“I was restless,” she said, shifting her gaze away from his too intense, too observant study. She didn’t want him to read the rest of the reason, that she’d been drawn here by him.
Yes, because she’d needed to know what he was up to.
But also for this.
The way he made her body come alive just by pressing close. The way he made her want something she knew she couldn’t have.
The way he made her feel vibrant and energized for the first time in...a very long time. It was an addiction she couldn’t seem to shake. One she’d developed way too quickly. A couple of tastes and her willpower was toast.
It was the same buzz she got whenever she uncovered that kernel of information she’d been hunting days, weeks or sometimes months for.
Euphoria, triumph and anticipation.
Pressing his face close to hers, Jackson snagged her gaze and wouldn’t let it go. He drilled her with those clear blue eyes, the ones she could drown inside without a hint of panic. “We both know you’re scared to death of the water. So what really got you on that tiny boat and over to this little island?”
Unexpected heat rolled through her. Embarrassment. She didn’t often get embarrassed and didn’t appreciate that this man had the ability to set her off-kilter enough to manage it.
“I...” She wanted to lie, but for some reason the words wouldn’t work through her throat. Not until they carried the truth. “I saw you.”
The ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. Something hot and primitive flashed deep inside his eyes.
“So you followed me out here? Despite your debilitating fear?”
Another wave of the uncomfortable emotion swept through her. He was making her examine her own actions and motives, and she didn’t particularly want to do that.
A single finger slipped down the slope of her heated cheek. “Yes,” she admitted, the word dragging from deep inside without her permission.
“Why?”
She clamped her jaw shut rather than let out any more of her secrets. Loralei decided the smarter thing to do was to stay silent. Turning her head, she trained her gaze on the darkness surrounding them.
But Jackson was having none of that. With gentle pressure, he forced her to meet his eyes.
“Why, Loralei?” But then he surprised her by changing the question. “Why are you afraid of the water?”
Slowly, he pressed closer, taking what space had been between them and shrinking it down to nothing. “How did the daughter of a scuba diver end up unable to swim and afraid of the water?”
Loralei swallowed. She couldn’t breathe, not with his body invading her space and his soft, insistent voice permeating her thoughts. She didn’t mean for the words to slip out—they just did. “My mother drowned.”
The simple statement was so much easier to say than she’d expected, but the feelings behind it were so much more complex. And Jackson seemed to sense that.
He touched her again. Not with the searing passion she wanted—that emotion would have helped her forget the things she didn’t want to remember—but with soft, soothing caresses. His hands ran gently up and down her arms. His fingers paused at her shoulders to knead the tight muscles there. He coaxed her to relax, and her body was incapable of denying his talented, silent demand.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, the words just as tempting. “How did it happen?”
For some strange reason she found herself answering, giving in to the gentle command that lurked behind the innocuous question. It was the soft sympathy she didn’t want to want.
“I wasn’t always afraid of the water,” she explained.
Until she’d turned five, she’d lived on the Emily with both of her parents. She didn’t have memories of those times, but there were pictures. Not that she looked at them often. But when she did, they all seemed so happy.
Then she and her mother had moved in with her grandparents. Water hadn’t been the center of her world, but it had still been a part of her life. She’d gone to the pool, her hair in pigtails and sunscreen slathered all over her skin.
“I was nine when my mom left me to join my dad on a dive. Even that young, I knew she was restless. She got that way sometimes. She never said it to me personally, but I knew. She loved me, but there was a part of her that resented having to stay behind while my dad was diving at some of the most beautiful places on earth.
“Occasionally she’d leave me with my grandparents, go off for a couple weeks whenever that urge to be on the water welled up and got really bad.”
Instinctively, Loralei reached out for him, curling her fingers around his biceps and holding on tight.
“I remember the moment they told me. It’s so crystal clear. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t. That, like other childhood memories, it would fade. But it doesn’t. I was at school. The principal came and got me out of class. I knew right then something bad must have happened. That terrible knot in my stomach only got worse when I saw my grandparents standing in the hallway. My grandmother’s eyes were rimmed red and my grandfather just stood there, staring down at me with grief and pity in his eyes. They told me there’d been an accident and that my mom was gone. That she’d drowned.”
Loralei closed her eyes, the emotions of that day overwhelming her all over again. The way her chest had tightened so much that she’d felt as if she was the one suffocating.
“The water was her life. She was one of the strongest swimmers I’ve ever known. And she drowned. How is that possible?”
Loralei’s entire world spun again, just as it had that day so long ago when she’d learned what had happened. But in the middle of it, tonight, two solid hands were holding her up.
Jackson, maybe sensing that there was no good answer to her question, simply held on to her, giving her what she needed at that moment.
Memories rushed at her, overwhelming grief. The funeral had been a blur of people flowing in and out of their house. Everyone speaking in hushed voices. People she’d never met before patting her on the head as if she was a dog instead of a girl who’d just lost her mother.
