Lanier patted the spot next to her. “Come lay down with me. You look like you’re about to fall asleep. I want you comfortable.”
“Are you sure?”
Lanier frowned. “Why do you always ask me that? I know my own mind.”
“Guilty as charged. Sorry. I’ll work on it.”
Dallas walked over to the bed and lay down next to Lanier. He lodged a pillow under his head. Turning on his stomach, he repositioned the pillow to make himself more comfortable.
Lanier wanted Dallas in the worst way. Entering into a mental argument with herself, she wondered if rules should apply when she was home alone. The girls weren’t there to come bounding into her room unexpectedly. They were five and a half hours away. The sexy man she loved was right beside her.
Deciding to just wait and see what transpired, Lanier turned her attention back to the movie. The film was wonderful and full of intrigue, but it couldn’t compete with the man in her bed. Nothing compared to Dallas Carrington. Even though he had spitting images of himself, Dallas was the only man who did it for her.
Inching closer to Lanier, Dallas laid his arm across her stomach. The mere touch sent shockwaves of desire through him. He wanted to make love to Lanier every second of every day. Tonight was no exception. The best thing for him to do would be to leave. Torturing himself like this wasn’t heroic. It was insane.
Dallas turned her head to face him. “I need to go. Lying here with you isn’t working for me. You have rules I wouldn’t think of crossing, but I have a much bigger, harder problem.” He looked down at his bulging manhood. “Do you get my drift?”
Lanier laughed. She didn’t have anything visual to show how badly she wanted him, but moisture was already flowing from her.
To do Dallas or not to do Dallas is the million-dollar question.
Smiling wickedly, Lanier reached for Dallas’s zipper. “I want you and you want me. So what is there to ponder?”
He felt dizzy from the desire welling up in him like a humid summer day. Instead of answering, he let his lips and tongue do the talking.
Chapter 6
Lanier was busy scoping out her closet for attire to wear to the Carrington family dinner when she heard the door chimes peal. She mentally accused the visitor of bad timing; all she had on was a bathrobe, because she’d just finished showering.
Dallas was picking her up at 6:30, and it was now 4:15. It wasn’t a lot of time for a lady to pamper herself, but it was all the time she had. Her entire day had been a whirlwind of activity. She’d also slept in late since Dallas had spent the night.
Rushing from the walk-in closet, Lanier slid her feet into flat slippers and hit the steps recklessly. The doorbell had pealed twice more since the initial ring. Something must be pretty darn important for someone to lay insistent fingers on the bell.
Her mind went straight to the girls. Her body trembled slightly.
Had something happened to one of their girls at summer camp?
Peering through the security screen gave her a real shock. It was Barbara—and Joseph wasn’t with her. What did she think she was doing popping in uninvited and unannounced?
Perhaps something has happened to Dad.
Lanier opened the door wide. “Mom, I’m surprised to see you. What brings you here?”
Barbara drew in a shaky breath. “I wanted to see my daughter again. I’d like to sit down and have a heart-to-heart. Is this a bad time for you?”
Lanier frowned. “I have a dinner engagement.” She paused to collect her thoughts. “Mom, I’ve already said that I don’t want to dredge up the past. There’s nothing back there but darkness and despair. I’d love to chat about things in general. If you don’t mind, you can come up to my bedroom while I get dressed.”
“No, no, I can come back another time. Seeing your beautiful face will hold me over for now.”
Lanier felt guilty. “Mom, don’t leave. I’ll just cancel my dinner date. You came all the way to Galveston for a reason.”
Although you and your sick husband never bothered to meet any of my needs.
Lanier’s alter ego had unexpectedly weighed in, and she tried to ignore the bitterness. Dallas suddenly came to mind. Knowing he’d be upset by her absence, she cringed inwardly.
Lanier pulled back to avoid hugging Barbara. The hugs they’d shared at their first meeting had felt awkward for Lanier, especially embracing her father. She’d felt like she were hugging aliens from another planet, yet she’d managed to make the best of a fragile situation.
Lanier had once thought it was impossible to have a relationship with either parent, but she truly wanted to be a part of her natural family. It was a strange feeling, yet it was indeed real. While growing up, she had hoped fervently for her parents to rescue her from the foster homes. Many nights she’d tried convincing herself it was all only a bad dream. Her life with so many dysfunctional families had left her craving a stable family life.
If her parents were clean and sober, she should do all she could to help pull the family back together. Dallas often reminded her that Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was anything else worth having. A lot of nurturing was needed all around.
Making direct eye contact with Barbara wasn’t easy for Lanier. Sucking it up, she did it anyway. Barbara and Joseph were still strangers to her.
“Follow me upstairs, Mom. Once I’m dressed, if there’s time, I’d love to give you a house tour. We can walk the property another time.”
“Lanier,” Barbara said sternly, “we need to talk without distractions. I know you say you don’t want to talk about our past, but, honey, we have no choice in the matter. This family cannot move forward without settling old scores and moving them out of the way. No matter what you think, your past will put a deadly choke hold on your present and future. This comes from someone who knows firsthand.”
