Black Tears

by Woods, Karen

  “Please forgive me love. I’ll take you and Bethany out today for your dinner, and we can spend the day as a family. What do you say?” The word family spun around in her mind and she found it hard to resist but she knew she had to be tough this time and stick to her guns.

  “Listen I’ve heard it all before and nothing ever fucking changes. It’s like listening to a broken record and to tell you the truth I’ve had enough of your shit.” John panicked and grabbed her hand. The thought of losing her terrified him, even though he didn’t really want her. The room was quiet and the only noise was that of Bethany moaning in the cot to get out. John sighed and tried yet again to win her round.

  “Fucking hell Sue, It’s not that bad. Why do you blow everything out of proportion, and make mountains out of molehills? Just say you forgive me and we can have a great day together, don’t spoil it for Bethany.” Sue thought for a moment and still didn’t want to give in, but as she looked at Bethany in the cot, she wanted to make friends and enjoy the rest of the day together. After a few moments, his plan had worked and Sue was under his spell yet again.

  “Right, I’ll forgive you, but I’m telling you now if this ever happens again I’ll be off like a shot and you won’t see me for dust.” John flung his arms round her and kissed her cheek. Her reaction wasn’t enthusiastic but she patted his back as not to continue the argument. John smiled and his depressive face disappeared as if by magic. He now got on his knees and crawled to the cot as Bethany laughed with excitement.

  “I’m coming to get you,” he shouted and she kicked her legs knowing her daddy was coming to get her out of the cot. Maureen now entered the room and was none the wiser that there had been anything wrong. Her face looked green and her hangover was written all over her face.

  “Oh I feel as rough as a bear’s arse. I don’t know about you two, but my heads banging.” They both smiled at her and she clapped her hands to get Bethany’s attention.

  “Bethany, Bethany,” she shouted. “Are you being a good girl? Don’t look at your nana, she’s a bit worse for wear this morning.” Maureen now chuckled and fastened her pink fluffy housecoat round her waist.

  “Better go and see if fucking Frank Sinatra wants any breakfast hadn’t I?” They all laughed and Maureen left the room singing the Frank Sinatra song from the night before. John held Bethany in his arms and started to sing along with the song his mother had started. Sue watched him as he spun Bethany around the room and wished he could be like that all the time.

  Maureen could be heard as she asked them whether they wanted any breakfast or not. John was more than ready for one of his mam’s full breakfasts and the smell of the bacon made him make up his mind. Sue was also starving and nodded her head as John prompted her whether or not she wanted one too.

  “Yeah, mam. We both want breakfast. Make sure my bacon is crispy, and don’t overdo my egg.”

  Maureen could be heard talking to Tony and by the sound of it, she was making sure he was going to help her cook breakfast as well. John and Sue lay together for a moment and he looked deep into her eyes. He should have been thinking how much he really loved her, but all he thought was that he’d won her over yet again.

  The day went to plan and John kept his promise and spent the day as a family. Sue had still been a little frosty to begin with but as the day passed, she returned to her normal self.

  The months that followed were more or less the same for Sue, and John would use his fists from time to time. Sue had become a prisoner of love and never found the courage to walk away and continued in the loveless relationship, that was now her marriage.

  Misty had seen the changes in Sue - she had lost all heart in the refuge. Sue was always so positive and found the good in whatever the problem was but these days she didn’t seem to give a shit about anything and you could tell that her heart wasn’t in it anymore. Misty had asked her several times what the problem was, but she just shrugged her off telling her she was tired. If the truth was known, Sue hated being in the refuge. She was living a lie. She talked to women each day about making plans to lead a happier life and yet she couldn’t do it herself. Sue classed herself as a lying bastard and the sooner she could leave the job at the refuge the better. The place depressed her so much lately and she found herself snapping at the slightest thing.

