She pushed her fingers into his hair, loving the feel of it.
“I do want to.” She drew in a long breath and blew it out. “I’m beginning to think of Dillon as my own little boy—my own son. And you—” She stopped long enough to press a kiss to the corner of his lips. “You’ve settled yourself right smack in the middle of my heart. I love you, Drew.”
He stared at her, his expression mainly one of stunned fascination. “That’s what Dillon told me. But I took his words as a child’s wish.”
A wan smile curved her lips. “Apparently Dillon is more observant than you are.”
His gaze broke from hers and Josselyn could see he was having a hard time dealing with the confession of her feelings.
“We haven’t been together all that long,” he reasoned.
“Long enough.”
His gaze returned to hers and hope fastened itself to every beat of her heart as she waited breathlessly for him to reply.
“Long enough to be sure about me?” he asked. “About being the mother of a precocious seven-year-old boy?”
Although she hadn’t been sure what he was about to say, his questions brought her a huge sigh of relief.
“I’m very sure.” She scooted forward, until her lips were planting a row of kisses along his jaw. “You talked about me making you happy, Drew. But you need to know you’ve done the same for me, and more.”
“I don’t deserve you, Josselyn. I don’t deserve any of this. But I’m going to take it. Every special moment we have together.”
Groaning, he rolled her onto her side, and with his mouth warm and searching on hers, he gathered her tight against him.
Josselyn wasn’t expecting him to want her again so soon. But he did, and in a matter of moments he was slipping back inside of her, filling her with mindless pleasure.
* * *
The morning sky was bright and clear, the way a Montana sky always looked after a night of fast-moving thunderstorms. The sight cheered Drew as he left the breakfast table and headed to the bathroom. He wouldn’t have to make a dash to the clinic through a downpour and bolts of lightning.
He was brushing his teeth when, above the sound of the running water, he heard the telephone on the nightstand ring. Damn! The landline never rang unless it was an emergency. And it was his morning to drive Dillon to day care.
Reaching for a towel to wipe his mouth, he spotted Evelyn standing in the doorway of the bathroom.
Yes, the call was an emergency. Drew was needed right away. Don’t worry, she told him. She was already dressed and ready to go. She would drive Dillon and he could hurry on to work.
No, he protested. She shouldn’t have to sacrifice her time just because he had an emergency.
Smiling smugly, she waggled her fingers at him, then disappeared from the doorway. Drew hurried after her, but she was already headed down the front steps with Dillon in her arms.
See you at dinner, she called cheerfully back at him.
He blew her a kiss, then hurried inside for his jacket and car keys.
At the clinic he found his patient had gone into early labor. He ordered the nurse to start drugs to stop the contractions. Was it too late to help her?
The patient suddenly morphed into Evelyn and he stood beside the gurney, staring at her in frantic disbelief. No. This woman wasn’t his wife. Dillon had been safely born a year ago. At this very moment, she was taking him to day care.
Then Drew moved away from the clinic, and suddenly he found himself running down a residential street. A half block ahead, at a four-way intersection, a swarm of emergency vehicles and onlookers were blocking the street.
He was a doctor. If someone was injured he might be able to help. He picked up his pace until he reached the chaotic scene, then, panting from the frantic run, he plowed his way through the onlookers until he was standing next to a car partially obscured by a fallen oak. The enormous trunk had crushed the hood and windshield, and to his horror, a woman was inside.
He heard someone say the baby was okay, but the woman wasn’t so lucky. Was it Evelyn? His wife? Wild with fear, he watched the EMT pull the lifeless body from the wreckage. And then the panic of the moment hit him like a baseball bat to the face.
The woman wasn’t Evelyn. It was Josselyn!
“Drew! Drew, wake up! You’re having a bad dream.”
It took several long moments for him to shake himself away from the clutches of the nightmare, and even then the aftershocks were still reverberating through him.