For weeks she’d woken up every night covered in sweat, tears streaming silently down her face. She never told her grandparents about the nightmares where she imagined the cold, wet darkness slowly crushing and choking her mother. They had been dealing with their own grief. And she’d had to be strong, just like her father had told her to be before he’d left again.
“You’ve been afraid ever since.” Jackson didn’t ask, he knew. Understood.
“There’s something about it that just...paralyzes me.” The moment she touched pools, lakes or the ocean it was as if her arms and legs were filled suddenly with concrete. The familiar sensation of helplessness washed over her. God, she hated that.
A band tightened around her lungs, making it hard to pull in a full breath. Her heart sped up, thumping uncomfortably against every pulse point in her body. All of her—blood, bone, skin and muscle—went ice cold.
“Hey, hey,” he said. Suddenly Jackson’s warm hands cupped her cheeks. He tilted up her face until she was staring straight into eyes so deep and blue they should have reminded her of exactly what scared her to death.
Instead, Loralei felt a rush of unbelievable calm cascade over her. Her hands wrapped hard around his wrists, she held on.
They stared at each other for several moments, breathing in sync, in and out as the familiar panic drained away.
And still, he stared at her, steady and sure in a way nothing in her life had ever felt. She had no idea what Jackson was seeing, but her body started to respond differently, no longer ruled by remembered fear.
His thumb brushed across her lower lip, making it tingle.
She wanted him to kiss her. Hard and slow. To bring that simmer in her blood up to a boil and take away everything else.
Which was why she pulled away.
She tried to sidestep out of his arms, but he refused to let her pass. She expected him to try to push the moment into a replay of t
he frenzy from the night before, so she was left off-kilter by the low rumble of Jackson’s words.
“I understand, Loralei. I lost my mother, too.”
8
JACKSON HAD NO idea why he’d told her this. Maybe it was the salt air or the moonlight or the way pain had welled up behind her gorgeous green eyes.
The sight of it had left a pit in the bottom of his stomach. He’d wanted to make that pain go away.
He’d always been that way, unable to handle seeing women upset. Yet another reason he didn’t do relationships.
“She died?” Loralei’s voice was husky, tinged with the emotions still swirling inside her.
Slowly, Jackson shook his head. No, his mother hadn’t died. Was it bad that there’d been a time in his life when he’d wished she had? When he was fourteen he’d even told several of the guys at school that was what had happened.
It’d been easier to deal with their platitudes over his loss than their pity if he’d told them the truth.
“No. She left when I was five. Just...left. One day she dropped me off at kindergarten. That afternoon she was supposed to pick me up again, but my dad was waiting outside instead. He took me to get some ice cream.”
“Why do adults always think ice cream will help kids deal with bad news?”
Jackson chuckled, appreciating her ability to make him smile in the middle of remembering one of the most painful moments of his life. “I have no idea, but it really doesn’t help.”
“At all.”
“He explained that my mom was dealing with some things and for a while it was just going to be us boys. I’m not sure exactly when I realized she was never coming back. Not at Christmas a couple months later, even though she didn’t call or send a card or anything. Maybe it was my birthday in May when my dad arranged to take all the boys from my class to a baseball game, but she wasn’t there.”
“Jackson,” Loralei breathed.
“Don’t you dare,” he growled. “Don’t you feel sorry for me.”
That wasn’t what he wanted. Ever.
“I’m not the first child to be abandoned. I was lucky. That first year was tough—for both of us—but I have the best dad and a wonderful woman I consider my mother. She came into my life about a year later. Made my dad happy again and gave me the best little sister, even if she was a pain in the ass on occasion growing up.”
Loralei choked on a strangled laugh. “I always wanted a sister.”
“God save me if you and Kennedy ever meet.” He could just see it now, both of them terrorizing everyone, demanding and dictatorial.
“I didn’t tell you that to gain sympathy. But to let you know I understand both the pain of losing a parent and the turmoil of being abandoned. Of growing up thinking there was something wrong with you because they chose something else over you.”
Loralei sucked in a sharp breath. “I didn’t... I don’t...” Her jaw snapped shut, locking whatever words she couldn’t say behind tight teeth.
This time when Loralei moved to slip away he let her go. He turned to watch the sway of her hips, the long expanse of tanned legs and the tight swell of her ass against the tiny shorts she wore.
His body reacted. He wanted her. What red-blooded man wouldn’t? But it was more than the simple lust he’d been fighting from the moment he’d seen her walking across the dock toward Emily’s Fortune.
Dammit, why had he started this conversation? He really didn’t want to understand any more about Loralei Lancaster. All he needed to know was that she was after the treasure he’d devoted his life to finding.
Which was why he wanted to smack himself when he hollered after her, “Do you want to learn?”
Loralei paused, only turning back enough to glance at him over her shoulder.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want to learn how to swim?”
She was shaking her head before he could finish the sentence. “I already know how. I just...can’t.”
Taking several steps closer, Jackson was struck by how he was drawn to her despite himself. He knew he should keep his mouth shut and watch her walk away. But he couldn’t seem to make himself do it.
