by Laura Stone
William came out, and the applause grew louder until Seth stepped out, giving an elaborate bow center stage, and the audience went nuts, getting to their feet. Cheers and bravos and loud clapping filled the air and sure, a lot of it came from Oliver, but Seth deserved it.
As the cheering continued and Oliver whistled once more, Seth looked in their direction, his hand at his forehead to block the bright stage lights from his eyes. Oliver panicked briefly, not wanting to be seen. He stepped sideways letting the person in front of him act as a shield, which was ridiculous since the old man couldn’t have been more than five-and-a-half feet tall. Seth smiled in their general direction; surely he knew where their seats would be.
Oliver sighed in relief as the cast linked hands to bow as one. Seth directed the crowd’s attention to the orchestra in acknowledgment, and then the cast stepped back as the curtain fell.
The audience began moving to the exits. Oliver’s group hung back, waiting for the crowd to thin a bit before making their way out the door. Gus and Emily walked ahead, their arms around each other as Emily chattered excitedly about the production. As they exited the building, Emily tugged on Gus’s arm to make a left.
“Stage door, sweetie.” She smiled at Oliver. “He’s your friend, right? He’d love to see you both, I’m sure!”
Well, a point to Gus; he hadn’t told Emily all of Oliver’s personal background with Seth. It was comforting to Oliver to know that privacy mattered. Gus looked over, and must have seen something on Oliver’s face indicating that this was a bad idea.
Gus said, “If you’d like to meet him, Em, I’d be happy to stand here with you. I wouldn’t mind seeing Seth again. It’s been nothing but sporadic emails over the years. Oliver?” He turned and gave Oliver a significant look. “If you want to head over to the bar and grab a table, we’ll join you soon.”
Oliver was flustered; he wasn’t ready to be face to face with Seth, especially not after that performance. He felt too many conflicting emotions. On the other hand, he didn’t want to be a cowardly ass and run off. He bit his lip and looked around the street. Catty-cornered in the building across the street was an alcove with a large awning overhead; the bright lights didn’t seem to reach that far.
“I’ll just wait over there for you both. So I’m not in the way of Emily meeting a big star,” he said, smiling with what he hoped was a bright and casual look.
Emily looked back and forth between the two men, confused but determined. “Sure, Oliver. That way we don’t lose you. Gus?” They linked arms and continued down the block to the partitioned walkway outside the stage door where a small crowd of about fifteen people was gathered, all chattering excitedly. Oliver walked briskly to the alcove, hoping it was far enough for him to go undetected.
Seeing Seth like that, larger than life, in full command of everything around him… it was a lot to take in. His life was becoming what he’d dreamed it to be. So many nights they lay in each other’s arms while spinning out their futures, and it seemed that for Seth it all was coming true. Well, the making it on Broadway and becoming a star part. Their small yet stylish apartment with a view, decorated in a tasteful palate that Seth could never decide on, that wasn’t coming true. There was no apartment filled with pictures they’d taken on trips around the world. No large bed with enough room for both of them to stretch out on a Sunday morning with their computers and coffee.
There were no excited phone calls telling Oliver about getting a callback from an audition; no trips to the grocery store where they planned fabulous dinners for themselves. No huge shower large enough for both of them at the same time. No romantic strolls through Central Park at dusk, the two of them arm and arm. No coin tosses to see whose house they would visit for Thanksgiving and whose for Christmas. There were no New Year’s Eve countdowns in Times Square where they could kiss freely, starting yet another year together.
Seth might be achieving his dreams for the future, but seeing him on that path just reminded Oliver of all of the dreams they’d shared that were lost.
With a shuddering sigh, he slipped his playbill into his front coat pocket and rocked on his heels, surveying the street and the passersby. He saw Gus smooth Emily’s hair over her shoulder and give her a kiss. Oliver smiled to himself and looked at his feet. It would be intruding on their moment to watch.
