by Shayn Bloom
Relax, Nora, my alter ego warns me. Hang out for the afternoon and say goodbye.
I can’t, I respond. I just can’t!
Fury is rising inside me. “Rude! I’ll tell you what’s rude, Mom! Rude is showing up out of the blue and demanding attention! I don’t believe you came out here to visit me! If you had, at least you’d have called first!” I’m breathing hard. Geez, it feels good to storm at her at last. I’m inhaling my alcohol.
Mom blinks and retreats. “Fine, then,” she says coolly. “I may have been visiting Caroline in Olympia. You know, my friend from Ohio State. I don’t see how that’s any different. I’m still hungry, Nora Saynt.”
I stamp my drink to the table, sloshing some over. “It matters,” I rasp at her, “because you didn’t come all this way to see me! You came to see Carol – who you don’t even like! I’m the afterthought. You don’t get it, do you? It’s all about you, Mom! It always has been. You’re so selfish!”
Mom is startled. “I’m not the selfish one, Nora Saynt,” she tells me. “What about your father? Spending money all the time! He didn’t need that motorcycle! He didn’t need a new Silverado! That year I made more than he did because contracts were slow and I was salaried. What did he do? He went and bought a new car without asking me!”
“Forget Dad,” I say furiously, “Dad’s not here! You’re the one who hasn’t contacted me since August. You’re the one who’s completely ignored me! Not Dad. He’s called every single week without fail!”
“Yes, yes!” Mom says happily. I stare in shock. “You said it, Nora Saynt! Eugene’s not here! But I am. I am here, Nora! I came to see you! Has he shown his face since we moved you in?”
Fucking shitballs! She has me here.
“Well, no,” I begin, “but –”
“Sounds like inferior parenting to me!”
Geez, how is she getting away with this? I can’t let her.
“I know what you’ve done!” I’m speaking over her now. “I know what your game is, Mom! I can’t believe you did it! It’s terrible! Finding a boyfriend because Dad had one date. One fucking date, Mom! Now you’re moved in with him. It’s insanity. I’d never have believed it of you!”
There she has it. The big guns. I called her on her shit.
Mom bursts out laughing. Holy fuck… This can’t be happening. I’ve gone insane. Or she has. None of it makes sense. I attacked her with everything I have. I want apologies. Tears. Not roars of laughter – uncharacteristic of my mother, of the woman I knew before divorce struck our home.
Her laughs become giggles. She slaps a hand to her face and pokes an eye through her fingers, looking at me. She manages, “I – I can’t believe…” But she collapses into another fit. I wait for this to subside. “I… I can’t believe you believed all that, Nora Saynt!” she hiccups. “Oh my word!”
Oh no she didn’t. Oh yes she did…
“What?” Disbelieving.
She hides her face. “I made it all up!”
Pushing my chair back, I stand. Gulping down the rest of my gin and tonic, I head for the bar. I’m getting another. I need it. Like, really need it. When I return Mom has composed herself at last.
“You’re a lunatic,” I tell her, sitting back down.
Mom hiccups and quickly covers her mouth. “I know it was wrong,” she admits, “but I don’t know, Nora. It felt so good! The times I brought it up I could tell your father was jealous. It felt good.”
Memory strikes. “The guy in the car? Who was he?”
“Eugene told you everything, didn’t he?” Mom asks. She doesn’t wait for an answer. “Michael McClendon from work. He teaches biology at Ridgeley. I was so worried your father would recognize him from the annual picnic I almost didn’t go through with it. I don’t think he noticed anything.”
I’m so fascinated I forget to be angry. “What did you tell Mr. McClendon?”
“Oh, I forgot!” Mom says, putting her Coke down. “He was your teacher, too. I invited him out to lunch. He’s going through a divorce, too, as it happens. He’s not my type, Nora Saynt. Not in the least!”
“How so?”
Geez, Mom is so infuriating! She’s so sociable and nice I simply can’t stay mad at her. Her charm is like a blanket.
“For one thing,” Mom begins, “he’s a teacher! I can’t date a teacher. They don’t make enough money!”
I laugh at her joke. I can’t help it. Because I can’t stay mad at her. She’s my Mom. In case you’re wondering – yes – I do hate myself right now. So much for my fucking willpower. It’s official. Now I suck at everything. Including hating my Mom.