Eventually he recognized Josselyn’s hand was on his shoulder, and she was studying him with great concern.
Relief poured through him. She wasn’t gone. The tree hadn’t taken her. It had only been a dream. He was here in Josselyn’s bed and both of them were warm and safe.
Safe. Like a mocking laugh, the word pierced him and he sat straight up and threw back the tangled covers.
“You were having a nightmare, Drew,” Josselyn repeated. “Are you okay?”
No. For as long as he lived, he didn’t think he’d ever be okay. Evelyn’s death was never going to let him go. Wherever he went it followed him. Even to Josselyn’s bed.
“No. I’m not okay! I never will be!”
He scooted to the edge of the mattress and grabbed up his clothing. Scrambling off the mattress, Josselyn stood in front of him and latched her fingers around his arm.
“Drew, please talk to me about this. You were thrashing around like demons were on your heels.”
“Demons are always on my heels, Josselyn. Sometimes I’m able to pretend they’re not there. But no matter how hard I pretend, they come after me.”
Seeing he was in no mood to return to bed just now, she reached for her robe. “I’ll go make us some coffee.”
“No. No coffee.” He stood and swiftly pulled on his jeans. As he snapped his shirt over his chest, he said, “I have to leave, Josselyn.”
He dared to glance at her, then winced at what he saw. She looked like he’d just thrown a bucket of ice water in her face.
“Leave? But, Drew, you were planning to stay the night!”
“I was planning on doing lots of things. But I was a fool.”
Her wounded gaze caught his and at that moment Drew hated himself for being so weak. And hated fate for dealing him a hand he couldn’t discard. Hurting Josselyn was the last thing he wanted to do. But if he didn’t leave now, he’d only hurt her worse later.
“Drew, I don’t understand. Please tell me what’s wrong,” she implored.
His jaw set, he jerked on his boots and started out of the bedroom. “That wouldn’t fix anything.”
She followed him to the door and Drew could hardly bear to look at her face. The sight of her lifeless body in his nightmare was still haunting him, reminding him that no man could control his destiny.
“You’re wrong to leave, Drew,” she said softly. “So wrong.”
The pleading look in her eyes made him feel lower than a bug crawling on the floor. “Don’t look at me like that, Josselyn. I’m not the man you think I am. I’m not some sort of hero that saves the lives of women and babies. I’m no good. I can’t ever be what you want me to be. I can’t even be a good father!”
He stormed out the door and hurried to his car. Thankfully, Josselyn didn’t try to follow and stop him. And as he drove back to the boardinghouse, he knew full well he’d just ended the best thing that had ever happened to him.
* * *
Josselyn wasn’t sure when or how she’d finally fallen asleep after Drew rushed out of the cabin. When she awoke, the sun was already shining brightly and she stared groggily at the golden rays slanting through the bedroom window.
How could the sky look so beautiful when she was so full of pain? Was everything over between them? Just like that?
Nothing made sense about his behavior las
t night, she thought as she pressed fingertips to her aching temples. Everyone suffered a nightmare from time to time, and she’d be the first to admit it was an unpleasant experience. But Drew had acted as though he’d just learned the world was coming to an end. And the worst part of the whole incident had been his refusal to talk with her about the dream, or his feelings.
Josselyn had exposed her heart by telling him she loved him. Yet he couldn’t even tell her about his nightmare. What kind of fool was she for believing such a one-sided relationship between them could ever work?
A lovesick fool, she thought ruefully. Even so, she was determined not to give up on the man.
I’m no good. I can’t even be a good father.
She didn’t understand why he would think such things about himself. Even if he had allowed his parents to take over Dillon’s day-to-day care after Evelyn’s death, that didn’t make him a bad parent. The way Josselyn saw the situation, he’d been smart enough to realize that he’d needed help raising a baby and he hadn’t been too proud to ask for it. In her opinion that was being a much better father than being stubbornly independent and allowing his child to suffer because of it. But apparently Drew didn’t see himself as a good father. He didn’t view himself as a man worthy of having a family. Somehow, someway, she had to make him see he was wrong.
