by Mari Carr
“Are you sure you’ll be all right by yourself?” Sam couldn’t find a way to show her that he considered her part of their Compass Ranch clan too. She shouldn’t have to be isolated with this kind of agony. But how could he keep her close and not want…more? “You shouldn’t be alone. Would you rather stay in Si’s old room?”
“Nah. I bet Colby, Lucy and Si will camp out there.” She took a step backward. “I’ll be fine. Don’t want to get under anyone’s feet. Or be in the way.”
“You wouldn’t…”
“Sam?” Vicky poked her head out the screen door. “Oh, Cin. I didn’t realize you were still here.”
“Just leaving.” Cindi trudged up the stairs and hugged Vicki before whispering something in her ear.
His mom murmured in return. Sam, still frozen in the spot where Cindi had left him standing, couldn’t hear the exchange. Cindi shook her head, then scurried across the yard to her truck before he could snag her wrist and beg her not to leave him after all.
She waved at them before creeping out of the drive in a cloud of dust.
“Sorry, Sammy.”
“Not your fault, Ma.” He rubbed his nape but the tension there didn’t subside. “I can’t seem to figure out the right thing with her.”
“What’s your heart telling you?” She smiled at him.
“That I screwed up.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have let her go. But now it’s too late.”
“It’s never too late, honey.” Vicky patted his chest. “Grab some extra blankets from the storage shed, please. There’s a green tote with a bunch of clean linens. We’re going to need them with this full house. Once you haul them in here, I won’t mind if you disappear for a bit.”
She grinned, and he answered with one of his own.
But after he’d collected the supplies and passed them out, he could hardly keep his eyes open. He crashed on the couch in his office and rested them…just for a minute. And after he woke, several hours later, neck stiff from the awkward angle he’d stuck it in on the battered furniture, he felt like the moment had passed. Cindi had slipped through his fingers again.
Grief left him short on motivation and hope.
It might be best to let her escape their turmoil for now.
No need to infect others with his misery more than he already had.
“Sleep well, Cindi.” He stared out the windows in the direction of her cottage as he drifted off once more.
Chapter Twelve
Five weeks after returning to Compass Ranch
Three bangs on the half-open door to the screened porch where Sam had set up his temporary office startled him as he was about to initiate a strategic trade. His hand lurched from the mouse and grabbed his chest.
Silas, Colby and Seth raided his sanctum.
“What the fuck was that for?” He glanced back at his screen, watching the ticker scroll a new—higher—cost for the cornerstone stock he’d almost snagged at bargain-basement prices. “Shit!”
“Enough of this.” Silas pressed the screen of his laptop closed while Seth spun his desk chair around.
“You just cost me several grand, Si.” He would have tugged his hair if it had been long enough. Hell, soon it would be. It’d been over a month since he’d had it trimmed to its usual shortness.
“Don’t worry, we’ll all be taking a share of your cash before the night is through.” Colby knocked his boot into Sam’s bare foot. “Get fucking dressed. Enough of this moping around.”
“Who’s moping? I’m working.” Sam’s blood boiled. “Just because I’m not out there swinging a shovel—”
“Hey now, no one’s disagreeing about that.” Colby intervened before things could disintegrate into a legendary Compass Brother fistfight. “But enough is enough.”
“You’re not going to spend every minute of every day buried in this fucking thing or running to help JD every time he wheezes.” Silas gestured toward the laptop. “There’s still a world outside this freaking sunroom and his sickroom, you know?”
Sam stretched. He was starting to feel like he’d been molded into the shape of this goddamned chair and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d changed his T-shirt. He grinned. “All right. What’d you have in mind?”
“Poker night.” Seth put his hand out and Sam took it. His brother hauled him to his feet.
“Cards, alcohol for the rest of you and trash talk.” Si grinned. “What more could a man ask for?”
The glance Silas and Colby shared was so full of dirty intentions Sam had to look away.
“Does it make you uncomfortable?” Colby put his hand on Sam’s shoulder.
