by Cilla Lee
“Not long”
“Do you use any other forms of contraception”
“Just the pill”
“Nothing else”
“No”
“Ok when was your last period”
“Last November”
“Have you been sick lately a cold anything like that”
“I had tonsillitis a few months back”
“Where you on any medication from that?”
“Yes, the doctor prescribed antibiotics”
“Did the doctor happen to mention that any form of antibiotic cancels your contraception”
“No, he fucking didn't” I feel pissed off and scared I'm fucking pregnant (fucking pregnant.... shit) I'm only nineteen for fucks sake!
“Ok sit back and relax long breaths in slow breaths out, and I'll just step out and get the ultrasound machine and we'll have a look and see what's going on in there ok” she smiles at me patting my leg and leaving me breathing into the paper bag. She comes in a few minutes later pushing a machine with a screen and tubes
“Ok Niya scoot down a little for me and let’s see what's going on lift your shirt for me and this is just a little gel so we can see” and she squirts some clear fluid onto my stomach
“Argh that’s cold”
“Sorry” she picks up one of the tubes with a ball on the end of it and presses it into my stomach and the screen comes to life and then a loud thumping sound echoes in the room
“What's that noise?”
“That's the baby's heart beat and this is your baby” she points to the screen, I can't really understand what I'm looking at but I burst into tears
“That's my baby” she nods smiling at me
“Let’s take some measurements” she pushes some button and clicking other things “Would you like a photo” I nod
“Yes please, is the baby healthy”
“It looks all good Niya, heart rate is healthy nothing out of the ordinary, I'd say you were around fourteen weeks” I'm having a baby and for the first time in weeks my heart bursts with happiness and starts coming to life I'm having a baby and I start crying with happy tears.
“Do you want me to give you a moment”
“No, I'm good”
“Ok so... how are you feeling”
“Excited........Scared”
“You'll be fine sweetheart, the nausea should teeter off within the next couple of weeks and you'll feel a lot more energized when you get food into you, I've got some pamphlets here about pregnancy and I'll write you a prescription for vitamins, is there anything you want to ask me” I shake my head no I've gone completely blank (I'm pregnant...fuck)
Chapter Two
Colt
It's been two months since she's been gone and I've finally pulled my head out of my ass, it took my Grandma coming over to Tiny's and throwing a bucket of ice cold water on my passed-out ass on my bedroom floor.
“WHAT THE FUCK?” I yelled so loud with the intense cold waking me straight up
“Get you fucking ass up now boy and get down stairs, this is a fucking intervention NOW MOVE” I slowly got up drenched from head to toe and had a quick hot shower my head spinning from the booze.
*
“Sit” Grandma says pointing to the chair and hands me a black coffee “What the fuck are you doing boy?”
“She ain't comin' back Grandma there's no fuckin' point” (slap) I grab my face and stare at her (fuck she just hit me) “WHAT THE FUCK” I yell at her
“You know you fucked up”
“Grandma I didn't fuck Star”
“Tobias everyone saw your naked ass in bed with that girl”
“Grandma I fuckin' know I didn't, why doesn't anyone believe me?”
“Baby if she came back tomorrow, how do you think you'd get her back, you look like fucking shit”
“Thanks”
“I'm telling you straight boy... pull your fucking finger out and grow up”
“Grandma THERE'S NO FUCKIN' POINT” (slap) she hits me again this time a little harder the stings radiating through my cheek
“There's always hope Tobias don't give up, she'll come home I'd bet my life on it”
“She won't”
“She will.... a woman knows when she's found the one Tobias and for Niya you’re her one, she's your other half. She just needs time she'll be back baby, but you need to earn it do you hear me”
“Yes ma'am”
“Good now clean your shit up have a shave and get back to work, apologies to your brothers and get ready for her coming home”
**
It took seventeen bottles of Bourbon to say sorry one for every brother and two for Blaze, I listened to my Grandma and got my shit together, I'd gotten so fuckin' pissed at myself when I realized what I'd done that I threw my bed away at the clubhouse not wanting to taint Niya anymore with that horrible memory. I even changed rooms, every time I walked in there my fuckin' heart broke, I was ganna prove to her when she came home that I was worth it that we were worth fighting for.
