For a moment, he hesitates, my makeup bag in his hand, before deciding to put it back down and come and sit beside me.
“Ok, now what’s bothering you so much that you can’t sleep?” I ask.
“I don’t know. It’s just organising this tour. There’s been so much to do that I’m worried that I’ve forgotten something. I’m worried that I’ve been so preoccupied with planning that I haven’t focused on our sound enough... I don’t know,” he repeats, running his hand over his head, causing his dark hair to stick up even worse than it was before.
Seeing him reclined on the bed, dressed so comfortably, his bare feet crossed at the ankles, he appears so much softer than he usually does. Normally, I always see him looking put together. Well, except for that time at his place when I caught him shirtless… I take a deep breath and force my mind to focus on the conversation we’re supposed to be having. But my mind starts to produce images of him standing in front of me, shirtless. There’s a tattoo running up the ribs on his right side and I find myself wondering exactly what it is.
He rests his head against the headboard and closes his eyes, letting his breath out in a whoosh of air. “I’m just insanely nervous about this tour,” he finishes. To look at him, resting there with his eyes closed, he seems relaxed, but I can feel how wired he is. It’s coming off him in waves.
“If it’s any consolation, I have complete faith in you. You do an amazing job managing this band.” I tell him, reaching over and touching him on the arm, giving him a reassuring squeeze.
He meets my eyes and nods, running his free arm over his face, still looking like a man with the burden of the world on his shoulders. I figure the best thing I can do is distract him, so I reach into my bedside drawer and pull out my note book, turning it to the page where I’ve scrawled some lyrics to go with that song he’s been writing.
“Here, see what you think,” I say as I hand the book to him.
I watch him as he reads over them quietly. Getting nervous as he rubs his chin thoughtfully, but doesn’t give any indication that he might actually like my ideas.
“I um… remembered how you said you wanted the next verse to be about open windows and feeling cold. I tried to follow the pattern you’d already laid out. Although, I thought the end could extend and we could all harmonise the tune at the end with our voices. It will give it a more solemn sound… I don’t know. I’m not much of a lyricist – I just thought of them after seeing what you’d done…”
“I like them Naomi. I think they’re perfect actually. If it wasn’t so late, I’d go and get my guitar.”
“Really?” I ask, curling my legs up underneath me and turning to face him some more.
“Yes. Really,” he says, closing my notebook and placing it on the bed beside him. Much like with Marcus, I haven’t had time with Theo that wasn’t band related lately. We’ve started to talk like friends again, but I don’t feel like I know him as well as I once did, and that’s when I realise that perhaps I didn’t really know him at all. Back then, I knew him by another name, another look. I’d like to think he is still that same person I liked so much, but years have gone by, and time changes people.
“Tell me about your Goth faze. What brought that on?” I ask, repositioning myself so I’m leaning up against the backboard of the bed and turning my body to face him slightly.
Theo twists over to his side, propping himself up on his elbow. As he thinks over his answer, he plays with the spine of my note book, twisting the spiralled piece of wire that holds the pages together. “Geez, I don’t really know. I guess I just wanted to be different. We were in a school full of egos and Marcus was always so popular. I didn’t want to be known as Marcus’s Less Talented Older Brother. I wanted my own identity. So I created ‘Aramis’, he was this guy that people left alone, they didn’t want to know much about me when I was him. I could do my thing, my way. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, it does. What made you stop?”
“You did actually. We’ve um, actually had this conversation before,” he tells me, sitting up again. “At that party. You asked me the same question, and you said that I wasn’t living my own life at all. You made me realise that all I’d done was create a character, and somewhere along the way I’d forgotten who I was. I was too caught up trying to be different from my brother.”
“Hmmm. I wish I could remember that night,” I mused. “It sounds like I really got to know the real you then.”
“Yeah. I guess you did.”
“Thanks for not taking advantage of me by the way,” I add quickly.
