“What would she have told him?”
“I don’t know, but something along the lines of we can’t work together or something. Why else would he be okay offering my old job back?” After taking another drink, I glanced over to Izzy, who looked like she was putting a puzzle together. “He wouldn’t,” I answered whatever theory she had going on in her brain.
“You never know. I watched Vanessa. She…she really cares for you. The way she touches you when you two are out. The way she looks at you. Matt, there’s no way she doesn’t love you.”
“Ah, but does she love me more than Dr. Perfect? That’s really what we’re talking about. They have a huge history together. And I know that Vanessa isn’t a risk taker. She likes everything where it’s supposed to be. It’s how she’s always done things.” I took another drink as Izzy stared at me. “Why would she go for me, when she has him?”
“Because she loves you. You two are adorable together.” I gave her a disgusted look. I hate that word. “You are,” she insisted.
“She thinks I’m nothing more than a guy who likes to fuck a lot.”
“Did you tell her how you felt?
“Yep,” I quipped as I took the other shot that Sandy placed on the bar for me.
“You told her what?”
“That I love her,” I admitted to Izzy as I swallowed. Saying those words out loud made me wince. It reminded me that she never gave me any indication that she felt the same. I glanced back at Izzy’s face. She was the matchmaker who wanted nothing more than her happy endings and she was even confused. Too bad she’s not getting one this time.
Z walked over and clapped me on the back. Oddly enough, I barely felt it. Those shots Sandy gave me were working well. Numbing my brain. Numbing my heart. Right now I really needed to do that. I slammed the next one she set in front of me as I watched Sandy’s eyes glance at Izzy. I looked quickly to see her shake her head.
“Cutting me off? I’m not drunk. Not yet,” I sneered at Izzy. Like she has a right to tell me I’m done drinking. Hell, I just got started.
“I’m not cutting you off. I just want to be able to talk to you. When did you tell her you love her?” She pressed as she stared at me with her pretty blue eyes.
“You told her you love her?” Z chimed in, completely and totally surprised.
“Yep. You’re surprised too. Guess I made sure that everyone believed I would never fall in love and here I am. Fucking in love with a woman who wants some other man. Just like Stephanie. All. Over. Again.” I shook my head, angry with myself for feeling this way, for being fooled by another woman.
“How long ago?” Izzy pressed again. She was leaning in, intent to get her answer. She was always hopeful for a love story.
“Months ago. Her birthday. She never responded and never said it back to me.”
You could see the wheels turning in Izzy’s brain. Does not compute was written all over her face. I pointed at her with my beer. “Yep, exactly what I was thinking. She never said it back, so she’s not feeling it.”
Izzy shook her head, complete confusion expressed on her face. She took a deep breath as she stressed, “That can’t be right. I’ve seen how she looks at you. Her subtle hand gestures.”
I chuckled at her persistence. “Maybe you’re thinking of another couple.”
“I’m not. She’s in love with you, I’m sure of it,” she insisted with a conviction I’d believe if I didn’t already know the truth.
Sandy asked Izzy to help out behind the bar. I looked around and noticed how busy it was getting. Gotta love that Allure really brings in some good looking females. I looked around and not a single woman peaked my interest. Not a single one. I took a drink realizing I probably needed beer goggles or something; something to help me want someone else. Z sat in the chair Izzy had just vacated. I knew he was going to start in like Izzy so I went ahead and started talking. Maybe it was the alcohol taking over.
“Charles is exactly what Vanessa needs. Her parents love him, he’s got the right job to fit into their lifestyle. He can make her happy,” I let him know.
“You make her happy, Matt. She wasn’t smiling before she met you. Matter of fact,” he chuckled. “Remember how unhappy she was when you first met her? People thought she was a bitch. You helped her realize the person she could become. I don’t know, brother, but it sounds like you’re the better choice for her.”
“Problem is Z, it’s not up to me.”