The noise across the street picked up a bit; Oliver looked up and saw a few members of the chorus and the orchestra come out, carrying bags and instruments over their shoulders. They smiled and thanked the crowd for coming to the show. Oliver leaned against the stone blocks that trimmed the alcove where he was hiding. Standing. He was standing, not hiding.
The stage door opened again, and okay, he was hiding. It wasn’t Seth, though, but the actor who played William. He had on a ball cap and a thick, quilted parka. A few women squealed with excitement (and a few of the men, Oliver noticed). He was a ruggedly handsome guy when not in costume. He smiled at everyone, and Oliver could hear his booming voice as he asked their names, moving down the partition to sign everyone’s playbills. Gus and Emily chatted with him for a moment, he saw, but he was too far away to hear what they were saying. A security person walked over and whispered into the actor’s ear; he nodded briskly.
“William” held his hand up, thanked the group for their support and gave a wave as he walked off down the street. The crowd shrank by a few people as more and more orchestra members came out, along with members of the crew. Oliver had a few scathing thoughts for those who peeled off before acknowledging the star of the show. Oliver could barely remember what half of the other cast members looked like; how could someone not wait?
He thought about going over and complaining about it to Gus when the door opened again and Seth stepped out. Oliver took a step back and pressed into the cold stone. Seth looked clean and freshly scrubbed of all stage makeup; his hair was styled and he wore an effortlessly chic-yet-casual outfit, including a beautiful scarf wrapped around his neck. Oliver knew that the look was anything but effortless. Years ago he’d sat patiently on the edge of Seth’s bed, waiting for Seth to get his clothes to drape just so before he’d consider leaving the house.
He smiled a bit at that thought, even as he experienced another of those aching twinges that had been happening all night. He stayed back against the wall, hoping he’d been right about the awning casting enough shade under the bright theater lights for him to remain inconspicuous. Seth gave Gus a tight hug and then turned, all smiles; he was evidently being introduced to Emily. They hugged and seemed to hit it off well, chatting animatedly. After a moment, Seth looked confused. Gus turned to Emily—it looked as if he was sighing. Seth looked beyond Emily toward the place where Oliver was hiding. Standing. Whatever.
Oliver’s heart began to race. Seth, with a slightly confused expression, looked right where he was standing. Okay, hiding. Where he was hiding. Oliver was frozen with the shock of being found out. Seth’s mouth parted a little and… was he standing on tiptoe? He smiled slightly and gave a nervous-looking little wave, as if he wasn’t sure if that was okay. Oliver’s manners kicked in, and he smiled widely and waved back.
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, jamming his hands into his coat pockets, his eyes on the asphalt ahead of him as he jogged across the street to join his friends.
Seth inhaled, “Oliver.” Seth had always managed to sound both surprised and pleased when he’d done that in the past, making Oliver feel like an unexpected yet welcome bonus. Oliver didn’t know if he was just hoping that was the case this time, or if his showing up out of the blue might not be as unwelcome as he feared.
“Seth! Um, hello!” Oliver said, shaking his head a little as his stomach roiled with nerves. The last time he’d seen him this close… he didn’t want to think about that. Seth had been such a commanding presence onstage. That was what he would focus on. “You were spectacular. Absolutely mesmerizing.” He held his hand over his heart, hoping Seth believed his sincerity. Also, he needed to tone down
the compliments so he didn’t sound deranged.
“Really? Well, thank you very much.” A bit of a blush was creeping up from under Seth’s scarf. Oliver hoped that it was from post-performance excitement, not discomfort.
“To be honest, I’m still trying to process the play. I’ve always known you were unbelievably talented, but that…” Shit. He didn’t mean to fawn. Was he fawning? No, he was just being polite. Manners help make difficult things pass, right? Keep it polite.
Seth smiled, though. “I forgot how good you were for my ego.” The blush was steadily making its way up to Seth’s cheeks.
