Mother took it out of my purse and stared at it for a long time before she asked me what it was. When I told her it was a drawing of a man who had been lurking outside my cottage and peeking in through my windows she broke into a huge smile. Needless to say, that wasn’t what I was expecting so I asked her what was going on. She came back at me with a question of her own, asking me if I didn’t recognize the face in the picture. I told her I didn’t although I had thought the face looked vaguely familiar when I first saw it. She said she wasn’t surprised I couldn’t remember because it had been a long time and I was very young the last time I saw him. According to my mother, the face is that of my father.
I have no idea why my father would suddenly reappear, or why he would be spying on me through the windows of my house. Since I haven’t seen him again, I realize I may never know. Part of me wonders if my mother is mistaken in her identity of the face in the picture, but my gut tells me it’s true. I guess all I can do now is wait to see if he shows himself again.
Desi came to see me this morning, and she told me she and Lucien talked and she has decided to let him move back home. They are taking things one day at a time, but I feel good about their chances. They clearly love one another and belong together. I’m glad I was able to provide a little financial help for them and at least relieve some of the pressure. I have to say, family relationships can be so complicated!
Hurley and Emily came to see me last night right after my mother and William left, but it was a very brief visit. I could tell from Emily’s face that she had been crying, so I assumed Hurley had told her the news, but I wasn’t sure if the letter from her mother had arrived. I didn’t want to ask. I was feeling a little embarrassed that I knew such a private thing about Emily in the first place, not to mention the circumstances under which I came to know it. I finally learned where things were just as they were about to leave. Emily needed to use the restroom so a nurse directed her to a public one, leaving Hurley and me alone for a few minutes so we could talk.
Hurley kissed me and stroked my head and told me he was glad I was okay and that he couldn’t bear the thought of losing me. It wasn’t an “I love you,” but it was about as close as I’m probably going to get. He told me that Kate’s letter to Emily did come and that she was taking things quite hard. He said he planned to keep her out of school for a few days and take time off to be with her, to help her get through this.
I listened to him complain again about having to learn this new dad role that “was forced on me,” and how he didn’t want kids and didn’t need this kind of complication in his life. I reassured him that he’d do fine, but he didn’t seem convinced. He does seem resigned to being there for Emily, though. He told me he even called in a few favors from a private detective he knows in Chicago to see if he can find Kate.
Hurley called me this morning to say he wouldn’t be up to visit me today. That’s when he delivered my second shock. Apparently, the PI has succeeded already and found the hospice where Kate is staying. Hurley is going to take Emily there so she can be with her mother during her final days. He told me he wasn’t sure how long he’ll be gone. It doesn’t matter. I miss him already.
The final shock of my hospital stay was also the biggest. When Doc Leonard, the hospitalist who was taking care of me today, asked how I was doing, I told him I felt good except for a continued battle with nausea. At first, he thought it might be an aftereffect from drinking the nitroglycerin-laced cocoa, but when I told him I’d had the nausea before that and thought it was a stomach bug of some sort, he ran some more tests. He said he thought I might have developed irritable bowel, or colitis, or some other bowel disorder that can be triggered and exacerbated by stress, because I’d certainly had plenty of that in my life. All but one of the tests came back negative. The one that was positive was my pregnancy test.
I spent the next ten minutes in complete and utter denial. I told him I couldn’t be pregnant. I’m on the pill. While I did admit to a few sexual excursions with Hurley recently, they were mere days ago, too soon to register as a pregnancy. He asked me when my last period was and I couldn’t remember. My days and nights, heck my entire life has been a blur of sleep, eat, and casino for the past two months. I admitted that I didn’t always take my birth control pills at the same time every day and I might have missed one here or there when my sleep schedule got flip-flopped by the casino hours, but surely that wasn’t enough for this to happen.