The anger inside Lanier was threatening to burst loose, but she was determined to tamp it down.
How dare this woman come into my home and tell me what to do.
Barbara may’ve had that right when she was a child, but Lanier believed neither of her parents had a say in her adult life.
Trying to find the least painful words to make her mother understand, Lanier fell silent. This situation called for taking a road that offered the least resistance. “At some point we can talk about whatever you need to. We can’t do it now. I know I said I’d cancel my plans, but I realized it wouldn’t be fair to Dallas. You and I can have lunch again. We can meet here and I’ll fix us a nice meal.”
Giving in to her daughter’s wishes, Barbara followed Lanier up the stairs and into the loft-style bedroom. She sat down on the overstuffed chair. “I like the idea of another lunch date. I hope it’s soon.” Barbara cleared her throat. “Child, I don’t think you realize how much regret I live with from day to day.”
“I’m trying to understand,” Lanier said, “but it isn’t easy.”
“Making amends with you will hopefully help me get over a horrific past and give me an opportunity to carve out a brighter future. Your dad is a walking, talking miracle. His liver was damaged beyond repair, or so we were told.
“We found God, and that gave us hope.” Looking for a reaction, her eyes locked with Lanier’s for several seconds. It was utterly impossible to read her daughter. “Joseph refused to go on the list for a liver donor because he knew he’d created this awful existence for himself. He thought someone who’d made far better choices deserved the transplant. He had consciously destroyed his liver by excessive drinking and the use of street drugs.”
Lanier’s stomach twisted. To keep her mother from seeing her tears, she excused herself. Finding refuge inside the walk-in closet, her tears rolled free. A few moments later, Lanier pulled two separated pantsuits from a rack. Walking back into t
he room, she held up both outfits for her mother to see. “What do you think? Which one is best for an informal dinner?”
Lanier remembered a time when her mother had been a fashion plate, wearing nothing but the best attire money could buy. That was a lifetime ago. Even though Barbara was dressed nicely, it didn’t compare to how she used to look.
Barbara laughed inwardly, not daring to laugh out loud for fear of Lanier misinterpreting. The ground beneath them was extremely fragile. She didn’t want to risk tearing them apart again.
“Honestly, I don’t think either one is appropriate, Lanier. They’re beautiful but too businesslike, stiff and proper. I get the feeling you didn’t even look at what you pulled down. I could tell you’d gotten emotional.” She got to her feet. “Let’s look at your summer outfits and come up with something fun but daring.”
“Great idea! You were right. I got emotional, and I didn’t want you to know.”
“A mother always knows her child’s hurts, even when she’s not present.”
Barbara went through the closet with Lanier, pushing clothes back on the rack to separate them. The majority of the hanging attire was more appropriate for dressier occasions. “Where are your shorts and jeans and other summer casuals?”
Lanier pointed at a chest of drawers. “In there. Some things hanging up could work for this dinner, but I haven’t put my finger on anything. I guess we should broaden our horizons,” Lanier said, walking over to the dresser and opening a drawer near the bottom. “My jeans and shorts are in here. Tops are in the ones below.”
A pair of green khaki pants caught Barbara’s eye. “What about these?”
Barbara closed the drawer and opened the one beneath it, where she rifled through Lanier’s tops. The checkered shirt she came up with had green, brown and beige in it, with slim threads of gold outlining the patches of color.
“These go together perfectly. What do you think?”
“I like it. It’ll work.”
Lanier suddenly wanted the sham of a bonding session over with, and she would’ve gone along with anything Barbara had chosen. They were so uncomfortable in each other’s presence. Lanier realized a lot of work had to be done before they could become anything special to each other.
Was it even possible for us to act like mother and daughter? Had I felt more comfortable at lunch because Dallas had been at my side? He did have a relaxing effect on me.
“It’s time for me to take off so you can finish getting ready,” Barbara said, as if she’d read Lanier’s mind. It bothered her that her daughter would rather be anywhere but in her presence, yet Barbara knew exactly why it was that way.
Lanier glanced at the clock. It really didn’t matter what time it was, because it was simply time for this unplanned meeting to be over. “It is getting late. Dallas will be here shortly, and I don’t want to keep him waiting.”
“Is your relationship with him serious?”
The question irritated Lanier, since it had recently been asked by Casey. It was too personal of a question, and it was nobody’s business. “We’re happy together, and we’re exclusive. Dallas is an extraordinary man.”
He’s nothing like the poor excuse of a man you hooked up with, Mother.
Lanier mentally berated herself for her dark thoughts. She wasn’t surprised at the anger she felt, but she didn’t like how awful it made her feel. She’d been angry almost as long as she’d been alive. It was hard to do, but she finally had to admit she wasn’t as far along on her path to forgiveness as she’d thought. None of this was easy on her. Lanier was positive it wasn’t a walk in the park for her parents, either.
