by Tasha Black
“I want to cook for you. You fixed my creepy living room. Do you know how long I’ve been putting that off?”
Her whole face lit up and it made him feel so good it almost hurt.
He grabbed cheese and butter out of the fridge.
“You still like grilled cheese?” he asked.
“With tomato soup?”
“I think there might be a can in the cabinet somewhere.”
“How was your day?” She perched on the stool, smiling at him to beat the band.
“Awful,” he said cheerfully, “I’m glad to be home.”
“Cressida said Clive was trying to shut down the site.”
Cressida.
Erik’s blood began to boil. He tried to stay calm. Ainsley wasn’t his and if she wanted to keep messing around with Cressida it was none of his business.
When he looked up at her to reply, he could tell that she had seen his reaction. Her face was aghast.
“She stopped by before her shift, just to tell me what happened. We just, you know, just talked.”
Thank fuck.
Erik was confused about his strong reaction. Of course the idea of any two women together was hot, the idea of those two ought to have driven him wild. But thinking about anyone else with Ainsley was making him see red.
He could kill Clive Warren.
After all this time, Ainsley was home. She had been in his bed this morning, warm and receptive. But when he had taken it further she had panicked and tried to cover herself up. Erik’s heart ached thinking about it. Who knew how long Clive’s attack would haunt her? She might never want anything to do with another wolf.
In spite of the way his heart pounded when he allowed himself to remember this morning, Erik was fully committed to giving Ainsley the time and space she needed to recover. He didn’t care if it never happened. He didn’t care if she never chose an alpha at all. Erik wanted only to protect her.
“So is it true?” Ainsley asked.
“Yes, it’s true.”
“You don’t seem upset.”
He thought about that.
“Neither do you – and you have much better reason to be upset than I do. What did you do today – besides bring my living room back from the dead?”
“Something life changing.”
He turned at the wondering note in her voice.
“What was it?” he asked, leaning on the counter across from her.
He was so close he could see the flecks of gold in her green eyes. Her lips were parted and he longed to slip his tongue between them. He fought for patience and control.
“Grace came and got me and we went back to the house. It was awful there. People had egged it and there was graffiti inside. And of course I went up to my room and it was completely empty.”
She paused there and seemed to be trying to stay calm.
“I’ll get you some clothes in town tonight,” he offered gruffly,
“Thanks. It’s just that all the family pictures and personal stuff were in that room. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, it’s just stuff. What’s really important is what happened next.”
She looked into his eyes and cocked her head slightly, like she was sizing him up.
“What happened?”
“Do you know why I left town?”
“Did it have something to do with the new boy?”
She winced a little and nodded.
“His name was Brian Swinton. And, yes, I thought I killed him.”
What?
“Why would you think that?”
“I was in the woods, kissing him, and then I blacked out. When I woke up I was home in bed, and everyone said he was killed by a bear. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t remember anything and why the bear didn’t kill me too. That’s when my parents told me I was a wolf.”
“Did they think you killed him?”
“No, they said I probably turned to protect him and passed out because it was the first time.”
“But you didn’t think so.”
“The simplest explanation is usually correct.”
“Occam’s Razor.”
She looked surprised.
“Yes, I read. Just because I’m a wolfman doesn’t mean I’m a cretan,” he teased.
She shook her head with a smile and continued.
“So I was very sure that I killed him. That’s why I ran. And that’s why I never turned again.”
“What happened today to change your mind?”
“You know how I have…magic?”
He nodded. She looked a bit uncomfortable, but continued.
“Grace has it too.”
Erik managed not to look too surprised, he hoped.
“Okay.”
“Please don’t tell anyone.”
He shook his head.
“She created a circle and let me go back to see what happened. I didn’t kill Brian!”
There was a triumphant light in her eyes.
“Of course you didn’t! Wolves don’t kill people, Ainsley. We’re predators, not murderers. We don’t kill for sport.”
“Well that didn’t stop Clive from trying to kill me last night. And it didn’t stop him back then either. Clive killed Brian. I saw it. It was…awful. I think it was because he wanted to be the alpha, even then.”
What she said made sense. Erik shook his head, trying to understand how Clive could have done such a thing. And if he had done that back then, what might he do now, in his desperation?
“So all this time, you never changed, because you thought you might hurt someone?”
“Yes.”
“But now you know better.”
She nodded.
“Ainsley, you need to learn to shift and how to be a wolf. It’s the best way to protect yourself. Will you let me teach you?”
He could see excitement behind her solemn eyes.
“Yes, please Erik.”
“Lunch first,” he said.
He’d better feed her well. If this was anything like his first run as a wolf she probably wouldn’t want to change back again for hours.
It was exciting to think that he would be a part of her first time.
CHAPTER 9
A insley devoured her grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup in record time. Now that she’d made the decision to change, she wanted to do it right away. Her mind kept returning to the beautiful wolf with reddish brown fur.
Could that really be Ainsley Connor? What would it be like to be that wolf?
