Black Tears

by Woods, Karen

  Francesca felt tired and knew the next day would be challenging. What would she do when she saw Gordon’s face? Would she still love him as she had before? Or would he turn her stomach? She held her stomach and regretted ever allowing herself to get pregnant. She hoped the next day Gordon would welcome her warmly and love the fact they were now going to be a family. Somewhere deep inside her she knew not to expect fireworks, he just wasn’t that kind of person and he’d never change the way he was.

  Francesca ate her feast and decided she needed sleep. She watched Jade pull out a small plastic bag of brown powder from her jeans and knew she couldn’t stay there while they both injected themselves with heroin. Francesca stood from the chair and stretched but she gave Tom a disappointing look before she left to go to bed.

  Tom felt ashamed at his drug use. Drugs meant so much to him in the past and were his whole life. He lived everyday craving for the drug and never imagined himself without them until now. He watched as Jade tied a lace round her arm and injected the drug deep into her veins. He couldn’t say no to the needle, no matter how much he wanted too.

  The drug took them to a place they loved and they both lay on the settee. It seemed as if they were staring into space and their eyes felt no pain. Tom left the needle hanging from his arm and traces of blood trickled from it. Looking round the room, he tried to imagine life without drugs. This was Tom’s dream and he knew while Jade was by his side his nightmare would never end. After time had passed Tom sat up as if he’d had an electric shock and slurred his words as he made an announcement that would change his life forever.

  “Tomorrow I’m going to the doctors. I’ve had enough of this shit. Everyone looks at us and sees us as scumbags. Do ya know that?” Jade slowly turned her head to look at him, not taking in what he’d said. He continued and pulled at her legs trying to make her listen. “Are you listening or what? What do ya say? Shall we get off this shit together?”

  He now bent towards her and looked into her eyes. As he looked at her, she looked like she was in the most peaceful place ever and he blew his breath onto her face to try to make her listen.

  “Listen love, with or without you I’m gonna sort myself out. Just think if you do it, you might even have a chance of getting the kids back and we can be a family together.” Jade rolled over and ignored him and she stayed like that for the rest of the night.

  Tom walked to the toilet and could see a light still on in Francesca’s room. He froze for a moment and tried to walk past but it felt like Francesca was a magnet on the other side of the door and she was drawing him closer to her. Tom managed to go to the toilet but on the way back, he knocked softly on her door. He didn’t wait for her to reply and slowly pushed the door open. The bedroom looked so much fresher and the way she’d changed it, it was unrecognisable to him. Francesca pulled her t-shirt over her legs as he walked in. She looked slightly embarrassed at his visit and fidgeted as he got nearer.

  Tom sat at the end of the bed and picked up a white babygro she’d been looking at. He held it up and smiled at Francesca.

  “Orr I’m well chuffed for you and Gordon. I can’t wait to be an uncle.” The silence was strange before Tom carried on talking.

  “Well this baby’s gonna be proud of its Uncle Tom, because as from tomorrow I’m sacking the shit. I hate the life I’m leading and know that things aren’t gonna get any better till I get off the shit.” Francesca held his hand as she saw the pain he felt inside. Somehow, she believed his every word and knew he would try.

  “I’m going to the doctors tomorrow to see about get a methadone script. Loads of people are on meth and I know it will work for me if I stay strong.” Francesca told him how proud she was of his decision and told him she’d help him all the way. The days he had to face would be hard, but if it meant him getting off heroin, she was willing to help him.

  The bedroom door opened like a gale force wind had just come in. They lifted their heads and there Jade stood, ready to explode.

  “Don’t listen to a word that nobhead tells you. I’ve heard it all before and he’s full of shit. He’s just after some attention. Anyway what the fuck are ya doing in here nobhead?” Francesca released his hand from her grip and Tom stood to face her.

  “I’m in here because you don’t fucking listen to me. I was telling her I’m getting off the gear and sorting my head out.” Jade laughed out loud and put her hands on her hips.

