Nothing ever should have happened with Viv. Not because I didn’t want her, but because I know how it’s going to fuck with her head. I know Viv and Annie are two different people although they are twins. Annie was the sweet quiet girl. Viv was the fun and rebellious one. I never saw them as carbon copies of each other. They are so different, both in personality and looks. I just hope she’ll understand that I didn’t do this to relive my time with her sister.
******
Today is the first time I can take Annie out on an actual date. We decided to meet out of town so we could spend some time together without the chance of anyone catching or spying on us. It will be refreshing to be able to hold hands in public, hell to even be out in public together.
We drive separately to Grand Isle. I asked Cabe if I could borrow his cabin by the lake for the weekend, telling him that I needed some time on my own. I hate having to lie to him but I can’t risk telling him the truth and have him disapprove, it could start a war. Even though Cabe and Annie know each other, I’d rather keep this to ourselves for the time being.
I travelled to the cabin a day early to set up everything and make sure we’d have everything we’d need. I’m not planning on forcing her to do anything she’s not ready for, but I wanted to make sure we had everything just in case. I’m anxious and excited to see her. Nicole has been sick and off from school for the past three days so I haven’t been able to see Annie at all.
We’ve been together for two weeks now and haven’t been able to go on a real date. Some days, I think it’d be best to end things with her, not just because of that dickhead Jared, who’s been dead set on getting his revenge on me for beating him up, but also because I can’t forget this uneasy feeling that I’ve had since we got together. It feels so good being with her, but it’s also so wrong and I know one day it’s going to catch up with us and we’ll have to pay the consequences.
I feel bad for Viv though, she’s had to hang out in some random places so no one would see her while Annie and I were together. I feel like a dick for doing this to Viv. I’m brought out of my thoughts by a knock on the door. I smile seeing what time it is. She’s here. I rush to the door and open it. I wrap my arms around her small frame and kiss her softly.
“I missed you.” I say in between kisses.
“I missed you too.” She smiles up at me and just as she is about to walk through the door, when someone grabs her and drags her out towards the lake. I scream her name and run after them. The man turns around and I see Jared smirk at me as he disappears into the lake with her. My pace quickens as I run as fast as I can, screaming her name all the way.
I feel someone shake me and saying my name loud. I slowly open my eyes and see the most beautiful yet frightened purple eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I stroke Viv’s cheek but she pulls away from me. “Viv, talk to me.”
“You were dreaming about Annie,” she whispers and gets up, heading to what I’m guessing is the bathroom. I sigh and get up, about to go after her when she slams the door and locks it. Way to go, subconscious.
“I’m sorry, Viv. I can’t control what happens in my nightmares,” I say through the door.
“Right.” Is the only reply I get. She’s pissed at me, I didn’t expect this morning to turn to shit this fast. I sigh and walk back to the bed. I put on my boxers and check my phone. I wish I could take back whatever I said in my dreams. I don’t ever want to hurt her. I rub my face and look up when she emerges from the bathroom.
“Are you okay?” I get up and walk to her. I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me.
“No, I’m not.” She sighs. “I’m hungover as fuck and hearing you say Annie’s name in your sleep wasn’t something I was ready for,” she says honestly.
“I’m sorry, I can’t control them. They happen on a nightly basis and every single one ends exactly the same, Jared pulling her away from me. Go take some Aspirin with orange juice for your hangover. Come on, I’ll take care of you.” I kiss her head and walk her to the kitchen. We both look at each other as we inspect the mess we left last night. There are empty bottles everywhere and slices of lemon and salt litter the entire living room table. I can’t help but chuckle.
“Ugh. I’m never drinking this much again!” She frowns and squeezes my hand.
“I’ll stop you sooner next time.” I chuckle.
“Because you think there will be a next time? This shouldn’t be happening, Gabe. We shouldn’t have kissed, let alone let last night happen. It’s forbidden. You dated my dead twin sister. I can’t believe I’ve let last night happen.” She rubs her face, frustrated with herself.