“Hay fuck nut what you doin' tonight”
“Nothin' why”
“Drinks at Cuff's”
“Nah brother I'm headin' over to Razor’s to apologies to Maggie”
“Again, give it up man in her eye's you’re the devil who lost her little girl”
“I gotta try man I feel like shit every time I see Razor, have you noticed he's lost weight and not in a healthy way”
“Brother she's ganna make you suffer”
“Don't I fuckin' know it” pullin’ up to Razor and Maggie’s house I see she’s standin’ on the porch
“FUCK OFF Colt I told you you’re not welcome here”
“Maggie I'm not leavin' until you forgive me”
“Hell will freeze over first” she slams the door and I sit on the top step and wait.
**
I come by every night for two weeks and we go through the same routine every time her telling me to fuck off and me sittin' there all night until they go to bed, the hardest night was when I heard her cry herself to sleep, fuck that was a rough night.
“Back again brother” Razor says getting off his bike
“Yeah”
“She, yell at you”
“Not tonight”
“Then keep comin' back she'll forgive you” he slaps me on the back and walks inside. It was another two weeks when Maggie finally lets me into the house when I got there
**
“Come on” she says and I walk in and follow her to the kitchen
“Coffee”
“Yes please” I watch her walkin’ around the kitchen makin’ sure she’s not getting’ any rat poison out, as she hands me a cup she sits on the seat opposite me takes a deep breath and looks at me.
“Why?”
“Why what Maggie?”
“Why would you cheat on her?”
“Maggie, I was fuckin' wasted but I know I never fucked Star, I was to fuckin' drunk. I wouldn't have been able to get my dick up, I'm tellin' you I didn't fuck her”
“You’re telling me you didn't fuck her”
“That's what I'm tellin' you Mag's” we sit there for ages not saying anything in an uncomfortable silence
“Colt”
“Yeah Maggie”
“Do you think she'll come back?” I see tears in her eyes and it cuts me deep, I’ve known Maggie years and not once have I seen her cry
“Yeah Maggie I do” I tell her hopin’ it’s true and Niya does come back
“You do why?”
“Because she loves you and Razor” she bursts into tears and I stand up and pull her up for a hug
“It's been almost three months Colt, I'm so worried” and for the first time in months I don't feel pain of not having her here, I feel anger for what she's doing to Maggie and Razor...
****
Niya
“Niya you ready girl” Brandy asks from the door
“Almost” I yell and open the door for her
“You look good”
“I feel good today”
“Yeah no more morning sickness”
“No, I woke up feeling great” when I came home from the clinic and told Brandy I was pregnant she was happy for me but sad for herself
*
“You’re pregnant Oh My God girl what are you going to do”
“I'm keeping my baby” and I rub my tummy knowing my little babies in there “This is me and Colt”
“Oh, honey, are you sure there’s a lot of options these days” she pulls me in for a hug, there not as good as Maggie's but there still comforting
“Yeah Brandy, I am sure I want this baby”
“Well fuck who am I going to drink with now” she says making me laugh
“You could always drink with the old bitch at reception” she shivers
“Eww, fuck no but I'm happy for ya honey really happy” I see a bit of sadness in her eyes
“You ever want to have kids Brandy” our conversation turning serious
“Maybe one day, I'm only twenty-seven so who knows, one day I'll find Mr. Right and I'll have ten babies”
“Ten” she shrugs
“Maybe” she says smiling
**
It's been a couple of weeks now and Brandy and I have been talking a lot about home and Colt, Maggie and Razor and the rest of the guys, she was shocked that I belonged to The Devils Soldiers mc
“Are they all, you know sexy” she wiggles her eyebrows
“Eww there like my Uncles but yes, they are” we both laugh
“You got any photos” I pull out my phone and show her the guys when she stops on Blaze and I at one of the BBQ's
“Who is that hunk of a man?”
“Oh, that's Blaze he's the Enforcer”
“Dam I love for him to enforce me if you know what I mean”
“Brandy no” I shake my head
“What? come on he's gorgeous”
“He's cute but Colt’s the only guy I look at like that”
“Well I think he's sexy as fuck, you’re lucky you have so many people who care about you Niya, it's only me and let me tell ya it's a lonely world when you've got no-one”
“Oh, Brandy, you have me” I pull her in for a hug
“Thanks, chicky babe you have me to”
Thinking about what Brandy had said to me had me thinking, I’d pick my phone up every day but never had the courage to actually hit the call button but I'm feeling myself now I still cry over Colt but now I have a purpose and I miss Maggie and Razor (and Colt).