Crossing her arms, Mom leans back in her chair. “I have a bone to pick with you.”
Holy bejesus shitballs!
How on earth did she manage to turn this around? She’s a master. “What is it?” I ask. Why am I tolerating this? Why am I tolerating her and her little games? The answer hits me. The alcohol. The fucking alcohol. It’s mellowing me out like crazy. No wonder she’s getting away with her shit.
“I had a call,” Mom begins, “from the bursar’s office.”
Panic roars. “I haven’t done anything to do with money!” Oh geez, this is her touchiest subject. “I haven’t bought anything at the school store on credit besides my books. I haven’t even started using my points!”
“I know, I know!” Mom reassures, holding up a hand to quiet me. “It has nothing to do with money.” My relief is visible and I know it. I’m already at her beck and call. I’m pathetic. “They called anyway,” she continues, “The lady was uncomfortable. Apparently they’re not supposed to make calls like this. But she said you’ve only had three meals all semester. She also mentioned a girl died from anorexia a few years ago at Evergreen. She wants to make sure you’re okay.”
Fucking fuck!
I’m turning red. This is not news to digest while somewhat intoxicated. I am definitely a lightweight. I’ve figured that out by now. “I’m not anorexic,” I tell her, my words panic stricken. “Really, I’m not!”
Mom eyes me up and down. “You do look thinner than I remember. But not skeletal. Not on death’s doorstep.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I tell her sarcastically. “You know, for caring!”
She gestures to the ceiling. “What am I supposed to say? I never saw this coming, Nora Saynt. I didn’t think you were that type of girl.”
“I’m not!” I can’t drink my gin and tonic fast enough.
Mom gazes at me a moment longer. “Okay – we’ll say no more about it. I wanted to let you know.”
She’s incredible. Two months without a peep. Now she’s the poster of maternalistic affection. Only she can achieve such a feat. Most sadly of all I admire her for it. How does she do it? Genius.
She’s distracting me now, pointing across the room. Incredibly obvious. “Nora Saynt,” she begins, “there’s a boy checking you out at the bar. He’s been staring over here for the last five minutes.”
Oh no! Oh no! Not Gabriel. Not now! Not when I’m inebriated. I need my senses to handle introducing my boyfriend to my mother. Dread filling my entire being, I turn around. It’s not Gabriel. Not now.
It’s Wolf.
Chapter Eleven
I’m gaping. I can’t help it. Where the hell has he been all this time?
“I’m guessing from your expression you know him,” Mom muses, sipping her Coke.
Well isn’t she intuitive.
I nod once, my eyes fixed on a black pair across the room. Wolf doesn’t wave. Doesn’t make any gesture of recognition. His expression is impermeable.
“Excuse me,” I say to Mom. Getting up, I put my gin and tonic down. I need to figure out what’s going on. So I cross the room at what I hope is a moderate pace. Reaching the bar, I take a seat beside him. He’s silent, waiting for me to speak. “Where have you been?” I ask. “I’ve missed you in class.”
A russet brow furrows. “Just in class?”
“No!” I say too quickly. “In life, to
o – Wolf, I… where did you go?”
I’m confused by everything. Where did he go? I’ve hardly seen him in a month. He’s come to only one class since the forest. That time he seemed flustered and distant. Not at all his usual, happy self.
“I’ve been in the forest,” Wolf says, the movement of maroon lips sweeping me away.
Oh geez, he’s so cute! I almost forgot how I used to fantasize about… I mean, of course I would never do anything! I have a boyfriend for crying out loud. I’m not the kind of girl who can do both.
“You know,” Wolf continues, bringing me back to the present, “looking around. Trying to figure things out.”
“English 301,” I begin. “What about it? Have you dropped out?”
“Had to,” he remarks, “I’ve missed too many classes.”
“But why, Wolf? Why did you have to drop out? You were only taking one class! You must know how much I look forward to seeing you.” Oh fuck! I’m going to steal myself. “English 301 used to be my favorite class,” I tell him quickly, before I can stop myself, “for no other reason than you.”