AFTER A FULL DISCUSSION and more alcohol to help me think things through, I wrote to Perry the next day to let him know I’d move back to Atlanta. He responded that they’d have to make a huge transition and they would need some time to find a replacement for me.
A phone call from him shortly after let me know he wasn’t too happy about it and it put me on guard that maybe he was being pressured to offer me the option. He practically barked that into the phone making me hold the phone away from my ear.
He also told me that I had a lot to think about and he wasn’t going to hold me to this decision right away. He asked me to take a week off and even suggested I hang out in Atlanta to see if that’s really what I wanted again. Before ending the call, he told me to make sure I tie all my loose strings before I make my decision final. I knew he was talking about Vanessa by his tone, as I recalled the discussion he had with me after the Evelyn fiasco.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. I would be running away from this and not giving Vanessa a final say. She needed to tell me her final decision. Even though she hasn’t called or texted me, it could also be that she’s afraid to just let me know her final decision. I didn’t let Stephanie speak her peace, so maybe Vanessa had something to say and giving her that chance would make sure that door was closed.
My stomach was tight as I packed up my suitcase. As I placed it into my girl and shut the door, I had a huge lump forming in my throat. I was pretty sure what Vanessa’s choice would be. My hand was shaking as I pushed the elevator button for our floor. Each “bing” announcing each floor riding up in the elevator made my heart beat faster. By the time I got to her door, I was filled with complete dread. This was it. This was going to probably be the last time I stood right here in front of her door when it was all said and done.
I stared at the door knowing that once I knocked, I might get her final decision. I swallowed, unsure if I wanted to know it just yet. The debate started in my mind when Clark walked up.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I cringed knowing he thought I was a pussy for standing outside her door.
“I was just going to find out if Vanessa had told her parents yet,” I answered, knowing full well I was an idiot for telling him that.
“That’s just stupid. What does it matter now? She should be crawling back to you for what she did. She fucking pulled the same shit as Stephanie did and you’re standing outside her door? What the fuck happened to you, man?”
I couldn’t really argue with him. I stood there staring at him, knowing he was right. I was crawling back to Vanessa, just like I was going to crawl back to Stephanie at the wedding. Although Clark didn’t really know the debate I had with myself while I stood out there like a fool at the wedding, begging Stephanie in my head to take me back. I started grinding my teeth thinking about what he just said to me. I knew he was right, I just felt like I wanted to give Vanessa another chance.
“Just leave Matt. Head down to Atlanta like you were planning to do. Stay the week and go through your old routine. When you realize what you had and how much fun you had down there, you’ll forget all about Vanessa and all this bullshit she put you through.”
I swallowed as my heart sank thinking of life without Vanessa. Clark’s voice snapped me out of my depressing thoughts. “Matt. She basically cheated on you. How do you know what she was doing when she was out with Dr. Perfect all those times?” That felt like a punch to my gut as I started thinking about that. Anger and jealousy rolled into one and gushed through me. I nodded knowing what
I needed to do.
“I’m heading down to Atlanta. You’re right. I’m acting like a fucking pussy standing outside her door and who knows what else happened that I don’t know about.” I pressed my lips together and shook his hand. “Thanks man. I’ll see you in about a week or so after I finalize all this stuff.”
Clark patted me on the back, smiling. “Atta boy, Matt. Don’t ever let a girl take over. They’re fucking nuts.” I nodded in agreement and started down the hallway to the elevator. Clark was completely right. I should just stick to listening to my dick to do the thinking about women. At least then, I don’t get hurt like this.
Two for two Williams. You put your heart on the line twice in your life and still came up empty. I shook my head while grinding the hell out of my teeth. Izzy was wrong and even worse, I didn’t feel like telling her she was wrong. She’d probably tell me to keep trying. Like hell if I’m going through this a third time. I’m pretty sure there are some people out there that are just not meant to find love; today, I discovered I am one of those people.