“Only if jealous counts.” Sam brushed past them, ignoring the ache in his heart, which hadn’t quite healed. Surrounded by his brothers and their fan-fucking-tastic partners, was it any wonder he’d buried his nose in business?
“She wasn’t good enough for you, Sam.” Seth followed as he clomped up the stairs.
“Who?” He glanced over his shoulder.
“The bitch in New York. I’m not stupid, you know?”
“I know. About both you and Belinda.” He really did. Still, he ached for someone who understood. Someone like Cindi, the woman he’d shoved off.
In the five weeks since he’d been home, JD had declined in fits and starts. Sure, there were good days. The bad ones scared the shit out him. His dad never seemed to recover all the way after one of those and a significant amount of ground had been lost.
Between anger, terror and denial, it would have been nice to have someone to hold and love to neutralize the acid burning a hole in his heart. His brothers’ partners did that for them. Cindi could do the same for him. Somehow, it didn’t seem fair to use her like that. If he started something, it should be for the proper reasons. Right now, he couldn’t be sure his intentions were honorable. “I’ll be there in fifteen. Want a shower too.”
“Deal. You reek worse than the old outhouse from downwind.” Seth held his nose, then left Sam alone.
Cindi laughed when Lucy and Jody fussed over her hair. If they pouffed it any bigger she might topple over. As it was, she feared she might look like a crazy dandelion. “Okay, okay, enough.”
The women admired their handiwork.
“You’re right. It’s perfect.” Jody pinched Cindi’s ass. “You’re so fucking hot in those dukes I might do you myself. Jake won’t know what hit him tonight.”
“I could say the same for your guys.” Cindi scanned over the blonde and brunette bombshells, wishing it were a Compass Brother who’d benefit from her primping as well. Dreams of Sam plagued her daily. Okay, hourly.
She’d settle for the comfort her cowboys would gladly lavish. It wouldn’t surprise her if she ended up imagining Sam in their place when they helped her chase off the ghosts of her loneliness and eliminate the artifacts of the stress dogging them all. The same thing had happened the handful of times she’d surrendered to them since Sam had put their budding affair on hold. Suddenly, the community touch had lost some of its effectiveness.
Damn Sam.
Lucy’s tied, white-cotton shirt displayed a killer rack and Jody’s ultra-mini denim skirt would drive her fiancé insane with glimpses of her toned derrière. Their men wouldn’t hesitate to pounce on the blatant offerings. “Lucky bitches.”
“Hopefully we’ll all be getting lucky shortly.” Lucy did a silly two-step.
“Probably need to get the show on the road. Want to bust this party up before they’re too drunk to deliver.” Jody wiggled her eyebrows.
The three of them strutted down the stairs of the main house and found Vicky and JD sitting at the kitchen table, sharing a late night cup of tea. It had helped JD sleep lately. As much as he could.
“Oh, if that doesn’t look like a bundle of trouble, I don’t know what does.” JD grinned from ear to ear. “My poor boys. Have mercy, ladies.”
Vicky chuckled. “Better yet, don’t.”
Cindi leaned in and kissed JD’s cheek. It was one thi
ng for Lucy and Jody to screw around with Seth, Silas and Colby. After all, they were married…sort of. Or almost.
“Jake won’t know what hit him tonight, sweetie.” He patted her hand.
“Thanks.” She blushed. Did everyone know about her liaisons with the cowboy and…the rest? It wasn’t like there was a love match between her and Jake but damn he could show her a good time. And he always settled her in his arms, in their mutual respect and in their shared passion for the place they’d made their home.
“If you’re looking for something more…” He glanced to Vicky, who nodded. “Why not give Sam a run for his money? I’ve noticed him watching you. You have a lot in common, you know.”
Cindi choked. “Uh, I… No, I couldn’t.”
Talking about JD’s son had her itching to bolt. The sparks showering them every time Sam looked in her direction, despite his hands-off mandate, were freaky enough. They could talk for hours on the porch. Often did. The moment things turned hot, he’d pack up or find some excuse to disappear.
