by Ashley Goss
“What about this shirt?”
“It’s too low!” I squeal. There is no way I am wearing that. I don’t need to look like a whore on my first date.
“What’s wrong with showing a little?”
“I like to be covered!”
“Live a little!”
She throws me the top and tells me to put it on. Oh yeah. It’s low alright. I didn’t know if I could wear this out in public without feeling uncomfortable. I didn’t like having men stare at me and with this shirt, they will be. I wouldn’t mind Elijah staring at me, but I didn’t want to display my goodies for every man to see.
“Can’t you find something a little less revealing?”
“You look great. Just own it.”
This night is going to be interesting, to say the least. I am already nervous about the date, and now I must worry about flashing my goodies to everyone around me. This is just going to be so much fun.
“Let me do your makeup!”
“Nope, I am just going as normal me. I don’t want to put makeup on.”
“Nope, date night equals makeup. Get your butt over here!”
She is really trying to make me up for this date. I hope she isn’t going to do something crazy. I didn’t like a whole lot of makeup. I like to keep it natural, and Rachel didn’t. I sit there while she works on my face and I could tell that she’s going all out on my face. Did she not realize Elijah would be here any minute and I didn’t want him to get here, and I have half my face on?
“Hurry up. Elijah will be here any second.”
“Almost done.”
When she’s finally done, I get up and look in the mirror. She gave me some smoky eye look and some red lipstick. I look good but not natural. I guess I could deal with it for one night. I didn’t really have a choice at this point. I am putting the final touches on myself when I hear the doorbell ring. It must be him. I walk to the door and open it. He didn’t look like himself. He’s dressed up in slacks and a button up shirt with a tie. He looks scrumptious. He looks at me for a minute before asking if I’m ready to go. Hopefully, it’s a good look.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
I must breathe. I am feeling very nervous. I want this date to go smoothly. I didn’t want anything to go wrong. Elijah decides to go to the movies. It’s a more relaxed first date. It is better because there is no chance for awkward silence because a film would be playing. When we get to the theater and take our seats, we are a little early, so we have a couple minutes before the trailers came on.
“How are you feeling?”
“Nervous. Pressure to make this go well. You?”
“Same!” I laugh.
Well, at least it isn’t just me feeling nervous. It’s mutual. Elijah keeps looking over at me. Am I wearing too much makeup? Is it the top? Why did I let Rachel pick out my clothes and do my makeup? I should have known better. Next time, I’m getting ready myself. Well, hopefully, there is a next time.
The movie starts, and I awkwardly sit there not knowing what to do. I haven’t been on a date in a long time. I have no idea what to do. Is he going to try to hold my hand? Put his arm around me? Kiss me? Now I remember why I hate dating and especially first dates. It’s like I am always guessing what is coming next.
After about twenty minutes, I think maybe he isn’t going to try anything. I begin to watch the movie and then I see him yawn and put his arm behind me. I start giggling like a little girl.
“What is so funny?” he whispers.
“Nothing just thought of something,” I say, trying to play it off.
And so, it begins. The moves that you always see in movies. The yawn and then Elijah tucks his arm behind me. The crisp trying to find the armrest and then holding my hand. This is hilarious. It is, even more, when I see how nervous he is. When he holds my hand, I feel him shaking. Did I really make him that nervous?
As I continue to watch the movie, I think about how close we have been up until he got with Jess. We pretty much did everything together. There isn’t too much that he didn’t know about me. I could be myself around him and not worry a lick.
Soon, Elijah has pushed the armrest up and pulled me to his chest. I wouldn’t lie, it did feel comfortable to feel his warm chest against my cheek. I could feel his heartbeat. I feel safe. He’s my security. He has been my security since the whole thing happened with Dwayne and I didn’t realize it until now. Maybe that is why I am jealous of Jess when they were together. I want him back and all to myself. Not necessarily in this way but just to feel safe.
Before I know it, the movie is over. It is time to move on to whatever we are doing next. Are we going to do anything else?
“So, are you ready to go home?”
“I guess, it’s up to you.”
I didn’t need there to be more to the date, but I thought there would be. That is okay, it’s a simple date. I like that. We didn’t need to overdo it the first time. As Elijah is taking me home, my mind starts filling with thoughts, and I get even more nervous. Is he going to try to kiss me? This is going to be a big step, and it is a deciding factor for most people if it’s going to work or not. Although, people say kissing is like riding a bike; once you learn, you never forget. It didn’t make this any less nerve-wracking.
When we pull up to my house, I’m ready for it to happen. I start talking about random things. I am sure he could tell I’m nervous. This is the most nervous I have ever been on a date. I tell him good night, and then he leans over and kisses me. My body gets warm, and it’s like we are in our own little world. He’s a fantastic kisser, and I hope he felt the same. When we finish, I am blushing. I tell him good night and get out of his car and go inside. He leaves with a smile on his face.
