by M. Mabie
He tucked my hair behind my ear and gave me a second to think. So much was different from my hometown. Many things I’d been told were wrong and evil, just simply weren’t. God put Abraham in my life, and for that reason, I trusted what Abe told me.
He continued, “I’m attracted to you. I have been for a long time. I didn’t plan it, I don’t think I even wanted to at first. But things are different now. They’re changing. I’m changing. You’re changing. And since there’s so much shifting and moving, I think it’s best if we don’t take for granted some of the other stuff first. That way, when and if we get there, we’re sure.”
He lost me. “What other stuff?”
“Things that couples do first, Myra. Dating. Making out like this ...” His eyebrows rose, and his hazel eyes widened, eluding to something more. “Etcetera.”
I squinted.
“Okay, I’m just going to say it. Foreplay. Things with our hands. Maybe oral sex. There’s just more to sex than sex. And I think being comfortable with other stuff will tell me when you’re ready. There’s a Iot I don’t know about you, and a whole hell-of-a-lot you don’t know about me. Doing some of those things will make it better.”
He took this, much like everything else, very seriously. But I was somewhat relieved, we had to be getting close. “Well, we’ve already done oral sex and things with our hands.”
He made the weirdest face I’d ever seen, and I laughed. “What?”
“When did we have oral sex?”
“Just a minute ago.”
“No. We. Didn’t.”
Feeling confident, and eager to do it again, I said, “Let me show you.” I leaned closer and pressed my mouth to his and let my tongue play with his for a while. How had he already forgotten?
“See?” I explained. “I like oral sex a lot.”
His eyes stayed tightly closed, and he clamped his mouth shut after we parted.
I waited.
“That’s ... that’s not oral sex,” he said. “That’s called French kissing, and I do like it too.” His cheeks turned redder than I’d ever seen. Redder even than when he came back from the shed sometimes after forgetting to do something down there. He always came back flushed when he had to hurry down and back.
I felt silly not knowing, but I wanted to learn. “What is it then? Show me how.”
When I’d read the article about wearing a man’s clothes, I’d never guessed it would lead to all this. But I was glad I did it. It certainly worked.
He blew a stream of air out and said, “You really are trying to kill me, but okay. I’ll tell you what it is. This isn’t easy. So it’s giving and receiving ...” His hand left my side and threaded through his hair. “... some women like it, and some don’t. Men almost always like it. And there are different ways, but the short—polite—explanation is: for you, it would like if I French kissed your ...” He stopped. Blinking, he looked down my body.
My what? Oh, my word. My what?
“And for me, it would be like if ... you ... um ...” I’d never seen him lost for words. He exhaled and set his jaw. “You’d put me in your mouth.”
I understood how he felt, because I couldn’t say anything.
“People do that?”
He nodded. “Oh yeah.”
My heart hammered. He was right. I wasn’t ready. How would I ever be comfortable with that? His face. Down there. Him—all of him—in my mouth. I’d felt him against me almost all night. There was just no way.
“And they like it? Have you done that? Has it been done to you?”
I wasn’t that naïve; he hadn’t lived in Lancaster for a long time. But it was out of line for me to ask him if he’d been with women, to even think it made me feel a certain way. A jealous way. But there the questions were, already out of my mouth.
“I’ve had experiences with women.”
I didn’t want to know anything else, and my mood had changed. All I knew is he’d saved me. Helped me when I needed someone most. He protected me and took care of me.
I was with him now and, to me, that meant he deserved my respect. He was the leader of my home, and I wouldn’t allow myself to think differently of him. He was a good man. He was my husband, and I’d honor him, regardless of anything he’d done before we met, just as I’d promised God.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, but I won’t lie to you, and things are different out here. Please don’t judge me. All I can say is, none of them were right for me, and things never worked with any of them. I wasn’t compatible with them.”
That made me feel somewhat better, and I tried to hide the strange ache in my chest from showing on my face with a small smile.
“That’s my girl. Come here.” I wiggled closer and nuzzled into his chest, as he stretched and turned out the light. “We haven’t known each other very long, and I think we still have a long way to go, but I need you to know something, Myra.”
I closed my eyes and relaxed into his arms, the sound of his voice always had a way of comforting me when I needed it.
“I’ve never cared for any woman as much as I care for you.” He placed a kiss on my head. “Good night.”
I SLEPT WELL IN HIS arms, and I hoped it wouldn’t be weeks again until I found myself waking up to kisses on my neck. It was a fine way to start the day, infinitely better than coffee.
It was a Saturday, and weekends were my favorite, but I was especially excited for this one. Abraham had finally accepted Chris and Ashley’s invite for us to come over. I’d sewn myself a new dress. It wasn’t too revealing or flashy, but it was sleeveless and fell around my knees. I planned on bringing a light sweater if I felt too exposed. And I’d found a new way to fix my hair with the help of a YouTube video I’d watched.
