by Claire Adams
“Oh, will you get out of here?” I smirk.
“I just wanted to get one more of those in,” he says, and then he just walks away.
Well, that was easy enough, kind of.
I don’t know what Dr. Marcum thinks my motivations are with Jace or what Jace might have told him about me outside of my oligodendroglioma, but I’m getting the feeling that something might actually happen here.
The question is, am I ready for it?
***
Jace asked me to meet him after I was done with Dr. Marcum, but I think I’ll let him sweat for a while. After all, he was apparently the brains behind the whole con at the restaurant.
In my mind, I’m trying to convince myself that even if Jace and I were to start something, it’s not like we’re in a serious relationship or anything.
The problem is, despite the fact that we’ve only shared one interrupted kiss, with the time we’ve been spending together and especially with his willingness to put his career on the line to give me a shot at a better prognosis, if things do start happening, we’re kind of going straight from zero to 75 miles per hour right out of the gate.
I may have mixed a couple of metaphors there.
Anyway, I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of commitment.
Shit. And I was directly involved in helping him leave his girlfriend.
Okay, maybe Dr. Marcum had a point. Still, it’s early, and nothing has really happened yet. Maybe we can find a way to compartmentalize the other stuff and if things take a romantic turn, then we can just see how it goes from there.
I finally give Jace a call and let him know that I’m done with his mentor and ask him where he’d like to meet. He says he can be at my apartment in 20 minutes, so that’s the plan.
Okay, I’m in my head about this and that’s never a good thing for me. I tend to overthink things to the point that I lose any ability I may otherwise have had to find the best course of action.
Maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. I have spent a fair share of my masturbatory time fantasizing about what it would be like to have someone to wake up next to in the morning.
With that said, it’s been a while since I’ve been in a serious relationship, and I’m not sure that I’d know what to do with one if it fell in my lap.
I get back to my apartment before Jace arrives, and I decide to just sit back and think things through before he gets here.
I’m just sitting down when the knock falls on my door. “Fucking hell,” I say under my breath.
I open the door and Jace walks in, saying, “I hear you had quite the morning.”
“Yeah,” I answer. “I hear you had something to do with that.”
“I suppose I did,” he says. “Well, I know how much you were looking forward to some deep throat action-”
“Excuse me?” I interrupt.
“Deep throat,” he says. “You know, Mark Felt, the Watergate scandal.”
“Oh,” I laugh.
It’s apparent when it dawns on him what I was thinking, but he doesn’t say anything about it.
“So, how’d it go?” he asks. “Did you get him the briefcase and everything?”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “I think we’re good to go.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” he says. “You’ll go in for intake on Monday. They’re going to go over your medical history with you, but that shouldn’t be too big a hassle if you don’t-”
Maybe it’s the wrong move, but I can’t stop myself.
My arms are around him and I’m kissing him the way he was kissing me. When I pull back, we’re both smiling.
“You know we’re breaking about a dozen ethical codes of conduct,” he says.
“Yeah, that doesn’t seem to have been a hurdle for you so far,” I tell him, and kiss him again.
I’m kissing him again and unbuttoning his shirt while he runs his fingers over my back. Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this, but if anything, that just makes this moment all the more enticing.
I pull his shirt open and slip it down his arms, kissing his muscular chest.
He’s warm against me, but I feel a chill as he pulls my shirt up and over my head. Then, with a simple move of his fingers, my bra is dangling from my elbows. I drop my hands and let it fall to the ground.
I press myself against him, taking in his warmth as he lowers his lips to mine again.
This is something I’ve wanted for a while now, and with as much teasing as I’ve given him about it, he finally knows how serious I am.
I reach down and unzip his pants and I crouch, slipping his boxers down. I run my lips over the flared ridge of his erection and run my tongue over the bottom of his shaft.
He lets out a slight gasp as I take him into my hot mouth, and I’m reveling in the clean, if salty, taste of him.
I take my hand and jerk the base of him as I coddle the rest of him with my mouth and tongue. He’s just as big as I’d imagined he was, and I can feel his pulse between my lips.
“That’s it,” he says, “just like that.”
It’s good to know he appreciates what I’m doing, but I’m hoping this doesn’t turn into one of those interminable one-sided conversations where I’m just supposed to agree with everything he says.
I don’t mind some dialogue; I’d just prefer to have more than a yes or no part of it.
Fortunately, at the moment, he seems to be content enough just to take in the sensation of my mouth as I take him a little deeper.
It’s been a while, but my tried and true technique comes back without effort, and I run my tongue along the underside of his cock as I pull back. I switch hands and lift him a little as I slowly, gently massage his sack with my tongue, taking each of his stones into my mouth, one and then the other. My hand is running over his dick, and he’s shaking a little as he stands with a single hand on my shoulder. I run my tongue from his sack up his length and take him into my mouth once more, delighting in the feeling of such an ovation as this.
Finally, I kiss his stomach, and as I rise again to my feet, I kiss every inch of his abdomen and chest on my way up.
