“When we first started talking, I met her in the clinic where I work. She was high then, too.”
“A clinic? Oh, shit,” Brian said. He thought for a moment, and something seemed to click into place. “I think I know what’s going on here. And you’re not going to like it. Can you prescribe drugs?”
“I work with a nurse who does.”
“She would give you anything you wanted,” Sabrina said, sitting up. She wiped the fat, fake, tears away with the back of her hand. “You have that Gladys bitch wrapped around your finger. I heard the two of you. You recommend and she glows at you like a mother hen.”
“I’ve heard enough,” Brian said and walked over to the camera man. He wrested the equipment away and started deleting footage. “This is bogus. I’m making sure you guys don’t have a single dick shot or anything to use against him.”
“Stop him,” the director said.
Sean covered Brian. “Let’s not start something ugly. No one has to get hurt here.” Sean cracked his knuckles and took up a fighting stance when one of the grips seemed to think about it. He stopped in his tracks when he realized Sean was serious about throwing punches.
“What’s going on?” the cameraman asked, his hands in the air as though it was a stick up.
“Tell him who was bankrolling this project,” Brian said, handing the camera back to its owner. He faced Allen.
Allen sighed. “He was.” Allen pointed his chin at Sean.
“I was not. I would never. Hell, I don’t even have the five thousand dollars she was offered.” Sean jabbed a thumb at Sabrina.
“You wouldn’t have paid in cash,” Allen said.
“The drugs, Doc. The drugs,” Brian said. “I’m out of here.”
“You were going to blackmail me?” Rage reddened his eyes. “Were you blackmailing my sister?”
“Buddy, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Allen backed away from him.
Brian grabbed Sean’s arm. “He’s a lowlife. Desiree worked for legitimate studios.”
“You can’t go, Sean,” Sabrina said. “You need to do this.”
“Was my sister being blackmailed?” he asked Brian.
Brian snorted. “I doubt it. She’d have been tickled pink to have the exposure.”
“But our parents . . .”
“Couldn’t have stopped her even if they knew about it. Desiree didn’t advertise that she fucked on camera, but she didn’t hide from it either.”
Like Liz. And Sarah.
Sean followed Brian out the door as Allen called out. “All right, let’s not waste the set. Let’s get somebody in bed. Sabrina, honey, put a cock in your mouth. I’ve wasted enough time today.”
The ride in the elevator down was uncomfortable, to say the least. “So they were going to blackmail me for drugs?”
“Probably OxyContin.”
“Jaysus,” Sean said, blinking as he heard the brogue come out.
“Your sister. She was a good kid. I liked her. She had a girlfriend.” Brian paused and looked meaningfully at him. “You understand what I’m saying.”
Sean nodded. The blows just kept on coming. He pivoted, but didn’t put his hands up. He deserved these punches for being an idiot.
“You have a problem with that?”
“No.”
“She thought her family would disown her, if they knew anything about her life here. She didn’t want them to know, but it wasn’t a concern because she felt so distant from them.”
“She told us she was doing odd jobs to make ends meet and we believed her,” Sean said. “We didn’t know anything about porn or the lifestyle, so it was easy to hear what she wanted to tell us.”
“I filmed them a couple of times.”
Sean cringed. This was real, though. This was what he wanted.
“They were beautiful. And I don’t mean just physically. They loved each other. Their movies were more like erotic art. You should get it. There’s a whole series of them out from Luscious Studios.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” Sean grimaced. That was his sister Brian was talking about.
“You’re not one of those assholes who think she turned gay because of the porn, right?”
“No,” Sean said. He counseled enough teens through their fears about their sexuality to know people didn’t “turn gay.”
“I can give Laverne your number, if you want. I can’t guarantee she’ll call, but she might. She’s grieving, too.”
Sean fumbled around in his wallet until he came up with his business card. “I’d appreciate it.”
As they were walking through the lobby, Sean risked one more question. “Did you know she was on drugs?”
