by J Q Anderson
He looks disconcerted and his eyes dart to the picturesque view outside. And I have my answer. But I want to hear it from his lying, cheating lips.
“Tell me.”
“I don’t know. What does it matter? I want to marry you. That won’t happen again, Natalia.”
“You are damn right it won’t. Because I don’t ever want to see you again.” A knot swells in my throat and burning tears are streaming down my cheeks. He tries to pull me into a hug and I start hitting him with my fists and calling him a liar and a cheater. He is way stronger than me and grips me hard against his chest, wrapping his arms around me. It’s uncomfortable because we are pressed against each other in the confined space of the car. I stop fighting him and cry. Hard. Marc kisses my hair and asks me to forgive him, over and over. He pleads for another chance. I still love him and part of me wonders if another chance can save us. Maybe I can learn to forgive. Any option seems better than the pain this is causing me. But despite the jagged meteorite churning in my chest, I know.
This is the end of us.
Chapter 16: Jake
I go downtown and pace around. I need to think and let the rage from the last ten minutes flow. Plus I told Natalia I had people to see, which was complete bullshit, but now I need to keep appearances. I wonder aimlessly around the small town. The sky is overcast and the streets are painted with fresh snow. People walk in and out of restaurants, bundled up and looking happy to be out in the high season of Aspen.
At a liquor store, I buy a couple of bottles of wine for my dinner with Natalia tonight. I wonder if we still have a date. With the turn things took, who the fuck knows. I may be drinking alone.
It starts to snow, so I grab a coffee, then go into a couple of art galleries to kill time. I am soon out of distractions and can’t take my mind off this afternoon. I want to know what happened between Natalia and that shithead. Not that I blame him for showing up, I would’ve done the same. But I sure as hell hope he’s still downgraded to ex-fiancée. Why in the fuck any guy would cheat on a woman like Natalia is beyond me.
I take a cab back to the lodge and shower. It’s almost eight in the evening and I wish I’d asked Natalia for her number, so I can check if she’s still coming. I feel like a goddamn teen before my first date with the girl I’ve got a crush on. I pour myself a scotch and down it. Easy, Jake. No false expectations, remember?
Half an hour later there’s a knock on the door and I rush to it. I run both hands through my hair and take a deep breath, laughing at myself. When I open the door she’s there, dressed in a white turtleneck and jeans. She looks beautiful and I love that she’s not trying to impress me and chose to wear something comfortable. She smiles as she kisses my cheek and walks in. I fucking love Argentina and their greeting customs.
“I brought popcorn,” she says, handing me a couple of pouches of microwavable stuff.
“Great.” I follow her in. She looks calm and I want to ask her about this afternoon. The fact that she’s here with popcorn is a good sign that she and the cheating fuck didn’t get back together, so I relax. I hand her a room service menu and tell her we can choose a movie while we wait for the food. She likes my plan and tells me she’s starving. I like that she’s hungry and that she didn’t eat before our date, like most women would have. I order our dinner and reach into the fridge for the bottle of Sauvignon Blanc I bought this afternoon. I pour two glasses and we toast to her new swimming abilities. She laughs and thanks me for the millionth time.
“It’s okay, you can ask me,” she says, plopping on the couch as she sips the last of her wine.
“What?”
“You are not curious as to how my afternoon went?”
Yes. I am in fucking agony. I shrug. “I figured you would tell me if you wanted to talk about it.” I place a few logs into the fireplace and light it. The fire crackles as it comes to life. She lets out a long sigh.
“He wants another chance. He promised it will never happen again.”
I nod. “What do you think?”
She rolls her eyes. “Seriously, Jake. How stupid do you think I am? The worst part is that I asked him how many women there have been and he had to look away.”
“Asshole,” I mutter.
“Yeah. He is an asshole. It sucks. I guess I’m glad it happened now and not in a few years when we had a family. But it hurts, you know? I wish it didn’t hurt this much, but it does.” Her eyes are full of pain and I close my hands into fists. I swear if I had that motherfucker in front of me right now, I’d make him swallow his teeth. Despite the front she’s trying to put up, Natalia looks heartbroken and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to take that pain away.
