by J. Bengtsson
Her normally stoic posture sagged under the emotions of the moment. There was more to her words than just standard sentiment. The life she spoke of, the one waiting for me, had only been made possible by my mother’s undying devotion. I gathered her into my arms and whispered in her ear, “Thanks to you, Mom.”
With the ceremony behind us, it was time to focus on fun, and that’s just what I intended to do. After last night’s challenges, I needed to relax and just let loose. The free flowing alcohol helped with that. If there was ever a time to celebrate, it was now. I’d just married the woman I loved and was surrounded by a group of people who wanted only the best for us. The steady stream of well-wishers kept Casey and me busy nearly the entire reception. There would be no sneaking off to a hidden balcony tonight or a trip to some corner table to rest our weary feet. Tonight we took center stage, and it was our happiness that was on display.
Well, that and all the amazing touches Casey and Boris had put into making this an unforgettable night. The two had outdone themselves. The way they paired and blended items to capture both our personalities made the reception seem almost homey to me. From the hanging floral centerpieces, each featuring floating glass balls resembling bubbles, to the single most unique party favor I’d ever seen – a crystal-encrusted guitar-shaped calculator – it was clear that every detail had been planned and executed with care. The best part of all, not having been an active participant in the planning process, were the surprises that awaited me at every turn. I had to hand it to Boris. He was well worth the exorbitant amount of money I’d paid him.
Perhaps my favorite part of the evening’s touches was the menu, which Casey had handpicked to feature everything I loved to eat. It wasn’t a fancy dinner meant to impress, but a downhome meal of tri-tip and baked potatoes. While I chowed down, Casey was busy holding court and looking effortlessly ravishing in her wedding gown. Not able to help myself, I frequently leaned over to give her kisses, just because she was so incredibly beautiful and I loved her so damn much.
Midway through dinner, Casey and I were surprised by a performance by Quinn, accompanied by Emma on the piano. He’d stepped up to the microphone, appearing not only confident but also older and wiser than I’d ever seen him. He caught my eye, almost defiantly, as if he thought maybe I’d shoo him off the stage or something. Suddenly I felt bad for the interaction we’d had last night. He’d probably been working on this song for weeks in order to surprise me, and I’d been a total dick to him.
Quinn gripped the microphone. “I have a confession to make. I was Jake’s youngest and first fan. When I was a little boy, I used to hide in the family room to listen to him play. It wasn’t just that I loved his music, which I did, but I actually imagined myself being him. I swore I’d be as good as that someday. Well, I’m still trying, but the thing with Jake is that catching up to him is a losing battle because the better I get, the better he gets. Still, it’s a challenge I take on every single day of my life. I’m committed to making him proud no matter how long it takes. Jake, you’re my brother, my mentor, and my inspiration. And Casey – I liked you from the very start. You’re a great addition to the family. Congratulations to both of you.”
And with those heart-felt words, Emma led the way on the piano and then Quinn began to sing. For the first time in my life, I really listened. The subtle nuances in his voice, the tonality, and his superior guitar playing skills shocked me. Quinn was no hanger-on. He was the real goddamn deal. How had I not seen this before? He wasn’t looking for a handout. Quinn just wanted my approval. I swallowed hard, feeling like a total jerk for the way I’d been treating him.
Casey gripped my hand, no doubt sensing my inner turmoil. Leaning in, she whispered in my ear, “It’s never too late to work things out.”
No, she got that right. I had a whole lot of groveling to do.
Kyle’s best man speech followed a number of heartfelt toasts, and without even knowing what was on his notecards, I suspected he would bring the fun… and, of course, I wasn’t disappointed.
“Hi, everyone. Can I have your attention please? My name’s Kyle, and I’ll be your best man for the evening.”
After pausing for the applause, as well as a few chuckles, Kyle continued. “I’d like to start by saying thank you to whoever’s bright idea it was to have a wedding in August… in Arizona. I’m sweating in places I never knew I could sweat. Now, I’m not pointing fingers at anyone, Jake and Casey…” Kyle dropped his voice to boom our names out over the microphone. “…but I’d really like to know the thought process behind that selection. I mean, I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t always make the smartest choices. In fact, some might say my decision-making skills closely resemble those of a squirrel when crossing a busy road, yet even I would have thought twice about having a wedding in the desert at the exact time of year when birds are forced to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.”
The reception guests laughed, and I settled into my seat. Kyle was off to a good start, a few jokes to lighten the mood. There was no need for concern.
“Let’s move on to why I’m here… to deliver a mildly funny, heartwarming best man speech to honor my brother and his beautiful new wife.” Kyle stopped to look down at his notecards before throwing them up in the air and watching them cascade to the ground. “Nah, we don’t need these. I’ve always been more of a seat of the pants kind of guy. What do you say? Should I wing it?”
No. No winging it. Anything but winging it. By the amused smirk on Kyle’s face, I knew it was already too late. He was improvising, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Buckling in, I held on for the ride.
“First off, I’d like to acknowledge my brother for picking me. Dude, I know you had options, and, honestly, you probably should have taken them. This could very well become the second very bad decision of your wedding.”
