"Shit, sorry." She narrowed her eyes again and I raised my hand, shaking my head. "No, I mean, sorry for how that came out. I had... I mean, that wasn't how I meant to tell you." I’d meant to lead up to that with plenty of other points, none of which I could remember. My mind was blank, so in desperation I just opened my mouth and let the words spill out.
"My mother is the only other woman I've ever said those words to," I admitted. "I've never even felt the urge to say them to anyone else. Ever. And yet just now, I couldn't have stopped them if I tried." I stood up, wiping my hands on my pants and walking closer to the couch.
"When you came into my life, all I wanted you to do was get the hell out and leave me alone. Damn am I glad you didn't do that. You're amazing, Laney. Incredible, really. You took such a risk, you put your own heart and desires on the line when you brought Isabella to me—something that no one expected you to do, and no one would have judged you for not doing—because you knew it was the right thing to do. In doing that, you brought two people into my life that I didn't even know existed, but have since become more important to me than anyone or anything else."
Those weren't the words I'd practiced. I hadn't known what I was going to say, but it seemed like as soon as I opened my mouth, my heart took over and spoke for me.
Laney cocked her head slightly. "Two people?"
"Yes," I nodded, grabbing her hand and bringing it to my chest while giving it a light squeeze. "Izzy... and yourself."
A smile touched her lips, but I could see that she was still holding back. A confidence that had just started to grow faltered for a moment, but I pressed on.
"I want you in my life, Laney. More than you already have been. A lot more. You were right yesterday, and before that as well. I don't need to do this alone, and I don't want to even if I could. You've offered your help in the past, and I was a fool not to grab it immediately. If you're still offering it, I want you to know that there's nothing I'd like more. I should have told you a long time ago. I meant to. That day at your place, I'd come over to tell you that I wanted you to help but... well, we got distracted with paints and then the whole Europe thing came up and I..."
"Acted like an asshole?" she offered.
I nodded immediately. "Yes, that. A complete douchebag. I guess the idea that you were leaving struck a nerve and I overreacted. And then by the time I'd realized it, you were leaving. I spent too much time while you were gone feeling betrayed, even though I had no right to feel that way. You absolutely did the right thing by going to Paris. It just took me a while, and some help from you, to realize it. You leaving didn’t make you anything like my father, just as me having a life and raising Izzy won’t turn me into him either. Our choices themselves don’t turn us into who we are, it is who we are that determines what choices we make. The only trait I have in common with my father is being a complete fool."
Finally, I saw the coldness behind her eyes thaw completely, and a smile spread across her lips as she stood up. I stared into those green eyes and never wanted to turn away.
"Well, I wouldn’t call you a complete fool..."
"Okay, partially a fool, then."
"Well... now you've gone a bit too far the other way. Let’s just say mostly a fool."
I smiled, and then she kissed me. It was too quick, she pulled away before I was ready to let her go.
"But that makes me mostly a fool, too," she said.
"Why is that?"
"Because I love you, too."
39
Delaney
Tanner's body slammed into me, thrusting his cock deeper and deeper. We'd just confessed our love to each other, so it was almost as if this moment should have been more tender, but if anything it was more frantic and raw than ever.
Our clothes lay in discarded heaps around his living room and the sweat between our bodies was only now starting to form, despite the fact that we were both close to finishing. It was like a dam had burst, once we'd admitted our feelings, and we needed desperately to feel each other as closely as possible. That's the way I had felt, at least, and I had a sense that Tanner did as well. When we first kissed, I couldn't even tell who initiated it. One moment I was admitting I loved him, and the next moment we were kissing and tearing at each other's clothes.
And from there, I couldn't get him inside of me fast enough.
My back was draped across the top headrest of the couch, we hadn't even lay down on it properly. He'd just thrown me across the top and slid into me, and I remember how both of us practically howled in the pleasure of contact. I didn't need any foreplay today. His words had made me more than ready and now I just ached for his release.
Moments after a shuddering orgasm ripped through me, I felt him swell and press himself even deeper. He let out a groan, his hard shaft twitching and pulsing before he relaxed with a hot breath that blew across my ear, tickling the side of my neck. I still had one leg on the floor, for balance, but now I lifted it up and wrapped it around his waist. The movement caused us both to roll and tip over, his body landing onto the cool leather cushions of the couch first followed by mine on top of him.
We both burst out laughing and then he kissed me, and I kissed him back.
"This is very dangerous," he murmured. We'd been lying on the couch—still tangled in a naked, sweaty mess—for a few minutes now, simply enjoying being next to each other in silence.
"How so?"
"Do you forget what I walked in on last night? This is far worse. Not just for Quinn, but he'll have Izzy with him. They could be back any time."
"Oh shit." I rolled off and started to run around, grabbing my clothes.
I turned to Tanner who was still lying on the couch, watching me with a grin. "What are you doing? Get dressed!"
"Relax," he laughed. He reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me back over to him before I had put on a stitch of clothing. I hadn't even found my underwear yet. "I was just teasing. I told him not to come back until at least two. It's not even lunch time."
