Wasted Time

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by Mya O'Malley


  Just a few more blocks and she would be at his place. The winding road landed her at his driveway. Glancing at the house, she could see that his basement apartment was bathed in darkness. Apparently he had no trouble sleeping tonight. Just the thought of him sleeping, after all that had transpired, infuriated her further.

  Fingering the cold, metal key to his apartment, Morgan stealthily entered the dark room. As she prepared to wake Declan, she heard quiet sobs in the darkness. All anger disappeared as she moved in the black night to find him.

  Within seconds, she melted into his arms, now sobbing with him. As they clung to each other, he whispered over and over how much he loved her, how he couldn’t stand hurting her.

  What had she done? My God, this man was beyond courageous, willing to fight and risk his life for their country and here she was, angry at him. What kind of person was she?

  Sweeping his full hair through her fingers, she soothed him with a kiss. The kiss was sad, desperate even. How could she let this man take off and leave her? How could she live with herself if she forced him to reconsider?

  Breaking the melancholy kiss, Morgan whispered in his ear. “Declan Blake, I’m an idiot. I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. I support you, and I’m sorry to give you such a hard time. Please forgive me.”

  Although the darkness cloaked his features, she could just about make out the sadness in his gaze.

  “Forgive you?”

  “Yes, I’ve been an ass.” Nervous laughter escaped her.

  “Morgan, I’ll never let you down. I love you.”

  This time, their kiss smoldered as their hands found each other in the darkness, caressing each other, peace found at last.

  CHAPTER SIX

  GRAY SKIES OVERHEAD THREATENED his mood. Pounding his feet over and over on the pavement was a lame attempt to squash his troubles. Exercise helped to clear his mind at times, which was why he had recently taken up running again, an old high school activity. True to his word, he savored every waking moment with Morgan as the weeks passed.

  Part of his heart was with Morgan; the other part was ready to fight the war on terrorism. He was torn between the sweetness of Morgan and the desire to avenge the wrongdoings and stand up for his country. Knowing that he very well may have to give up his own life trying to defend his country was a decision that he could live with. Every day he prayed for peace and for a safe deployment.

  As far as his relationship with Morgan went, they were growing closer by the day, something that he didn’t think was even possible. Every time he thought he loved that woman as much as he could, his love kept growing.

  He had a surprise in store for her and like a child waiting for Christmas morning, he couldn’t wait to tell her what he had planned. He had every single detail planned out, and it was pretty perfect, if he did say so himself.

  At last he finished his laps around the block he lived on. If he had the time, he would have kept running, but a stir of the sauce he had prepared early that afternoon and a quick shower was in order before Morgan arrived at his place. Steaming hot water soothed his body and felt amazing after his chilly run.

  Glancing at his bedside alarm clock as he was getting dressed, he felt that familiar excitement, knowing that his girl was to arrive soon. A quick tap on the door broke his thoughts as he hustled to the living room. Morgan appeared, wrapped in her dark green scarf and black pea coat. A smile escaped as he imagined her reaction to the news. Would she jump up and grab him? Yell?

  “What’s gotten into you?” Morgan shook off the cold and walked toward him, a grin playing on her soft lips.

  “Come here, you.” As he held out his arms, she wrapped herself in his embrace. Smooth, dark locks covered her eyes. He pushed her hair to the side so he could see her face. There was no doubt in his mind that he was making the right decision.

  “In the mood for something to eat?” One of the things that Declan prided himself on was making a divine tomato sauce, or gravy, as he knew it was often referred to in Italy.

  “Are you kidding? This is what you’ve been up to all day?” Morgan teased him again for his ability to make a near perfect gravy. “How does a guy who’s one hundred percent Irish pull this off?”

  The familiar push and pull of their relationship put him at ease.

  “Just because someone is part Italian doesn’t mean they can automatically make a good sauce. Look at you, for example.” With a quick wink, he pulled her closer.

  “Hey, watch it!”