“I know we shouldn’t have, but it happened and there’s nothing we can do to erase that. If we could, would you?” I look at her, hoping she won’t crush my heart.
She looks up at me, thinking. “I don’t think I would even if it’s fucking wrong, but I can’t help thinking about how Annie must feel right now if she’s watching over us. We fucking betrayed her!”
“We didn’t,” I say through clenched teeth. “Yes, we are fucking twisted for fucking last night and for enjoying it, but I don’t fucking regret it and never will. I have no fucking clue where this will lead but I’m not going to let it fuck with my head. I want to enjoy it for the time being. I’m sick and fucking tired of living in the past. I don’t want us to live in the past anymore. Yes, what happened is beyond horrible, but I’ve let it lead my life for long enough, and so have you.” I sigh looking at her, she’s too beautiful for my own good. She nods, agreeing with me, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. What I’d do to that mouth right now.
“I just can’t help feeling like this is wrong.” She motions between the two of us.
“It might be, but it felt fucking right.” I plant a hard kiss on her lips and head to the kitchen.
She follows me and leans on the counter. “Is Jared haunting your dreams still?” She bites her lip and I nod. “It’s all my fault. If I had done what he wanted me to do that night none of this would have ever happened.” She sniffs and wipes away a tear quickly.
“Hey, no tears.” I lift her chin forcing her to look at me. “Yes, something horribly fucked up happened, but I’ve never had any regrets about helping you that night. It’s left physical and emotional scars but we have to be strong. We can’t let him win and get away with it. We need to stick together. Having you back in my life gives me hope. Don’t take it away from me.”
“I know, I just miss her so much.” She sighs and wraps her arms around me. I pull her closer and kiss her head.
“Don’t worry. I’m always here for you, Doll. I miss her too. We can’t bring her back but she lives with us forever.” I kiss her softly, hoping she won’t push me away. She hesitates at first, but kisses me back.
“Are you sure you wanna do this?” She looks at me completely confused.
“To be honest, I don’t know what this is. I don’t do relationships that’s all I know. I just want to be able to hang out and be with you without any drama. We both need each other.”
“Oh really? So, you’re so sure that I need you, huh?” She raises her eyebrow at me and crosses her arms over her chest.
“Yes. Even though you know Ayden and Anthony, you knew I’d be here too.”
“True. I wanted to see you and see someone familiar. You’re the only family I have left, the only one who knows how truly fucked up my life is. Even though most of the guys I knew in the club are still around, you’re the closest thing to a family I have.”
“I need you for the same reasons. We have each other. Things might not be perfect but we’ll make the best of it. I haven’t felt as alive as I did last night for a long time.”
“I felt the same way,” she says softly, resting her forehead against my chest.
“Sorry if I ruined this morning.”
“It’s alright. You were right, you can’t control your dreams.” She shrugs. “It did hurt, I know how much you loved Annie and to be honest, I’m still w
ondering if you wanted what happened last night because it would remind you of Annie or because you actually wanted me.”
I rub my face, this is why I don’t do relationships. “Look at me.” I say a bit too roughly. She complies but looks hurt and vulnerable. Fuck. I don’t want to see that look, I especially don’t want to be the one putting it on her beautiful face. “Yes, I was with your sister, but last night? It was all you. I never thought once about Annie and it felt fucking amazing. Yes, you are her twin, but you two are so different, even more so now. You grew into such a beautiful woman, more beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined. Annie always had a soft and serene look about her. You were always the strong and rebellious one and you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and that dimple in your left cheek always drove me nuts. Don’t compare yourself or what we have, to something that happened years ago.”
“T…thanks.” She blushes and hides in my chest.
“You’re welcome, Doll and I almost forgot how painfully embarrassed you get when someone gives you a compliment.” I chuckle.
“Piss off!” She punches my ribs and I groan. “Shit! I’m sorry.” She looks up at me biting her lip.