Plus, I’d made Ashley’s baby a half dozen receiving blankets and a larger one for them to share in the those quiet, middle-of-the-night moments mothers and babies shared.
Even though it was early, I was excited to get a jump on the day. I was making pasta salad and using some of the frozen raspberries to make the dessert Abe liked with the crumbles on top, per his request.
“I’m going to the shop for a while. I think I can get that buffet table done if I get to it,” Abe said, finding me in the kitchen already boiling water. “Need me for anything?”
I added salt to the pot and answered without turning around, “No. Don’t think so.” Unexpectedly, I felt him behind me and then he placed a kiss on the top of my head.
Good morning kisses and goodbye kisses, all in one day. Things were changing.
“Text if you need me,” he said and headed to the door. I looked over my shoulder and caught him stealing a stick of celery, grinning as he bit the end.
He was so handsome. Everything I ever wanted and then more and more.
After my food was ready, I sat on the back patio and read the Bible for a while, but then decided to browse the website I’d found the article from yesterday on. They covered a lot of topics, from household tips and trick to how to get the man you want, and proof was in the pudding that they knew what they were talking about.
I went back to the post and left a “thank you” comment, which I’d never done before. They deserved it.
Then after much thought about it, I said quietly to Google, although no one could hear, “Okay, Google. What is it like for a woman to receive oral sex for the first time.” I knew full well how sleazy some of the internet was, but I needed information and didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. I certainly wasn’t going to bring it up to Ashley the first time I visited her home. Though, hopefully, she’d like me and want to become friends. I hadn’t talked to anyone from home, except Matthew, in weeks.
The first article was graphic to say the least. So many of the women were telling such private stories, and I couldn’t believe they were just out there for anyone to read. I only made it through a few before it got too hot outside and I felt the need to take a shower.
I’d been taught that good girls didn’t do certain th
ings. That certain parts of my body weren’t to be touched by anyone except my band holder, but lately, I’d found myself washing myself longer and my hands had begun to wander more and more.
I always stopped though. I didn’t want to do anything impure to myself, and there was so much I was still very confused about. I wondered if Abraham ever touched himself and what he thought about it. But I doubted it, he had so much control. I knew more than one baby that was born nine full months to the day after their parents’ banding.
Maybe God gave some men more urge than others. And possibly it was the same with women because the ones I knew from back home never spoke about it and when they did it had never sounded like anything pleasurable.
And if sex was anywhere near as pleasurable as the few things Abe and I had shared the night before, I was certain I would like it.
Before I took all the hot water, I got out and toweled off. I was being silly.
My husband had told me to wait and wait I would. He hadn’t steered me wrong before.
I rubbed lotion over my skin, replaced my ring to my right hand, and then put on my dress. It had a modest, straight neckline from shoulder to shoulder, and a fitted, but not tight waist. I added extra fabric around the skirt so that it belled out over my hips which I thought looked flattering. I’d never made anything like it, but for my first try at such a new style I think I’d done a good job. I picked a pretty light green that reminded me of the lighter shades in Abe’s eyes.
I hoped he liked it.
I wrapped pieces of my hair around the curling iron I had instead of using the clip like I’d learned from a video and although it was much harder and took me a long time, it looked pretty like the instructor’s hair had when I finished.
Not one for too much makeup, I added a light peachy blush to my cheeks, some mascara and lip gloss that was more shiny than colored.
I felt pretty and looked more like the fashionable women in town and my Pinterest boards, but still felt like myself.
I gave my reflection one last long look and said a prayer.
Dear Lord,
I hope that I’m pleasing you, and I think I am because I’m happy and grateful for everything you given me. I feel like you keep showing me new ways to make Abraham happy too and we are getting closer and surely that’s what you want.
Please be with me today so that I don’t say or do something that embarrasses him.
As always, please watch over my family and keep them safe.
Continue to work in Abraham’s heart and give him patience as I become the woman he wants and needs and give me the fortitude to accept your lessons wherever they may appear.
Amen.
With that, I was ready.
42
Abe
When I came in from the shop, Myra was tying a ribbon around the blankets she’d made for my friends at the dining room table.
I’d never seen her dressed like she was. I’d all but given up on suggesting she change her style, but over the past few weeks, little by little, she’d adjusted on her own. Frankly, I didn’t care what she wore anymore. Whatever made her happy and feel good was fine with me.
To hell with what anyone else thought.
Today though she just looked like a beautiful woman. Breathtaking in a light olive green, hair in perfect waves and a glow on her face. My girl was a knockout.
“You’re gorgeous.”
Then she beamed, and it was even more.
“Thank you. Do you like the dress?” Her hands at her sides, she slowly spun. “I made it this week and thought it would be okay for the party.”
“Better than just okay. Really. You’re dangerous with a needle and thread.”
She laughed. “I used my machine.”
