. Tried so hard.'' Rory husked in my ear nuzzling his head around my neck from the back. His hands coddled my waist and thighs up and down gently.
''You don't have to try.'' I gradually opened my eyes and turned around to see that there was nobody else but us in the parking lot now. The desolated vicinity provoked me even more to drink in this moment.
I locked my arms around his waist and gazed into his eyes. Stroking his hands between different lengths of my back, he intricately pulled out my tucked in cotton top from the fitted high-waist denim jeans. He slithered his hand up my back to magnetise me even more proximate to him. The scent had started spreading its lulling effect upon me and I could feel his heart hammering behind his rib cage as I smoothed his chest with my hands. I wanted to live this moment forever. This time I wasn't going to let him walk out on me. He b
rushed back my hair strokes with his fingers and held my chin up in his hand. The sight of his succulent lips so close to mine had me so high that I padlocked my eyes immediately. There was a hair-width distance between our lips when he suddenly jolted back.
''No not again. We better not see each other anymore or it'll turn into a clumsy little mess Carmela and I swear to God I don't want that for you. I want good for you. A girl like you deserves better.'' Rory magnified my position a little too much.
I looked at him in utter desolation. Of what he let slip through his words so easily. I wouldn't say easily but he did the effort atleast. I couldn't glue myself to even think about it let alone say it to him just few days since we had met.
''Tell me about yourself. I am ready and waiting. And its crushing me you know. How I can see you all the time and not be with you or talk to you. I don't want this. Its not healthy for me.'' I spilled all my thoughts in just a fraction of a second, overlapping the lengths of my words.
''I don't love that girl you know. I was with her for a reason, something I still have to keep from you. I didn't know that all the crap trap they said in the movies was for real. I didn't plan for this shit to happen.'' Rory was now flashing everything at me in a hasty tone.I had never, in our few meetings, seen him as outright as he suddenly became. Laying it on the line, he went on,
"I didn't want this life. I hate who I am and where I come from. But you, you're beyond compare. Ev travelled some shit loads of places girl, but you aint anybody's match" I could apprehend his half native-half afro accent just when I feasted my eyes at him. If something was to happen between the two of us in near future, this would be our primeval conversation of it; our first outstretched interaction.I could flash at him all I wanted, glare at him by the skin of his teeth. With no one around us. I loved every millimeter of it even more.
Sucker for the Boss Page 20