The crowd applauded his cocky warning, seemingly bloodthirsty for some good old fashioned dirt. But although Kyle certainly had the mud to sling, I had faith that he’d never bury me under a pile of sludge. Kyle was nothing if not loyal. He had my back even when I gave him no reason to and had never, in all the years, waivered in his devotion to me. So even though he was clearly planning on embarrassing me, I was certain his ribbing would be all in good fun. After all, Kyle knew the boundaries and had never been one to toe the line.
“So where to start? I met Jake in the 90’s and, to be honest, when we were first introduced, I wasn’t all that impressed. He’s not a bad-looking guy now, but back then, ladies, he was bald, chubby around the middle, and he had these short, stubby little legs.”
“I was a baby,” I called out.
“Jake, please don’t interrupt. See, this is the type of thing I have to deal with on a daily basis. Anyway, as I was saying, our dashing groom wasn’t what we’d consider classically handsome back then; and to make matters worse, he wobbled around when he walked, stumbling into walls… and, you know, the way he carried that bottle around, I’ll admit I thought he had a drinking problem. But thankfully our little sumo wrestler grew out of the awkward stage and became a pretty cool toddler – then an even more impressive kid. I took to following him around just so I wouldn’t miss anything. And that, in a nutshell, is our relationship today. The end.”
I pushed back my seat and abruptly stood, clapping for him, as if it truly were the end of his speech.
Kyle acknowledged my presence, grinning, before saying, “Sit down. I’m not finished with you yet.”
And that’s when I got to hear his retelling of the time when I was eleven years old, at a waterpark with my friends, and they dared me to go down the slide both headfirst and backward. The string on my swim trunks had broken earlier in the day, and I’d tied it loosely together to keep them up. Well, the minute I hit the rushing water my shorts ripped clean off and I rode the whole way down naked.
And, of course, he couldn’t forget to tell the story of the flock of geese that flew over the stage during an outdoor concert and
began dropping shit-bombs on those of us performing below. Yes, I looked up at the most inopportune time and took a direct hit. The creamy white concoction splattered all over my face, invading my eyes, mouth, and nostrils. The concert was postponed fifteen minutes so I could go backstage to take a shower… and throw up.
He then retold the story of his first meeting with Casey and how he knew the two of us were meant to be when I refrained from murdering Quinn after he made me eat the booger bean in the Bean Boozled jellybean game we were playing.
“Casey, on behalf of our family, I want to officially welcome you. And now that you’re a McKallister, you’ve got to start behaving like one. So just to make things easier for you, I’ve compiled a list of the family rules that we’d like you to follow.
Number One: Refrain from laughing at our father’s jokes. They aren’t funny, and by doing so, you’re only encouraging the behavior to continue.
Number Two: Whoever sees the cat puke on the floor has to pick it up. Playing ignorant and pretending not to see it only works when no one else is home.
Number Three: When you get up from your seat to move about the room, do not expect your spot to be there when you get back. The McKallister household honors the rule of ‘Move your feet/lose your seat,’ and those who fail to comply will be senselessly beaten. Please note… calling ‘slaps’ will not, in any way, protect your spot. However, carrying the chair with you throughout the house is not only acceptable, but also encouraged.
And finally, Number Four: Life is short. Break the rules and have fun doing it. But for the love of god, don’t let Mom catch you doing it. Oh, wait, that one was for me. Anyway, on a serious note, Casey – I think I speak for all of us when I say we’re proud to call you family.”
Kyle paused once more, before clearing his throat and addressing me directly. “And to my big brother who I’ve loved and admired all my life: I couldn’t be happier for you. I know you weren’t looking for love the day it came pounding on your door, but you never faltered, and now look what you have to show for it – a woman who loves you unconditionally. You’ve been blessed, man. Never forget it. And just remember, Jake, as you embark on this journey of love and marriage, that the very last person you think about right before you fall asleep is the one your heart belongs to. So, with that in mind, I’ll make sure to text you every night before bed. Love you, brother.”
Kyle’s speech earned him a standing ovation and my undying respect. It also ended the dinner festivities, and Casey and I headed to the center of the stage to share our first dance. The song was one I’d written for her soon after we’d fallen in love, and it had become one of my greatest hits. Titled Shades of Blue, it was more than just a song about falling in love; it was also a song about falling back into life. I hadn’t realized how dark and monotonous my day-to-day existence had been until Casey came along and painted a bright swath across my normal path, and suddenly the sky was bluer, the grass was greener, and my world exploded into a kaleidoscope of color.
Casey, her eyes glimmering, stepped into my arms and I gently took her face in my hands and kissed her. Unlike last night in the hallway, this kiss was tender and loving, mirroring the incredible love I was feeling for her in the moment. Dropping my hands to her waist, Casey glided effortlessly in my arms as we swayed to the music. I tucked my head into her shoulder and softly sang the words of our song for her ears only.
After sharing our first dance, we began the mingling portion of the evening. And that’s how I found myself here, trapped in an impossible conversation with a pair of sisters I’d been told were Casey’s second cousins.
“So is this your first trip to Arizona?” I asked the wide-eyed females.