When her plate was clean she looked up. Erik was gazing at her, a smile curling the edges of his lips.
Suddenly Ainsley was embarrassed about how quickly she had wolfed down her lunch. She looked down at her hands.
“I like a woman who doesn’t pick at her food.”
His voice was so deep, it seemed to resonate inside her. She smiled at him, hoping he liked her enough to look past whatever was stopping him this morning and let her draw his alpha.
He gathered their plates and put them in the sink.
“Let’s go,” he said.
Suddenly Ainsley could think of about a hundred things she ought to do first. She took it as a sign that she must be nervous. So instead of insisting on washing up the dishes she nodded bravely.
Erik reached out his hand to her. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to place her hand in his and head outside.
The sun was warm on her hair. It smelled incredible outside. Ainsley could almost taste the pine of the woods and the grass Erik must have mown recently – all of it carried the lush, heavy scent of the recent rain.
And Erik’s hand was warm and reassuring around her own. There was a lightness in her chest, a happy feeling that had escaped her during all these years of guilt and pain. She felt like she could fly.
When they reached the edge of the meadow, Erik let go of her hand.
“Let’s talk about this for a few minutes before we try to do anything, okay?”
He looked so solemn. She loved hi
s serious eyes. He was looking at her like he was afraid she might break.
“Okay.”
“Turning should be easy. It shouldn’t hurt. Did anyone ever explain to you how it was done?”
Ainsley shook her head. She had never given anyone the chance.
“Do you have to get angry?”
“No. Anger can be a trigger. But to find your wolf, you have to tap into your primal side – find your power. Power is what it’s really about. My dad told me the best thing to do is to picture the wolf. Imagine your long, sensitive snout, your big paws, your strong legs and back. Then draw on your power. Hang on.”
He pulled off his clothes.
Ainsley stood in awe. Erik was breathtaking. In full sunlight she could see every curve and bulge of his muscled arms and chest. The tall grass danced around his legs, making it hard to keep her focus above the equator, though she tried valiantly.
He had a little smile that told her he was aware of her plight. Ainsley colored and tried to focus her eyes on the horizon.
“Watch me,” he said.
He closed his eyes. Just as his impossibly long lashes kissed his cheekbones, he melted into his wolf.
Watching closely, and knowing it was coming, Ainsley had expected to be able to see the change better. But it was as seamless as before. One moment he was a man, the next he was a wolf.
Erik stood in the meadow, the breeze ruffling his shining black fur. His stance was proud and powerful. He was enormous.
When he turned his amber gaze to her, Ainsley couldn’t help shrinking back a little.
Instantly he folded his ears down against his head, gave her what could only be described as a smile, and wagged his tremendous tail. It whipped the grass down in a wide swathe around him.
Ainsley laughed. Instantly he flattened his chest and paws to the ground, leaving his hind end elevated. In this position he capered in a circle around her.
His clowning was so unexpectedly silly, Ainsley couldn’t hold in her giggles. Finally she reached her hand out to stroke his velvety coat.
Erik straightened to his full height and bumped his head lightly against her shoulder.
She let her hand run down his shoulder. As she did, she could feel the ripple of powerful muscle just below his satiny top coat.
One moment she felt the cool sheen of his fur. The next she was stroking the warm flesh of Erik’s human bicep.
He was standing so close to her. The implication of his head against her shoulder was different now that he was a man.
They held the position for a moment. Ainsley didn’t want to breathe. She could hear his heart beating a reassuring thud. He nuzzled the curve between her shoulder and her neck as he pulled away. Ainsley shivered involuntarily at the teasing contact.
“Now, I want you to try and picture your wolf, Ainsley. You’re not going to change, yet – just try to imagine her.”
Ainsley closed her eyes. It was easy to imagine that beautiful wolf with the slender snout, the color of the sunset. Her skin began to prickle and she opened her eyes in a panic.
“Did you feel that?” Erik asked.
“My skin was tingling.”
“That means you’re close. Now I want you to think of what makes you feel powerful.”
That was easy. Ainsley pictured her closet full of tall shoes and gray and black suits. She imagined the sound her high heels made as they beat the concrete floors of the brokerage and the smooth feel of a strand of milky Akoya pearls against her neck. She heard the hiss of the bank doors opening for her as she arrived to deposit an incomprehensibly large monthly commission check.
Nothing happened.
She opened her eyes and looked to Erik.
“What did you think about?”
“Work.”
It seemed that he looked at her almost pityingly.
“Don’t think about work.”
What was she supposed to think about then? Her dead parents? Her egged house?
“Think about something that makes you happy,” he answered the question she hadn’t asked.
Instantly her mind went to Grace. Her friend was smart and kind and funny. And Grace’s parents and grandmother were like family to her too. She thought of the tree canopy sheltering the town. And the shelter of all its residents - the women and men who had watched over her as she grew up on Tarker’s Mills’ shaded sidewalks. She felt herself buoyed up by their love.
A hum began to generate – it was like her muscles were vibrating.