I got into the only girl who really loved me, my Porsche, put my sunglasses on and started my drive back to Atlanta. Back to my old life before Vanessa.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Vanessa
I PUT on the jewelry Matt gave me while smiling to myself in my reflection. After putting my earrings in, I stared at my reflection thrilled with my appearance. My heart was pounding so loud it felt like my ribcage was vibrating. I put my hand to my chest as if to try to calm myself down. I took a deep breath and smiled that this was it. My smile faded as I started to doubt if Matt would take me back. I fidgeted with my grandmother’s ring as I bit my lip, holding back the tears that started welling.
No. I wasn’t going to cry or doubt myself — or Matt’s decision for that matter. I inhaled deeply and forced a smile to make myself calm down and feel better. I made sure to wear the perfect outfit for telling him. My heart was pounding the entire time I put on my makeup and curled my hair just perfectly as I ran through scenarios of how to finally tell him I loved him. This was it. I stared at my reflection, knowing I looked my best, as if that might help sway Matt’s decision. Not that my looks should matter in his decision, especially after what I had done.
Stop. I knew I was going down that horrible thought process of berating myself and I decided earlier I wasn’t going to do that. I am me. I screwed up and needed to take responsibility for it. Matt’s final decision on whether or not he would forgive me would not change the person I had become. I love Matt. I wanted him in my life forever, but if he decides that he no longer wanted any relationship…I trailed off knowing that I didn’t want to think about that road.
I turned towards my door and gave myself one last look in my closet mirror before heading towards the apartment door. I went to reach for it, but heard noises right outside my door. I quickly put my eye to the peephole and saw Matt and Clark standing there. I turned my head and pressed my ear to the door to listen to what they were saying.
Clark was yelling at Matt. My breath caught when I heard him saying “you’ll forget all about Vanessa and all this bullshit she put you through,” and “she basically cheated on you.” I tried to gasp for a breath, knowing that Clark was right. I swallowed, feeling remorse as I held my stomach feeling like I was just hit. I rested my ear against the door again just in time to hear Matt say that he was going back to Atlanta.
Tears streaked down my cheek before I even realized I was crying. I was so caught up in myself and trying to get my shit together that all this time I never considered what Matt might think. He thought I cheated on him? I stood there completely stunned and unable to believe what I just heard.
My heart leapt out of my chest as the door opened up. Aubrey walked in and seemed surprised that I was standing in front of the door staring at it.
“Vanessa? Are you okay?” Aubrey asked as she entered the apartment and closed the door behind her.
“I…I don’t know. I think Matt and I are really over. I think he moved back to Atlanta.” I burst into tears, feeling the door shut in my heart. Aubrey dropped the bags she was holding in her hands and wrapped her arms around me quickly.
“Oh God, Vanessa. I’m so sorry. Sometimes guys just aren’t capable of a relationship. Matt’s just one of those guys.” I nodded my head into her shoulder as my tears continued to flow. I lifted my arms to hug her back and continued to sob.
Aubrey led me over to the couch and we sat down as she handed me a box of tissues. “Shall I break out the ice cream?” I burst into tears again, nodding my head. I actually didn’t really care for the ice cream, I just wanted to curl into a ball and die. Matt doesn’t love me and he’s left. The thought kept flashing through my mind like a neon sign.
She ran into the kitchen, returning immediately with a pint of ice cream and two spoons. Opening the container, her expression was pure pity as she gestured for me to dig in first.
I scooped a huge amount and took a bite of the chunk on my spoon, barely tasting anything as I tried to hold back my sobs. She took a small bite as she watched me carefully.
“So, what did he say? How’d he let you down?” She asked with a soft voice as her hand reached out to touch mine.
I took a deep breath as I bit into a chunk of chocolate. “He didn’t. I didn’t have the chance to tell him anything. I overheard him talking to Clark about me, how I probably cheated on him and how I put him through all kinds of stuff,” I sniffled and took another bite.