“It’s alright. Still a bit sensitive.” I rub at my chest.
“What happened?” She brushes her fingers over the gunshot wound.
“Little altercation with the Kings a few months ago.”
“Fuck.” She sighs.
“You can say that again.” I kiss her head and walk her to the kitchen.
I make us some toast, eggs and bacon before heading out the door. As much as I want to stay with her and never leave, I have club business to attend to. Whilst Ant’s away I have to make sure everything runs smoothly. I kiss her goodbye and get into my Thunderbird before driving away.
I don’t know how things will go. We might be making a huge fucking mistake, but it feels so fucking right, even if she’s thinking the wrong things. I will never be able to forgive myself if something were to happen to Viv. She’s my light.
CHAPTER 7
Viv
Talk about emotional whiplash!
One minute he doesn’t want a relationship and then he acts like we’re a couple.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the super sweet Gabe who acts likes he wants me but how am I supposed to cope when I know he just sees my dead twin? I don’t know what to do, I’ve loved him relentlessly for twelve years now. Maybe it’s because he’s the only good thing left from my past, or maybe I really just have been in love with him for so long because he’s the only man who ever made me feel safe. Despite the little time we’ve spent together, those few times made me feel fucking amazing. I’m beyond confused and wish my mom was still around, she would have known what to do. I’ve managed to put myself in a situation I always wanted to avoid and I have no idea how to get out of it, or if I even want to get out of it.
I think back to last night, at first it was awkward just to play strip poker with Gabe, especially considering I lost all my clothes during the first half hour, then to have him wanting to do body shots; that shit was crazy. I was more than intoxicated at that point, both from the alcohol and from Gabe. My heart stopped when he said he needed me. He could have said he just wanted sex but no, he needed me. He has no idea how important those three words were to me.
I still don’t know what to make of last night. He was funny, passionate, sweet, an extremely good kisser and even better lover, and he spent the night. I never let guys spend the night or stay at theirs and Gabe most certainly doesn’t strike me to be the type to cuddle or stay the night either. When he looked into my eyes during sex we both seemed to experience a life changing moment. It felt like everything I ever wanted in life was handed to me and my life was finally complete. Like the pieces of my shattered heart were starting to be stitched back together.
I’m probably getting ahead of myself and imagining that he’ll come to me because he wants me for me and not for what, or rather who, I remind him off. The feeling of things both turning really good and really bad at the same time keeps popping in the back of my mind. I need to stop over thinking or I’m going to drive myself even crazier.
I sigh to myself and start to clean up last night’s antics. I fill a bag with the empty bottles and tidy the rest of the mess. I can’t believe we drank so much, a part of me wishes it never happened and the other is still doing cartwheels because it did.
What a bloody conundrum.
******
February 16, 2015
Over the weekend I didn’t hear from Gabe which was incredibly disappointing and I’m not going to lie, it hurt. Looks like I really was just an easy fuck for him after all, one who just so happens to look exactly like the love of his life. I loved every second of it but now I feel used.
Ayden and Charline get together for lunch every Monday and they invited me along, apparently Gabe’s baby sister is going to be there too. I’ve never met her but from what Annie used to tell me, she’s a total sweetheart. I hope she won’t freak out when she sees me. I have no idea about how much Gabe told her about Annie and I.
I get ready and pull on faded black skinny jeans with ripped knees, a simple black tank top and a flannel shirt with my studded combat boots. I keep my make-up light, just putting on some mascara and filling in my eyebrows, before heading out the door.
We decided to meet at Bob’s Burger. I haven’t been there in ages and I miss it, they have the best burgers. I’ve travelled all over the world and no burger has ever compared.
I have to drive around the block a couple of times before eventually finding a parking spot. I make my way inside and smile when I spot them, Ayden almost takes me out when she jumps on me.
“Geez woman! It’s only been two days.” I chuckle and hug her back.
