by Claire Adams
“He never knew who I was. He never knew you were my parents or that I even knew you.” I felt like I needed a Bible to swear upon.
“So you have feelings for him, then, romantic feelings?” My mother fidgeted with her collar.
“I’m in love with him.” Tears pooled in my eyes, but I inhaled sharply as if that would hold them off. “Not that it matters. Because he thinks you put me up to it. He won’t listen to me, even though I’ve tried talking to him. He made me promise to stay away from him. He never wants to see me again.”
“Then he’s a fool. If he really loves you, he’d try to understand.” Mother’s words surprised me with their sincerity.
“You’re better off. Better to mend your broken heart and move on than to stay mixed up with him.” My dad wasn’t helping, and my mother gave him a hard glare.
“She’s the one who lied, dear. You can hardly blame the man for not trusting her again. And with us so eager to sue, he probably thinks she’s a gold digger.” The words insulted my father, and he stood to his feet and doubled his fist.
“No daughter of mine had to depend on him and his money. I’ll take care of my own.” I say back in my seat thinking I’d made it all worse again, and as if on cue, my father stalked out of the room.
“You really messed things up.”
I turned my head and stared at my mother with a slack-jawed expression. “Thanks, Mother, as if I didn’t know that.”
She held her hands up in defense. “I only mean that you’ll have to fix this. I’ll deal with your father. He’s never going to accept that you’re a grown woman who doesn’t need him anymore. But now, to have some man out there thinking that his little girl is a bad person, well, that’s not going to sit well.”
“But I am a bad person, Mom. I did a bad thing. I conned him. Who could blame him for thinking worse of me?” I didn’t think there was a way I’d ever get Aiden to understand. “I just wish this stupid lawsuit had never happened. Then I could have been honest from the start, and there would have been nothing between us.”
“I still think we were within our rights, darling. And for what it’s worth, I think the judgment was fair. As much as I wanted to make them responsible, I never wanted to hurt anyone. It wasn’t about the amount — it was the principle.”
“If that’s true then you could have settled.”
“I guess I wanted to make them sweat.” Mother lifted her shoulder and was unapologetic. “But I understand now why you were so against it. I only wish you’d explained everything from the start.”
“He wouldn’t have kept seeing me. At first, I didn’t tell him because I didn’t think it mattered. Then, as I got to know him, I knew he’d stop talking to me. But once I fell in love, I did it out of pure survival. I knew it was on the road to ruin, but I had to hold onto him as long as I could.” I’d been so desperate to hold on, I’d damned all the consequences.
“So, what are you going to do about it? You have to move on and hope that love will find a way. If you believe he loves you, then it will.” She had always been practical, but I knew that would never happen.
“I know he did, but not anymore. There’s no way back from this. He’s always going to see me related to the lawsuit. I’d be an ugly reminder of the second worst time in his life.”
“Sounds to me like it wasn’t so bad.” My mother’s sly smile brought one to my face with a burst of blush. “You’ve been seeing him all this time, dear, do you think I don’t know how serious it must have been?”
I thought of all the times I’d been with Aiden intimately and knew I couldn’t discuss that with my mother. “Yeah, well, it was pretty amazing and deep, but he doesn’t think any of it was real, so. . .”
“Give it time; I have a feeling he’s not done with you yet.” She patted my hand and then got up to find Dad.
I let those words stir in my mind. Not done with me yet? I imagined the warm feel of his touch, but then the memory changed and I remembered his hard, cold eyes burning through mine. There hadn’t been love in those eyes. Not a trace. They were tinged with nothing but cold, bitter hate.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Aiden
I became aware of my aching bones as I woke up on the hard floor. My mother’s Aubusson rug did nothing for padding the hard tile beneath it, and I missed the discomfort of the prissy ass sofa. Footsteps had roused me, and I opened one eye to see that Mattie was tiptoeing around me, carefully gathering discarded cans and bottles. I moaned as I rolled over and tried to stretch out my aching muscles.