  John’s life was great now, or so he thought. He had a wife and child at home, and he was waited on like the king of the castle. His meal was on the table every night when he walked through the door and all his clothes were neatly ironed in his wardrobe. His love for prostitutes continued and most of his wages were spent on them. Well not so much ‘them’, just one in particular. Toni was his dream girl and he would see her at least twice a week. In fact, he was infatuated by her, and brought her gifts every time he went to visit. Toni loved the attention and took him for every penny she could. When she first started seeing him, she actually thought she could get serious with him but as time went on his sexual habits sickened her. One Friday, after a night on the town with his mates, John left Dominic and the lads and headed to the brothel for his fix of dirty sex.

  Misty had parked up on Oldham Road and was waiting for Dominic to meet her. They had arranged that she would pick him up from town once the night was over. Taxis had been a nightmare to get in town and it was a usual thing between them that they would pick each other up after a night on the tiles. Misty waited for a while and couldn’t see any sign of Dominic and decided to drive a bit further up the street. As she pulled over, she could see John heading towards her and thought Dominic wouldn’t be far behind. As she watched, she saw him disappear into a doorway and wondered what he was up to. A few moments passed and he was still nowhere in sight. Misty had thought he had gone for a piss but he never re-appeared. Scratching her head, she decided to go and investigate. She locked up the car and walked the short distance to the doorway. Her heart stopped when she saw the writing above the door and couldn’t believe John had gone in there. Surely he hadn’t gone inside, she thought, and she ran back to her car as quickly as her legs would carry her. Manchester was buzzing that night and she feared for her safety as she sat waiting for Dominic.

  Her mind was working overtime. Surely she’d got it wrong. There was no way John would be in a brothel. He was such a nice man and had a lovely wife, why on earth was she even thinking that? Then a shiver went down her spine. Could Dominic be in there with him? Her heart pounded and she decided to investigate further. Misty stepped from the car and started to walk to the doorway. Just as she was steps away from it, she heard Dominic coming round the corner with his mates. He saw her straight away and looked shocked as he looked at her.

  “What the fuck are you doing waiting here? Where’s the car?” Misty had to think fast as his mates started to kiss her on the cheek.

  “I’ve been waiting ages, and thought something was wrong so I decided to walk to the end of the street to see if I could see you.” Dominic now picked her up and laughed asking if she was worried about him as his mates joined in the fun.

  “Did ya think he’d got lost Misty? Don’t worry we always look after him when he’s out with us. Don’t we Dom?” Dominic laughed and ignored the banter and walked slowly towards the car.

  He said goodbye to his mates and they chanted as he left them. They were all going on to a nightclub and were still full of it as they left him. Misty opened the car and let Dominic in. Her mind still raced with questions about John’s whereabouts and she tested the water as she spoke to Dominic.

  “Where’s, John? I thought he was out with you lot tonight?” Dominic shrugged his shoulders and began to tell her in a pissed up voice.

  “John, he’s a fucking waste of space. He fucked off on his own and didn’t tell any of us he was going. You see he can’t handle the beer like your sexy husband can.” Dominic now tickled Misty’s neck and you could tell he was in the mood for some serious loving. She looked shocked at what he’d said and couldn’t hold it any longer and told him the truth.
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br />   “Well I know where he is, the dirty bastard. I’ve just seen him going into that fucking brothel there.” Dominic’s face changed and he knew John was in deep shit. Dominic had known of times before when John had visited prostitutes but thought he had given it up a long time ago when he’d got married. Dominic had to think quickly and make a decision. Should he lie to Misty or should he tell her the truth about John’s antics. As he looked at her, he could see she meant business and knew he couldn’t defend his friend no matter how much he wanted to. He now told Misty the story of John always going to prostitutes in his younger days and how he thought it was just a phase he’d gone through. Misty was livid and started the car’s engine; she was fuming as she set off towards home.

  “The dirty scumbag. Sue is such a nice woman; he doesn’t deserve her, the wanker.” All the way home, she cursed John and Dominic just sat there knowing he could not defend him. Misty pulled up outside their house and a question jumped into her mind. Her face dropped and she knew she would have to ask the question before she got into the house.