“What can I say? I missed you! It might have been only two days this time, but it was so much longer before that!” She pouts and rests her head on my shoulder. I fucking love her!
“You’re too cute for your own good.” I grin, kiss her head and sit down.
“Hey, Viv.” Charline smiles, greeting me.
“Hey, Line. How are you? How was your weekend away?”
“It was good thanks, and I’m amazing. Aleck took me to a little cabin in the woods. It was beautiful, very romantic and so sweet of him. I didn’t know he could be this romantic.” She beams.
“Aww, that’s so cute.” I smile, happy for her. “What about you, Ayd? How did Big Ant do this year?” I giggle.
She turns bright red. “Well, uh…It was fucking perfect,” she whispers loudly. “He took me to my parents’ cabin in Grand Isle and we pretty much spent the entire weekend naked. I’m not going to give any more details so you can suck it.” She snickers, making Line and I burst out laughing.
“I bet you hated every single second of it!” I grin.
“Not one bit, it was perfect really.” She sighs happily. “What about you? What happened with Gabe?” They both grin at me expectantly.
“We had pizza, beer and watched a horror movie.” I shrug and focus on the menu.
“You two fucked each other’s brain out!” Ayd whispers loudly.
“No, I me-”
“Hey Chick.” A beautiful young lady cuts me off.
“Nicky!!!” Ayd jumps up and hugs the girl. I’m guessing she’s Gabe’s sister. I just hope that she didn’t hear the beginning of our conversation. “Remember Line?” Ayd brings me back to reality before I start thinking about that night.
“Yes, of course. How are you?” She smiles and hugs Line, but keeps an eye on me.
“I'm good, thanks.” She smiles and hugs her back.
“This is Vivian.” Ayd introduces us.
“Nice to meet you, Nicole,” I say rather nervous.
“Nice to meet you too, Vivian.” She’s still looking at me warily. “Are you new around town?”
“No, I just left for a very long time and now I'm back.”
“You seem familiar.”
I sigh. “Your brother used to date my sister.”
“Right.” She looks at me intently and then smiles. “Whatever you do with my brother is none of my business. Don’t hurt him, he’s been through enough shit because of your sister.” I can only nod.
“Woah, what happened that we don’t know about?” Ayd looks between Nicole and I.
“A lot of fucked up shit. I don’t know what your sister did to Gabe, but it left him broken, he hasn’t dated ever since and has been an even moodier, overprotective fucker than he used to be. I hope your sister doesn’t find out you screwed my brother because that could get messy. Does he even know you are his only love’s sister?” She looks at me accusingly.
I take in a sharp breath. I wasn’t expecting this kind of welcome. “My sister won’t find out because she’s dead and we were twins so yeah, he knows who I am.” I sigh.
“Shit, I’m sorry, I had no idea,” Nic says honestly.
“It’s alright.” I shrug.
“Well if you care, she's also your brother’s future wife. He just doesn't know it yet.” Line giggles, no doubt trying to lighten up the mood.
“Wait, what?” Nic and I look at Line as if she’s grown a second head.
“What? You two are cute together. Besides, the way he looks at you? Girl, he wants you and not just for one night, nope he wants to keep you. There’s something between the two of you, no one can deny that.” She smiles innocently.
“I have to agree with her. As pissed as he was when you showed up. When you left, he was all lost in his thoughts, I thought he was going to run after you. I don’t know what you guys have been through, but it seems pretty intense. Don’t push him away. He needs someone he can talk to who will listen to him,” Ayd chimes in, making me glare at her
“While I agree with Ayd, you do know my brother doesn't do relationships, Line.”
“Ah, neither did Aleck and look where that got us.” She rubs her tummy with a serene expression on her face.
“You’re pregnant as well?” Nic squeals.
“Yes, I am.” Line beams.
“Congrats!” They hug squealing.
Healing Gabe (Last Hangman MC Book 3) Page 6