"You're a jerk," I said, throwing my shirt at his head. He caught it easily and laughed again. This time I joined him. I should have known Tanner wouldn't have risked Izzy walking in on us like this. He was going to be a great father. It was hard to imagine how much I'd once doubted that.
"That means I get to keep you naked for at least another couple of hours," he said, slipping a hand around my hips to grab my ass. I made a little noise, as if the idea of that didn't sound as good to me as it did to him, but I knew it wasn't convincing. He pulled me onto his lap and kissed me.
"Thanks," he said, once our lips had separated.
"For what?"
"For... everything. For bringing me Izzy. For seeing past the jerk I used to be. For not staying in Paris forever. For offering to help and meaning it. For waiting for me to come to my senses and accept it." He paused for a moment, his blue eyes deep and inviting. "For loving me."
My heart fluttered, and I reached up to touch his cheek, running my hands against the rough stubble along his jaw. "And thank you," I said, "for loving me back. And for not pushing me away at first, when you didn't even know me and I was trying to take your daughter away from you. I'm sorry for that."
He shrugged. "You did what you thought was right, which is what you always do, and it's one of the things I love about you. Izzy will grow up to be a far better woman with you in her life than without you. I have no doubt of that."
I smiled and turned away, feeling slightly embarrassed by his words and hoping I could live up to them.
I will live up to them, I corrected myself.
"Speaking of which," I said, turning back to look at him again, "we should discuss this week's schedule. I assume you'll need me to watch her later in the week since I heard you have a practice session coming up.”
Tanner's face hardened a bit as his jaw tightened. "I'm not sure I'm going to go to that..." he said.
I tilted my head and felt my eyes narrow. "What? I thought we discussed this. You don't nee
d to give up football to raise Izzy. She needs to see you go after your dreams and be successful. That's a much better role model for her than giving everything up."
Tanner took a deep breath and let it out explosively. I could feel his body tensing up under me.
"I’m not saying I’m giving it up, but… maybe I’m not ready to get back into it. Thing is, there is some shit there that… well, I just don’t know how good of a role model I’m going to be. " He reached up and lifted me effortlessly off his lap and set me down next to him. Then he turned to face me, shaking his head slightly and looking troubled. "The amount of time that football takes from my life wasn't the only reason I was pulling back from it. This shit I have going on with Bullet, our QB... it's... I don't know. I thought it was mainly contained to the field but then we got in that fight at the bar and I just don't think I want Izzy to see that side of me."
"So stop feuding with him," I said. The solution seemed simple enough to me, but he gave me a look like I'd just asked him to fly himself to the moon and back.
"Just like that, eh? Laney, I—"
"Yes, just like that," I nodded. "What are you fighting with him about, anyway?"
"We've just never gotten along," he shrugged. "The QB usually leads the team, but he clearly doesn't know what he's doing. He's a good quarterback, I don't deny that, but you don't throw the ball into the end zone and get touchdowns unless someone is there to catch it, you know? He isn't the whole fucking team, no matter what people think."
"Does he tell people that he is? Does he claim that he's doing everything on his own?"
"He doesn't have to, everyone fucking does it for him," Tanner snapped, angrily. "All you ever hear is Bullet this and Bullet that, like he can do no wrong. Well he did do fucking wrong. We got knocked out of the playoffs because he made a mistake not passing the ball to me, and yet no one blamed him for that."
I watched as the anger bubbled under Tanner's skin. I spoke slowly and softly, hoping my words would help soothe him as I laid a hand on his thigh.
"Maybe he didn't see you?" I offered.
"He fucking saw me," Tanner growled. "It's his job to see me. I was wide open and I could have made that catch in my sleep."
"Then why else wouldn’t he pass it to you?"
"’Cuz he's an asshole and doesn't want anyone to get the glory but him."
"But I thought you said he gets all the glory anyway. If he passed it to you and you caught it and won the game, wouldn't he have gotten the credit for a great throw?"
"Probably," he nodded.
"Then it doesn't make sense for him to ignore you for that reason."
I could see the anger starting to fade a bit as Tanner rolled his eyes and turned to stare at the wall. "He clearly doesn't care about winning as much as he should. That's why he shouldn't be leading this team, as I've been telling everyone since day one."
"Ah," I said. The picture was becoming clear to me, but I wasn't sure if Tanner was going to be able to see it for himself.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, turning back to look at me with an accusatory stare, as if I'd just taken Bullet's side. I needed to choose my words carefully.
"Nothing, really. I guess I didn't realize that you'd had Bullet figured out from the beginning. And that you were warning everyone about him. It's hard to trust someone to do the right thing, especially when they haven’t ever shown you that they’re worthy of that trust."
"Exactly, I don't..." He stopped and narrowed his eyes at me.
"What?" I asked, as innocently as I dared.
"I see what you're implying."
"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Uh huh. You're trying to say that Bullet doesn't trust me, either, because I've been undermining him since the day we met."
"I never said that."
"Fucking hell, Laney."