Oliver didn’t know if everyone could hear his heart beating like a trip hammer or if he had sweat on his brow. His palms were sweating and they felt clammy in his coat pockets, and his stomach was in knots, and his face felt as if it was on fire, and Seth was right there. Right there. Oliver laughed a little and looked at his shoes, trying to pull himself together. “Well, you should know that it was excellent. The whole play, really.”
Gus coughed and said, “Seth, you were outstanding.”
Emily reached out a gloved hand to grab at Seth’s forearm. He smiled at her. “We have to take you out for drinks as a thank you!” she said. “We never would have gotten tickets otherwise. Right?” She looked at Gus and then Oliver for confirmation.
Yes. Come out for drinks. Wait, no! I don’t know what I’d say to him. Don’t be stupid; just say you’re sorry and then ask how he’s doing and—
“I would love to have drinks and catch up,” Seth said. Oliver searched Seth’s face to gauge how he was really feeling. Seth looked… regretful. “But this is the first night that everyone in the cast was free for a bit of a celebration. I’m so sorry!”
The dough-faced actor from the play showed up and took Seth’s arm, pulling him close to whisper something in his ear. Oliver clenched his fists inside his coat pockets again as Seth smiled and gave a sharp laugh and a nod. Dough-Face winked at Seth and leaned in to kiss him on the corner of his mouth.
Oliver’s stomach plummeted. Of course. Of course Seth had someone. He’d told himself to expect that, but being confronted with it was something else entirely. He knew he didn’t have any claims, any right to be upset. Well, not upset with Seth. He could be mad at himself and planned on doing an excellent job of it at the bar later tonight. Where he wouldn’t be forging a new friendship with Seth after all, because Seth had plans with this guy and the other cast members.
Oliver forced a neutral smile during all of this; he could be upset later, starting with a big “I told you so” to himself about why he shouldn’t have talked with Seth at all. Even though he wished that Seth would ditch Dough-Face and everyone else and keep talking to him—because this was probably it, he realized. This was his chance to make things right.
Seth bit his lip and seemed to look at everyone but Oliver. His cheeks were bright pink by now. Oliver hadn’t wanted to make Seth uneasy, but it seemed he’d gone ahead and done that, too.
“They’re telling me that the other people in line are getting impatient, so I better go.” Seth looked over his shoulder to where Dough-Face was walking backwards, grinning. Oliver realized that he was frowning at the guy and tried to force his features back into a more relaxed expression.
“It was really good to see you, all of you.” He looked at Oliver with a sort of helpless “what can you do?” expression that was like a bucket of ice over Oliver’s heart. Some woman jammed her playbill rudely into Seth’s face and asked for his autograph, and that was that.
Oliver watched the crowd move down the partition, following Seth. He could see glimpses of Seth’s profile, catch sight of his scarf, but he was walking away. Oliver didn’t know why he felt so disappointed. After all, the plan had been to see Seth perform and support him, and that’s just what he’d done. Yet now that he’d seen Seth and heard him speak and seen his face and been so close he could almost feel the heat pouring from his body, a part of Oliver wanted to be somewhere quiet with him, maybe even hold him and tell him they’d been stupid and he’d like to try to have a relationship with him again, even if it was just friendship. But it just didn’t seem that would happen. Maybe it shouldn’t.
It was like a dream in which he missed a step and the world came crashing down with a thud: the smell of the city streets, the incessant honking, the chatter of theatergoers on the street. He barely registered Gus’s hand on his arm.
“Oliver?” Gus shot him a wry grin. “How about a drink?”
He saw Seth and Dough-Face walking briskly across the street to the corner, and then they were gone. That definitely wasn’t the person he pictured Seth building a life with. If he was honest with himself, he couldn’t see Seth’s future with anyone but him. But he’d ruined his chance years before, and he really didn’t have the right since to feel frustrated or upset about Seth’s choices. He should be happy that Seth was happy; that was the right thing to do.
“A drink,” Oliver sighed. “Yeah. That sounds about right.”
