It was part of Jake's legacy, really. Seeing that in person was far more powerful than she'd ever imagined.
Despite the dozens of thoughts and memories and observations fighting for position in Jamie's mind, she felt comfortable at the Michaels' home. The morning flew by, and Jamie found the most comfortable place—the spot next to Clay. Clay, not Eric, had captured her heart. She knew that now. Otherwise she never would've been able to sit at a table opposite the man who had lived with her and played the role of her husband, a man who so easily could've been Jake, and want nothing more than to savor every minute with Clay.
“I can't believe this is November.” Jamie leaned just enough so that her arm occasionally brushed against Clay's. “It feels like summer.”
“Sometimes I wish we had seasons.” Laura gripped the arms of her chair and angled her face toward the sun. “But I don't wish it for long.” She held her hands out with palms up as if she were weighing something. “Let's see … eight degrees on Thanksgiving Day or eighty degrees … piles of snow and ice or green grass and sunscreen.” She grinned at Jamie. “I'll take Southern California.”
Eric was inside peeling potatoes. Jamie, Clay, and Laura sat around the backyard patio table, watching the kids toss a Frisbee. Sierra hadn't played with one before, and more than once the plastic disc hit her in the head, but not hard enough to hurt her.
“Clay, guess what?” Sierra giggled in their direction. “I think I need the jester hat. You know why?”
“Why?” Clay leaned forward, his eyes dancing the way they did whenever he and Sierra teased each other. There was no denying how much he cared for her.
“'Cause then the Frisbee would hit the hat instead of my head.”
Clay chuckled. “Or maybe a helmet might help.” He stood and jogged out to Sierra's side. “Here, let me show you how to catch it.” With his hand up in front of his face, he nodded to Josh. “Okay, bucko, show me what you got!”
Grinning, Josh flung it four times as hard as before. “Take that!”
The phone rang, and Eric must've answered it in the house. He came to the door, opened the screen, and handed it to Laura. “It's Gina.” His eyes caught Jamie's for a minute, and he gave her a hesitant smile, checking, maybe, to see if she and Laura were still hitting it off.
Jamie gave him a knowing look. Yes, she was fine. Laura was easy to be around. Eric looked out at the yard. “Way to throw it, Josh. Uncle Clay won't last; he wears down easy.” Eric winked at his brother. “Hey, Clay, if he wears you out come join me in the kitchen.” Then he turned, shut the door, and disappeared into the house.
Jamie sat back in her chair. Laura's conversation seemed deep, as if maybe the Gina woman, whoever she was, had troubling news. Clay was caught up in what had now become Frisbee golf. Jamie stood and stretched, then went to the edge of the patio and called out to Clay. “I'm going to make some tea. Want some?”
“No, thanks.” He grinned at her. “Tell Eric I'm beating his son.”
She laughed and raised her eyebrows in Laura's direction. Tea? she mouthed the word.
Laura covered the phone again. “No, thanks.” Her words were barely a whisper. “My friend's son is in the hospital.” She frowned. “Sorry about this.”
Jamie gestured that it didn't matter; Laura could take as long as she liked. Then she went inside and when the kitchen came into view she stopped. Eric was working over the pot of potatoes, and from the back …
She gritted her teeth and kept walking. He wasn't Jake. She drew a quick breath. “Clay says to tell you he's beating your son.”
Eric turned around. “Is that right?” He nodded to the pot, his eyes brimming with laughter. “I'm almost done, and then we'll see who wins at Frisbee golf.”
She took the teakettle from the stove, careful not to brush against him or get in his way. “Want some tea?” She filled it with water, brought it back, and set it on the burner next to the potatoes.
“No, thanks.” He was peeling the last one, cutting it into chunks, and dropping it into the pot. He turned the burner on to the highest level and put the lid on; then he did the same for the adjacent burner, the one with the teakettle.
They were suddenly out of busy things to do.
She leaned against the kitchen island and he stood opposite her, a few feet away. “You doing okay?”