  One thing that Morgan would openly admit was her lack of experience in the kitchen. She simply couldn’t cook and he couldn’t care less. Her other attributes far outweighed her lack of skills in the kitchen.

  “One of these days I’ll teach you how to cook. You’ll be a master chef.” Declan delighted in teasing her.

  “Oh really? Who’s the teacher here?” Morgan teased right back, heading for the pot of sauce. Stirring it lightly, she brought the large wooden spoon to her mouth for a taste before burning her tongue slightly on the hot liquid. “Ouch!” She giggled, stepping back. Declan was close behind.

  “That’s what you get! You’re going to spoil your appetite.” He playfully swatted her bottom with a dishtowel, causing her to whoop.

  Hands in the air, Morgan surrendered and grabbed a bottle of red wine from the fridge. Most people would never consider drinking red wine chilled, but Morgan and Declan had tried it out by accident one cold night when Declan had forgotten to grab the bottle from his truck. Morgan and he had savored the most delicious pinot noir that night. Now it was their little tradition to chill their wine.

  “Would you care for a glass?” Morgan asked as she reached for the wineglasses in a cupboard above the sink.

  He could stand there and watch her for hours.

  “But of course.” Winking as Morgan turned around, Declan pondered over the right moment to share his news.

  They only had about a week left before he departed for Afghanistan and it weighed heavily on his mind with each passing day. If only he could suspend time, savor it with Morgan a bit more. For reasons that Declan couldn’t put into words, there was a building anxiety wrapped up in his quickly approaching trip to Afghanistan.

  It was unfamiliar territory for Declan to feel this stress in any situation. Normally he kept things neatly in perspective. He didn’t like this uneasiness that plagued him recently. Danger didn’t even enter his mind as much as a fear that he may never lay eyes on Morgan again.

  Who knew how long he would need to stay? Very often men would extend their required time, even if they were permitted to return home. He would like to say that given the choice, he would return to Morgan in a heartbeat. But it wasn’t that simple; it never was. If he had the opportunity to make a difference, he wasn’t so sure that he would deny his country. So this was it. Take these precious days with Morgan, and build memories to keep him sane for the next several months.

  “What’s on your mind?” Morgan snuck up on him, causing him to jump slightly.

  “Sit, please.” Clearing his throat, Declan hoped she would be as excited as he was. “Just a minute.” After pounding down the hallway, Declan grabbed the envelope on his dresser.

  Delightful aromas of sauce and Morgan’s perfume filled the air as he returned to the kitchen. Morgan was sitting at the table, waiting with wide eyes and an even wider grin playing on her lips.

  “What do you have there?” Rushing over to him, she swiped the envelope from his hands.

  “Open it.”

  The woman looked like a child on Christmas morning. Delicately, as if wanting to prolong the surprise, she sat. He grabbed a seat beside her and watched. Confusion and then joy registered as Morgan jumped up and grabbed Declan in a giant embrace.

  “Really? We’re going to Florida?” It was worth every dime he’d spent to see how thrilled she was with the trip.

  “Pack your bags, baby. We’re headed out for a long weekend, just you and me.” Their flight was scheduled for the foll
owing evening, right after Morgan got off work.

  “Wait a minute. This is wonderful, but Declan, I can’t just call in to work. I mean there are plans to write…”

  “It’s all taken care of,” he stated smugly.

  “But how?” Morgan’s jaw dropped. “How on earth did you…” She stared at him with her big, brown eyes.

  “Let’s just say that Elle is a very good friend.”

  A very good friend indeed. She had taken care of letting their principal know and a substitute teacher was already lined up for Thursday and Friday. Elle had even taken the liberty of writing sub plans since she knew the routine and curriculum almost as well as Morgan did. Morgan was right, Elle really should get her certification as a teacher; she was born to be one.

  “Wow. I don’t know what to say, you’re… you’re awesome.” Morgan stammered.

  “Just say that you love me, and you can’t wait to spend every waking moment with me for the next few days.”