  “I’ve heard it all before. You’re a fucking smack head, so face it. You’re just the same as me and no matter what shit he’s telling you love, he’ll be begging me for heroin before the week’s out.” Tom shook his head and told Jade he was serious this time. Somehow, she saw the determination in his face and feared this would be the start of the break-up she’d always dreaded. Jade could tell she’d hurt his feelings and tried to make friends as quick as possible by making a joke out of the matter.

  “Tell ya what Tom, if you get free from drugs good luck to you, but don’t ask me to do the same. Heroin is the only thing that keeps me going without my kids. I’ll try to help you all I can but don’t start with me over it.” Francesca lay flat on the bed and she caught Jade looking at her slender legs that she no longer tried to hide. She knew Tom was slipping away from her and tried to speak to him before he barged past her.

  “Do you fancy parting your girlfriend’s tash tonight or what? I’ve got a surprise for you when we go to bed.” Tom pushed past Jade and she followed him with a sheepish look in her eyes trying to make amends.

  “Tom,” she shouted as he stormed into the bedroom, but he completely ignored her and threw himself onto the bed. Jade walked in and sat beside him as he stared into space thinking she had really done his head in this time.

  “Listen love, I’ll try to help you get clean. It’s just that when I see you sat talking with her, my blood boils. I can’t help the way I feel about you and I just get jealous that you are talking to her about things like that when it should be me.” Tom lay lifeless and couldn’t be bothered listening to her shit. The only hold she had over him was supplying his drugs, but now he had said he didn’t want them anymore she knew it would only be a matter of time before she would be tossed aside. Her night of kinky sex had been destroyed and the slut who lay in the next room had something to do with it. As she watched Tom fall asleep, she started to think of a plan that would get Francesca out of their lives for good.

  6

  “Come on ya lazy fucker,” Tom shouted as he entered Francesca’s bedroom. “Let’s get ready to go and see that fucking ugly brother of mine.” Francesca rolled over and pulled the duvet over her eyes and told Tom to fuck off and leave her for a while. Tom walked over to the bed and ripped the duvet from her as she tried to hold onto it for dear life. He pulled with all his might and eventually freed it from her grip leaving nothing but Francesca on the bed. As he looked, he could see her black lacy knickers as she struggled to pull her t-shirt over them and his eyes lit up with excitement. Tom was only ever used to seeing Jade’s big passion killers and the sight of the black lace made his cock stand to attention. He knew he wanted her more than ever now and had to leave the bedroom before his cock poked him in the eyes.

  Francesca reached for the duvet and wrapped herself back into it. The bit of a frolic had left her feeling completely aroused. Checking the door was shut; she slid her hands down into her knickers and started to pleasure herself. She needed a man now more than ever and she needed to orgasm to relieve the frustration she felt inside. Within minutes Francesca was rubbing her fanny at tremendous speed and her breathe could be felt on her chest as she opened her legs wider. The person she thought about as she was masturbating was Tom and as she imagined him deep inside her, her finger became quicker and she licked her lips with excitement. Within minutes she had come and lay with her fingers still stroking her bald fanny. What would life be like with Tom, she thought, perhaps they could be good together, but she knew at that moment that none of this would be possible until she got rid of the
fat twat of a girlfriend Jade.

  Francesca stepped out of bed and threw on an old jumper before she entered the front room. Tom was already stood with his coat on ready to go out. She checked the clock on the wall and asked where he was going because the visit wasn’t till two o’clock and Tom spoke with a timid tone.

  “I’m off to the doctors aren’t I? Today is gonna be the start of my new life without drugs.” Francesca hugged him and wished him good luck, but he seemed very edgy and in a rush to leave the room. Tom’s seemed to be shaking as she held him and she knew it was his body calling out for drugs. He made his way to the front door and shouted as he left. “When the dragon wakes up tell her where I’ve gone. I shouldn’t be long so have some breakfast ready when I get back”, he winked at Francesca as he closed the door and she felt a warmth toward him knowing that he was trying to change his life.