Just like that he could still speak to the deepest part of her. “Yes.” Her eyes held his and for a moment neither of them spoke. “Thanks for not pretending.”
“Not pretending?” He narrowed his eyes, seeing straight to her soul.
“That we were strangers, that we never …”
“Never had that time together?” His tone was soft, understanding.
“Yes.” She looked at the floor and then back up at him. “Thanks for that.”
He bit his lip, as though considering whether to say whatever was on his mind or not. “Wanna see something?”
“Okay.” She'd hoped they'd have this, time alone to acknowledge the past and let it find its proper place.
She followed him to a small room off the entryway. “This is my office.” He held open the door and let her go in first. The place was spacious with shelves and cupboards and a countertop that lined one wall. “I do most of my work from home now.”
“Good for you, Eric.” A sad smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “Jake taught you that.”
“He did.” Eric crossed the room and opened a cupboard at the far end, then looked back at her. “Come here.”
She came closer, and he pulled something off the top shelf that made her heart skitter into a strange rhythm. It was the book she'd made him, the one she'd given him at LaGuardia the day they said good-bye. The cover—faded and weathered from use—read, “In Case You Ever Forget.” Inside were photocopies of key entries from Jake's journal, special sections of highlighted Scripture that Eric came to love during his time with her and Sierra.
Tears blurred her eyes. With trembling hands she took the book from Eric. “You still have it.”
He looked over her shoulder at it. “I read it all the time.”
She sniffed and turned, lifting her eyes to him. “You still have his mannerisms, his way of helping out and laughing at himself.” A single tear slid onto her cheek and she struggled to find her voice. She stroked her hand along the cover of the handmade book. Then she handed it back to him. “I … I understand things better now.”
He put the book back, closed the cupboard, and rested against the wall. “About us?”
“Mmmhmm.” She dabbed at her cheek and blinked back the tears that stood in line. “God brought us together so we'd both find Him.” She searched his eyes. He understood what she was saying; she still knew him well enough to see that. “You were never supposed to replace Jake.”
“No.” He went to her then and hugged her, letting her know he still cared. Regardless of how right he'd been to go home to Laura, in some way that involved their souls, he still cared about her. “I was never him.”
“Exactly.” She drew back first and crossed her arms. She'd imagined this conversation with Eric, and always she pictured her heart breaking. Instead, all she felt were deep peace and hope because the truth about Eric's identity was clearer now than it ever had been. She led the way back to the office door. “Your wife is lovely. You seem very happy. Josh too.”
He fell in step beside her and a glow lit up his eyes. “We are. In fact—” he hesitated—“Laura's pregnant. Just a couple months.”
Jamie wasn't sure what to feel. She was excited for Eric and his family, thrilled for them. But oh, how she would've liked that for herself and Jake—another child. Something she would never have. She found her smile. “Congratulations.”
“We haven't told Clay yet. Laura wanted to announce it tonight.”
It was yet another bit of Jake's legacy, that Eric would come home from New York ready to love his wife and son, able to rebuild what he'd lost over the years to the point that now they were expecting ano
ther child. Jamie felt her own desire to have another child easing. Instead her heart sang for Eric and Laura. “I won't say a word.”
“I know what you're thinking; that it's because of what I learned from Jake. What God let me learn. You're right, Jamie.” He glanced toward the cupboard one more time as they left the room. “What God taught me because of Jake will stay with me forever.” He stopped and looked at her again. “Always. God's plan in all this is …” He chuckled and raked his fingers through his hair. “Well, it's more than I can understand.” He paused. “Even now, with you and Clay.”
“Yes.” She felt her cheeks get hot. The way she cared about Eric's brother was getting stronger every day. And now, alone with Eric, she could hardly wait to get back to Clay. She bit the inside of her lip. “He's … he's wonderful.”
“He's more than that.” Eric stuck his hands in his pockets and gave her a pointed look, his eyebrows raised. “He's in love with you. I've been watching. I've never seen my brother like he is with you.”
