by Karen Kirst
Unaware of her inner turmoil, he descended the steps. “Sweet dreams, Kate.”
Clutching the post to keep from falling in a heap, she watched his tall form as he walked away, her heart aching with the knowledge he could never be hers.
Kate’s dreams that night and the nights following were not at all sweet. An angry Tyler chased her through the woods. Josh was there, too, just out of reach. He called to her, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t run fast enough.
She awoke Thursday morning with a heavy feeling in her chest. The sound of rain spattering across the roof promised a gray day to match her mood. Her plans to take photographs of the town would have to be postponed.
There was a chill in the air, the floor cold against her bare feet. She dressed quickly in an unadorned brown skirt and sunny-yellow shirtwaist in defiance of the gloomy weather. Pulling on a pair of brown leather ankle boots, she dashed through the rain to the main house.
She’d managed to avoid Josh all week and hoped to do the same today. How could she act normal around him? Pretend to be happy when her heart ached at the sight of him?
So far, no one had noticed anything amiss. Or if anyone had, no one had commented on it. Josh had kept himself busy in his workshop, so she hadn’t had to endure his presence during mealtimes.
Seeing only Mary in the house, she let out a sigh of relief. But her relief was short-lived. After a simple breakfast, Mary asked if she’d mind taking a biscuit and jug of milk out to Josh’s workshop. She did mind, but she couldn’t refuse her hostess’s simple request. Not without offending her or raising suspicions.
Praying for strength, she entered his workshop. Bent over a waist-high table with a chisel in his hand, he didn’t see her at first. A half-assembled chair stood nearby.
She seized the chance to steel her resolve. Think of him as a friend. A confidant. A buddy.
Looking anywhere but at him, she surveyed his shop. A cozy space, well-lit with kerosene lamps, he kept it neat and orderly. Tools of all shapes and sizes hung on pegs on the wall beside him. Farther back stood saws and machines she hadn’t seen before. The scents of pine and wood stain hung in the air.
“Good morning.” He noticed her presence and set aside his tools.
As he straightened, his quick smile slipped into a frown.
The careful way he moved was unmistakable. “Your ribs are still hurting, aren’t they?”
“They’re much improved, but still a bit sore.” He spied the things in her hands. “Ma sent breakfast, did she? All I had this morning was a cup of coffee.”
Wiping his hands on a towel, he came around the table and took the jar and bundled napkin from her. “Thanks.” Taking in the wet spots on her blouse, he said, “Doesn’t look like it’s gonna let up anytime soon, does it?”
“No.” She grimaced. “I’d planned to take photographs of the church today.”
He was standing too close. Do not think about his tender kisses.
The door scraped open. “Josh, I need—” Caleb stopped and stared at the two of them, his mouth firming in disapproval. Sweeping off his hat, he dipped his head. “Miss Morgan. Pardon the interruption.” His gaze swung to Josh. “I need to borrow your hammer. Mine broke.”
“Here you go.” Josh slipped the tool off its peg and handed it to Caleb. “What are you working on?”
“Building more shelves in the barn.” He turned and left without another word.
“I’m curious about something.”
“What’s that?”
Kate moved away from him and pretended interest in the chair he’d been assembling.
“How come you don’t work in the dairy with your father and brothers?”
With a poignant smile, he carefully leaned back against the table and put his hands in his pockets. “My grandfather was a master woodworker. Every summer during our visits to his house, I’d beg to help him build something. The summer I turned ten, he decided I was old enough to help without hurting myself. He was a good teacher. Patient. Taught me everything I know.
“Soon I started collecting tools. I cleared out a space in our barn where I could work after my chores were done.” He shifted his weight. “My dad was great. He gave me the freedom to choose my path. And I’m fortunate my brothers didn’t mind the dairy business. Nathan’s a natural animal lover, and Caleb likes the solitary nature of the job.”
Glancing at the stacks of lumber in the corner, she murmured, “So you’re doing what you love and making a living at it.”
And I’m the reason your dream of expanding fell apart.
“I’m a fortunate man.”
How could he stand to look at her after what she’d done? Flouncing into town and invading his home, his family and, ultimately, his business. In that instant, she knew she couldn’t stay. If he didn’t want to purchase the store from her, she’d give it to him. He’d be angry, of course, his pride wounded, but she’d be long gone before he found out.
“Josh,” said Nathan, as he shoved open the door, his face and hair dripping wet. “Bess is terrible sick, and Pa’s getting the wagon ready for deliveries later today. Can you lend me a hand?”
“Sure.” He untied his apron and hung it on the wall. When he stopped in front of Kate, his eyes held a touch of disappointment. “In case you forgot, Bess is the brand-new momma cow. I’m not sure how long I’ll be. This may take a while.”
Relieved at the interruption, she managed, “I’ll go and see if Mary needs my help with anything.”
“I’ll see you later.” Plucking his hat off the table and settling it on his head, he followed Nathan out into the downpour.
Kate didn’t move for the longest time. As soon as she had a chance, she’d pen a letter explaining everything. Then she’d make preparations to leave Gatlinburg.