  Francesca felt quite rough that morning and the smell from the cigarette stubs in the ashtray made her heave. She picked it up, held it at arm’s length and headed to the kitchen. Once she had emptied it she washed it out and left it on the draining board to dry. Looking round the kitchen she decided that she would cook breakfast for everyone, and started to search the fridge for any food. As she opened the fridge, all she could see was a tray of eggs. There were also a few tomatoes, but as she looked at them she could tell they had been there for months. Francesca decided she would make scrambled eggs and toast and searched the cupboard for a pan. She hadn’t cooked eggs for ages and the role of a housewife appealed to her now. It was a far cry from the life she had previously led and sometimes she missed going out and getting pissed each night. She now thought it was time for her to grow up and start thinking of her own child, because when the baby was born she knew nobody but herself would be looking after it.

  The eggs were done as were the cups of tea, and all that was left was to wake Jade and tell her of her accomplishment. As she opened the door she had to hold her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing at the sight in front of her. Jades big fat arse was hanging out of the bed and all her cellulite was showing. No wonder Tom needed drugs, she thought, because anyone who slept with the slob in front of her needed a medal. Her ripples of fat covered her waist and her hair looked like she had back-combed the lot of it. Francesca was just about to close the door when Jade opened her eyes and faced her.

  “What do you want and what fucking time is it anyway?”

  Francesca sort of whispered and felt slightly embarrassed as Jade pulled the duvet over her. “I’ve made you some breakfast if you’re getting up. Scrambled eggs on toast if you want some.” Jade muttered under her breath and told Francesca she would be in soon. As Francesca left the room, she heard the biggest fart she had ever heard in her life and ran into the kitchen so Jade couldn’t hear her laughing.

  Jade waddled into the front room wearing one of Tom’s t shirts and it barely covered her arse cheeks. Francesca told her that her breakfast was on the side in the kitchen and Jade watched as she tucked in before she sat down.

  “Yeah I will get it in a minute, just need a cig first before I eat anything.” Francesca carried on eating her breakfast as she watched Jade cough and sputter as she lit a cig.

  “Where’s Tom?” she asked in a concerned voice, but when Francesca told her he had gone to the doctor’s her face changed.

  “Fucking wanker. I told him last night I would go with him. See what I mean about him he’s all for his fucking self.” Francesca carried on eating and tried to ignore her moans but what she said next knocked Francesca for six.

  “Francesca, while we are on our own I need to get something off my chest, so I’m just gonna say it how it is. I hate the way you are getting on with Tom. You are walking round with only a fucking t shirt on showing your arse and I think you should have some respect for me and cover up and not prance around like a dog on heat.” Francesca was quick to reply and didn’t hold back.

  “You cheeky cunt, prancing round like a dog on heat my arse. The reason I’m in a t shirt is because I’ve got no fucking clothes. So get ya story straight before you start accusing me of fancying your fella.” Francesca remained calm and carried on eating until Jade threw more insults at her.

  “Me and Tom are going through a bad patch at the moment and you’re not fucking helping the situation. Can’t you go back to your aunties or somewhere?” Francesca now stood up and pointed in Jade’s face.

  “Listen, Tom asked me to stay here. I didn’t ask him. So when Tom tells me to go that’s when I will, so fuck off out of my face and stop getting on my case just because your relationship is falling apart - you can’t blame me you daft twat.” Francesca flew into the bedroom and slammed the door behind her. Her temper was exploding and she wanted to run back into the front room and kick the shit out of the fat cow but she knew that would only make things worse so she started to get ready for her visit and tried to block what had just happened out of her mind.

  About half an hour later, Tom returned from the doctors carrying a bundle of leaflets and a small brown bottle of medicine. Jade was still sat on the settee when he returned and smoking like a chimney. Tom took his coat off and threw it on the back of the chair. He started to read the leaflets and passed some of the information which he had read onto Jade.