Brian shook his head. “Sabrina or your sister?”
“Both. Either.”
“Not a clue.”
“I’m sorry about your girlfriend.”
Brian looked up at the hotel. “Me, too.”
Sean went straight to the gym. He didn’t speak to anyone. He went to the locker room and suited up and then found McManus reading the Sunday comics and drinking coffee that smelled so acidic, it was made Sean’s eyes water.
“You’re full of piss and vinegar this afternoon.”
“I’ll spar with Donovan.”
McManus looked up. “You sure about this, kid?”
“I’m ready.”
“I can see that. But he ain’t here. You want to beat the hell out of something, take it out on the bag. And if it’s the other way around, you’re not getting that here.”
Sean beat the piss out of the training dummy and then pummeled the shit out of the heavy bag. He hit until he couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t think. There was only him and the rhythm of the boxing dance. He lost himself in it. The euphoria hit like a runner’s high and he went at the speed bag while the adrenaline pumped through his veins.
After a while, the ache in his legs and arms punched through the haze. Sean slowed down, realized he was winded.
“I’ve got the hot tub all set up for you, kid,” McManus said, supporting him back to the locker room. “You know, if you train like that every day, you’d have a shot at a heavyweight match.”
“My life is so fucked up.”
“Cry me a river, Perfessor, and get in the damn tub.”
Sean dropped the gear and the rest of the clothes on the locker room floor and sank into the tub. He submerged his head and thought about not coming back up. But he did, pushing the long strands of hair away from his face.
“I’m not your goddamned nursemaid,” McManus said.
“Leave it,” Sean croaked out. “I’ll get it later.”
McManus continued to grumble while he put his gear away. “So what’s your problem, firecracker?”
“Bad day.” Sean let the jets pound water into his aching shoulders and back.
*** ***
When Liz’s phone rang, she was hoping it was Sean. Every inch of her could still feel the impression of his lovemaking from last night. She could barely focus on the business card template she was reworking.
“Hello?” Liz hadn’t recognized the number.
“Ms. Carter, this is Dr. Jenkins.”
Liz smiled. “Did my paperwork go through all right? Is there anything else you need? I can run down there today. In fact, if you’ve got anything you’d like me to work on for next semester, I’d be glad to take a look and we can come up with a plan.”
There was a long silence. “Ms. Carter, I’m afraid we’re going to have to revoke the scholarship.”
Liz laughed nervously. Was this a joke? “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“You weren’t entirely honest in your application.” Dr. Jenkins sighed.
“What are you talking about?” Liz snapped. “My credentials are real. I can back up every single one. . . .”
“Los Angeles, Ms. Carter. You left out your employment when you were in California. You said you did websites.”
Dr. Jenkins’s accusatory tone stiffened Li
z’s spine. “I did.” She had a portfolio full of them. If she had to, she’d make a copy and run it down to the campus today.
“You failed to mention that you also were in porn.”
Liz’s stomach spasmed. Leaning back in her chair, she watched a spider crawl across the ceiling while she controlled her temper.
“That wasn’t relevant to the job you were hiring for,” Liz finally said, acid in her tone.
“I’m afraid we can’t give you the scholarship.” To give her credit, Dr. Jenkins did sound remorseful.
“Over something I did ten years ago?” Liz checked the urge to throw something at the poor defenseless spider. It was either him or her laptop. She snapped a pencil between her fingers instead to stem the rising tide of violence.
“Ms. Carter, I don’t care about your checkered past. In fact, I don’t care if you’re currently hawking your wares on the Internet. I care because my department head got a DVD in his mailbox today. Big, Busty, Beauties.”
Liz closed her eyes and willed back the tears. No. No. No.
“The name Spice didn’t ring any bells, and he was going to just write it off as a prank when the note spilled out that it was starring his new scholarship recipient. And it was only a matter of time and Google before he connected the two.”