My mind is racing as I go to my room to get into something comfortable for bed. Did Elijah enjoy himself? I want to text him and tell him I had a good time, but I didn’t want to seem too eager. I call Rachel instead.
“Hey, did I wake you?”
“No, I’m like a mom waiting up for her daughter on her first date. Give me details.”
“Well, it went good, I think. We just went and saw a movie, and then he brought me home.”
“And…?”
She is begging me for more details. If anyone wants us to work out, it’s them two. They just want both of us to be happy. Even better if it’s with each other.
“We kissed.”
Chapter 24
Elijah
I’m in awe. Nikki is such a fantastic woman. To think anyone ever thought she isn’t something unique floors me. She’s unique in every way. My heart fluttered when I leaned in to kiss her. I knew that it would go that way because this wasn’t the first time.
When I’m around her, I feel the connection we have between us. It’s pulling us together, and it is finally going to happen. My love story is beginning. I did not always think that there had been someone out there for me, but now I know. She is that person. We met by circumstance, but ever since I first saw her, I knew that she was meant to be with me. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I am expected to protect her from all things evil. This is precisely what I plan to do. She would never live in fear with me around.
I need to come up with something better for our next date. I want it to be something that we will both enjoy. I think to myself, something to do with the stars. I remember Nikki saying she never got to experience seeing the stars because she has always lived in the city. I call Chris.
“Hey, you know any good lookout places around here?”
“I know a couple places. I would just Google it and see what you can find. That’s what I do.”
“Thanks, man. I just want our date to be epic. Nikki has never really gotten to experience the stars before, so I thought it would be a good idea.”
“She would definitely like that idea. She talks about wanting to see them. I think that would be a great addition to your date. Just wait until she sees the view, then she will be fine.”
I start Googling the b
est lookout places to see the stars. We have a local Amphitheatre that overlooks the country and part of the city. It’s far enough up that we can look at the stars. I ‘m going to take her here. I think she will love it. I want to treat her to something new.
There is a nearby lake that we can walk around after to talk about things and just get some alone time. Nikki might not enjoy that though. I know she didn’t like nature all that much. I think I could make it enjoyable for her.
I want this to work out. Some might say that I am not a good guy, but they only know me from my past. My past didn’t define me. Everyone makes mistakes when they are younger. That is what helps us make better decisions when we are older. That is one thing that I like about Nikki. She didn’t care about my past. She only cares about the present. She understands me. That means everything. I’m hoping this goes well.
I text her to make sure that she didn’t have plans and that she still wants to see me again. Something could have changed since I left. Maybe it had been too overwhelming. She has been through so much, and I just didn’t want her to feel pressured in any way.
I wait for a response, but it takes a little while. Wondering why it’s taking so long? Should I be worried?
Chapter 25
Nikki
I wake up to a text from Elijah.
Elijah: Good morning, beautiful. I had a great time.
Me: So, did I. Thanks.
Elijah: Have any plans today?
Me: Nope. None.
Elijah: I’ve got a surprise. Be ready in an hour. Wear comfortable clothing, we will be doing lots of walking. =)
He has a surprise for me? I didn’t know if I like surprises. I’m so happy that he says to wear comfortable clothing because I didn’t feel like having to dress up again. I shower and get dressed then head outside since he will be here any minute. He’s right on time.
“Hey, stranger!” I yell at him.
“Hey.”
“So where are we going?”
He gets a big smile on his face and says, “You will see. Once we get there, I promise it will be worth it.”
When we get to the wooded area, I must admit I’m not too excited. We begin walking on this trail and not sure where we are going to end up. I wonder why Elijah wanted to bring me here? We walk for a good forty-five minutes before finally, we come to our destination. It’s an abandoned Amphitheatre. The view is amazing. It overlooks the city, but you could see all the stars. This is a great quiet spot.
“Wow, Elijah, this is beautiful. How did you find this place?”
“I found it on Google. I am not sure who all knows about it besides us now.”
I have never experienced something like this before. It’s magnificent. The beauty the sky has at night, and I’d never really noticed it. I take the view in for about forty-five minutes. I want to enjoy it for as long as I can. I wouldn’t experience this view anywhere else plus who knows if we would ever make it back here.
Afterward, we go down to the lake and walk around the trails which means I must really like him because I hate the nature and bugs.
We walk around hand in hand because he knew. I didn't have to tell him I’m frightened because he could read me like a book. That is the best thing about this. We know things without having to be told. We start discussing how we first met and just never imagined that we would end up here. As I look in his eyes, I know that this is going to turn into something special for both of us. We have both tried to let the other have space and deal with their demons that have come up in the last year, but we were better off together.
I like that he wants me to experience new things. He planned this date around me. The things that I want to experience.
“I had a great time tonight.”
“I hope so. I thought that you would enjoy it.”