"Tanner, I—"
"No," he said, raising a hand to stop me. "I'm not mad at you. Fucking hell. You're right, I think. I've created all these issues with Bullet. I mean, the guy isn't a saint or anything, and he’s certainly done some shit to me… but fuck... I probably asked for a lot of it, coming in guns blazing."
Tanner dropped his chin to stare at the floor, shaking his head slightly as he considered the weight of what he was only now realizing.
I didn't say anything more. It was clear that these types of trust and control issues were always going to be a part of Tanner Garrick. It came with the territory of what he'd grown up knowing and having to deal with. But at least now it seemed like he was more willing to accept and take responsibility for them. And that was enough.
I gave his thigh a little squeeze and he raised his gaze to me.
The familiar ocean blue depths were there, as always, and I stood teetering on the brink. But instead of holding me back from the edge, this time I could feel Tanner inviting me in. Without hesitation, I smiled right down to my soul as I happily took the plunge.
Epilogue
Delaney
"Where Daddy today?"
"Well, why don't you help me check the schedule?"
Izzy clapped her hands and ran into the kitchen, returning to the couch only seconds later holding the schedule and the magnet that we used to keep it fastened to the fridge. She got up and sat on my lap, placing the calendar on her lap. It was smudged in various places, and ripped in one of the corners. If checking the schedule continued to hold Izzy's interest, next year we really needed to laminate it.
As had become routine at this point, I took her finger and pointed to the month, then dragged it down to the current week and let it hover under the word. She was three now, but that didn't stop me from already trying to get her interested in reading. "What letter is this?"
She thought for a minute, biting her lip and then tilted her head up to look at me. "D!" she exclaimed.
"Right!" She clapped again, this time for herself.
We'd only been working on capitals, so I didn't press her to identify the others. "D makes the duh sound. Duh duh, Dallas. Daddy's in Dallas this week."
"Duh duh," she repeated. "Daddy."
"That's right, Daddy also starts with D." I hugged her close, kissing the top of her head. "According to this, he has two days off and plays on Wednesday. Are we going to watch the game?"
Izzy nodded, holding up one of her hands to wave the thumbs up sign right in front of my face. Ever since seeing someone make that sign last week she hadn’t actually said the word "yes" once. I laughed softly and grabbed her fist, bringing it to my lips and giving it a kiss.
Just then my phone rang, causing Izzy to exclaim "Uh oh" and leapt from my lap to run over to the side table and grab it. "Me?"
I'd been letting her answer the phone lately, since most of the time it was Tanner calling from the road anyway. I smiled and nodded. "Go ahead, before they hang up."
Izzy turned the phone and I could see her hunting for the right button to press. After locating it she said hello immediately, before even bringing the device anywhere near her face. Luckily she was loud enough that that hardly made a difference to whoever was on the other end. She pulled it to her ear and listened for a moment, then ran over to me and thrust it in my direction.
"Auntie Roxie," she said. I took the phone and then she scurried off to play.
"Hello, Auntie Roxie," I said.
"It's cuter when Izzy says it. I was just calling to make sure you were still going to be around today for me to drop by."
"Yep. As long as you're still sure you want to spend your rare afternoon off coloring with me and a three-year-old. Fair warning, I hope you like pink."
"Wouldn't miss it babe! See you soon."
Normally, Izzy and I would get out of the apartment in the afternoon for some fresh air or exercise, but Roxie's gallery was closing early for some private viewing or something today, and she asked to spend her time off with us over a week ago. Since then she must have reminded me about it at least five times. It was odd, but still swee
t that she was so excited to spend her free time with us. It was always nice to have some adult conversation during the day, especially during extended Tanner travel time. The season was almost over, but if the sports pages were to be believed, the Stars were not only going to the playoffs this year, but had a real shot at winning the championship. And apparently, many of them were attributing that success to a new-found team cohesion, led by the mended fences between Bullet and Flash.
Go figure.
I smiled to myself, although it wasn't as if I was taking all the credit. Tanner had done the hard work of swallowing his pride and making the first move in fixing things with his quarterback. I just helped by pointing him in the direction of what exactly was broken.
Anyway, I knew how difficult it had been and I was fiercely proud of him for doing it.
The doorbell rang, and I frowned as Izzy yelled "Uh oh" and started running to the door.
"Hang on, young lady," I warned, as I followed quickly after her. Roxie hadn't given me an exact time, but I'd gotten the impression that she had still been at the gallery when she called a few minutes ago, which meant it couldn't be her. But maybe she had been calling from downstairs or something, looking to surprise us.
I opened the door, and I was definitely surprised.
"Daddy!"
Tanner was standing there, holding a big bouquet of roses and Izzy ran up to him, slamming into his legs and throwing her arms around him.
"Hey there, squirt," he laughed. He bent down and kissed her forehead.
Izzy's eyes lit up at the flowers and she reached for them. "For me?"
"Absolutely," he nodded. "But maybe you can share them with Laney, too?"
She took the flowers and then ran over to me, thrusting them up proudly. "Daddy bring flowers. I share."
"They're beautiful," I laughed. "Why don't you take them into the kitchen and find something to put them in. I think they'll fit in one of your big plastic juice jugs. You'll need to get your stool and fill it with water, first."
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