Butterflies scattered in Jamie's stomach. “Really?” She felt like a high school girl being told that the guy she had a crush on liked her too. The corners of her mouth lifted. “Me too, Eric. I can't believe how fast I'm falling.”
“I know; I see it.” He looked deep at her one last time, seeing to the places he'd known back when she was at the lowest point in her life. “I prayed for this, Jamie. That you'd find someone one day.” He chuckled. “Who would've thought it would be my very own brother?”
“I know.” Jamie let her head fall back against the hallway wall. “I read something in Jake's Bible, something I hadn't caught before.”
“What?”
“It was in Deuteronomy. It talks about God setting before His people life and death, blessings and destruction.” She paused. “Then it says to choose life.” Her eyes were dry now. “Jake wrote something beside it. A note to me. He told me, ‘Jamie, as often as you have the chance, choose life.’”
“And that's what you're doing with Clay.” Eric reached out and touched her shoulder. “You couldn't find a nicer guy than my brother.”
“I know.” She meant it. With her whole heart.
Eric led the way from the room, and when they reached the kitchen, he turned and grinned at her. “I guess that means there's only one question left.” He chuckled. “How do you feel about California?”
They both laughed as they returned to the kitchen. The kettle was boiling, and they slipped into easy conversation about the gravy and stuffing and the timing of pulling together a Thanksgiving dinner. It felt wonderful, talking this way with Eric, building something new with him, something casual and current. Something they could share without constantly revisiting the past.
Dinner was far more pleasant than Jamie had ever imagined. The tension was gone, and in its place was something new. A friendship that seemed to be setting a stage for the future. Jamie sat between Sierra and Clay, savoring the friendly banter between the two brothers. Clay was like Eric in many ways, but he was his own person, a man whose faith ran deep and true, clearly strengthened by the passing of time.
As for Eric, sitting across from him now at the table, Jamie saw that something was different about his eyes. He looked so much like Jake, she'd missed it at first, but now that she had time to watch him, to study him while he interacted with Clay and Laura and the rest of them, she could see it clearly.
He didn't have Jake's eyes.
Oh, they looked like Jake's at a glance. But deep within them were memories and emotions that were Eric's alone. Memories he hadn't had when he was living with her in Staten Island. She took a bite of fruit salad and felt herself relax even more.
“This is good turkey, Mrs. Michaels.” Sierra beamed at Laura. “Maybe the bestest ever.”
“Thank you, Sierra.” Laura cast a quick smile at Eric. “I had help with it.”
Jamie let her eyes rest on her daughter. Sierra was in her element. She was a people person, someone who loved being around big families. No wonder she was ready to have a second daddy, as she called it. The past three years had been little more than a healing time, a time to say good-bye to Jake and figure out a way to face the future without him.
Watching her, Jamie was convinced. Sierra, too, was ready to choose life.
They went around the table then, telling what they were thankful for. Josh was thankful for his family; Sierra, for her new friends; and Laura, for the chance to be together. Clay looked at Jamie when he gave his answer. “I'm thankful for God's gift of new life.” Under the table, he took hold of her fingers for a few seconds. “Not just once, but every day.”
Eric looked around the room at each of them and gave a slow nod. “I'm thankful for answered prayers.”
It was Jamie's turn. She massaged her throat, working out the lumps that had sprung up in the last minute or so. Then she looked at Clay and said, “I'm thankful God allows us the chance to choose life.”
“On that note—” Eric leaned close to Laura, his eyes on hers—“we have an announcement to make.”
Laura looked at Josh and then Clay. “We're going to have a baby!” Her face glowed.
“Seriously?” Clay was on his feet.
“Seriously.” Eric laughed. “I know. I can't believe it myself.”
Clay walked around the table and gave Eric a hearty hug, slapping him hard on the back. “I'm so happy for you.” He held on for a few seconds and then he hugged Laura. “Congratulations.” On the way back to his seat he gave Josh a light punch in the arm. “You're going to be a big brother, eh, Josh?”
“I guess.” He flashed a lopsided grin at his parents. “I just found out this morning. It's kinda hard to believe.”