Wolf blushes, the color filling russet cheeks. “That’s kind of you to say. But I had to drop the class. I’ve had too much on my mind to do schoolwork. Even for one class,” he finishes guiltily.
What the fuck?
What’s been on his mind? When did Wolf become a puzzle? That’s what I like about him. He’s so simple. So pure. So easy to read. Especially compared to my wizard. Now Wolf’s a puzzle. A gorgeous puzzle, but a puzzle all the same. I scour for the right frame for my next question.
The alcohol is helping. “I don’t understand, Wolf,” I say to him, “what can possibly be on your mind so much you need to drop out of school? It seems like an extreme response to what I’m sure is a simple problem.” Am I calling him daft? I hope not. Maybe the alcohol isn’t helping, actually.
“You don’t want to know,” he warns. “A Sprite,” he tells the inquiring bartender.
“Nothing, thanks. No, Wolf – I do want to know. If something is bothering you it’s bothering me! We’re friends. I mean, we are – aren’t we?” Never would have said that without a drink.
“Yup,” Wolfgang responds, “that’s part of the problem.”
I’m bewildered. “What? I don’t understand.”
“You don’t see it yet?”
Shitballs. Now he’s calling me daft. I deserve it. This is what two gin and tonics will do to me. “No, I don’t! Tell me, Wolf! I’m not going to feel right till I know. Because your problems are mine.”
He sips his drink, looking sideways at me. “You will regret saying that.”
“I won’t!” I exclaim flatly. “Tell me already! What’s been on your mind?”
Wolf averts black eyes. “You.”
I’m staring at his averted face, blushing like crazy.
Oh geez, I should have guessed, should have seen it coming.
Maybe I did see it coming. Subconsciously. And my consciousness would not let it be heard. Ugh! I’m so stupid! Was I born this way or has it grown worse over time? I can’t begin to know.
“Wolf, I – I’m sorry.”
“For what?” He resumes eye contact. “For what, Nora?”
Geez, is he getting mad at me? I can’t imagine this boy mad at me. Not like Gabriel. “For everything, I guess,” I tell him.
“Everything?” Wolf repeats. “Does everything include leading me on from day one? Does everything include my telling you I like you? Does everything include you accepting I like you? Does everything include the fact you’re dating a loser wizard instead of me! Is that everything, Nora?”
Oh geez. “He’s not a loser,” I say automatically.
Not the time, Nora, my alter ego says. Not the time.
Wolf is staring me down like a dog, his russet skin flaming. “Don’t you understand? It was never just you! You weren’t the only person who only came to English 301 to see somebody. It was me, too! I like you, Nora! Always have. You never seem to grasp that, even when I say it to your face!”
Not to interrupt his diatribe, but I totally still go to English 301. Despite Wolf’s absence. I’m not made of cash. I can’t go dropping classes left and right simply because Cutey Maroon Lips is skipping.
I’m trying to keep my thoughts in order. “So – so you dropped the class because you think I’m taken? Because you think I already have a boyfriend? Because you think I’m not interested in you?”
Wolf’s growing redder. “When you put it like that,” he begins, “it sounds pathetic. But yeah, basically. Why?” he shoots back at me, his russet skin alive with color. “Are you saying you’re not dating the wizard? Are you saying you don’t have a boyfriend? Are you saying you do like me?”
I think hard. “No. No. Yes.”
“This is what I’m talking about!” Wolf exclaims in exasperation. “From the way you phrased all that it sounds like you don’t have a boyfriend! You do! It’s that stupid, idiotic wizard!”
“Sorry,” I say, sheepish. Geez, I am a sheep today. First letting Mom lead me around and now Wolf. I don’t have the wherewithal about me to play their games. It’s the alcohol that did me in. “I – I didn’t mean to lead you astray these last couple months,” I inform him. “I’ve been confused, too.”
Wolf’s black eyes are wide. “Nothing on me,” he says. “One question. Did you start dating the wizard before or after I told you how much I hate wizards? How they’re all prickly, arrogant, stuck up assholes?”
I think back. “We were fraternizing,” I answer. “Not serious yet.”
