by Nicole Dykes
“No, I’ve been screwing around and playing house. Let’s be honest Alex, I can drive myself, I can take showers, dress myself and have been able to for a while. There is no real reason for me to be here.”
His words hurt for reasons I can’t explain. “Well, you came here for support too.”
“And I had that, but I have to get out of here.”
I walk further into the room, closer to him. I need answers. “Why the urgency? What the hell is going on?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Alex. It doesn’t matter. This was a temporary arrangement and it’s time for it to end.”
That’s it. I walk right up to him and poke his hard chest with my finger. “No. Bullshit. I don’t care if you don’t want to talk about it, you owe me the truth. What is going on?”
“Nothing. I miss home.”
“This is your fucking home. Kansas City is your home. You barely even like California and we all know it. Now tell me. Why do you have to leave?”
I keep poking him during my little speech and he finally grabs my hand, holding it in his. “Because, shit is getting hazy in my mind and I need some time away from here. Away from you.”
I examine his face. The way he said away from me hits me hard and I’m so lost in this moment. “What are you talking about?”
He lets go of my hand and sits down on the bed, running his hand over his face in frustration. “You have done more for me than anyone in my life ever has, Alex. These last few months could have been the darkest in my life, but you didn’t let me drown in self-pity. You kept me going. Gave me hope.”
I sit down on the bed, cautiously, leaving space between us. “So you have to leave because I’ve been a good friend?”
He turns to look me in the eyes. “When you went out with that douchebag Brooke set you up with, I’m almost entirely sure that I was jealous that night. I wanted to rip his head off for kissing you. And when I saw Stephen’s message on your phone asking you to dinner and hearing that you wanted to hang out with him again, I’m pretty sure I was jealous then too.”
I stare at him stunned. Shriller isn’t the jealous type.
He laughs, but it’s more of a dark, ironic laugh. “I’m like fucking Dylan and Jax, might as well beat my chest and go all caveman with ‘That’s my woman, back the fuck off.’”
“So I told you jealousy is primal. It’s not a big deal.”
He shakes his head. “It’s more than that. I can’t shake it, Alex.”
I search his eyes trying to figure out what the hell he is talking about. “What?”
“You. This.” His eyes lock hard on mine. “I keep trying to convince myself that it isn’t real, but it’s not working. I think I’m in love with you.”
All of the air is sucked out of my lungs at that admission and I can’t breathe. I never in a million years thought I would hear those words coming out of that mouth.
He gestures toward me angrily. “And that expression, that fucking horrified expression on that pretty face, that tells me I was right. I have to get out of here.”
I still can’t catch my breath. I stare at him dumbly and finally find my voice. “You aren’t in love with me, Shriller. That’s crazy. It’s an illusion remember?”
I throw his own words back at him and he looks broken. “That’s why I have to go. There is nothing here for me.”
“Don’t say that. We’re here. Your family.”
He stands up suddenly from the bed. “I had that when I lived in L.A. Can you tell me that there is something else here? That you can see something real with me?” He doesn’t give me time to answer and says, “Let’s face it, Alex, you see me as nothing more than a player that would hurt you. You’ve made it clear that you don’t want anything with me other than sex and I can’t do it anymore. It’s killing me inside.”
I stand up trying to process all of this new information. I need to stay strong. I think about Brooke’s bad feeling and her warning about this changing everything. I can’t let that happen.
I put my hand on his shoulder and he looks down at my hand and then back at my face. “It’s like you said, this isn’t real. We have just been spending a lot of time together and having really great sex, but it’s fake. You don’t love me.”
His gaze is intense as he pulls me to him. His lips find mine and he kisses me with a fierce intensity, holding me to him in what feels like a goodbye that shatters my heart.
When he pulls away, his expression is cold. “I know. I’m not capable of being the guy you need. Everyone knows it. Most of all, I know it. I have to get out of here and clear my head, so everything can go back to normal.”
He walks over and grabs both of the bags and my heartbreak turns to rage. “So that’s just fucking it? You are bailing? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means, you bail. When Brooke got into college instead of dealing with it, you just packed your bags and left. When your grandma was dying, no one heard from you for months. You missed her funeral. When Brooke and Dylan got married and you realized how much you care for them and their family, you moved across the country. You can’t deal with anything remotely real “
That cut him deep. I can see it on his face, but in this moment, I don’t care.
“I’m dealing with this, Alex. You don’t want me and I need to get out of here before more shit gets fucked up beyond repair.”
He turns and heads for the door and I scream, “You’re a fucking liar! You swore to me that nothing would change. That we could be friends that have sex and that we would remain friends no matter what.”
I curse the tears that slide down my cheeks as his body turns around to face me. “We are friends. We will always be friends.”
I shake my head and wipe my face with my hand. “Not if you leave like this. I can feel it, nothing will be the same. Don’t go.”
I plead with him, but I can see it in those distinct eyes of his, he’s already gone. “I have to.”
He pivots back toward the door and that’s it, he’s gone. He walks away without even looking back, without another word.
We thought we had beat the system. That we could be the friends that go into it eyes wide open with no delusions, but everyone else was right. That can’t work. Someone always falls, I just never thought it would be him.
Now I’ve lost my friend and words can’t describe the emptiness I feel.
The truly sad part is, I think I love him too.
The End
Note from the Author
Okay, don’t hate me. It had to end this way, but don’t worry. Shriller and Alex are getting another book.
Undone will be out very soon. Will they get their happy ending? Yes. With each other? That’s yet to be determined. Look for Undone for all of the answers and more of the crazy Monroe family coming soon!
If you want to connect with me (Even if it’s to yell at me for the ending