“Someone is trying to hurt me,” Liz said.
“You should call the police.”
“And say what? Someone is sending my old movies to people. That’s not a crime.” Liz’s tears were flowing down her cheeks and her nose was stuffing up. “I have a nine-year-old boy. I’m trying to fulfill a dream. My past does not affect my work.”
“It’s affecting it now.”
Liz smashed her hand down on her desk, upsetting her pen holder. Writing utensils went everywhere. “I can do the work study better than any of your candidates, and I’ll do it with a high grade point average.”
“I believe you would have, Ms. Carter. And for what it’s worth, I am sorry. But our offer has been rescinded. Of course, you are welcome to attend NYU next semester, but the Bursar’s office will be expecting a tuition payment. Good luck.”
Liz glanced at the clock. She had three hours to fall apart, then she had to pick up Jonathan from school and carry on. After doing the ugly cry, Liz laid on the couch with a cold washcloth over her eyes. The snivels still shook her body from time to time, and each time she thought of the sheer malevolence of the person leaving those DVDs, new tears erupted.
The person knew her. That’s what hurt the most. They could have gotten her address by following her. But the only people who knew about her scholarship were her friends or whoever they told. Why would anyone talk about her, though? Why would anyone hate her enough to do this?
Twenty-one thousand dollars a semester. It could as well have been twenty-one million. Hell, she was pretty sure twenty-one hundred was out of the question. Even if she broke it down, it still came out to be four thousand dollars a class. That was a lot of business cards and school posters.
See you soon.
Good. And God help you when you do.
Liz threw down the washcloth and sat up. She couldn’t waste any more time feeling sorry for herself. So what if she wasn’t going to get her psych degree? New dreams happened all the time.
Her phone buzzed and this time it was a text from Sean.
You are not going to believe the day I had.
“Bet mine is worse,” she said, staring at the screen. If she told someone or wrote it down, it would become real. Liz wasn’t ready for it to be real yet. She had until the end of January until she had to say anything. Maybe, she could convince Dr. Jenkins’s boss to change his mind or maybe she’d land a corporate contract and earn sixty-thousand dollars a year.
Or maybe monkeys will fly out of my ass.
It would be so easy to tell Sean what happened. He’d commiserate and get all protective and angry and then he’d try to solve her problem, because that’s what men did. She couldn’t tell Sarah because she would blink at her and say, “Wipe your tears.” And then she’d hand her a check for the tuition money.
She didn’t want anyone to rescue her, damn it. She was doing a great job of rescuing herself until this bullshit came along.
She texted back. Backed up with work. Come to the FATE meeting Monday at 8. CU then.
Chapter Fifteen
Thank God, it’s Monday.
She couldn’t wait to see her friends and Sean, even though it was her self-exile that was partially causing her stress. Liz saw disapproving faces everywhere. She picked up Jonathan at school and swore someone was glaring at them through the classroom window. What would she do if a DVD showed up in the principal’s office? That might actually be grounds to call the police. Liz groaned. She just wanted it to end.
At least she was ready to face her friends and Sean again. Hopefully, he could stay over and she’d make it up to him for being in such a funk. It wasn’t easy giving up on her dream, so Liz decided not to. No matter how she crunched the numbers, though, they still sucked. Still, she was determined to squeeze out the four thousand dollars to take her Introduction to Psychology class for the spring semester.
Baby steps.
She also found that she didn’t like not seeing Sean every day. Liz was regretting not including him in her plans this weekend. She and Jonathan actually got out of the city and took the train down to New Haven to catch the Imagination Movers doing their show at the Long Wharf Theatre. Jonathan told her he was too big for them now, but he still begged for a Warehouse Mouse plushie. They stayed overnight at a nearby motel and got to tour the freedom schooner Amistad before heading back into the city. It had been good to get away and spend some time with Jonathan, even if he did con her into going to Ikea so he could have some Swedish meatballs. And if they hadn’t had to take the train back, she probably would have bought another bookcase.