“You are a pitiful sight.” Mattie stood over me with a handful of empty bottles and placed them on a tray she’d brought from the kitchen.
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s heartbreaking.” I sat up and glanced around for another beer, but my mini cooler was empty, and the ice had long melted.
“You drank the well dry.” She shook her head as a low groan escaped me.
“So, I’ll get more.” I stumbled to my feet, climbing over the side of the sofa and planting my ass on it.
“You can’t even walk. How are you going to drive? You need to sober your ass up and get over that lawsuit. You should consider it a win, from what I heard. The judge didn’t give those vultures half of what they wanted.”
She was right. Things had worked out well in my favor, though any amount given was too much for those people. Knowing Lexa was one of them was too much to handle.
“I slept it off, and the lawsuit isn’t the reason I’m drinking.”
“You gonna tell me why, then.”
“Nope.” I wasn’t budging.
Mattie walked around the table and sat next to me. “You’re not too sharp for a lawyer. That wasn’t a question, son. You are going to tell me why you’re drinking.” She searched my eyes. “Does this have anything to do with Lexa?” I cringed as she spoke the name. “Oh yeah. That’s what this is all about.”
“She lied to me.”
“You’re drinking like this over a woman who lied?” She gave me a sideward look and shook her head. She wasn’t buying it.
“It wasn’t some simple lie. All this time I think I’m dating Lexa Lively and her real name is Alexandra Patterson.” I met her eyes and her widened. She clutched the beads around her neck and muttered sweet Jesus.
“She’s related to Shawn? And, you didn’t know it?”
“His sister. I knew he had a sister, but I hadn’t ever met her. Hell, I was just getting to know Shawn.”
“That’s some kind of betrayal. What was her game?” Mattie’s eyes narrowed, and her mouth turned down.
“She says nothing. She met me and liked me and didn’t know how to tell me. How about just tack it on during all those conversations we had about my family dying and the lawsuit?” I let out a long breath, and Mattie placed her hand on my arm.
“You’re in love with that girl.”
“Yeah, and look where that got me: right back where I started, except now I get to feel worse.”
“I imagine she’s feeling pretty bad, too. You know, losing her brother wasn’t easy. Maybe you filled something for her. Maybe she got in over her head and didn’t know what to do.” I didn’t want to hear her defend Lexa.
“You’re supposed to be on my side.” I folded my arms and leaned back.
“I am always on your side, baby boy. Don’t you ever forget that. But you’ve got to try and understand all sides of this if you’re ever going to get past it and move on.”
“I’m hoping I can forget about her. So far, I’m failing miserably.”
“You’re not going to quit loving her. Love doesn’t work that way. It might turn bitter and wither, but the roots remain. You can either tend to them and let things blossom, or you can ignore them and let them lay dormant, but you’re going to have to do something.”
“Yeah, great options, Mattie. Thanks a lot.” I stood, but she grabbed my arm to stop me.
“I’ll tell you a little secret I learned a long time ago. Sometimes if you tend those
roots, you find that love grows stronger. You ever notice how after we have a hurricane, those old trees that don’t break, they just come back lusher the next year? They’re fuller, stronger, and able to withstand whatever life throws at them.”
I understood what she was trying to say, but I wasn’t one of those trees that had survived the storm. I’d been splintered by a tornado, shaken and ripped apart and left in shreds.
“Thanks, Mattie.” It was all I could say to get away from her. I didn’t feel like a talk, even though her words stayed with me.
I wondered if I had helped Lexa with her grief over Shawn’s death the same way she’d helped me with all of mine. And if her parents hadn’t put her up to it, why couldn’t she have been honest so we could have leaned on each other? She’d cheated me out of being there for her, and it was just one more thing I could add to the growing list of reasons to be pissed off.