“Then I hope that boy’s paying attention. His head has been so far up his ass since he got here, I swear.” He frowned. “I’m gonna have to chat with him tomorrow.”
Ouch. Cindi had received JD’s talks a time or two herself. Poor Sam.
“Quit hogging the pretty ladies, JD,” Vicky clucked at him. “Let them have their fun.”
“You know I’m a sucker for a gorgeous woman.” The heat in his stare singed Cindi, and she wasn’t even the recipient. She melted inside. What would it be like to have someone love her like that—all consuming, pure and eternally?
“Be careful, sweetheart.” Vicky smiled at her. “Don’t settle.”
Cindi might have backed out of their adventure after that except Lucy grabbed one of her elbows and Jody ensnared the other. Together, they hauled her toward the door. “Goodnight, Vicky. ’Night, JD.”
“I’m guessing it will be.” JD laughed as they shut the screen door carefully behind them.
The women giggled on the short journey across the yard to the barn, where the lights were blazing through the gaps around the door.
“You know, Sam is smokin’. He’s suave, into fancy stuff like you and still approachable. Doesn’t flaunt his brains. Could give Seth a lesson or five thousand on dealing with emotional shit. And damn that sleek bod. Do you think he was a swimmer? Anyway, maybe JD’s on to something there.” Jody poked her in the ribs. “I’d do him if I were you.”
“Me too.” Lucy licked her lips. “Nothing better than prime, grade A Compton beef.”
Too late, ladies. I’ve already done him. And damn, he’s delicious. She was ready for a second serving. Or maybe fifths.
“Plus you two get along really well. Don’t think we haven’t noticed how much time you spend laughing and flirting.” Jody groaned. “Please, I took that route with Seth for years. Do yourselves a favor and skip to the hot stuff. You can chat in bed after he gives you a couple dozen orgasms in a row.”
Lucy and Jody giggled and hugged.
Cindi’s cheeks heated. What the hell? It’s not like she was shy. Before she could fill them in on her failed attempts at seduction, they hauled open the door and marched inside the barn.
At least ten cowboys looked up from the ring of hay bales they perched on. Several whistled and cheered. Lucy strode to her men. She bent over to kiss Colby on the cheek, presenting her ass conveniently in Silas’s line of sight.
“This is a guys-only event, doll,” Silas rumbled before swatting the tight globes in front of him.
“Oh, really? Who’s going to kick us out?” Jody slipped onto Seth’s lap, crossing her legs provocatively.
“They can stay.” One of the hands slurred his opinion.
“Yeah, come on over and keep me warm, honey.” Duke grabbed for Cindi’s wrist but she dodged.
With JD’s all-knowing stare fresh in her memory, she peered between Jake and Sam. They sat side by side. She headed in their direction. An open bottle of Jack perched between them. She accosted the whiskey and took a long swig. Though she indulged in an occasional glass of wine with dinner, it had been a while since she’d hit hard alcohol.
The rush went straight to her head.
Or maybe those tingles came from Sam, who stared at the flex of her throat as she swallowed and swallowed again. She didn’t quite catch every drop of the amber liquid. A trickle rolled down her chin.
“Wouldn’t want to let that go to waste.” Jake grinned, then tugged her toward him.
She smiled at his familiar open arms, waiting for them to enfold her in his strength. Before they could, the barn spun around her.
Sam answered with a snarl, “Certainly wouldn’t.”
She worried about the likelihood of a cowboy brawl as he knocked her off balance, catching her on his lap. He kissed a path from her chin to her lips, sharing the flavor of him, a hundred times more potent than any alcohol. God she’d missed that.
She blinked up into his gorgeous eyes.
“Well, I suppose if you’re not gonna play cards, city slicker, I’ll have to divest you of your stakes.” Jake knocked a fist into Sam’s knee. “Either way I win.”
Cindi peeled her stare from Sam to take in the lay of the land.
The guys had been at it long enough several of them had fallen out of the running and were simply along for the ride. They added to the growing pile of beer cans, bragged about women or horses and watched the remaining players with mild interest.