  “I’ve got a methadone script now. So hopefully if I stick to the plan they can wean me off the gear over time.” Jade smiled but he could tell she didn’t give a fuck and he carried on reading without giving her a second thought. When he finished reading he checked the time and asked where Francesca was. Jade told him she must be getting ready and never mentioned the events that had taken place in his absence. Jade told him his breakfast was on the side in the kitchen and he just needed to warm it up, making out that she had made it and never mentioned Francesca’s efforts at all.

  Tom sat down with his food as Francesca walked into the room. Tom tucked into his food and thanked Jade for his breakfast. Francesca looked at Jade and shook her head but remained silent to keep the peace.

  “Won’t be long now, I’ve just got to have a quick wash and then we can set off. We can have a look round Cheetham Hill Shopping Fort before we go if you want.” The new shopping centre was just across the road from Strangeways prison and Francesca knew it was a good idea to pass the time before the visit. Jade quickly sprung to her feet and couldn’t hold her tongue.

  “What about fucking me? Oh, I forgot, you’re on methadone now and don’t need a fucking fix, so it’s fuck Jade and let her fend for herself is it?” Tom looked at her and told her she could go to the doctors and get a script just like he’d done and there would be no reason for her having to go out shoplifting, but she didn’t listen and stormed into the bedroom, calling him a selfish bastard as she left. Francesca rolled her eyes at Tom and told him he should get fucking rid of her. She told him she was nothing but trouble and she would only drag him down with her and the sooner he realised that the better. Tom knew Francesca was talking sense but still felt like he owed Jade somehow. So he followed her into the bedroom and told her he would come shoplifting with her till she had enough money to score and Jade thanked him. As Tom returned to Francesca he told her that Jade would be coming with them. He could tell by Francesca’s face she wasn’t impressed but he needed to keep Jade sweet because she was still his girlfriend after all and at the moment he couldn’t see her struggle for drugs because she had helped him so much in the past.

  The three of them walked down Rochdale Road towards Cheetham Hill and the silence was uncomfortable. Tom could sense an atmosphere between the pair of them but put it down to hormones on both their parts and left them to it.

  The shopping fort was hammered and the shoppers were out in full force. Jade spoke in a soft voice to Francesca and asked her would she cover her as she had on the previous days. Francesca thought quickly and told Jade that if she was taking part in the shoplifting she would want a cut. Jade knew she needed her and agreed but thought she was a cheeky fucker knowing t
hat she was now going cold turkey and needed money fast. She hurried Francesca into the shop while Tom waited outside. Jade was only in the shop a few minutes and she had several blouses rolled together in her bag. She looked at Francesca and let her know it was time to leave. Jade didn’t have her disguise on today and clocked the security guard looking at her in more detail. Quickly she passed the bag to Francesca and told her to get out of the shop as fast as she could while she tried to deter him from noticing Francesca. Jade was right and the security left Francesca to walk out of the shop and continued in his quest to follow her. She made him follow her all round the shop and sort of played a game with him hiding whenever she could. Eventually she left the store with her hands in her pocket and a smile on her face leaving the security guard looking bewildered and knowing he couldn’t make an arrest.

  Once outside, Jade searched for Tom and Francesca. She could hear a loud whistle on the other side of the street and could see Tom’s head jumping around to get her attention. The sweat poured from her face as she ran across the small road dodging all the traffic. Jade had only one thing on her mind and nothing else seemed to matter. Reaching them she dragged the bag off Francesca and looked inside.

  “Right see you two later. I’m gonna sell these so I’ll meet ya back at the flat later”

  Francesca reminded her that she wanted her share of the money. She agreed before she left and promised to sort her out later. They both watched as Jade left. She was sweating more than ever and her walk was more like a run.

  “Looks like she’s shit herself doesn’t it,” Tom laughed as they watched her disappear into the traffic, looking like she needed a shit. Francesca laughed and nudged into him playfully.

  “How do you feel today without any drugs?”