Sean was the first to arrive for the FATE meeting that night and, much to her surprise, Jonathan rushed him to get a hug in first.
“Hey, buddy,” he said. “I got something for you.” Sean handed him a gift bag that said EVERLAST on it.
“Oh boy, my own gloves,” he pulled them out. “Mom, look!”
“Great, now he’s never going to go to bed,” Liz laughed.
Sean cringed. “Sorry.”
“I’m just teasing.” Liz came in for her hug, and if she held on too long, he didn’t mention it. He smelled like spearmint and the cold October air. She wondered if anyone would notice if she stayed in his arms all night.
“I’m going to go put these in my room so you two can have some ‘alone time.’” Jonathan emphasized the last two words and sped into his bedroom, shutting the door.
“Are you sure he’s only nine?” Sean murmured in her ear.
“Nine going on nineteen.” Liz sighed.
“Are you mad at me? Did I push too far the other night with the whole . . .” He curved his hand to cup her breast.
Liz bit her lip at the pleasure the contact gave her. She liked that he was now bold enough to touch her instead of avoiding the area like it might break. “No, just a rough week. I’ll tell you later, but for right now, would you just kiss me until we’re interrupted?”
“My pleasure.”
As his mouth devoured hers, she hung on to her control for dear life. All she wanted to do was wrap her legs around him again and let him have his way with her. Or maybe she could have her way with him. Whatever. Both sounded good about now.
Sarah walked in, twirling her keys. “Well, don’t mind me.”
Liz didn’t, and when Sean would have raised his head, Liz pulled him back down. Peter entered right behind Sarah.
“This is Sean, I take it.”
Sean tried to break free, but Liz held up a finger to indicate she needed one more minute.
“Oh, take your time. I’m going to get a drink. And maybe an ice bucket. How long have the two of them been at it?” Peter asked.
“About five minutes,” Jonath
an said.
This time she let Sean pull away. She’d had enough to last her through the next couple hours until they were alone again. “Okay, we can take a hint. Sean, this is Peter.”
“Nice to meet you.” Sean shook Peter’s hand.
Peter appraised him and said, “You’ll do.”
Liz went into the kitchen to get the snacks with Sarah while Peter gave Sean the third degree about his intentions toward Liz.
“He’s so embarrassing,” Liz said to Sarah.
“He’s protective of you. We all are.” Sarah gathered up the napkins and plates while Liz carried out the finger sandwiches and cookies. Jonathan snatched a chocolate chip even before the plate was on the table.
“That’s the last one, Mister. You should go to your room soon.”
“I want to say hi to Honey and Brian.”
“All right.” Liz ruffled his hair.
Brian came in next and stopped dead in his tracks in the doorway. Sean did a double take.
“Hey.” Brian approached him. “What are you doing here?”
Sean let out a deep sigh. “I’m dating Liz.”
“You two know each other?” Liz asked. She looked from one to the other. There was some strange tension in the air between them.
A woman knocked on the open door frame and peeked her head in. “Hello? Brian said it was okay for me to come.”
“Oh, shit,” Sean said.
Liz stared at him. It wasn’t like Sean to be so rude.
“Uh guys, this is Sabrina,” Brian said, moving away from the doorway.
Brian’s girlfriend. He brought her. Liz put on a welcoming smile, but couldn’t help noticing the room’s tension grew thanks to the way Sean was glaring at Sabrina and the way Sabrina’s face had grown red.
“Doc?” Sabrina said, shuffling in and closing the door behind her. “I’m really sorry about Thursday. I was a real shit. Please don’t press charges.”
Sean shook his head. “This isn’t happening. Not like this.”
“Press charges,” Liz cut in. “What is going on here?”
“Liz, this isn’t how I wanted you to find out.” Sean turned to her, held her by the upper arms. “I tried to tell you a couple of times, but . . .”
“Tell her what?” Peter said.
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