“Hello” Maggie answers but I'm not sure it is her she sounds different and I look at my phone to make sure it is her number
“Maggie” I ask to make sure it's her
“Oh god Niya, Honey where are you are you ok” I smile that's her that's Maggie, she starts crying which sets me off to
“Maggie” I say again
“Honey, are you ok” she stammers threw her tears
“I'm good.... better” I tell her
“Oh, honey come home please” my heart bursts with emotions maybe it's the pregnancy hormones who cares I'm just glad to talk to her “honey”
“Yeah”
“Come home” I nod my head even though she can't see me
“I don't......” (will everyone hate me I'm scared to see Colt) all these things run through my mind
“Honey please we want you here come home”
“Is everyone, mad I just left?”
“Honey everyone understands, we just want you home”
“Maggie” I stop but I know she knows what I'm asking
“He's good honey misses you like crazy”
“He does” more tears run down my face (no your still pissed)
“Please honey where are you, I've been so worried”
“I'm sorry Maggie”
“For what? honey”
“For making you worry, I just needed time you know”
“Honey, I get that it was a shock but you need to come home, you need to face what happened so you can move on with or without Colt”
“Ok Mag's, it'll take me a few days to get there”
“Honey take your time please be careful and call tomorrow ok”
“I will I'm packing now Mag's”
“see you soon honey I love you”
“I love you to Mag's, you and Razor” I hang up and get my things together.
Chapter Three
Maggie
I grab my keys and run to the door, my drive to the clubhouse is the fastest I've ever driven
“RAZOR” I yell running into the clubhouse
“Fuck Maggie are you ok” Gunner asks me
“Where's Razor?”
“Out the back Mag's are you o.....” but I run off before he finishes
“RAZOR” I yell again and I see him come walking around the corner and I run straight to him
“Baby what the fuck what's wrong?”
“She called Razor”
“Who?”
“Niya she's on her way home”
“Oh baby” he lets out a loud breath and hugs me tight
“Is she ok, where is she”
“She said she's fine she didn't say where she is only that it will take her a few days to get back”
“Oh, baby come here” he hugs me even tighter
“Our girls coming home honey”
“Yes, she is” he whispers and kisses my temple holding me tight while I cry in his arms.
****
Niya
Leaving was actually harder than I thought not leaving the motel or the dinner, but leaving Brandy. We'd gotten to know each other so well, I felt like she was a sister I never had.
“You’re leaving, when? Why?” she asked
“It's time to go home Brandy” I knew I was always going to, but leaving her felt wrong
“Come with me” I tell her
“What?”
“Come with me, you'll love Coral City it’s just like this place, but we'll be together and...”
“No sweetie that's your life not mine”
“But”
“No buts Niya, I'll be fine we'll talk all the time”
“But I don't want to leave you here alone”
“Oh, chicky I've been alone my whole life, I always survive”
“Are you sure”
“Of course, now let me help you pack it's a long drive” We spend the next hour packing my things saying goodbye to Big Jim and the others at the dinner, but just before I get in my car I give Brandy a big hug.
“Call me when you get home” she says
“I will”
“Stay in touch Brandy promise me”
“I promise now go home chicky, I'm going to get hammered”
“Brandy”
“Go Niya I'll miss you” she taps the top of my car and I pull out and watch her through my rear-view mirror waving.
**
The drive was long, longer than I remembered and by the state line I was feeling very nervous, I'd made up my mind that I would forgive Colt, well in my minds scenario it was going to be fine but seeing him was going to be even harder especially now that my tummy had a nice round plumpness to it. How was I going to tell him about the baby and Star, god I could never look at that women again. I was never going to the clubhouse ever I just couldn’t face that yet, the pain still an open wound and oozing with sorrow and I wasn’t strong enough just yet. No, I had to face Maggie and Razor first than tackle the rest.
*
I'd asked Maggie and Razor not to tell anyone I was coming home, I needed time to adjust time to come to terms with just being in the same town with Colt let alone a room with him. Pulling into the driveway Maggie came running out and yanks my door open.