Sorrow squeezed her heart. Unable to face anyone, she decided against returning to the main house and dashed across the soggy yard to her cabin.
In an effort to push aside thoughts of leaving, she wrote her parents a letter. She also wrote to her sister, careful to keep it impersonal. If Francesca guessed Kate’s feelings for Josh, who knew how she’d react.
The remainder of the day passed slowly. The rain continued through the afternoon, and eventually she grew drowsy from the unrelenting pitter-patter against the roof. Stretching out on the sofa, she pulled the quilt up to her chin and drifted to sleep.
The dream started innocently enough. Another party at the estate. Couples dancing and laughing. Soon the bright, cheerful colors dimmed. The guests disappeared. Now it was just her and Wesley. Walking down the long, dark corridors of the basement in search of the wine cellar. This was a maid’s or butler’s job, she mentioned. He wanted to see her father’s celebrated collection for himself, he said. And glorying in his undivided attention, she happily led the way.
Inside the low, brick-walled room, Wesley stood very near. He held her hand. Told her she was beautiful. The candle flame flickered out, utter darkness descended and her childhood fears overtook her. Terror caught her in its grip. Shaking uncontrollably, she reached out frantically for Wesley.
His voice soothed her as he pulled her into his strong embrace.
“No.” She shook her head. “We mustn’t.”
His hands gripped her shoulders. “Kate, wake up.”
“No.” She twisted her head away. “Wesley, stop!”
“Kate!” He gently shook her, his voice very near her ear.
But it wasn’t Wesley’s voice. It was Josh’s.
Slowly she became aware of her surroundings. She was lying on the sofa in the cabin. And Josh was there, sitting on the edge of the cushion, leaning over her.
His eyes were dark with concern. “Kate, you were having a bad dream.”
Shoving her
hair out of her eyes, she scooted up into a sitting position. “I must’ve dozed off.”
As he stood to his feet, his gaze remained fixed on her. “Who’s Wesley?”
Josh watched the tumble of emotions on Kate’s face. She turned her gaze away.
“He’s, um, a friend of the family’s.”
Her reaction to a simple question had his senses on high alert.
“And you were dreaming about him?”
She stood to fold the quilt, smoothing it into a tidy square. “People dream about friends and acquaintances all the time, don’t they? Even those they don’t see on a daily basis.”
Her effort to remain casual told him there was something more to this than she was letting on. “It wasn’t a pleasant dream. Did he hurt you?”
She hesitated a second too long. “No.”
When she made to move past him, he caught her arm. Her shadowed eyes flew to his face. “Your sister deceived me. Don’t do that to me, Kate.”
The color drained from her face. “I would never hurt you the way she did,” she insisted, anguish underscoring her words.
He believed her. Still, doubt wormed its way into his mind. She was keeping something from him.
He dropped his hand, unsettled by the entire exchange. He’d come to bring her a plate of food, since she hadn’t shown up for supper. When he’d walked in and seen her asleep on the sofa, he hadn’t been able to resist watching her for a moment.
She’d looked so peaceful—a sweet smile on her lips, her dark hair spread out in a curtain across the pillow. In an instant, her sleep had become troubled. And when she’d starting calling out, he’d decided to wake her.
He stoked up the fire, gritting his teeth at the pain shooting up his sides. It had been an exhausting day. Pushing and prodding a sick cow hadn’t helped his injured ribs. “Your supper is on the table.”
She didn’t respond. He heard the scrape of chair legs on the floor and assumed she was eating. When he turned, she was sitting at the table all right. But she wasn’t eating. Hands resting in her lap, she was staring out the window. Her dejected expression wrenched his heart.
Blowing out a breath, Josh went to her. Crouching down, he covered her hands with his.
When she angled her face down, her pale eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
“Please don’t be upset. I wasn’t comparing you to your sister. You have a sensitive, caring heart. I know you wouldn’t willingly hurt anyone.”
“Oh, Josh—” her lower lip trembled “—have you ever done something you later regretted?”
“Of course.” He gave a sardonic laugh. Asking Francesca to marry him ranked at the top of the list.
“Me, too.” Her gaze skittered away. “I believe the Bible when it says God forgives me when I mess up. My head believes it, but at times I have a tough time convincing my heart.”
“Sometimes you have to set aside your feelings and make the conscious decision to trust in His promises. 1 John 1:9 says, ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.’ He forgives us, not because we deserve it, but because of His goodness and the love He has for us.”
“You’re right,” she said softly. “I have to keep reminding myself.”
“Is there something bothering you? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”
“I’ve no doubt about that.” She pressed her fingertips to her temples. “Actually, I have a headache. I think I might retire for the night.”
“It may be you need to eat something.” Josh stood. “I’ll leave you to eat your supper in peace. See you in the morning?”
“Sure.” She seemed distracted.
She made to rise, but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. “Sit. I’ll let myself out. Just remember to lock it before you go to sleep.”