“There is something I really need to say, since you brought up my relationship with Dallas. Because of you and Dad, I’ve had a hard time getting involved in close relationships. You guys really did a horrific number on me. You left me with a lifetime of nightmares.”
Barbara looked sad. “I know. Somehow I convinced myself we weren’t affecting you.”
“I was only a child. How could you not affect me? I’ve seen more bad stuff go down between you and Dad than most adults have witnessed. I can still hear the yelling, cursing, name-calling and the violence. I relived it every day of my life. I had zero trust in people and had no desire to fall in love. If what you two portrayed was love, I wanted no part of it. Dallas is the only man who ever understood me and my ever-changing moods, yet it took me forever to trust him.”
“I’m glad you and Dallas have each other,” Barbara said sincerely. “I wish you the best. But I wonder how he really feels about your checkered background.”
I’m not the one responsible for the checkered background, as you so poorly put it. Everything bad that happened to me was because two people who should’ve loved me didn’t.
Lanier swallowed hard to keep from making a bitter retort. “I’ll walk you out. Sorry, I have to go.” She was actually overjoyed she had somewhere to go. If not, no telling how long this visit might’ve lasted. Being alone with her mother was pretty scary to her. It made her think of too many violent incidents that she’d spent her entire life trying to forget.
Do I really want to conjure up all that madness again?
Lanier had no choice in the matter if she continued to try to have an amicable relationship with her parents. There was no way for her to let things slide forever, especially when her parents weren’t taking responsibility for anything.
At the front door, the two women hugged. It wasn’t any less awkward this time, either.
Barbara hesitantly took hold of Lanier’s hand. “Please call me about lunch. I’d love us to discuss our feelings. We can’t move forward until we do.”
With so much anger inside of her, Lanier didn’t know how much she could possibly share with them. Her heart was not involved in this relationship. What she really had to do was figure out if she wanted to surrender her heart to people who’d already shattered it into millions of tiny pieces.
“I’ll call, Mom. I can’t say when. I’m in the process of purchasing a townhome.” Biting down on her tongue, Lanier wished she hadn’t revealed her personal business.
Barbara looked surprised. “You’re moving?”
“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you about it later. I need to put on my makeup and get dressed,” she said, purposely skirting the issue.
The look on Barbara’s face let Lanier know she was displeased with her response.
“I’ll see you soon, Mom. Have a good evening.”
“You do the same,” Barbara said, sounding rather chilly. She walked out the door.
Lanier’s heart felt heavy with sadness. Knowing she hadn’t been as warm as she had been on their first meeting made her feel even worse. Was she hoping for too much, putting too much pressure on herself? Could she really have a decent relationship with the woman who’d brought her into the world, only to abandon her in the days of her greatest need?
Just a short time ago, Lanier had actually believed she could put it all behind her, but she was no longer sure. Was she failing herself again if she couldn’t?
Could she really change that much, or was there too much water under the bridge?
The Carrington family and their guests couldn’t wait to consume the delicious-smelling food that had their stomachs growling. Until dinner was served, Lanier, Dallas, Ashleigh and Austin hung out in the family room. Little Austin was fast asleep on his mother’s lap. Angelica and Beaumont were in the kitchen assisting Houston and Kelly.
As usual, everything one could want was on the menu. Houston and Kelly had decided to put on a Tex-Mex style dinner. Beaumont had wanted to use his beloved grill, so Houston had given in and had allowed him to prepare beef and chicken fajitas.
Lanier loved to just sit and watch the Carrington family interact with one another. Houston had offered to
include Lanier’s parents in the dinner festivities, but she felt that their presence would cause her undue anxiety. Though she felt a wee bit closer to her mother, the earlier meeting had been overly complicated and had felt horribly unnatural.
Lanier wasn’t sure she’d measure up to her parents’ idea of success, whatever that was. As far as she knew, they’d never expressed any specific goals for her life. She hadn’t been able to tell them about her college degrees and employment as a social worker, which had caused her countless moments of deep sadness. She planned to share the important matters with her mother, but she had no idea when. Simply put, Barbara and Joseph had missed out on a great deal of their daughter’s life.
The first communication from her parents had come to Lanier several months ago in the form of an emotional letter penned by her mother. Lanier wished she hadn’t started thinking about them. They stole away her joy.
Disliking the sudden brooding look on Lanier’s face, Dallas walked over and dropped down next to her on the sofa. His eyes connected with hers. He had watched her earlier, greeting his family members and other guests with a cheerful attitude, but now she had isolated herself and had gone into deep thought. She had done a complete change on him yet again. If only he could figure her out.
Lanier was as complicated as geometry was for a first grader. She had been quiet from the time he’d picked her up at Haven House, and during the drive she’d only spoken in response to his questions, contributing nothing to the conversation on her own.
Dallas was worried about her, yet fussing over her would only make matters worse. If he tried to coddle her, she’d go deeper into her protective shell. He should be used to her quick change in moods by now, but he wasn’t. Dallas loved her happier, more carefree moods, which he’d experienced a lot over the past six weeks.
Tempted by a Carrington Page 8