  “I love you and I can’t wait to spend every waking moment with you.” Morgan twirled and then picked up her wine glass and raised it for a toast.

  “You smart ass. To you and me. May we have a very happy trip and a happier life together.”

  As Declan raised his own glass in the toast, his stomach knotted with apprehension. Swallowing his anxiety, he let the cool, smooth liquid reach his belly. Declan pushed his negative thoughts to the side and concentrated on the dark-haired beauty that was to become his wife.

  Warm, sunny skies were just what they needed after the cold New York winter. It was just warm enough to take a dip in the motel pool, then they would shower and head out to dinner. It was their last night together before heading back to New York; she would always remember this trip, no matter what their future held. More and more lately, she caught herself gazing at Declan, as if trying to take a snapshot of the memory and hold onto it forever.

  How was she going to say goodbye to him in a few days, knowing that things may never be the same? Declan told her not to worry, but it wouldn’t be the same. Those very words were what she feared most. A nagging voice told her that his deployment might change the very essence of their relationship. She loved their relationship just the way it was, couldn’t imagine life without him.

  Another worry was that he could possibly return, but that inside he would be different, harder, more jaded. Those days at ground zero plagued him still; his nightmares were still present. Half the time, Morgan didn’t even mention them. If Declan woke and forgot the terrors he had witnessed over and over again in his sleep, then what was the point of reminding him? Her stubborn man refused therapy, stating he never believed that therapy worked and that it was just a waste of time and money. Poor Declan, she would do anything to erase his pain.

  “Ready to head in?” Declan stood with her towel in his hand. She reached for him, preserving the image of him standing there by the pool, sun shining in his eyes.

  “Yup.”

  Hand in hand, they walked over to the small motel room they shared. Neither spoke as the air was filled with chirping insects and uncertainty. Morgan sensed that Declan was nervous about his deployment. It was odd to see because he never appeared to be worried about anything; he was a rock. Not that she blamed him; anybody would most certainly feel a wide array of emotions in his situation.

  “Morgan?” He broke her concentration.

  “Mm?”

  Stopping short of their room, Declan placed light pressure on her arms. “Can you promise me something?” His eyes were hopeful.

  “Sure.”

  “Promise me that for tonight, just tonight, we let go of any worries and just enjoy being us, together.”

  If only she could, there would be nothing better. “Yes, Declan.” She would try her best to put any worries aside.

  Declan’s dark blue eyes sparkled like a small child’s. For the briefest of moments, she imagined him as a boy, pure and innocent. That made her remember, Declan would have to say goodbye to his mom also. It would be difficult for both him and Mrs. Blake. Mrs. Blake doted upon her son, and Declan was very close to her. Unfortunately, Mrs. Blake was starting to become increasingly forgetful, something that worried Declan.

  Morgan had promised that she would keep an eye on his mom, and she meant it. Mrs. Blake lived only about twenty minutes from her place; she would make a point of stopping by as often as she could.

  The woman was a saint; taking care of her husband from the time she was forty years old when Mr. Blake had suffered from a stroke until the day he died, so many years later. Declan’s dad had been paralyzed and needed around-the -clock care.

  Declan had such pride in his mother, but shared how he wished she hadn’t missed out on her own life by putting his father first for most of her adult life. He had even winced when Morgan had once shared that she would do the very same thing for him if she were in his mom’s place.

  “I’ll race you to the shower,” Declan challenged. With a wide grin, he hurried to the door and beat her inside.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  A SLIGHT BREEZE MADE the night perfect. Morgan glowed from head to toe, looking simply adorable in her snug denim shorts. Declan couldn’t pry his eyes away from her. Loud chatter, pop music, and scents of sinful fried food rose in the air, reminding Declan of the many delights of his childhood. He leaned over to hear what Morgan was trying to tell him.

