by T. Rudacille
***
I set out later that afternoon with my small backpack slung over my shoulder. In it, I had packed just one bag of dried bananas and half a bottle of water. I didn’t assume that I would be gone that long. Maura was distracted because she was trying to entertain Penny, who was growing bored with having nothing to do. Sure, she had made friends with some of the other kids. They kicked a soccer ball around the open space several feet to the left of our collective campsite, and they built dirt mounds for people to step in. But she missed the comforts of television and swimming in our pool. They were luxuries she had grown used to that no longer existed. I could certainly sympathize.
I didn’t assume that it would be hard to find James. However, after an hour of searching, I sat down in a particularly soft-looking patch of grass and put my head on my arms. The smell of some sort of meat wafted over me; I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. A group of people whose origin I could not determine right off were cooking up meat taken from an oversized rabbit whose skins now adorned the outer wall of their tent. I grimaced but then almost shrugged. Just because I couldn't stand to eat a cute rabbit didn't mean that other people couldn't, if eating said cute rabbit would ensure their survival.
I had asked many people if they knew where James was, only to be told that my description was too generic and could fit anyone. I would try to tailor it to specifics when I addressed the boy who was now walking in front of me.
“Hey!” I called out, and he stopped walking. He turned to look at me in curiosity.
“Hey. Are you lost?” He asked, and I was stunned by his beautiful green eyes.
Stay focused, Violet, I urged myself.
“No. I’m looking for someone. His name is James Maxwell. Have you heard of him?”
“No,” The boy replied, and with genuine remorse in his voice, he added, “Sorry.” He went to keep walking, but I jumped up and hurried after him.
“Maybe you’ve seen him. He’s about 6’1, muscular, with brown hair that he keeps gelled so that it looks messy, but it’s really styled. That's really the only way that I can describe it...”
The boy chuckled softly.
“What is he going to do when his hair gel runs out?”
It was a valid question but a random one.
“I don’t…” I started to say, but then I shook my head slightly and brought us back to the topic at hand, “He has dark brown eyes. He’s really sarcastic and funny. He has a goatee slash five-o-clock shadow thing going on. Is any of this ringing a bell?”
“Good-looking guy?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, “He’s really good-looking. He’s kind of a prick sometimes, too. Maybe you’ve run into him?”
“James, James…” He turned the word over on his tongue as though taste-testing a foreign food. He looked up at the blue sky, squinting slightly in the bright sunlight. “I really feel like I know who you’re talking about. I ran into a guy the other day who helped me fight off some assholes trying to steal my water. He fits the bill. I was so freaked out, though, that I don’t remember what he said his name was. He was looking for a fight though, by the look on his face.”
“How many days ago was this?”
“Two.”
Two days had passed since Brynna had told James to leave and never come back. Perhaps he had been so heartbroken by her abrupt dismissal that as he walked along, looking for someplace to settle down, he had stumbled across this boy being robbed and used the opportunity to relieve some of his stress. It made me sad to think about, despite the fact that I was still angry at him for what he had done to my mother and father. My anger was doubled when I thought about how he had lied to Brynna. She was so distrustful already, and he had given her a reason not to trust him or anyone else. I did not want to ponder, even for a moment, the implications such a lie presented for her. Would she ever trust him or any other man again?
In thinking about that, my heart sank as a new revelation gripped me. Even if I found James, Brynna wouldn’t care. She had exiled him from her life, and once that happened, there was no coming back. Her stubbornness would never fail her. Even if she wouldn’t admit it, I knew that James had hurt her deeply. She would not leave herself open to being hurt by him again.
But I had to find him. I had to get him to make her snap out of her submissive daze. It had driven me half-insane, but while she was with him, she was even sassier than normal. She was the strongest I had ever seen her. I needed James to awaken that strength in her. At the very least, he needed to help her find it again. The rest she would do on her own.
“We talked for a while, this guy and me.” The boy continued, and I noticed for the first time that he had a slight accent. I couldn’t peg exactly where he was from just by listening, though. “After he got my water back. He really hurt those other guys. But they’ve been doing this to a lot of people.”
“These guys have been stealing water and stuff from a lot of other people?”
“Yes,” He nodded grimly, “People are not as civil as that man with the megaphone would have us believe.”
“What else has been happening?”
Damn me and my journalistic mind! I always had to know the gritty details, and I always regretted learning them once they were told to me.
“Well, supposedly a woman got…” He trailed off and looked at me. I think, for the first time, he realized that I was a girl, and he should tread carefully with what he said. But I was an equal opportunist, in conversation and otherwise, so I urged him to continue truthfully.