“Now picture the wolf!” Erik cried. He sounded a hundred miles away.
Suddenly, Ainsley’s wolf was upon her. She wasn’t just imagining it, she could feel the soft red fur and smell the peppery scent. She stretched her consciousness into long slender limbs and soft paws.
The boundaries of her human form dissolved, and she slid into her wolf as easily water being poured into a glass.
She opened her eyes. The horizon looked wider and greener.
Erik stood before her. She could smell his shampoo, the faint sweat under his arms, everything he had eaten that day, the paper of the parking ticket he’d held and the clay soil his equipment had dug out of the ground. He smelled proud and sad at the same time – a purple-ish smell that tickled and soothed her nose at once. There was a wet thumping sound blasting out of his chest, which she quickly realized was his heart.
Everything in her periphery was blurred but that didn’t matter, because Ainsley could smell and hear absolutely everything. A few miles away, Grace Kwan-Cortez started up her patrol car in the borough parking lot. Ainsley would have known whose car it was even if it had been pulling out of a parking lot in Springton. Instantly she felt a rush of air that smelled of spice and pine and musk – then she realized it was emanating from the swish of her own tail.
The grass felt cool under her paws and if she listened she could hear hundreds of ants and bugs, scurrying industriously among the blades.
It was too much. The sensory overload pressed in on her from all sides. Her heart raced in panic. She had to make it stop.
“Ainsley?”
Erik’s voice hit her like a sonic boom. She lowered her head and tried to cover her ears with her paws.
“Ainsley.”
She could tell he was whispering, but the timbre of his voice was a deafening spectrum of sounds.
“Listen to me, Ainsley. I know you’re feeling a little overwhelmed. You can’t take it all in at once. Focus on one thing, the sound of my voice, and let the rest wash over you. It’s like a river, you can’t stop it. Just let it pass by, and choose where to put your attention. You can do it. And I promise, it gets easier.”
His voice soothed her. She concentrated and her heartbeat slowed. She let the sensory input pass like he said. Like water. It flowed by and she picked up the parts she wanted. The breeze. The ants. Erik’s breathing. Then let them go.
Everything was fine.
Erik’s hand on her shoulder startled her.
Ainsley jumped.
Her legs were like springs. She found herself sailing through the air. It was exhilarating.
She jumped again, her panic forgotten. She couldn’t stop.
She bounced a few times on stiff front legs. Then she leapt into the tall grass and flattened herself on her belly by instinct. Her own trickiness filled her with glee.
Electrified, she bunched up her muscles and soared out of her crouch to land next to Erik.
He threw back his head and laughed. When he opened his mouth she smelled the bread and cheese and tomato soup that were in his belly. She could also smell a happy smell that was red and ripe.
She was filled to bursting with affection for him. She relieved it without a second thought, by knocking him in the chest with her soft head and burrowing her snout into his armpit. The scent of his sweat was multi-layered and she examined each layer like she was peeling an onion. Today he had been happy, nervous, overheated, angry and sexually stimulated.
He raked his fingers through her
undercoat and massaged away at a spot she hadn’t realized was itchy. Without thinking she leaned over and stroked his face approvingly with her long, sensitive tongue.
He laughed again. The sound was so delightful that she had to break away and bound across the meadow.
Suddenly there was a burst of tangy, spicy scent.
When she looked back Erik was back in wolf form and leaping toward her joyfully.
His form was so massive, and his smell so masculine she instinctively flattened herself to the ground.
The thundering of his paws ceased. She peered between the waving grasses but couldn’t see him.
Slowly she raised herself. She pricked her ears forward and heard his gentle panting very close by. He was laughing at her again.
Quick as a thought, she leapt out of hiding and pounced on him, clamping down on his thick black ruff and shaking it like small prey.
He yipped in surprise, then rolled her over to pin her down.
Though she knew he was playing, a secret part of Ainsley was deeply affronted.
In spite of her smaller size, she slipped from his grasp and tried to take hold of his ruff again. The inky black fur slipped through her jaws and he roared in surprise, bared his teeth and placed them around her neck.
To her complete mortification, Ainsley peed a little. The tangy smell was overwhelming.
Erik fell on it instantly, snuffling and licking the grass and then spraying a steaming river of his own musky pee on top.
Ainsley pranced away, oddly pleased.
Erik circled her, then took off.
As his shadowy form streaked across the field Ainsley worried for a moment that she wouldn’t be able to keep up. Then she coiled her muscles and sprang forward with all her strength.
Her heart sang as she sailed across the meadow, halving the distance between them in two impossibly long strides.
Erik stopped on a dime. Ainsley took a final leap and landed next to him.
His ears were pricked up and he leaned forward intently.
Ainsley leaned forward too. She swiveled her ears forward and immediately heard rapid ticking and smelled a lovely smell. It was like steak and potatoes and red wine and pie and ice cream all at once.
Immediately her mouth was filled with saliva. She compressed her powerful thighs in preparation to spring on the tasty morsel before her.