I glanced up at Aubrey, hoping she would have some insight with her knowledge of men. She pulled her eyebrows together. “You mean you didn’t even speak with him? You just overheard what Clark was saying to him?”
I nodded as I recalled how angry Clark sounded and Matt kept agreeing with him. “I was just about to go over there when I saw them through the peephole.” I recalled their conversation and despite feeling sick, I still took another scoop while I continued to sob.
Aubrey put her spoon into the container and huffed. “You didn’t tell him that you love him and want him to stay so you could live happily ever after?”
I glanced up at her as if she were crazy. “I didn’t get the chance! He thinks I cheated on him!” I burst into tears again as I thought about how angry they both sounded just talking about me.
Her mouth dropped open and she stared at me with huge eyes. “Vanessa, I guarantee if you had told him you loved him he would have stayed,” she huffed again as she seemed to become enraged. “That asshole Clark doesn’t know jack shit about love and you’re going to let him tell Matt your side of the story? He doesn’t know any of it.”
I swallowed the ice cream I had in my throat, which was tough to get past the lump that was already there. “But I did screw up like that. I did go behind Matt’s back and sneak around with Charles,” I reminded her while I cringed at thinking about how horrible I am for doing those things to Matt.
Aubrey took my spoon from my hand and shoved it into the container. She stood up, grabbed my hands as she pulled me up to standing. “If you don’t walk over to his apartment and tell him that you love him I’m going to have to kick your ass. He needs to know before he makes his final decision to move back down there.”
I stood there staring at her. She’s right, but I was terrified that I had waited too long to say it back to him and he wouldn’t want my love now. Aubrey continued to walk me to the door, opened it and shoved me out. She knocked quickly on their apartment door and then left me there. By myself. Waiting for the door to open.
AFTER AUBREY KNOCKED on their door, it took some time convincing Clark to give me the address to Matt’s condo in Atlanta. Clark wasn’t so willing to tell me as he grumbled about me messing up his wingman. I didn’t tell him that I overheard his conversation outside our door.
It felt like the longest three hours of my life and I tried so hard not to speed. The entire drive down I practiced what I would say to him and how I would tell him I love him. I ran through all types of scena
rios in my head — in one scenario he was angry and yelling at me. That one made me extremely nervous, but then I countered it with telling him how much I love him. That scenario ended with him twirling me around telling me how much he loves me too.
I finally arrived at the address Clark gave me. Trying to find a parking spot downtown seemed near impossible. My heart was racing, knowing how close I was to Matt. I finally found a parking spot and looked around noting all the professionals in this area. All the shops and bars made me realize this is really where Matt belongs. This is definitely a party town; definitely the scene he would prefer. I kept questioning if I was really doing the right thing by telling him about my parents, that I loved him and wanted him to move back.
I parked and got out of my car, but immediately got cold feet. My heart was beating so fast that I panicked. It would just be easier to leave and not put my heart on the line. He would never know I was here. I got back in my car and just sat there. I jumped when my phone vibrated. It was a text from Aubrey, “Are you at his place yet?”
I knew if I typed anything she would talk me into going up there. I didn’t know if I really wanted that so I just sat there staring at my phone. Finally, I replied, “I’m here, but don’t want to go up there.” I put my head on the headrest, staring up at the ceiling of my car, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I knew I was acting like a child, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to see Matt so badly, but I didn’t want this to be the end. I didn’t want him to finally tell me it was over.
Aubrey: If you don’t do this now and take a chance, you’ll regret it the rest of your life. Get out of the fucking car and go up to his apartment NOW.”
I stared at the text before finally replying, “You don’t have to yell.”
She’s right. I can do this. I’ll just go up there and tell him I want him to move back. Move back to me. Move back with me. My hands started shaking. I can’t do this, I said to myself even though I got out of my car and closed the door. I made my way to the apartment building entrance on shaky legs.
Alluring Promises Box Set (Books 1-3) Page 80