I went upstairs and stripped down to get in the shower. As I stepped under the spray, I closed my eyes and remembered Lexa naked there with me. Her arms were tied up, her tight nipples, hard as pebbles, tipping her soft breasts, and the perfect clef that was decorated by her trimmed tuft of hair. She was perfect. A perfect mess.
I made busy with the soap and then stood back under the spray to rinse wishing it was as easy to wash away my feelings for her. It could have been so perfect. If she had been the Lexa I thought she was, the one I’d fallen in love with.
I got out and stood in the mirror, looking at my mug. I’d shaved off my beard for court, and now I had a nice shadow as it attempted to return. I grabbed my razor and smoothed it down — no need to go back to who I had been, at least not with the beard.
I threw on some jeans and a faded tee and headed out to drown some more feelings. Despite going back to get my truck, I hadn’t managed to apologize to Glen yet, and he meant too much to me to let that go on too long. I’d been a real dick, and there was no excuse.
On my way, when I had gotten up on the interstate, I noticed a little red Camaro about three cars ahead. There was only one person it could be. My heart did a flip, and I sped up to get behind her. She had to have been headed to work, but she didn’t notice me. I wondered what it would be like if we’d never met. I only came up with two words: sad and easier.
I took the next exit, even though it wasn’t the one I needed. I knew if I didn’t, I’d follow her all the way to the hospital. She didn’t need a stalker.
Inside Jay’s Pub, people lined the walls and crowded around tables for a pool tournament, and when Glen saw me, he went the other way. I couldn’t blame him, but at least my stool was still empty. I walked across the room and parked myself in my usual spot and knocked against the counter. Glen took his time, but finally made his way over and placed my beer in front of me.
“How’s it going?” His usual enthusiasm for me was gone.
“I owe you an apology and a thank you. You’ve been a good friend, and I was an asshole. I’m sorry, and thanks for looking out for me.”
“You hear from your girl?”
I released a long breath. He didn’t have to refer to her as my girl. “She isn’t mine anymore.”
“So if I wanted to date her, you’d have no problem with that?” He gave me a wink, and I got the point.
“Nah, it’s done. And just to be sure of it, I scared her away.” At least, I had tried my damnedest.
“Yeah.” He glanced up and gave a wink to a girl at the nearest table. I recognized her, and instantly my back stiffened. The girl got up and approached as I turned and gave Glen a glare.
“I was wondering when I’d find you here.”
“And, your name was?” I wondered if she had given a fake name, as well.
“Bre Lively, at your service.” She took the stool next to me as I laughed.
“Lively, right. So that’s her game. Give her best friend’s name? Let me guess; it’s an old college trick?” The girl grinned, and I got a good look at her outfit. She was dressed down, unlike the time I’d seen her before, and I could only imagine it was to fit in better with the part of town — but then the tattoo peeking out of her bra that was already peeking out of her loose top made me wonder if she was right at home.
“Look, I came to talk. Lexa told me what happened when she gave you a ride home.” She narrowed her eyes then glanced over to the table where a guy had sat, a guy that she most likely came with.
“Your friend?” I wondered if he was supposed to intimidate me. Nice try. The guy looked like a college gamer kid someone inflated with a bicycle pump.
“Yeah, that’s my boyfriend, Daniel. I wasn’t going to show up alone in this dive.” She glanced up to Glen and seemed to breathe a sigh of relief that he hadn’t heard her.
“I get it. You’re here to tell me to stay away from her. Don’t worry; I’m moving on.” I took a long pull from my beer and then ran my finger through the ring it left on the bar.
“Actually, I’m here to encourage you to hear her out. You’ve got it all wrong about her.” I went to cut her off, but she held up a hand. “She messed up; she knows it. I even told her how fucked up it was. She was going to tell you for a while now, but she was terrified she’d lose you.”
“Yeah, well, she’ll get over it. I have.” I downed the rest of my beer, chugging it down in three long gulps, and then knocked my knuckles for another.