“Oh, I think you can. Actually, I know you can. The woman I met the other night, the one who stared down an asshole at the bar and then dumped a drink over my head wouldn’t let a little, insignificant thing like fear win.”
“I’ve tried.”
“Not with me.”
Loralei let out a huff. “Arrogant, aren’t you?”
Jackson couldn’t stop a cocky grin from spreading across his face or the dismissive shrug of his shoulders. “Sweetheart, you have no idea. I am a SEAL.”
He took another step closer and with the decrease in distance could clearly see the fear swirling beneath her cool, calm facade. It bothered him for reasons he didn’t particularly want to examine too closely.
“I won’t let anything happen to you, Loralei. I worked too hard to revive your ass the first time.”
She frowned, but the spark of temper had the advantage of dispelling at least some of her fear.
“Don’t be a coward.”
And that managed to take care of the rest.
Temper snapped, brightening her eyes. Her skin flushed and her body went stiff with indignation.
“I’m no coward. I’m here, aren’t I?” Her arms waved around, taking in the expanse of water that stretched out in front of them.
“No, you’re on this nice, solid island while the rest of your team is sound asleep on that ship behind you.”
“Asshole,” she breathed out.
“I heard that.”
“Good.”
A grin flashed across his lips.
“Are you going to let me try to help you or what? You know you want to. It can’t be easy trying to hide your secret from your crew.”
Dismay filled her features. “How’d you know...?”
“A hunch.”
Loralei wasn’t the kind of woman to admit to a weakness, not without being forced into a corner. She hadn’t told him the truth until he’d been holding her out over the water and she’d been certain there was no other way to convince him to put her down. And even then, staring the real possibility of death in the face, the words had been reluctantly dragged through her lips.
Her eyes narrowed. “Why are you doing this?”
Now that was a damn good question. Jackson had no freaking clue. But since he’d already made the offer...
“Let’s just say the idea of anyone being afraid of the water bothers me. Especially now that I know where your fear comes from. I’ve been diving for almost half my life. It’s...” There were so many ways he could finish that sentence. “Everything. Let me help you.”
Loralei cocked her head to the side and studied him for several moments before nodding slowly. “Fine. But don’t blame me when this doesn’t go well.”
Oh, he wouldn’t. He knew precisely where to place that blame. Squarely on his own shoulders.
“Tomorrow night. Right here, about nine.”
Loralei nodded and then spun on her heel, kicking up sand as she jogged toward the small boat she’d left tied to a tree next to his.
He watched her crank the motor and head back to the ship anchored in the distance, keeping an eye on her the entire way.
* * *
ALL DAY SHE’D flip-flopped between dread, anger and unfortunately, lust. She’d been back on the Emily for about an hour before she’d realized Jackson hadn’t actually answered her question. She still had no idea why he’d gone out to that island.
And now she really wanted to know. The curiosity was killing her. Right along with the sickening sludge of panic she didn’t want to admit feeling.
It had been hard to concentrate on the tasks at hand. Her team had gone down again today, searching for more artifacts but coming up empty.
Once again, Loralei had spent the day below deck working on her research.
Several times she’d convinced he
rself that she wasn’t going to do it. She’d be stupid to follow through and meet Jackson on that beach. But then she’d hear his voice, low and gruff, accusing her of being a coward.
And she was. She’d been a coward for almost her entire life. At least where water was concerned. It bothered her, imagining Jackson smirking at her, thinking he’d pegged her perfectly.
He didn’t know anything about her.
Which was how she found herself on that damn tiny launch, headed for the sandy shore. Beneath the cutoff jean shorts and T-shirt she’d thrown on, she wore a bathing suit. It was a rather optimistic move, but she’d put it on anyway.
It was the first one she’d bought in a very long time. As a teenager, she’d bought swimsuits so that she could visit the pool with her friends, although the only time they’d gotten wet was when she washed them.
This was the first time she’d had this one on outside the dressing room. The tight strings that tied around her neck and ribs rubbed uncomfortably. Or maybe it was the stress and fear that made her uncomfortable. Her nerves buzzed with tension, making her feel as if her entire body was conducting a live current.
As she steered the boat up on the beach she looked for Jackson’s, but couldn’t find it. Maybe he’d changed his mind. That thought had relief and anger coursing through her. She resented both emotions.
Climbing out of the boat, Loralei tied it off to a nearby tree and scanned the dense jungle. Well, if she wasn’t going to have to deal with her fear tonight, at least she’d get some time with her feet on solid ground again.
Tucking her hands into her pockets, she strolled for the line of vegetation and nearly gasped when Jackson materialized out of the gathering gloom.
“You came.”
Loralei frowned. Did he think she wouldn’t?
“I said I would.”
Quirking a single eyebrow, Jackson said, “I wasn’t sure that actually meant something to you.”
“If you really think that little of me, why are you doing this?”
Jackson shook his head. “I already told you. Strip.”
It was her turn to raise an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
Under the Surface Page 8