An hour later, after she’d showered and dressed, Josselyn picked up the phone and rang Drew’s cell number. After it went straight to his voice mail, she punched the number again, hoping against hope he’d answer. But when the second try produced the same result, she had to accept that he’d turned off his phone. Most likely to avoid talking with her.
Out in the kitchen she was faced with the dinner mess they’d left stacked in the sink and on the cabinet. The two of them had been so eager to make love they’d only taken time to blow out the candles on the table.
Biting back a sigh, Josselyn filled the sink with soapy water and began to wash the crusty dishes. Yet with each piece she scrubbed, images of Drew and their night together—before the nightmare—paraded in front of her misty eyes.
He hadn’t said the words I love you. But she’d been certain she’d felt it in his kiss and the way he’d touched her. She’d fallen asleep in his arms believing he wanted to be with her for a lifetime. She had to keep believing that now.
* * *
Monday morning, when the second graders entered the library and Dillon headed straight in her direction, Josselyn made sure she put on her cheeriest face, even though the child looked as glum as a cold, rainy day.
“Hi, Miss Weaver. Here are my books. I finished all of them.” He placed the stack of books he’d taken home with him for the weekend on the corner of her desk.
Wishing she could gather him in a tight hug, Josselyn compensated by giving him another smile. “That’s great, Dillon. I’m very proud of you. You know, the more you read the smarter you’ll get.”
“Yeah. I guess so,” he mumbled.
Without saying more, the boy ambled away from her desk, and the uncharacteristic behavior had Josselyn staring thoughtfully after him.
What was wrong? Had Drew told the child that the chances of her becoming his mother were slim to none? Oh God, surely he wouldn’t do something so hurtful.
She started to go after him, but was suddenly bombarded with several more students either asking for her help or returning books. It took several minutes to deal with the children, but Josselyn finally found a break to look for Dillon.
Since fishing was his favorite subject, she thought she’d find him in the sports section. Instead, she was taken aback to find him in the back of the room, standing at the window staring out at the playground. He looked so forlorn Josselyn wanted to gather him in her arms.
“Dillon? Why aren’t you looking for a book to read? Library break will be over soon and you won’t have any books to take home with you.”
“That’s all right. I don’t want to read now.”
Then why had he come to the library? Even though the question was on Josselyn’s mind, she kept it to herself.
“Are you feeling okay, Dillon? If not, we might need for your father to come pick you up and take you home.”
He frowned. “Dad is at work. He wouldn’t come. But I’m not sick anyway.”
“Well, if you’re not sick then something must be bothering you,” she said gently. “Would you like to tell me about it?”
He turned away from the window, then, his eyes cast downward, he scuffed his toe against the hardwood floor. “I’ve been wondering, Josselyn—I mean, Miss Weaver—did you and Dad have a fight or something? He’s been acting really weird.”
Weird. That couldn’t even begin to describe the way Josselyn had been feeling since Drew had rushed out of her cabin. Two full days and nights had passed since then and she still hadn’t heard a word from him. She’d been telling herself that he needed time and space. That after he’d had a chance to think things through, he’d call and say he was ready to see her again. But just how much time and space was he going to need? She was beginning to wonder.
“No. We didn’t have a fight, Dillon. What makes you think so?”
“’Cause Dad is acting like he used to. Before he started dating you. He’s back to his old grouchy self. Are you sure you didn’t get mad at him?”
Not for anything did Josselyn want little Dillon to get caught in the problems she and Drew were having, so she measured her next words carefully. And though she didn’t fib to the child, she did avoid elaborating. “No. I’m not mad. And we didn’t have a fight. I think your father is a great guy.”
Dillon looked even more perplexed. “Gee, then I don’t understand. Why is Dad acting so bad?”