Walking across the damp yard, he couldn’t shake the feeling of unease. Francesca had been involved with another man throughout the duration of their courtship. She’d been toying with him. Using him to make another man jealous. Any man would be distrustful after tangling with a deceitful woman.
Kate’s different, he reminded himself.
Why, then, had she acted so strangely when he’d inquired about the man in her dreams?
Face facts, O’Malley. You want her for yourself, and the idea of any other man having a claim on her doesn’t sit well with you.
No, that wasn’t true. He’d been careful to guard his heart.
Kate Morgan wasn’t the woman for him.
Keep telling yourself that, O’Malley. You just may start to believe it.
Chapter Fifteen
Something was bothering Kate.
He could see it in the slight slump of her shoulders and the sadness tingeing her smiles. Her gorgeous green eyes no longer sparkled. And she was eating even less than usual.
Despite various attempts to get her alone, he hadn’t succeeded. She was deliberately avoiding him, and he couldn’t figure out why.
Perhaps today he’d get answers.
Reaching into the wardrobe cabinet, he slipped his gray suit off the hook and dressed with care. She was taking photographs of their family today. The gash on his cheek had healed enough so that it wouldn’t show.
“See ya downstairs,” said Nathan, shaved and dressed in his dark brown suit, as he disappeared through the doorway.
Five minutes later, Josh descended the steps in a hurry, only to jerk to a stop at the bottom. Kate was there in the living room gazing out the window, a vision in a creamy yellow confection of a dress that complemented her lustrous brown hair and green eyes. She turned at the sound of his footsteps.
Was it his imagination or had he seen a flash of longing on her face before she’d schooled her features?
“Good morning, Kate. How did you sleep?”
“I slept well, thank you.”
Her polite smile wedged beneath his skin like a splinter.
“I don’t believe you.”
Startled, her composure slipped. “Excuse me?”
Reaching up, he lightly touched a fingertip to the bruised skin beneath her eyes. “Your face tells another story.”
Sucking in a breath, she stepped back. “I—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His patience snapped. Closing the distance between them, he clasped her hands. “What’s wrong, Kate? I know something’s bothering you. I—”
“We’re ready if you are, Kate.” His mother, wearing her favorite pink floral dress and the pearl necklace his father had given her on the day of their wedding, bustled in from the kitchen.
Dropping her hands, Josh paced away from her.
“I have everything set up on the front lawn.”
“Lead on, then,” said Mary, smiling with enthusiasm.
Out front, his father and Caleb waited beneath the branches of a hundred-year-old oak. Pa, still fit and in good health, looked dapper in his pin-striped suit. Caleb paced in his gray trousers, black brocade vest and burgundy dress shirt, his expression clearly stating he’d rather be anywhere else.
Kate approached her camera perched on its stand, removed the lens cover and peered into the viewfinder. Straightening, she moved with careful steps to survey the area, all intense concentration and focus.
The first portrait was to be of the entire family. With an easy manner and pleasant yet firm tone, she directed everyone into position, all the while avoiding eye contact with Josh.
“All right, everyone.” She circled behind her camera, scalloped lace underskirts catching on the blades of grass. Framed against the dreary skies, she was a burst of sunshine. “I need for you to stand very still until the exposure is complete. It takes approximately sixty seconds.”
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Stooping to peer through the viewfinder, she recapped the lens only until she’d removed the cover from the dry plate. “Ready? Here goes.” Then, snatching off the lens cover, she held up her hand to remind them not to move.
“Got it!” She beamed after a minute. “Now, Sam and Mary, how about one with just the two of you? Then I can take one of your sons by themselves.”
Josh and his brothers stood off to the side while Kate maneuvered their parents into place. He didn’t miss the love in his mother’s eyes as she glanced up at his father, nor the tender way he held her close. Life on a working farm and raising three rambunctious boys couldn’t have been easy. They’d faced their share of hardships, but it had only made them stronger as a couple. And they’d learned to find joy in the simple things.
He wanted that same loving partnership for himself. He studied Kate. If only things were different…
“Josh? Hello?” Nathan snapped his fingers in front of his face. “It’s our turn.”
Embarrassed to be caught woolgathering, he was quiet as he headed toward the desired spot. Passing by her, he inhaled her citrusy scent and, unable to resist, tugged on a lemon-hued ribbon entwined in her dark locks. The backs of his fingers brushed against her nape.
She sucked in a breath, turned wide, questioning eyes on him. The air between them shimmered with unspoken longing. Okay, he shouldn’t have done that.
Nathan cleared his throat. Josh dropped his hand. Get a grip, O’Malley.
“You, ah, had a ribbon out of place,” he murmured. “It’s fixed now.”
Cheeks blazing, she nodded and turned to direct his brothers. Her voice was not as steady as before, but she maintained her businesslike approach.
When she’d taken the photograph, Caleb groused, “Are we done? I’ve got work to do.”
Before anyone could answer, he stomped off toward the house to change. The door slammed behind him.
“Wait—” Mary clasped her hands together “—we don’t have a picture of you, Kate. Do you think you could show Samuel what to do so that you can have your picture made with the boys?”