“So,” I say, putting my arms over his shoulders.
“So,” he says back.
“Are you going to take my pants off and stick that thing in me or what?” I ask, giving him the puppy dog eyes.
He chuckles. “I think I can do that.”
“I certainly hope so,” I tell him. “Otherwise, this has been a lot of buildup for nothing.”
He smiles and kisses me on my mouth, my cheek, and then my neck.
His strong hands move tenderly down my body and settle on the front of my pants.
He pops open the button and pulls down the zipper, and I move my hips side to side to encourage my pants to fall.
In nothing but my customary thong now, I give him a quick peck on the lips and grab his cock.
“You’re coming with me,” I tell him, and lead him by the shaft into my bedroom.
I didn’t make my bed this morning, but that couldn’t matter less as I guide him forward until he’s standing, facing me with his back to the mattress.
It only takes a moderate push for him to fall backward, and before he has a chance to bounce, I’m on top of him, running myself over him, feeling his throbbing member against my clit and over my silent lips.
“If you’d be so kind as to reach into the nightstand and open the box of condoms inside, we can get right to work,” I tell him.
“Work?” he asks with a chortle.
“I have high expectations for you. Doctors are supposed to know everything about physiology, right?”
“I don’t know if we know everything.”
“Well, let’s hope you know enough,” I tell him. “Otherwise, don’t think I’m above kicking your ass to the curb wearing nothing but a frown.”
“Sure,” he says, reaching for the condoms in the nightstand, “no pressure there.”
Despite his words, he doesn’t seem too worried about it as he pu
lls out the box, opens it, and hands me the condom, half a smile on his face as if he knows something I don’t know.
“What?” I ask, taking the condom from him and opening the wrapper.
“Nothing,” he says. “How are you doing over there?”
I raise an eyebrow and put the reservoir tip in my mouth, making sure not to get my teeth anywhere near the latex in the process. He slides up the mattress a little, giving me better access to bend down and put the condom over him with my mouth.
I can’t get it all the way over him — he is a bit bigger than what I’ve had in the past — but it only takes a moment to work it the rest of the way down with my hand.
Now, I’m climbing back over him, guiding his cock toward my entrance, and just as soon as his tip is inside me, I stop.
“You know what I think?” I ask, leaning forward so I can rest my head on my elbow, my elbow on his chest.
“What’s that?” he asks with a thick rush of air.
“I think you’re nervous,” I tell him. “You shouldn’t be.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, it has been a while for me, so who knows? Maybe it won’t matter if you’re good or not. I probably won’t be able to tell the difference.”
“Why do I get the feeling that you’re fucking with me?”
“Because I am,” I tell him. “I’m trying to undermine your confidence so you’ll work that much harder to give me the kind of earsplitting, mind-blowing, face melting orgasm we both know I deserve.”
“You have some really strange dirty talk,” he says, lifting his hips and, as a result, putting himself a little further into me.
“Eager, are we?” I ask.
“A little bit,” he says.
“Good,” I tell him. “Blow your load before I’ve had a chance to quiver like a dying fish and I’ll kick your ass.”
“Seriously, I don’t know what to do with any of that.”
“Just making sure you’re aware that I’m raising the stakes,” I tell him, and without warning, I push myself all the way over him.
His upper body comes up, and I’ve got both hands on the bed now, one on each side of him, and I’m just grinding myself against his base, feeling every inch of him inside me.
I move my hands from the bed to his chest, supporting myself with his body and pressing my breasts together in the process.
It’s been a while since I’ve been with someone, and I’ve lost some weight due to the last few rounds of chemo, but I still have the strength to hold him down against the bed while I ride his thick erection.
“Not bad,” I tell him, almost breathless.
“Lean back,” he instructs.
I raise my eyebrow to him again, but I lean back, positioning my knees a little further up the side of his body as I do.
Now, what I’m hoping for here — yep, he’s massaging my clit.
“Good boy,” I utter, closing my eyes and just taking in the feeling of him in and against the most sensitive parts of me. He’s drawing little shapes over my clit with the pad of his thumb, and I’m just trying to think straight as I’m catapulted into the kind of ecstasy I’ve been without for so long.
“You’re beautiful,” he tells me, his voice soft but eager for more.
“Thanks,” I whisper, and I rest my hands on his upper thighs, leaning back further and giving him even more access to my clit.
His hand is still now as I flip my hips back and forth, faster and faster as that feeling grows inside me, taking me over from the inside out. In what feels like an instant, the levee breaks and my whole body’s quivering at his continued, masterful touch.
I’m hardly aware of the fact that, when I can catch a modicum of breath, I’m moaning to the point of a near scream, the sound ricocheting off the walls of my room. My arms nearly give out beneath me, and I’m moving my hips now only in jagged movements as I continue to come so hard. When the feeling starts to recede, I’m only that much more determined to get it back again.
“Damn,” he says, smiling.