He laughs a little through his nose. “That’s not the kind of guy I am Naomi. I’d never take advantage. I figured there was something wrong with you when you um…”
“Stripped?” I fill in for him, rolling my eyes as the embarrassment of waking up naked the next morning revisits me.
“Yeah, and when I thought Marcus had taken advantage, well, I just lost my shit. I still don’t get why he would let me think that.”
“I don’t know. He’s always kind of strung me along. I don’t think he actually wants me at all though.”
“Hmmm. I don’t think he trusts himself with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just that you’re not his usual fling.”
“I don’t really think I’m anybody’s ‘usual fling’. I don’t exactly have them lining up asking me out,” I comment. “Relationships and I don’t really work out. Something always goes wrong.”
“Like jealous brothers?” he asks, lifting his eyes a little so they meet mine. I’m sure I see a hint of sadness. I recognise it, because I feel the same way about everything that happened that night. But it’s different for me, at least I can’t remember what it was like to be with him. Although, I’m not really sure if that’s better or worse.
“Yeah. I guess,” I agree. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened between us if Marcus hadn’t gotten in the way. Would Theo have taken care of me all night? Would we have started seeing each other? Maybe he would have followed me to Canberra. Maybe with his support I would have finished my studies. Maybe my life could be completely different.
“I did like you, you know?” I say suddenly, after a moment of silence. “Back in school. I liked you, even when you were Aramis.”
“Yeah, I kind of got that impression,” he grins, turning his head to face me. “What about now?”
The question causes my heart to freeze up in my chest, while my stomach starts to do nervous flips. His eyes darken with want as he looks into mine, and I struggle to give voice to my answer.
Instead, I reach my hand up and lightly run my fingertips down the stubble on his face. He tilts his head slightly, pressing against my hand as he closes his eyes and releases his breath.
“This is a bad idea,” he murmurs as he opens his eyes to meet mine once more.
“I know,” I whisper, keeping my hand on his face as I move my fingers, caressing the coarse hair.
Slowly, we move toward each other, our mouths just a hair’s breadth away from touching. But we hesitate, eyes locked. I nudge forward, hoping to close the gap, but my hope plummets to create a pit in my stomach as he turns his head away from me.
“I can’t,” he growls. “Damn it, I can’t.” He pulls away, getting off the bed so he’s standing at a safe distance from me. I make a move to follow him, but when he holds his hands up I freeze, still leaning forward on the bed. “I’m sorry. I made the guys promise not to touch you. I can’t break my own rule.”
“Ok,” I whisper, nodding my head rapidly, and blinking my eyes to keep back the tears that are threatening to spill at my rejection.
“I’m sorry,” he says again. “Listen, I’m just going to go.” He points to the door, takes one step towards it, then another back to me. He looks at me, a pained expression crosses his features before he makes for the door again. This time not coming back.
As soon as the door clicks shut, I bury my face in my pillows and cr
y. Between the two Bailey brothers my emotions are an absolute wreck right now. I have one who seems to just like teasing me, and one who seems to like me but won’t do anything about it. And then there’s me, caught in the middle of both of them, never seeming to get what I want.
I hate feeling like this. I’m so confused.
Theo
Holy shit. I almost kissed her. If one of the other guys did what I just did, I would throttle them. This band and all we’ve worked for are too important. My relationship with my brother is also too important. I can’t let this get messed up over some girl.
A girl you’ve been in love with for years, the little voice inside my head reminds me.
I rest my forehead against the outside of her door. My entire body aches to go to her, especially when I realise she’s crying. I can hear her muffled sobs coming through the door. All I can do is place my hand on the wood and listen. God. I hate myself right now.
Chapter 23
Naomi
“Nomes!” I hear, accompanied by banging on my door. Forcing my eyes to open, it takes a moment to focus and realise where I am. “Naomi!” I hear again, more insistent this time.