In fact, only Jake and Sam had chips left in front of them.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Sam tightened one arm around her waist when she would have shifted. “Now that I have a good luck charm, you’re doomed.”
“Hmm, seems like cheating to me.” Jake rubbed his hand over her shin where it dangled closest to him. Sandwiched between them, stealing heat from both men, had her tummy doing cartwheels. “Maybe she should be part of the pot.”
A bunch of the cowboys laughed or nodded in agreement.
“Hey now.” Sam started to object on her behalf.
While she appreciated the sentiment, she couldn’t possibly expect him to understand Jake’s claim despite the knowledge most of the men in the room had. Last thing she wanted was his misplaced righteous indignation landing him in the middle of a pack of rowdy, bored, drunk cowboys. Usually that was her spot, except it wasn’t fists they aimed at her.
“How good are you at cards?” She winked up at Sam.
“Poker is all about math. Odds.” He grinned, then dropped a kiss on her nose. “Betting is what I do for a living, remember?”
She patted his cheek, then squirmed off his lap. “Good enough. Let the games begin.”
Silas, Colby and Seth seemed to relax as she diffused the tension, taking a spot between the mounds of chips and swaying to the music that poured from the stereo they’d borrowed from her office. Lucy and Jody joined her in the center of the ring, dancing for their men and sharing the benefit with the guys who whistled and cheered for their show.
Someone passed Lucy another bottle and she took a swig before handing it to Cindi. Somehow, being the center of such obvious attention, yet not having the pressure of hands, mouths or cocks on her skin to soothe the riot the men ignited in her system, unnerved her. She slugged a few shots of the potent liquid she couldn’t taste beyond the fire in her esophagus, then offered it to Jody.
“Oh no, none of that for you.” Seth laughed as he filched the alcohol from his fiancée before she could do some damage. “Remember last time?”
“Party pooper.” Jody giggled, then ground her pelvis in seductive payback.
“Damn.” Silas groaned as he observed the three women gyrating, back-to-back, for their viewing pleasure. “I think you guys better make this an all-in round. Or we’re gonna start losing ranch hands to spontaneous combustion.”
Sam shook his head. “Not an ideal strategy…”
“Chickenshit?” Jake’s belly laugh held a sloppy note. Cindi hadn’t noticed it r
ight away. He never played with her after too much to drink. A beer or two was one thing. On occasion he took things beyond toasty to all-out hammered. It wasn’t his most attractive quality.
She trusted him, though. Enough, that should he win, she had no qualms about backing out. He wouldn’t hold her to this silly pissing contest. Hurting her had never been his thing. Rubbing victory in Sam’s face would satisfy him. Plus, it’s not like he couldn’t have her any night if he asked. If he needed her like she’d needed him lately, she would take care of him.
Since Sam had put the brakes on the natural development of their relationship, the loneliness had grown to an almost intolerable ache in her gut. Sure, she’d had dinner at the main house, enjoyed girly stuff with Lucy and Jody as they worked on the wedding plans, hung out with Sam and Silas when they needed a break during the day, helped with JD and stayed when she and Sam more often than not fell into a deep conversation. But every one of those encounters only made it harder to walk away again.
For the first time in forever, Cindi wanted one man.
Who didn’t want her.
Jake had been there to remind her she belonged. Could he hold some of that pain against Sam? She’d have to talk to him.
Tomorrow.
When they had clear minds.
As for tonight… She held her hand out until someone placed another bottle in it, then drank as much as she could stand. Please, God, let Sam win. Let him claim his prize. She couldn’t endure this torture of wanting and not having, knowing they were perfect for each other.
Almost.
If only he didn’t object to her secrets. Of course, he’d have to let her share them in order to find out once and for all. She’d settle for coming apart in his arms again. Or better yet, repaying the generosity he’d shown her the afternoon he’d taken her to the lookout.
Cindi didn’t realize she’d elevated her dancing to fresh, naughty places until more whistles cut through the buzz she boosted with another couple of swallows of something that would probably be nasty if she had any taste buds left.