  “The Ferris wheel?” Declan glanced up at the height of the ride. Unsure whether it was a good idea, he shook his head. “But I thought you were afraid of heights.” He was sure that Morgan had mentioned her fear more than once.

  “I am, but I figured with you I’d be safe. Who knows, maybe you’ll cure me of my fear.”

  Gazing at the wheel’s height once more, Declan figured this was one of the highest Ferris wheels he’d seen. “I don’t know… I’m not sure…”

  “Come on!” Leading him by the hand, Morgan’s smile held the exuberance of a small child. He couldn’t deny her the opportunity to get over one of her fears, now could he?

  “All right, all right.” As they approached the ride, the smell of salt water from the ocean filled the air. Declan made a mental note to take a walk by the pier with Morgan once the ride was over.

  They handed the attendant their tickets for the ride and waited for the next seat to stop at the bottom. Morgan appeared positively terrified as Declan kept a firm hold on her hand. “It’s all in your mind, Morgan. Think of something else. Think of a time when you’re happy, peaceful.”

  “Easy for you to say.” Morgan gulped, pressing the palm of her hand to his.

  The heavy beat of music pounded in the air as Morgan gripped Declan’s hand tighter. Rising from the ground, their seat tilted back and forth, gently rocking as Morgan cried out and hid her face in Declan’s shirt while clutching the bar in front of her.

  “Relax, honey.” He pulled her in closer, smoothing her long, wavy hair. “Think of a calm, relaxing place.”

  “Do I have to open my eyes?” Morgan asked with eyes shut tight.

  Laughing softly, Declan chided, “Not if you don’t want to, but if I were you, I’d take a peek.” The view was spectacular; twinkling lights from the pier met the smooth, dark ocean.

  Morgan opened her eyes slightly at first, then gasped and opened them wider at the view. “Declan! It’s… it’s beautiful.” Her voice was a whisper, barely heard above the music and laughter coming from the pier below.

  Not sure if it was something about her or the moment, but Declan would swear right then and there that he would never forget this night on the Ferris wheel, when Morgan had tried to conquer her fear, when he fell even more madly in love with her.

  The music slowed and he leaned over, touching her face, gently at first, guiding her chin toward his lips. He sighed as he kissed her, all thoughts of fears on his part long gone. He didn’t care what happened to him now; he would be a happy man with this memory inside him.

  Morgan gazed up, her eyes boring into his. “
I want this to be our wedding song.”

  It was a simple statement that took him by surprise. He had been so wrapped up in Morgan that the only thing his senses registered was her — just Morgan.

  Listening carefully, he nodded and hummed along to the familiar tune. “Someone like you…” Van Morrison’s soothing lyrics and melody became permanently etched in his mind. Morgan never spoke of wedding plans; she had stated that they would have plenty of time to plan when he arrived home. This was out of character, but then again, it was as if magic filled the air tonight.

  “You got it.” He kissed her again, this time with more passion, as if nothing else in the world mattered. Before long, they were stopped at the bottom of the ride. “Still afraid?”

  “With you by my side? Never.” Morgan’s eyes were consumed with passion for him. He brushed her swollen lips with his thumb and caught his breath.

  Leading her off the ride with unsteady feet, Declan’s heart pounded. “Want to take a walk?”

  Morgan nodded, grasping onto his hand. He led her to the end of the pier and down the steps to the beach. It was just the two of them, with the sound of the waves crashing. They sat and stared at the water, neither wanting to break the spell.

  After a few moments, Declan studied Morgan’s dark silhouette. This woman had him completely; she had his heart. He had never felt quite like this and he was sure that he never would again with any other woman. Words couldn’t touch his emotions right now.

  “Morgan?” he finally said, his voice rising.

  “Yes.”

  “Do you feel this? What I’m feeling right now?’

  She leaned closer, taking his hand and pulling it up to her cheek, Morgan then placed her lips on his. When their kiss ended, Morgan turned to him. “It’s amazing.”

  She melted into his arms and he couldn’t imagine being happier or wanting anything more.

 

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