“I’m coming,” I call out, my voice cranky from sleep as I roll out of bed and trudge towards the door. I open it fully knowing the voice calling me is Marcus. “What?!” I yell, not appreciating the rude awakening.
“Fucking look at the time. It’s after lunch we need to go to the venue to get everything ready for tonight.”
“Oh shit! I’ve been asleep all this time.” I spin on my heel and grab a towel, running for the bathroom to have a shower. The towel gets ripped out of my hands, stopping me in my tracks.
“You don’t have time for a shower. Get some fucking clothes on, grab your violin, and we’ll meet you downstairs.”
I nod my head and run to the bathroom anyway, splashing some water over my face and grabbing a mouthful of Listerine. I swish it around in my mouth as I quickly strip and grab a pair of black leggings and a grey tank top and throw them on my body. I rush into the bathroom and spit the mouthwash down the sink, holding my tongue out as it burns from the prolonged use of the mouthwash. I then continue my rush and shove my feet into my boots, grab my violin case, my bag and hurry out the door.
When I make it to the lifts the door is just shutting and Marcus is in there. “Wait!” I call out, running for the closing doors. He reaches over and presses the button to open them again, smiling as I bustle inside the cabin.
“You know you could have brushed your hair,” he laughs. “I would have waited.”
I poke my tongue out at him as I turn around and look at the mirrored back wall of the elevator cabin and moan, disheartened, at the sight of myself. I certainly don’t rock the sexy bed head look. It appears as though a family of birds has been nesting on my head all night.
Running my fingers through the tangles, I do my best comb it out. Although I don’t have much time before the elevator doors ping open, and we’re on the ground floor.
“Leave it,” he says, blocking the doors with this hand as he steps out. “You look hot regardless.”
“That’s what you tell every girl,” I say, spinning around and following him, even though I’m still trying to smooth my hair.
“No. I don’t actually,” he enlightens me. “Just you.”
“Um…where’s Theo?” I ask, not sure how to respond to what he just said. So instead I point out the most obvious thing I can see as we reach the rental car. Inside are Lachlan and Jack, but no Theo.
“He went ahead of us to get some technical shit sorted out,” Marcus informs me, opening the passenger side door for me to climb in.
I nod my head and sit quietly, not knowing if I want to see Theo or if I want to hide from him. I’m still feeling embarrassed over last night.
Where we’re staying isn’t far away from the entertainment Centre. So the drive there is relatively short. Upon arriving, I can feel the anticipation coming off everyone in the car. This is the first time any of us have played such a large venue and it’s exciting to be the ones going through the backstage doors.
“Do you feel like a rock star yet?” Marcus asks, close to my ear as he slips his arm around my shoulders and walks along beside me.
“None of this feels real,” I reply, walking comfortably beside him, absorbing every little detail as we make our way to our band’s dressing room. If I was still a teenager, I’d probably take the fact that his arm is around my shoulder as a sign that he’s into me. But knowing Marcus from back then and knowing him now, I don’t take it as an advance at all. This is pretty much the way he’s always been around me. He’s free with hugs, and hand holds, but there’s rarely anything more. I think he just likes having me around and gets a little protective of me at times. I get the feeling that he sees me as comfort, as that part of a relationship that all the girls he screws can’t give him – companionship. But I also get the sense that if I wanted more, I could have it. But how can you trust a man like Marcus? I’m not willing to share, and I don’t know that he can be a one woman guy.
A smile plays on my lips as I wonder what he’d do if he woke up one morning and his dick had fallen off – he’s so ruled by it.
“What’s so amusing?” he asks as he retrieves his guitar case and opens it up, pulling out a few different picks and slipping them into the pocket of his jeans.
“Oh nothing really,” I fib, “I guess I kind of feel like I’m in a movie.”
“Yeah, me too.”
After dropping my bag in the dressing room, I keep a hold of my violin case and follow the guys out to the stage where Theo is waiting for us. He’s talking to a small man with brown curly hair, who holds a clipboard while he points around the room as they confer.