“You could have bought it at a store. It’s that good.” Had I not watched her work at the machine myself several times, I would have assumed she’d paid top dollar for the quality of the things she’d made. I knew what it was like to build and create things with my two bare hands and knowing she got the same pride from her work was relatable. It was just another thing we had in common.
I walked closer and not only did she look like temptation, but she smelled like fresh laundry and roses.
“If I kiss you will it mess up your makeup?” She had something lustrous on her lips, and I wanted to taste them.
“Probably.” Her eyebrow rose, one of my new favorite expressions. A tease if I’d ever seen one. “But I have more.”
She placed her hand on my chest and went up on her toes, waiting for me to plant one on her, eyes shut, mouth puckered. I took a moment to appreciate it.
How had this happened? How was it that I didn’t even know I was missing anything in my life until she came into it?
Then hit me.
“God is good,” I whispered and kissed her.
With our mouths paired, she opened her eyes surprised and caught mine open too. I knew better than to let the moment escalate and pulled away.
She chuckled and went back to her bow. “God is very good, Abe. But you need to shower.”
An hour later we walked hand in hand around to the backyard at Chris and Ashley’s where the music was coming from. It was a nice afternoon, so it was no surprise they were outside enjoying the late day shade.
“Look at the head on that,” Chris said as we came through the fence door. He whistled. “Did you come over here to make me look bad? In my own home? In front of my wife and family?” He laughed, teasing me because I’d trimmed my beard and put on a nice shirt with my jeans.
What was I supposed to do though? Myra looked like a million bucks. The least I could do was clean up for her. She still shined though. In fact, she was poised and graceful at my side walking up. There were on only a few clues that she was nervous. How tightly she was gripping my fingers. And, as Ashley and Chris walked over to greet us, I bumped her shoulder because I noticed her eyes were aimed at the grass.
Still, she was no wilting flower.
“It’s nice to see you again. I was beginning to think Abe had you locked up in the shed,” Ashely said, pushing a hand into the side of her big belly. “If this kid doesn’t stop kicking me ...”
“Myra, this is Ashely’s husband, Chris.” I looked down and proudly said, “This is my girl. Myra.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” She held up her gift and extended it to them. “I made these blankets for you and your baby.”
Ashley slipped her finger under the ribbon and propped them up on her tummy. “They’re so soft. Thank you.”
“Thank you,” Chris added and sweetly smiled down at his wife.
Ashley handed them to Chris and then opened her arms to Myra. “We’re huggers. Are you okay with that?”
Myra dropped my hand and accepted it.
“Me too. Me too,” Chris said and pretended to push Ashely out of the way before hugging Myra.
After that, the couple turned around and headed over to their family to show them what they’d been given. I was impressed how Myra hadn’t shied away from my big oafish friend when he embraced her. That said, she also gave me a look like what did I get myself into?
Dori and Ted came from where we had, so they understood, and they followed Myra’s lead conversationally. Of course, they both smoked like chimneys and drank like fishes, but Myra took it all in stride, and it didn’t seem to faze her.
In fact, she warmed up to my friends much faster than I ever thought she would, which made me glad I’d waited a while to bring them all together. The timing was right.
We ate. Predictably, everyone coveted the things Myra had made. Chris tried to play guitar and sing, which really tickled her. She still hadn’t taken interest in music yet, but like with everything, I was giving her space to figure it out on her own.
When it got later, Ted made a tiny fire in his daughter’s rinky-dink fire pit. “It’s not even big enough for a log, Ash. All you can burn are sticks.”
“You’re smoking me out anyway, I’m going in. Myra
, do you want to see the baby’s room? I need to put these blankets inside anyway.”
Myra jumped right up, right at home around that kind of stuff, but I hung back to chat. The two women disappeared around the carport, and it made me happy that they were getting along so well.
“So how is she doing, Abe? She looks great,” Dori asked. “It was months before I started wearing more modern things.”
I broke a stick I found by my lawn chair and chucked a piece of it into the flames. Myra still did wear her old clothes, but here and there she’d added a few things. Short sleeved shirts. A shorter skirt or two. Mainly she’d just made alterations to items she already had.
All of that was superficial though.
“I think she’s doing alright. People don’t change overnight. Especially when they don’t want to, and she didn’t leave exactly like we did. In fact, she’s still connected. As far as her family thinks, we’re living the Word and it’s business as usual.”
After I made sure she got what was rightfully hers, the choice to stay connected or not was up to her. All her choices were hers to make, that included staying with me.
“Seems like you two are getting along. Or are you playing house with her, Abe?” Ted asked and cracked open another beer. Maybe he’d had a few, but I had nothing to hide, but I didn’t want him thinking I was taking advantage either.
“It’s not what I expected. It’s still new, but I like her a lot.”
He laughed. “Oh, I bet you do. Cooking and cleaning. Spending her money. Bending her over whenever you want to. Did you rescue her from a cult or just make one of your own?”