“I’m sorry.” I sit next to her on the couch and take her hand. She stares at the fire and a sad smile stretches on her face. “That was my first fear. That Marc would leave me. The other one was to go down the Women’s Downhill.”
“How come?”
“I had a childhood friend. Tango. We became soul mates the day we met. We were only seven. His dad was a mean drunk and his mom had passed, so even though we didn’t have much, he practically lived at my house. My mom loved him, sometimes I think more than she loved me, but that’s okay. Tango had nobody.
“He always pushed me to do things I was afraid of doing. He said I had to toughen up and be brave so I could take care of myself. Tango spent a lot of time on the streets. He was smart. So smart. He was a hell of a poker player, too.” She laughs.
“Ah. So that’s where those ruthless skills came from.”
She nods, smiling. “Yup. He was a good teacher. Beat me at everything. Even as we got older, the only things I could do better than him were cooking and skiing. He teased me when I came to work up here for the season. He always wished he could ski, but couldn’t afford it. We used to watch the winter Olympics on TV. He dared me to become a better skier, said I needed to ski the black diamonds for him. Two years ago, I had finally saved enough for his airline ticket and a season pass. I was going to surprise him. But while I was up here I found out he had dropped out of law school and hadn’t told me anything. I was so angry with him.”
“Wait. Law school? How could he afford that?”
“Public colleges are free in Argentina. Some of them are the best. Especially law school. Becoming a lawyer doesn’t cost you a dime.”
“Are you serious?”
She nods. “He would have made an amazing lawyer. I wanted that for him, so bad. Anyway, every year I came here and Tango stayed in Buenos Aires. We Skyped at night and he would dare me to take on the Women’s Downhill. That was our thing.” She smiles. “Daring each other. He knew I was terrified of it. So I said I would do it if he went back to school and finished. He gave me a hard time, but finally agreed. That morning I made myself take on the run and Tango took the bus downtown to fill out the registration.” She stops and tears pool in her eyes. “He never made it to the school building. A bus hit him full on as he was crossing the street. When I came to the base Dani told me. The hospital found my number in his cell phone and she answered.” She is crying harder and it kills me to see her like this. I put my arm around her and rub her back. “If I hadn’t pushed him to do that, he would still be alive. I lost my best friend on a fucking dare.”
“Natalia, babe. You can’t blame yourself for that. You were pushing him to be better, just like you said he did with you. That’s what you do when you love somebody.” I squeeze her against me and she sobs softly on my shoulder.
“I’ve never been able to ski that run since. I only see him. That’s why I went there last night. I wanted to lose my other fear.”
I tilt her chin up and wipe her tears with my thumbs, then pull her to me and press a kiss to her lips. They are so soft. She closes her eyes and doesn’t push me away. I want to kiss her again, but I refrain because what she needs right now is a friend.
“Come on,” I tell her. “You’ve been through a lot the last few days. You need a break.”
She nods. “Yea
h. I’m sorry. I’m usually not this depressing.”
There is a knock on the door and a voice announces room service. Natalia doesn’t want the staff to see her here, so she leaves to the bathroom. I let the guy in and sign the bill. When she comes back, I have rolled the table with the food to the dining area. She sits and I fill her wine glass almost to the top.
“Are you trying to get me drunk?” She laughs.
“Absolutely.”
She shakes her head. “I won’t stop you. I think I need it.”
We have dinner in comfortable silence. Afterwards we bring the second bottle of wine to the couch and she starts scanning through the channels while I step over to the kitchen to make the popcorn.
“Just rent whatever you want. I don’t think you’ll find anything on TV,” I tell her.
“OMG. Silver Linings Playbook. Can we watch this?”
I frown. “Haven’t you seen that already? It’s been out for a while.”
“Yes. And I love it. Can we watch it, please?” She turns around in the couch and smiles, bringing her hands together in a pleading gesture. It makes me smile.
“Yeah. Whatever you want. Doesn’t matter to me what we watch.”
She cheers and gets it set up while I pour the popcorn into a bowl.