Giggles, then more unintelligible words erupted. I hastily looked away, fighting to hold off the laughter that was threatening to override my good manners.
I had spent the last seven minutes of my life trying to have a conversation with these women, and although they were able to speak in full and complete sentences for Casey, neither one of them had been physically capable of communicating with me. So far I’d only been able to decipher nine actual words. Figuring it was a nervous habit these sisters had, I didn’t want to appear to be making fun of them, but with every garbled word they spoke I could feel my resolve fading.
Casey lightly brushed her finger against my hand, and we glanced at one another. The slightest tip of a smile on her lips forced me to bite down on my tongue. She was just goading me now. I gave her the ‘Can I go now?’ look that a small child might give his mommy, but she wasn’t letting me off the hook so easily.
With a sly smile on her face, Casey said, “Louisa, why don’t you tell Jake about the trip you took to Mexico recently?”
And when Louisa launched into her giggle chatter story, I had to stop her.
“I’m sorry. I need to catch my brother real quick before he leaves. When we see each other later, I’d love to hear the end of it.” Or even a couple words of it, for that matter.
And without meeting Casey’s traitorous eye, I kissed her cheek and hurried away.
“Quinn,” I called to him. He saw me coming and abruptly turned to leave. Great. Was this the state of our relationship?
“Hey, hold up.”
Quinn stopped and slowly rotated until we were facing one another. His body had taken on a rigid stance and that jaw of his was, once again, tightly clenched.
“I’m sorry, okay?” he said, immediately defending himself. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you last night. And I definitely shouldn’t have flipped you off. I lost my cool and I regret it. But I meant what I said about not bothering you anymore. You’re right. I need to do this on my own.”
“No, you don’t. I was being a jerk. You’re my brother, and I should be helping you out.”
“That’s the thing, Jake. I don’t want you to feel like it’s an obligation.”
“Look, even if I wanted to help your band get a spot on my tour, I can’t. The opening bands aren’t my decision. My label picks them. Even if I went to bat for you, it wouldn’t matter.”
Quinn put his hand up to stop me. “There’s no band. Not anymore.”
My eyes widened. This was news to me. “You quit?”
“Something like that. When I asked you to help me with my songs, it’s just me. I’m going solo, and I’m nowhere near tour ready, so relax.”
We both stood there silently. I could feel the chill between us and wasn’t sure how to remedy the situation without making things worse.
“That song you wrote…”
Quinn’s cheeks flushed as he looked down. “I know I messed up the second chorus.”
“Did you? I didn’t hear anything.”
“Don’t lie. I know you did.”
He was right. I had heard it. But the song had been performed with such heart that it hadn’t mattered. “I was going to say – it was great.”
You would have thought I’d told him I was sporting a third nipple by the way he reacted with such shock.
“Are you being serious? Or is this just your way of trying to smooth things over?”
Every word that came out of Quinn’s mouth was riddled with skepticism. He either had no faith in himself or no faith in me. Somehow I suspected it was somewhere in between.
“I’m dead serious. You were incredible.”
Quinn just stood there staring at me, a mix of emotions playing out over his face. I swear his eyes misted over before he cleared his voice and said, “Thanks.”
“Hey.” I nudged him. “I’m proud of you.”
He met my eye again, only this time the only emotion to be found was anger. “Now I know you’re lying. You’re never proud of me. You don’t even like me, Jake.”
“What?” How could he think that? “You’re my brother. Of course I like you.”
“No. You like Kyle and Keith. You just tolerate me. Don’t deny it. Every time I talk to you or ask you anything, you brush me off.”
Did I? It was true I di
dn’t spend much time with Quinn, and yeah, I flaked on him on a regular basis, but it shocked me that he would think I didn’t like him.
“Quinn.” I reached for him, but he backed away, and now I could clearly see the hurt in his eyes.
“Forget I said anything,” he hissed through clenched teeth.
“No. I want to talk about this. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I promise you, it wasn’t intentional.”
“It’s always been this way. Ever since you came home. You never wanted anything to do with me. I try so hard to get your attention. I mean…” Quinn laughed bitterly. “I try to be you every goddamn day. It’s just never enough. Ever!”
It hit me then, like a baseball bat to the head, why our relationship was what it was. Quinn was dead right. I did treat him differently, and now I knew why. He was me… had I not been kidnapped all those years ago. Quinn represented everything I could have been. He had the childhood, the girlfriends, the sports, the garage band with his friends, the prom, the graduation. And now, without having to go through any of the trials I’d faced, Quinn was going to have my career. Holy fuck! I was jealous of him.
“Are you okay?” he asked, forgetting his own hurt feelings to tend to me. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
No, not a ghost… just a giant dose of reality. I blinked in rapid succession, trying to make sense of what my mind was telling me. My behavior was responsible for this rift between us. I did resent him without even knowing it. He hadn’t deserved the scorn I’d heaped on him over the years. It wasn’t his fault that he’d been safe at home with his baby blanket while I was being tortured within an inch of my life. It wasn’t his fault that he’d lived the life I’d always wanted while I’d floundered for years in a sort of hellish purgatory. Feeling suddenly off, I steadied myself against the wall.