Jamie leaned forward. “Congratulations, guys. That's wonderful.”
Sierra wanted to know if Laura was having a girl baby or a boy baby, and Laura tried to explain that it was too soon to tell.
The conversation took wing, shifting from the idea of a little one running around the house to Josh's basketball abilities to Sierra's make-believe dress-up games and the meaning of the jester hat.
When they hit a lull, Eric held up his finger. “Wait!” He wiped his mouth with a napkin and uttered a quiet laugh. Then he looked at Laura. “Can I tell them about your run-in with the law?”
“What?” Clay's eyes got wide. “Laura Michaels had a run-in with the law? I've got to hear this.”
“Sort of.” Laura gave Jamie a weak smile, and then lifted her shoulders in Eric's direction. “Ah, go ahead and tell it.”
Eric was immediately in his element, explaining how Laura had to go to the mall before Josh's basketball game, and on the way home she was in a big hurry. “Apparently she'd missed the on-ramp for the freeway and tried to make a sweeping U-turn across six lanes of traffic.” He laughed and patted her hand. “But she still didn't have a bead on the on-ramp, so she straightened out and wound up in oncoming traffic. That's when she heard the siren.”
“I was scared to death.” She looked at Jamie for sympathy. “They changed that whole intersection. It's impossible to figure out which lane gets on to the freeway.”
Jaime nodded, trying to look earnest, but wanting to laugh out loud.
“So then—” Eric winked at his wife—“when the officer pulls up behind her, she parks with her two right tires way up on the curb.
Laura raised her brow, her eyes dancing. “I wanted to stay out of traffic.”
“So the officer comes up to the window, taps on it, and tells her, ‘Ma’am, I have several concerns.'”
“Yes,” Laura nodded. “That's right. Several.”
Everyone was laughing now. Eric waited until he caught his breath to continue. “The officer was so flustered he didn't know what to do.” Eric anchored his elbows on the table, his laughter getting the better of him. “So they call for backup and give her a sobriety test. My Laura, standing there near the Thousand Oaks Mall exit to the Ventura Freeway, getting a sobriety test.” He grabbed at his sides, still lau
ghing. “‘The amazing thing is,’ the officer told her, ‘you really haven’t been drinking.'”
The kids were smiling at each other and shrugging their shoulders. Josh was busy helping Sierra butter her dinner roll.
Clay stopped laughing long enough to turn to Laura. “So what'd they get you for?”
She shrugged. “Nothing. Isn't that great?” She smiled at them, triumphant. “After I passed the test, he told me to buy a map and be more careful.”
“Glad it wasn't me.” Clay leaned back in his chair and took a long breath. His eyes were damp from laughing so hard. “I would've ticketed you for sure.”
“Why?” Laura was indignant. “For parking on the curb?”
“Nope.” Clay exhaled long and loud. “For impersonating a drunk driver.”
The laughter continued throughout the meal, but even as they chatted, Jamie kept glancing at Clay, sensing his nearness to her and thinking about Eric's question, the one that had been on her own heart for the last week or so. Especially during the days when she and Clay had been apart. It was a question that might have to be answered one of these days, so as they finished dinner and cut into dessert, as they continued talking over coffee and finally as Clay helped them gather their things and head for the car, Jamie let it play again and again in her mind.
How did she feel about California?
TWENTY-SEVEN
Clay did everything he could to make the minutes last, but on Sunday afternoon he drove Jamie and Sierra back to the Burbank Airport. The trip had been better than either of them had hoped, and even Sierra was sad to leave. They had decided that he would help them in with their luggage and say a quick good-bye.
Their real good-byes were said the night before, in the hallway outside Jamie's hotel room. They'd gone to Disneyland that day, and Sierra had fallen asleep on the way home. Clay carried her up and set her on the nearest bed, and then he and Jamie snuck into the hallway.
For a while they did nothing but look at each other. Clay broke the silence first. “I'm trying to imagine how I'll get through a week without you.” They were both leaning against the same wall, a few feet from each other. Clay reached out and took her hand. “What're we going to do?”
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