We sit side by side with the bowl tucked between our legs. Our hands accidentally touch now and then and it makes me want to kiss her. Everything about her makes me want to kiss her. Her body so close to mine, her warmth, the alluring scent of her perfume. It’s all torture and it’s a good thing I’ve seen the movie before because I’m not paying attention at all. I am only aware of her and every movement or sound she makes. Our shoes are off and our feet are propped on the coffee table. She laughs at something in the movie and turns her head to meet my eyes.
“Thanks, Jake. I’m glad I’m here.” She nudges my foot with hers. I angle mine so our feet are touching.
“I’m glad you’re here, too.” I slide my hand down and it leans on hers. She stretches her hand out and I reflexively take it and interlace our fingers. She doesn’t say anything and doesn’t pull it away. She just looks at our hands together. It feels good.
And I want to kiss her.
The movie ends and she lets out a long sigh. “Well, I better get going.”
But as she gets up, I tug on our still interlaced hands.
“Don’t go,” I whisper. She sits back on the couch and looks up at me.
“It’s kind of late.”
“I don’t want you to go. Stay a little longer.”
“Okay. What are we going to do?”
I look into her eyes. “I want to kiss you.”
Her lips part a fraction and she inhales. I know she feels something, too.
“Stay,” I whisper. She looks conflicted.
“Jake. I had a shitty weekend. I need to process. Staying here and kissing you… would not be a very good idea.”
I laugh. “You always say that.”
“Say what?”
“I ask you out, or invite you to dinner and you tell me it may not be a good idea.”
She blushes and shrugs and it is adorable.
“Natalia. I want to spend more time with you, and we don’t have much left.” I brush her hand with the tips of my fingers. “I know you just broke up with that asshole and all that. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. I just want to be with you.” I bite hard at the sound of my own words. Who’s the asshole, Jake?
She looks down at our hands for a long moment, then up at me. “Okay.”
A sudden rush floods me. “Okay?”
“Yes. I want to kiss you, too. No false promises. Just now. I’ve never done anything for just now. My entire life has always been planned. I’m tired of it. So kiss me, Jake.”
Before she has time to change her mind I take her face in my hands and bring her mouth to mine. The moment our lips touch I forget everything that’s ever happened before this moment and get lost in the amazing feeling of my mouth exploring hers. She is soft and warm and incredible. Her tongue is still cold from the wine and I pull her closer to fully taste her. Her hands move to my shoulders and she climbs onto my lap, straddling me. I press the small of her back toward me as my other hand holds the back of her head. My dick is at war with my jeans and I scoot to the edge of the seat to bring her body closer. She molds to me, pressing against my hard-on and it’s fucking torture because now I need to be inside her. My hands slip under her sweater and explore every inch of her. I cup her breasts and she presses them against me. She wants this and all the visions and fantasies I’ve had since we first met invade me and I can’t get enough. She grips my sweater and pulls it over my head. I help her, then we do the same with hers. I unclasp her bra and her skin is so incredibly soft under my hands I can’t stop touching her. I trail open mouth kisses along her jaw and she arches her head back to give me better access to her neck.
“Jake,” she breathes and the sound rips through me.
She stands up to strip off her jeans, but I beat her to it. Meanwhile her fingers find the button on my jeans and she pulls them down. Once we are both naked, I pick her up and crush her into a kiss as she wraps her legs around my waist. She is beautiful and perfect and I can’t wait until she’s mine. I take her to the bedroom and lower her to the bed, then reach to the night table for a condom while she pulls the covers off.
She watches me roll the condom on and the way she’s looking at me with her eyes half open makes me harder. She bites her lip in appreciation, then looks up.
“I’m on the pill, Jake. So if everything is alright with you, then we’re good.” Those emerald eyes are dark and her hair is fanned out in a black mane over my pillow. I pause for a moment to admire her and I get rid of the condom. I’m one lucky fuck.
“I get tested regularly. We are good.”