Josselyn’s heart was breaking. Not just for herself but also for Dillon. “I’m not sure, Dillon. It could be your father is just working very hard and he’s thinking about his patients. He’ll get in a better mood soon.”
“He might get happier if you would come see him,” Dillon suggested.
Well, there wasn’t anyone saying Josselyn couldn’t go to the boardinghouse and force Drew to see her. But she was hoping it wouldn’t come to that. She wanted him to come to her of his own volition.
“I might just do that.” She gave Dillon a bright smile to cover up the sadness weighing on her heart. “Now let’s go see if we can find a fun book for you to read. I have a new one about a frog who’s afraid to jump off his lily pad.”
Momentarily forgetting his worries, Dillon asked, “Why is the frog afraid?”
Josselyn took him by the hand and led him away from the window. “Come along and I’ll show you.”
* * *
Later that evening, Josselyn decided to go by Daisy’s Donut Shop and have a cup of coffee. Anything would be better than sitting alone in her cabin, wondering if Drew would call or show up.
The bakery was busy, with most of the tables taken. After Josselyn had gotten her order of coffee and an apple fritter, she stood at the edge of the room trying to spot a place to sit. She was about to decide to take her food and drink outside to a bench on the sidewalk when she caught sight of a dark-haired woman waving at her.
Recognizing Caroline Ruth, the wedding-planner assistant, Josselyn made her way across the room to where the young woman was sitting alone at a table for two.
Smiling warmly, Caroline gestured toward the empty seat. “Hi, Josselyn. I was just thinking it would be nice to have a little company and then I spotted you.”
Josselyn placed her coffee and fritter on the table and eased into the chair. “And I was standing there thinking it was going to be hopeless to find a place to sit. Thanks for letting me join you.”
“My pleasure. You can tell me not to worry about all the calories I’m consuming by eating this piece of cherry pie.”
Josselyn forced herself to chuckle, while thinking she was becoming a damned
good actress. Any woman who could laugh while tears were flowing inside of her ought to win an Oscar.
“I think we’re both in trouble with the calorie count,” Josselyn said as she unwrapped the wax paper from her fritter. “But a visit to Daisy’s Donut Shop is to be enjoyed. And it’s very nice to see you again, Caroline. How’s the wedding planning going? Have you and Vivienne been busy?”
“Extremely busy. There really must be something to Rust Creek Falls being the place to fall in love. The weddings seem to be endless. Which is good for me, I suppose. As long as Viv needs help, I have a job.”
I’m beginning to think there is something in the water around here. I’ve never seen so many pregnant women.
Drew’s remark that night in the cabin suddenly came back to haunt her. So many times she’d dreamed of being pregnant with Drew’s child and giving him a son or daughter to join Dillon. And that night, she’d hoped he might bring up the subject of the two of them having children together. But that never happened.
Josselyn forced herself back to the conversation. “That’s nice,” she told Caroline, unaware that her voice sounded half-dead. “You have job security and couples are hearing happy wedding bells.”
Caroline looked at her. “So how are things going for you? The last time we ran into each other here at Daisy’s I forgot to ask if you’d found something sexy at Gilda’s to wear for the doctor.”
So much had happened since she and Drew had dined at the hotel in Kalispell that it felt like months had passed rather than weeks. “I found something to wear. Whether it was sexy, I couldn’t tell you,” Josselyn told her. “I never was exactly a femme fatale. Librarians usually aren’t.”
Caroline laughed. “Oh, Josselyn, you’re so funny.”
“Really? Wonder why I don’t feel like laughing.”
The other woman cast her a sober look. “I’m sorry. Is something wrong?”
Straightening her shoulders, Josselyn reached for her coffee. “No. I’m fine,” she lied, then asked, “Caroline, did you ever find yourself hanging on to a lost cause?”
The Little Maverick Matchmaker (Montana Mavericks: The Lonelyhearts Ranch Book 3) Page 17