“Don’t beat around the bush. I can handle it.”
“Well, a woman was raped two nights ago. First night, and someone was already getting assaulted.”
I don’t know why I wasn’t surprised.
“What happened to the guy that did it?”
“Another woman and her husband chased him off. They didn’t get a good look at his face, though, because we had put out our fires. I don’t know why we’re supposed to put them out so early.”
“Supposedly, they know for sure now that there are animals out there, and they don’t want them to be attracted to the light.” I almost repeated my father’s explanation verbatim.
“Well, this woman reported what happened to someone at the top.”
“At the top.” I turned the phrase over in my mind, realizing that a hierarchy had been established, and I was perched on top of it. That gave me no joy or satisfaction. The severity of the divide between people of power and the rest of us at home had been part of the reason for the world’s destruction. Now, the seeds were being planted here on Pangaea; they were weeds growing amongst pure white flowers in those soft fields of grass.
It was beginning again. The thought was too heavy to contemplate in full detail at that moment.
“They told her they’d make a point to try to find those men. But we haven’t seen any of them looking around.”
“Probably because they’re too busy congratulating themselves on being able to pull this off.” I replied bitterly before walking a little faster. “Well, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that things like what happened to that woman and to you will keep happening if they don’t do anything to stop it. My sister told me that people have always been enamored by the idea of the end of the world. Well, she actually says that it’s more the end of civilization that people are fascinated with.”
“Why does she think people are fascinated with something so terrible?”
“Because after it’s over, she says there are no laws. There are no expectations. People can get in touch with their animal nature to survive. If that means killing someone over a loaf of bread, then so be it. There’s no one to arrest you. Do you see what I’m saying?”
“That actually makes perfect sense. I was expecting some crackpot religious theory when you said your sister believed that people wanted the world to end.”
“No. My sister runs from religion the way the rest of us run from rabid dogs. What was the exact religious theory you had in mind,
though?”
I was curious to know if his theory that he deemed so crazed was the same as one I had thought up in my own mind. Of course, I believed my theory to be perfectly sane.
“Well, some would say that people are fascinated with the world ending, because they know, that through being wiped off the earth by God or the Gods, depending on your religion, that at least they’re looking at you. At least God or the Gods are paying attention. Some people want to die in the apocalypse, because they know that their death is a righteous one. Their death is all part of the plan.”
“That’s deep,” I told him after a minute of silence, “My sister would like you. In fact, it’s weird that you would say ‘God or the Gods,’ because she says that all the time. So, she’d really like you, actually. She likes opinionated, interesting people.”
“And you think I’m interesting?”
“That was an interesting theory,” I smiled slightly, “Definitely up there with some of the crazier ones I’ve heard. But then, it’s not so crazy. I’m sure there are people like that. But yeah, if you ever run into her, tell her that one. Her name is Brynna.”
“And what’s your name?” He studied me with those beautiful eyes of his.
I smiled even bigger now, my face flushing red. His smile was as beautiful as the rest of him. I had always had a thing for guys who wore their hair swiped across their forehead. Brynna told me that boys who wore their hair like that were experiencing a slight gender crisis and would more than likely be caught wearing woman’s undergarments someday. Despite that disturbing image forever etched in my mind, I still loved that particular hairstyle.
To put it bluntly, the boy before me was just my type, and I was going to make that fact known.
“My name is Violet. Where do you live?”
“I live about a mile back that way.” He pointed in the direction I had come from.
“I live back that way, too. Maybe we can hang sometime.”
“Maybe we can.” He smiled again, “We’ll trade some more crazy things we’ve heard. I’ll keep you updated on current events. If you’re living up there with the man that runs this, you won’t hear a thing.”
“That man is my father.”
I blurted it out before I could stop myself. I covered my mouth, thinking I had blown it.
“I know.” He replied, “I saw you with him on the first day. That doesn’t freak me out, but I won’t say that I like him.”
I nodded.
“What’s your name?” I asked, just to break the silence.
“Nicklaus. Well, Nick, for short.”
“Cool. It’s been nice to meet you. Seriously, come find me. I need some people my own age to hang out with.”
“I do, too. We could hang out right now, if you like.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I could help you find this James Maxwell. Who is he, exactly?”
“He’s my sister’s…”
I tried several different words, including “boyfriend,” “friend,” “acquaintance,” before just settling on “person.” It was so very smooth of me. Thank you, Brynna, for being so complicated that I have to stutter over my words in order to put a status to your relationship with a man. Nick probably thought I was insane.
When I looked up at him, though, he was laughing softly.
“Alright. Let’s go find her person, then.”