I nearly said ‘we hadn’t consummated our relationship.’ But it occurred to me that saying this to Wolf isn’t the brightest idea. I’m also realizing this is the first time I’m seeing him as a woman. Mom too. My virgin, girl days are behind me now. Thank heavens. Talk about a late bloomer.
“Wait,” says the werewolf. He closes his eyes and opens them. “You said ‘No. No. Yes.’ So – so you do like me. You do!” His whole being lights up before me, russet and red and luminous and bright.
“Of course I do, Wolf!”
He beams at me, blinding me with the charm of his crooked smile. Geez, he’s stunning. I almost forgot. Silly me again. This boy is pretty when he wants to be – when he’s smiling and himself and not downcast and sullen. Though technically I suppose I made him that way. Shame on me!
Wolf’s grin falters. “Another question.”
“Yes?” I say sweetly.
“Will you consider leaving him for me?” Now his cheeks are flushing of all color, making him the whitest I’ve seen him. He appears sickly. “I don’t want you to cheat or anything,” he explains. “I don’t believe in that. But – come on – he’s a wizard! A mean one, too, from what I witnessed.”
Fucking shitballs! I have to break his heart.
“I – I love him, Wolf,” I say glumly, trying to look as miserable as possible. “I can’t help it. I love him. I do.”
My werewolf friend looks as though I’ve punched him in the face. A long pause. “You can’t,” he says finally. “You can’t love him, Nora! You saw what he’s like in the forest. I saw what he’s like in the forest. That’s not the kind of being who can love. He’s cold, calculating, incapable of it!”
“You don’t know Gabriel,” I remind him. “You just hate wizards!”
But some of what he’s saying is getting through. Now Kiri and Wolf don’t like Gabriel. Wolf is biased. Obviously. What about Kiri? Is she biased, too? Maybe she likes my wizard. Somehow, though, I seriously doubt it. All I need now is for Mom to run into Gabriel and call him dangerous.
“Listen to me,” Wolf says flatly, leaning forward over the bar, his black eyes refusing to leave mine. “He will never see you as his equal. Because he doesn’t! You heard him in the forest. What did he call us there? ‘Sub Purids.’ We’re sub Purids, you and me, Nora. We always will be. Wizards have always been racist assholes. It’s in their nature, and it’s going to make love between
you and him impossible in the long run. It may work for a time. But it won’t last.”
I can’t breathe! Grabbing my throat with my hand, I gesture madly.
“Water!” Wolf exclaims, springing into action. “Water! Hurry!”
A moment later I’m gulping it down. It’s cool and refreshing to my body. My mind is aflame with the worry of his words. ‘It may work for a time. But it won’t last.’ Why am I so fucked over this? Wolfgang can’t tell the future. He’s a werewolf, not a soothsayer. Geez, what’s wrong with me?
“Are you okay?”
I nod as I drink, sloshing some on my front. Fuck!
“Sorry to put it harshly,” Wolf says, “but there’s the truth of it. Break it off now before he breaks your heart. Come to me – I will be good to you. I will see you as my equal. You know why? Because you are my equal, Nora. You always have been and always will be. Gabriel is our equal. But he’d never accept such a low position.”
I chuckle despite myself. I’m so messed up! I wonder why…
Because, my alter ego says, you believe what Wolf told you. That it won’t last…
Shut the fuck up! I scream at her.
Wolf is staring at me. Color is returning to his face, restoring the beauty of those smooth, russet cheeks. “So what do you say? Will you leave him and be mine? I can love you. I – I do love you.”
A squeak escapes me. “Oh, Wolf! I love you, too!” I throw myself into his arms, hugging him tightly. He smells fantastic – like citrus and leather. I resist the impulse to kiss him. I still have a boyfriend…
We break apart.
“I’m so happy!” Wolf is beaming his crooked smile.
I shake my head, forestalling him. “I need time, Wolf,” I tell him. “I need some time to think about what you’ve said. I can’t break things off right away with Gabriel. You can give me time, can’t you?”
Black eyes are wide. “Of course!” I’m getting the sense he’s simply glad to have a foot in. Other body parts can follow later.
“Gabriel and I are still planning to go to the vampire lair in the forest. Soon, too. Want to come?”
“I’ll be there,” he tells me. “I’ll transform and everything to protect you from the vampires and the wizards.”