“That’s what I say,” I answer, nearly out of breath. “You’ve got quite the cock, there.”
“Why thank you,” he says, laughing.
I’m sweating, and I can feel my skin flush as I rest my body against his now. His arms move around me and he pulls me so close to him as he pushes himself in and pulls himself out of me with renewed vigor.
I kiss his chest and try to think of something witty to say as he lifts his knees, getting his feet under him for more leverage as he fucks me in the sweetest way.
The only problem is, I’m losing energy fast.
I’ve been off the chemo long enough to have regained most of my strength, but going through round after round has taken a lot out of me, and that’s not the kind of thing that just comes back after a couple of weeks.
I want to keep going, but my body’s gone as far as it can go right now.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I’ve got to stop.”
He stops and pulls himself out of me, asking me if I’m all right.
“I’m fine,” I tell him, “just out of juice. Tell you what, though.”
“What?” he asks as he runs his fingertips over my back, looking with sweet concern into my eyes.
“If you give me 10 minutes and a cup of yogurt, I’m pretty sure I can hand pop your top, no problem,” I tell him.
He smiles and kisses my forehead, and even though I’m starting to see spots, I couldn’t be happier.
Chapter Twelve
The Trial
Jace
I’m sitting in my office, telling a patient of mine, Robert Wilson, that his kidney cancer, against all expectations, is in remission, but my mind is somewhere else entirely.
I thought she was kidding, but after 10 minutes and a cup of yogurt, Grace did exactly what she said she would do.
Today’s the first day of the clinical trial, and if I had any objectivity before that morning in her apartment, it’s gone entirely now.
“That’s good news, right?”
“I’m sorry?” I ask.
Mr. Wilson asks again, “That’s good news, right? Remission means it’s gone.”
“Unfortunately, the cancer isn’t completely eradicated,” I tell him, “but your tumor has begun to shrink. We still have a way to go before we can call it a total victory, but this is great news. You’re back near the top of the transplant list, and I think we’ve got a really good shot of knocking this thing out. With that said, I do want to impress upon you the importance of managing our expectations here. Renal cell carcinoma is very serious, as you know. Still, I think there’s cause to be optimistic.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” he says. “I can’t tell you what a relief it is to have you as a physician.”
So far, at least, crossing the line with one patient — Grace — hasn’t caused me to lose sight of my work in general.
“Talk to Yuri and we’ll get you in sometime next week,” I tell Mr. Wilson. “And it’s okay to smile.”
He gets up beaming, and he leaves the room.
So often I have to tell people the worst news they’ll ever hear. It’s nice, every once in a while, to be able to give a little bit of hope instead.
It’d be even nicer if it wasn’t just once in a while, but I’ll take what I can get.
Yuri comes to the door and says, “Grace is here; should I send her in?”
“She’s here?”
I told her that I’d walk her down for her first day of the trial, but we were supposed to meet in the lobby.
“Yeah,” I tell Yuri, “send her in.”
Yuri turns and walks out of the room.
A few seconds later, Grace comes in and closes the door behind her. “We’re really doing this, aren’t we?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I answer. “We’re really doing this.”
“It’s not that I’m ungrateful or anything like that,” she says, “but I don’t know. Do you really think this is a good idea?”
>
“You’re having second thoughts?”
“It’s not that,” she says. “It’s just that, well — I’m nervous. I don’t really get nervous, so it’s kind of a big thing for me.”
“Everybody gets nervous,” I tell her. “Don’t worry about it. You’re going to do great.”
“I guess,” she says, “only…”
“Only?”
“I don’t want to lose you as a doctor,” she says. “I mean, the other part of our relationship is pretty great, but you’re still my doctor, and I don’t want to be the reason-”
“Don’t worry about it,” I interrupt. “Nothing’s going to happen except that you’re going to get into that drug trial and we’re going to do everything we possibly can to get you better.”
“I’ve been looking at the statistics,” she says. “Okay, I’ve been looking at the statistics ever since you told me I had oligodendroglioma, but I’ve been looking at them again recently, and it’s not like I don’t have time to live a good life. If I had my way, I’d live to be a hundred and sixty, but I don’t think that’s really in the cards for me.”
“A hundred and sixty is probably a bit on the optimistic side,” I tell her with a smile. “But if this trial can extend your life by a year or even a few months, I think it’s worth it, don’t you?”
“Well, yeah,” she answers.
“Look,” I say, “this is totally up to you. If you don’t want to do this, we won’t do it. I just want to give you every opportunity that I possibly can, okay?”
“Okay,” she agrees.
She must be scared. I’ve never seen her go this long without making some sort of wildly inappropriate joke or observation.
“You’re supposed to be there in what, 20 minutes?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Let’s just get you down there, and if it’s not something you want to follow through with, you can always quit. People drop out of clinical trials all the time.”
“It’s just,” she says, but doesn’t finish the sentence.
“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her. “This is going to be a good thing. I promise.”