Doc Leonard looked at my medical record and saw the bronchitis and sinusitis I had right before Christmas, which was treated with antibiotics. That was my weak point, he told me. Antibiotics can interfere with birth control pills. He did a little bedside ultrasound and even though all we could see was this little bleeping light that he said was a heartbeat, he told me I was likely at least eight weeks along. That means it happened that first night, the night that Emily and Kate arrived.
Once I accepted the fact that I was pregnant, I became worried about how my recent encounter with Dorothy might affect the fetus. Not only was I concerned about possible teratogenic effects of the nitroglycerin on the developing fetus, but also about the frighteningly low blood pressures I’d had. Had they affected my level of circulation enough to compromise oxygenation to my baby?
I discussed the ramifications with Dr. Leonard, who agreed there was some room for concern, though he didn’t think it was a lot. Pregnant mothers with heart conditions take nitroglycerin all the time and he found some study that showed only one birth defect in all the mothers who were in the group. He felt the low blood pressure was more of a risk and since mine was low for such a short period of time, he again said he felt the risk was very, very small, not enough to be statistically significant. Still, there is a risk and he suggested that I have genetic and other early studies done if I am concerned. I might do that. There is always a risk of potential birth defects, even in a normal pregnancy. Unless the tests reveal something truly horrific, I know that I will have, love, and care for this child no matter what. It feels so right to me, though I can’t help but wonder what Hurley would say or think if he knew.
My feelings about Hurley are mixed. Over the past few days, I heard him tell me several times how trapped he feels by his sudden forced fatherhood, how he isn’t fit for the role, how he doesn’t want to be tied down, and how he feels duped by Kate. How can I tell him I’ve just doubled his trouble?
Plus, I just got my job back and at some point I’ll have to tell Izzy. I don’t think I’m fat enough yet to hide an entire pregnancy. The one thing I am sure of in all this is that I want this child and I’m going to keep it. I want it more than anything in the world, no matter what happens between me and Hurley.
But I also have to face the reality that I might end up being a single mom and I’ll need a way to support myself and my child. That means having a job. Here in Sorenson, the only job I seem able to get that provides me a decent wage and some benefits is working with Izzy. If he knows Hurley got me pregnant, it might jeopardize my job, and if I lose my job I’ll probably have to go looking for another one outside of town. But I don’t want to leave Sorenson. All my family support is here.
I suppose I can tell Izzy that the pregnancy is the result of a one-night stand and leave it at that. I don’t have to tell him about the other episodes with Hurley. Hell, I don’t even have to tell him the one episode was Hurley, but since that episode occurred when I was no longer at my current job, it shouldn’t be viewed as a problem. The problem is what will happen down the road.
Based on recent behavior, I think it’s safe to assume that Hurley has feelings for me, but are they enough? Am I simply a fun roll in the sack? Will he be angry that he’s been “trapped” once again into fatherhood? I’ll have to tell him of course, at some point, but I may wait awhile and ease into it. Either way, I can’t see myself ever marrying him, even if he asked. I’d never be able to convince myself that he wasn’t doing it out of some sense of duty and obligation.
For now, I’ll give hi
m some time to get through the thing with Kate and Emily. He has enough on his plate and it won’t be easy no matter how or when I tell him.
Still, I know that regardless of the outcome, my future is looking brighter than it has in a long, long time. Dr. Maggie would be delighted to know that my overwhelming emotion right now is happiness.
There is another upside to all this, one I can’t wait to tell Gunther about. Now I can eat pretty much anything I want. Not only can I blame my appetite on the fickle hormonal surges of pregnancy, for the next seven months I’ll be eating for two.
Life is grand.
KENSINGTON BOOKS are published by
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Copyright © 2014 by Beth Amos
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It was reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the Publisher and neither the Author nor the Publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”
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ISBN: 978-0-75827276-8
First Kensington Mass Market Edition: March 2014
eISBN-13: 978-1-61773-031-3
eISBN-10: 1-61773-031-9
First Kensington Electronic Edition: March 2014
Board Stiff (Mattie Winston Mysteries) Page 30