“Good,” she says and her voice is husky with want. I lower myself to her and cover her mouth with mine as I press our bodies together. My dick is so hard it hurts, but I make myself wait. I want this to be for her. I want her to feel everything, the way she deserves. My mouth sails down her neck to her breasts. I suck on them gently, taking turns. Then I move down to her stomach and as my tongue slides down I can’t get over how soft her skin is. She moans and arches her back, saying my name. It is so intoxicating I have to work hard to fight the urge to be inside her right this moment. I wrap my hands around her thighs and part them, then my mouth moves between her legs and she lets out a loud moan. She is so wet and my tongue easily slides between her lips. She groans and clutches the sheet at her sides. I find her sweet spot and I am relentless, torturing her as I slide two fingers inside her. She cries and clutches my hair, pressing me to her as she climbs, gripping me harder.
“Jake, God,” she cries as her body convulses into a spiraling orgasm. I pull myself up and let her kiss her arousal, covering her mouth with mine as I lower myself into her.
And I’m lost.
Everything else fades and it is just the two of us, now. I bury myself in her and forget every feeling I have ever had for a woman. She is a goddess and I can’t get enough. Her body is tight and she molds to me seamlessly as I thrust in and out of her. I’m close so I slow down and let her feel me deeper. She groans, her chest is heaving in broken breaths.
“Jake, please.”
I smother her mouth and start moving faster, giving her exactly what she wants. She makes delicious sounds and I want to absorb every one of them. I can’t hold on much longer and when she starts tightening around me I tell her to let go. We come hard together and it is deep and intense and it scares the shit out of me. I never let myself lose control when I am fucking a woman, but with her it is so much more.
I roll off of her. We are both breathing hard.
“That. Was. Amazing.” She laughs and pants. It is so beautiful and carefree that I am afraid to open my eyes.
Because I know this kind of feeling doesn’t really exist.
Chapter 17: Natalia:
I lie on Jake’s bed, completely spent. Holy fucking Christ. Who would have thought casual sex could feel this good. I close my eyes, catching my breath. Yeah, relationships are definitely overrated. I turn my head and smile at Jake. He’s catching his breath, too. He’s facing the ceiling with his eyes closed. My smile widens. Casual, fun, sex-god, no-expectations-Jake. Fucking mind-blowing.
I squeeze his hand and his eyes open. He turns to me, but he’s not smiling. What’s wrong? A fleeting emotion crosses his eyes and I think it’s fear. How odd. But then he smiles and it’s gone.
“How do you feel?” he says.
I roll onto my side and run my fingers along the ripped lines of his torso. He’s beautiful, every muscle outlined.
“That was incredible, Jake.” I’m suddenly overcome by a gripping grief as to the real reason why this was so good. Blowing women’s expectations off the charts is what Jake does for a living. I close my eyes, pushing away the unwelcome thought as I plop back on the bed.
“Hey.” His fingers brush lose strands of hair off my face. “You okay?”
“Yes.” I force myself to smile. I have no right to feel anything but appreciation for Jake and what we just did. No ties and no feelings is what I wanted and surely what I need right now. Tango used to tell me to punch my fears on the chin. So that’s exactly what I do.
“Let’s do that again, Jake.”
He arches an eyebrow, then smiles and rolls on top of me. His fingers stroke my face and he kisses me tenderly. The savage desperation we had for each other minutes ago is appeased and replaced by careful appreciation. We explore every inch of each other, feel each other. No rush. We take our time with the now and let the hours melt.
Faint sunlight filters in through the shutters of Jake’s room. The nightstand clock says it’s almost seven in the morning. Jake sleeps peacefully next to me. We only fell asleep a few hours ago. He looks younger and the sharp lines of his nose and profile seem softer in the dim light of the morning. His eyelashes are deep black, endless, perfectly fanned over his cheeks. I watch him sleep for a few moments, wondering if he did this for me. Last night was, without question, the best sex I’ve had in my entire life. Sex with Marc was good, but what I felt with Jake was fucking-mind-blowing. I wonder if I should offer him money. I don’t want to insult him, but I’m not sure what the protocol is for a date with a professional escort. Saying the word even in my thoughts leaves a sour taste and I shake it off.