“Yeah, you’re looking real refreshed. Nice face, by the way. I was wondering what was hiding behind that hedge you had on your chin. Now I can see why Lexa was so attracted, though the bags you’ve got under those eyes of yours aren’t much of a turn on.”
“Are you finished?” I was growing bored with her already. “I’m trying to enjoy a drink and go on with my life.”
“You’re as fucked up as she is and you’re hurting just as much. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love her.”
I searched her eyes, and I had to admire her. She wasn’t going to shut up, and then she threw a challenge out to boot. I looked her right in the eyes and forced a smile. “It doesn’t matter if I do.”
“Yes, it does.” She shook her head and got to her feet, and then her and her boyfriend, who gave me the stink eye as he stood, walked out.
I wasn’t about to give in now. I’d told Lexa to stay away, and it was for the best. I didn’t have to admit my love to Bre. Who was she to even come here and ask me to do so? All she’d done was make me feel worse.
I didn’t like thinking about Lexa having a hard time, but she’d brought it on herself. It wasn’t like things could ever be the same again anyway.
I turned back to the bar and downed another cold one.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lexa
I was still trying to focus on work to keep from falling apart and to make things worse, I’d been trying to keep a distance from Dr. Rob whenever possible. My luck ran out at the end of my first break when he came down the hall and cornered me.
“You look beautiful today.” I wondered if he was being serious because my eyes had been so red lately with all the crying and late nights, but he smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“Thank you.” I was a little taken aback by his proximity, but there wasn’t anyone else down the hall.
“I was wondering if you’d finally let me take you out for dinner since we both have the night off.” His smile was so sincere and sexy. I should have been moved by it. I should have been chomping at the bit to be alone with him, and I knew any other nurse I knew would be.
“Can I get back to you?” I didn’t know what else to say and needed to buy my time. He took my hand and planted a kiss on the back of it.
“Sure. You let me know something later. I’ll be around a while today. I’ve got a meeting with the administrator later, but it won’t take long.”
“Okay, I’ll let you know. Thanks.” He dropped my hand and gave me a wink then turned and strolled away.
My phone let out a sound before I knew what to think about Dr. Rob, and I g
lanced down to see that it was Bre. She never called me this time of day and was usually working. I answered the phone and walked further down the empty hall.
“Bre, what’s up?” I was worried there was an emergency.
“Look, I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to get angry with me.” Those words coming from your best friend are never a good thing.
“Tell me what? Wait, what did you do?” A wave of panic flashed over me, and I held my breath to keep from biting my tongue.
“I went to Jay’s Pub last night.”
The words hung in my ear like they’d sprouted talons and were perched in my brain.
“You what? Why?” I turned and rested my head against the wall and pressed it hard to keep from banging it against it.
“I wanted to talk to him and see if he was having it just as bad.” All the anger faded as curiosity took its place on my emotional grid.
“So tell me. Is he living it up? Or was he with someone else already?” I could see him sitting on his barstool with some short-shorts-wearing, tramp-stamped hooker on his lap.
“He’s a drunk, stubborn asshole. And yes, I think he’s as miserable as you are. He’s shaved off his beard, so I almost didn’t recognize him, and he’s got some nasty baggage he’s hauling beneath the eyes. I don’t think he’s sleeping.” Bre had always been good at sizing up the situation, but I feared he might think I’d put her up to it.
“Great, he’s going to think I’m sending in spies.” I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. My anger was returning, but I fought it off, knowing she was only doing what she thought would help.
“No, I made it clear I was there on my own, but he’s not budging. I’m sorry I interfered, but I wanted to see if there was anything I could do.”
“It’s a lost cause, isn’t it? I guess I should accept the dinner date Dr. Rob offered me and get on with my life, right?”
“He asked you out for dinner? Then you should go. It might be what you need. You know that old saying, the best way to get over one man is to get under another.” She let out an evil chuckle, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