  “Dominic, please tell me you haven’t been going as well.” He looked at her and got quite angry. He didn’t answer at first and carried on walking until they got to the front door.

  “Fucking hell, give me some credit Misty. Why would I pay for sex, when I’ve got you?” Misty looked at him closer and she could tell he was innocent and she listened as he continued. “If I was a fat ugly cunt, then yes I might consider using a prostitute. But I’m not and you know, if I wanted to sleep with someone else I wouldn’t have to pay for it. Come on Misty give me a bit of fucking credit.”

  Misty believed him straight away and they made their way upstairs to bed. Charlotte had been staying at Lisa’s that night so they didn’t have to think about keeping the noise down. Misty was so annoyed and she shook at the thought of John and his dirty secret. Misty now thought about what she should do with this latest information. Sue was her best mate and she knew she would have to tell her. She told Dominic her plans and he tried to persuade her to keep the truth from Sue.

  “Fucking hell Misty, it would cause murders between them and they would definitely split up. What about Bethany? Do you want to be the one who splits a family up?” Misty looked at him and shouted back at him. Her temper was bursting and she hated the situation she was in.

  “He is the one who would split the family up. Nobody forces him to go and shag dirty little prossies. He could give Sue diseases or anything. He’s a nobhead and deserves everything he gets the wanker.” Dominic could see there was no point in defending John anymore. The silly bastard had got himself caught, so it was up to him to deal with it. Dominic lay on the bed and pulled Misty to him as she sat thinking.

  “Come on love. We don’t need to fall out. I’m not the one who’s cheated, so come here and give your sexy husband a big cuddle.” Misty knew he was right and fell into his arms. His face now became serious and he told Misty whatever she wanted to do regarding Sue, he would stand by her. The words calmed her and she knew that first thing in the morning she would go and tell her friend the horrible truth.

  *

  Sue was flying round the refuge like she’d shit her knickers as Misty entered the following morning. The rain was pouring down and Misty looked like a drowned rat as she took her coat off. All the leaves at the entrance had gathered outside the front walkway and Misty knew she would have to clear them before someone had an accident and slipped on them. Sue came to help her once she had some rubbish bags to put the leaves into, and they shovelled them together as the cold wind filtered through the air.

  “Oh its bloody freezing isn’t it?” Misty said as she tried to get a conversation going with her. Sue nodded and made no attempt to reply. Misty looked at her closer, she looked so tired. All round her eyes looked black underneath and you could see she had let herself go. Sue had always been a glamorous girl and her makeup always looked perfect. How had she ended up like this, Misty thought, as she cursed herself for not seeing what was right before her. Her best friend had probably needed to talk to her, and she’d been so caught up in her own problems that she forgot about Sue and any problems she might be facing.

  As Sue shovelled the leaves from the entrance, Misty took her hand and looked at her with a serious face. Sue asked what was wrong. Misty wanted to hug her and tell her everything was going to be all right but she needed to be somewhere private first before she told her the dreaded truth, so she stalled and asked her if she wanted a cup of tea instead.

  Misty went inside as the last bag of leaves was filled and started to brew up. She knew this was going to be hard and tried to go over in her mind what she wanted to say. Sue entered and started to wash her hands complaining how cold they were. They both sat down and Misty made pointless conversation as she tried to get the courage to tell her the truth.

  “How’s things with my bessie mate then? We haven’t had a good chat for ages, have we?” Sue smiled and started to tell her about some woman who’d come to the refuge earlier that week. Misty couldn’t stand it any longer and came and sat on the arm of her chair beside her. Misty’s eyes filled with tears and she told her what she’d seen.

  Sue was strangely quiet and never said a word as the words floated round in her mind. She looked like she’d been frozen and her eyes focused on the same spot on the floor. Misty asked her if she was okay and Sue just stood up and walked to the door. Misty ran to the door and tried to speak to her but Sue pushed her out of the way and left the room.