“Thank you for caring about me. For wanting me to experience new things. The view was magnificent, and I wouldn’t have been able to experience it without you. It means so much to me.”
“All I care about is making you happy. I’ve wanted you since the day I laid my eyes on you. All I can do is make you happy and hope that you feel the same way.”
“I do. You make me so happy. Our story is just beginning.”
Chapter 26
Nikki
Six months have gone by and today is my birthday. Rachel has made plans for me. We are in this club downtown with some of her friends.
“Come on, drink up.”
“I don’t want to drink too much. I want to be sober by the time I get home to Elijah.”
“Why would you want to do that?” she says laughingly.
I take a couple more shots with Rachel, and then we dance the night away. Before I know it, it is three in the morning. I start to miss Elijah. I know that he is not asleep yet. He couldn’t sleep without me.
Is it wrong that I would have much rather been at home with him? He has started working overnights which meant I rarely got to see him. Tonight is his night off, and I wanted to stay home with him. I didn’t want to tell Rachel because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
Me: I wish you were here.
Elijah: I wish you were at home with me.
Me: I will be home soon. I think we are on our last round.
Elijah: Can’t wait. =)
He’s so sweet to me. He helped me bring my self-confidence back up to par and feel like a real queen. He cooks me dinner, opens doors, holds my hand in public, and sends me lovely texts throughout the day. In my eyes, he’s the perfect man. I’m lucky to have him as mine. I’m not going to give him up. We balance each other. He adjusts my craziness with his calmness.
It isn’t very long after I text him that I receive another text:
Elijah: I must go. Don’t wait up for me. I am going to see my mother. She is in the hospital.
I want to ask him what’s wrong, but I know if he wanted to talk about it, he would have said something. He and his mom haven’t always been the closest, but they have gotten closer over the past couple of months. We have been going to her house once a week to visit. She seems like a lovely woman, but Elijah said he didn’t want to talk about why they stopped talking. He says all that matters are they are talking now. I respect that. I wasn’t going to push him to tell me. We drink a couple more drinks and then I am ready to go home and get in my nice big comfortable bed. I hope Elijah would be at home waiting for me by now.
When I get home, Elijah’s still not back, so I attempt to call him, but he didn’t answer.
Me: Babe, is everything okay? I haven’t heard from you. Just wanted to check on you.
Elijah: She passed away. Can’t talk right now.
What? What happened? I didn’t want to intrude, but I didn’t want him to be up there going through this alone. I call Chris, and he drives me to the hospital. When I get there, I find Elijah in the waiting room with his head in his hands. I could tell he is broken.
“I’m here!”
The only thing I could think of is that I’m glad that they reconnected when they did. Elijah would not have forgiven himself had his mother passed without him speaking to her.
“What happened?”
“She had a heart attack. Doctors said that the ambulance didn’t get there in time.”
All I could do is hold his hand and console him. I couldn’t say anything to take his pain although I wish I could. I hate seeing him like this. I hate that he must go through this. How could I possibly make him feel better at a time like this?
“Can you just leave? I really need to be alone right now. I’ll call you if I need something.”
Wow, really? He wants me to leave. I just want to be there for him like he has been for me. I didn’t know it bothered him being here. This upsets me.
“Okay, I’ll go,” I say as I kiss him on his cheek.
Not long after that is when Elijah and I hit a rough patch. Every relationship has its rough spots. You are supposed to work through them and learn from them, but this isn’t one of those
patches. After losing his father, he went on a binge. There is nothing I could do to make him feel better during this time, so I give him his space. Maybe too much space.
After a week of not hearing from him, I start to get worried. I called and text and got no reply. Finally, I go to his house after two weeks. He had moved back to his place when his dad died since he needs his own space. I couldn’t take it anymore. I need to know what is going on. Did he even still want to be with me? As I drive to his house, I picture him apologizing and saying he is sorry. I wish it would have gone that way.
I get out of the car and knock on his door.
“I want to talk to you. Can I please come in?”
When he opens the door, he seems agitated that I am here. This is not how I want him to feel after not seeing me for two weeks.
“What do you want from me?” I ask.
“I don’t know what I want. I just want to be alone.”
“Do you still want to be with me?”
“Like I just said, I don’t know what I want. Can you just leave me alone?” Elijah says as the opens the door for me to leave.
Why is he so damn rude to me? This isn’t like him at all. I don’t want to be around him until he shapes up. He won’t listen to me, so I just need to be patient.
“Okay, I will leave you alone. Don’t know why you are acting this way toward me when I have been there for you. I guess you don’t need me anymore. I’m gone. I won’t beg someone to stay with me who obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me. You're a real dick.” I explain as I start to cry.
I didn’t want him to see me cry. I didn’t want him to know that he’s breaking my heart. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Matter of fact, I won’t give him the pleasure. I refuse to do that. My worth has been taught to me by him, but I didn’t know he would be the one to make me feel worthless.