Marcus slips his arm around my shoulder again and walks with me to the front of the stage, sweeping his arm across the expanse of the room as he speaks. “Just imagine, tonight all of this will be filled with people. I know we’re just here to support, but it’s fucking mind blowing.” He touches his fingertips to his forehead and pops his hand open in a gestured explosion to emphasise his words.
“Marcus,” Theo calls out, his voice curt and clipped.
We both turn around at the sound of his name, Marcus drops his arm from my shoulders and heads straight over there. I can’t help but frown slightly when I notice the flash of annoyance on Theo’s face as his eyes linger on me for a moment and then focus on his brother.
Seriously, who the hell does that man think he is? I don’t know what he’s getting annoyed over. He’s the one who walked out on me. He’s the one pushing me away. At least with Marcus, I know exactly where I stand. He’s not coming into my room late at night, asking me how I feel about him and then taking off when things get heated. As much as Marcus loves to tease me, I’m pretty sure that if it was him last night, that kiss would have happened as well as a whole lot more.
I fold my arms over my chest and let out a quiet sigh. The three men still stand together, having a deep discussion about how the show is going to run tonight. So, I head over to where Lachlan and Jack are setting up, and decide to do the same.
“I wonder how many people will show up early enough to see us play,” Jack muses, as he checks the connections to his keyboard.
“It’d be cool if the stadium was full. But I reckon maybe half?” Lachlan guesses with a bounce of his shoulder as he attaches a few picks to his microphone stand.
I begin to check my bow and pluck at my strings to check my tuning. “What do you think Nomes?” Jack asks me. “We can bet on how full this place will be. Make it interesting.”
I grin, still focusing on my instrument. “Oh yeah? What’ll the winner get?”
“I don’t know. The winner gets all their luggage carted around for the next week,” Lachlan suggests.
“That’s lame!” Jack laughs.
“Yeah Lach, I think we can do better than that. Besides, I reckon if I pulled the ‘it’s too heavy’ girly face
on you, you’d carry my stuff anyway. Pick something better.”
“Oh, I know,” Jack bursts out, clapping his hands together and rubbing them greedily. “This is great. You’ll like this one.”
“Well tell us then,” I prompt, wondering what he’s come up with.
“Winner gets the single room,” he reveals, nodding his head and grinning – looking incredibly pleased with himself.
“No way!” I yell, laughing at his audacity. “How is that a win for me? I already have the single room.”
“It’ll be a win because if you’re right then you won’t have to share with Lachlan. That man’s arse is lethal. Plus, he snores like an angry fucking T-Rex. I swear the walls vibrate while he’s sleeping,” Jack explains.
“I do not snore!” Lachlan counters, and an argument breaks out between them, leaving me laughing while they bicker like children wanting the last lolly in the jar.
“That’s enough ladies,” Theo interrupts, causing the quarrel to end instantaneously. “And no betting either. How about we focus on the performance? You won’t even be able to see the audience. The lights will be too bright – so it doesn’t fucking matter. Get your head in the game and get your shit ready.”
We all mumble some sort of acceptance or apology and get back to work. Suddenly, we all become very professional. Our complete focus is on our music while we make sure all of our sounds and queues are right. Each of us becomes so engrossed that time just flies by, and before we know it, it’s time to get off the stage and get ready for tonight’s gig.
As we travel back to the hotel, everyone is talking animatedly about the gig tonight, it’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement as we all grab a quick bite to eat and then retire to our rooms to shower and dress.
Before we know it. It’s show time.
Chapter 24
Marcus
Have you ever heard your favourite song on the radio and sung along, pretending to be the one performing it on stage to a massive crowd of screaming fans? If your answer is yes, then I have to tell you that nothing your imagination can produce is even close to the real feeling you get when on stage to a crowd of thousands. Thousands! And they’re fucking loving us.
A Beautiful Melody Page 13