  Sue headed for her car as Misty followed her not knowing what she was about to do.

  “Please Sue, speak to me. I’m worried about you. Just come back for five minutes to calm down. You don’t want to be driving when you’re in shock like you are.” Sue now turned slowly to face Misty and her face was red with anger.

  “Don’t you think I’ve got enough on my plate without you adding to it? What the fuck do I do now, my husband is shagging brasses? How the fuck do you want me to act?” Misty ran and flung her arms round her and Sue fell to the ground in despair. Misty held her up, and took her back inside and tried to calm her down. The tears flowed as she told Misty the truth, even the violence she’d been experiencing from her husband. Misty was flabbergasted when she poured her heart out to her and cried with her, feeling her pain.

  “Everything seems to fit now,” Sue said in a distressed voice. “That’s why the bastard has treated me the way he has. Fucking paying for sex, I can’t believe him. No fucking wonder he’s not interested in me.” Sue ran to the toilet and Misty followed her. As she entered behind her she could hear her being sick in a nearby cubicle. Between being sick Sue’s sobs could be heard and as she came from the toilet she looked heartbroken.

  “Misty, what the fuck do I do now? I know what I should do, but I’m so scared of losing him. How will I cope? I’m a fucking walking wreck already.” Misty cradled her as she cried and told her if she wanted, she could come and stay with her. She told her Dominic was always home late anyway and she would be glad of the company. Sue accepted the offer but told her she would come and stay with her only until she sorted things out. Misty hugged her with all her might as she left and her heart broke as she saw her drive off with tears streaming down her face.

  John wasn’t in the house when Sue arrived home and she knew he would be still at work with Dominic. The first thing she did when she entered the house was to phone him and tell him to come home straight away, as there was an emergency. He had asked what had happened, but she just told him to get home as quickly as possible and put the phone down on him. He had tried ringing back to find out what had happened but Sue just looked at the phone and let it ring knowing he would be on his way .

  Sue began packing her stuff and as she thought about what he’d done, she heaved. Tears streamed down her face, she wanted to face him now, so she could tell him exactly what she thought of him. Bethany was still at the child minders and she knew by the time she was due home, she would be well rid of him.


  The door slammed downstairs and Sue could hear John shouting her name in a concerned voice. She wanted to shout him to tell him where she was but she remained silent as her emotions took over. John appeared at the bedroom door and she froze as she looked at him. He saw her packing all her clothes into a case and looked worried.

  “What’s happened love? Where you going?” Sue looked at him and wanted to run at him with full force and punch him in the face but she remained seated on the side of the bed and just stared at him. The bedroom had witnessed so many sad times lately and Sue found it hard to remember if she was ever really happy with him. The picture of them together at the side of the bed now looked like a reminder of all the bad times they’d had lately and she picked it up and laid it flat on the side. The bedroom was a very soft lilac colour and all the furniture was in a light pine colour. Sue remembered arguments that had taken place here. When she had bought the lilac carpet, John had said it looked like a prostitute’s bedroom and hated it. As she remembered, her skin crawled.

  John now walked slowly to her and asked the question again.

  “Sue what the fuck is going on will you please tell me, because I’m getting worried now. What’s fucking happening?” Sue snapped and all hell broke loose as she sunk her nails into his face.

  “What’s happening? I’ll tell you what’s happening. You fucking dirty no good bastard.” Her fists now clenched, she punched the side of his head as he tried to restrain her.”

  “What the fuck have I done? Please tell me.” She walked away from him and stood near the window. She faced him and she wanted to see the dirty bastard’s face when she told him exactly what she knew.

  “Fucking shagging dirty prostitutes. You’re a dirty cunt and I hope your nob rots off. You’re fucking disgusting and the sooner I’m away from you the better.” John was horrified and she could tell by his face it was all true. He stood lifeless and rubbed his hair as he struggled to speak as she continued.