Gus laughed and tucked Emily’s hand under his arm as they walked along the length of the partition. A worker started folding up the movable gate and it was as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t just finally seen Seth Larsen coming off of a Broadway stage to an adoring crowd.
“Hey! One of you Oliver?”
Oliver stopped and turned. One of the security guards saw him and headed up the block to him.
“Yeah, Mr. Larsen said to give you this.”
The man held out a folded piece of paper that looked as if it had been torn out of one of the playbills. Oliver took it with a “thank you” and unfolded it as his heart jumped, somewhere in his throat, at the sight of that familiar handwriting.
Oliver—
Sorry—it’s so crazy after! We’re @ Hourglass on 46th, almost to 9th 3rd floor. Be great if you all joined us?
~Seth.
He read it a few times, making sure he wasn’t missing anything. He didn’t know how to take this. Was this a request to get together with old friends? An opportunity for Seth to tell Oliver off? Did Seth… miss him? Probably not that last one, much as Oliver would have hoped.
“Well?”
Gus held Emily close and looked at Oliver questioningly.
“Ah, yeah. It’s from Seth.” Gus made an impatient “obviously, Oliver” expression. “He says they’re at Hourglass on 46th and for us to come.”
Gus looked at him steadily. “Do you want to?”
“I—” Oliver exhaled, trying to get rid of some of the adrenaline that was thrumming through his body thanks to the whirlwind of unplanned events. “Maybe?”
“That’s a yes.”
“Come on, Oliver. I need booze. And nibbles.” Emily bounced impatiently by Gus’s side and gave Oliver a pouty face.
Oliver exhaled with a small laugh. “Okay. Sure. Yeah, let’s go.”
He thought about what Gus had said on the drive to New York, that he and Seth had been good for each other. Even before they fell in love, they’d been friends. The best friend Oliver had ever had, actually, with no offense meant to Gus. When they broke up he’d lost that, too, not to mention his relationship with Seth’s dad. Seeing Seth, remembering how they had been friends, made Oliver think that it would be worth a little more heartache if he could have even that much back. No one had ever really understood him as Seth had.
And who knew, maybe he wouldn’t be confronted with the reality of Seth in a healthy and fulfilling relationship with Dough-Face. Maybe he could get over his nerves, and they could really talk. For a solid year after they broke up, he had ached from not seeing Big Mike, who had become a stand-in father figure for Oliver, on a regular basis. His first year of college brought homesickness, but for the Larsens, more than for his own family. He still missed them. He missed everything that came with having Seth in his life. If he could only get back friendship, well, maybe Gus was right. It could be good for him.
Regardless, Oliver knew that he needed a drink to be
able to deal with any of this. He thought of something Moira had taught him: “You can accomplish more with a kind word and a round of drinks than you can with just a kind word.”
Chapter Five
They walked the two blocks to the restaurant, Oliver growing quieter and quieter the closer they got. Emily linked her arm in his at the stoplight at 46th.
“Oliver?” Emily asked. “If we need to go back to the hotel, we can do that. I’m getting that something weird is happening here.”
He huffed a laugh. “Well, it is weird for me, all things considered,” he said. It seemed as though another person were saying it; he didn’t think he’d ever get used to explaining who Seth was to him, who Seth had been to him. “It was years ago, but still.”
She leaned back and looked over at Gus next. “Oh. Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me?”
Gus and Oliver shrugged in unison.
“Boys,” she muttered. “Okay, we can leave. Let’s go. It’s only a block and change back to our hotel, anyway.”
Here was his out; finally confronted with it, he realized he didn’t want it. He didn’t want to hide; he didn’t want to… well, not see where the night could go. “No, it’s fine.” He looked over her head at Gus and gave him a small but sincere smile. “Really. I think it’ll be good.”
Gus nodded at him. He nodded again because the road was clear and they were just standing out in the cold. Oliver led Emily across the street, her arm still tucked in his, and handed her off with a courtly bow once they were all on the other side. A quick hop around the corner and there was the pub. It was small, almost a hole in the wall, but it was packed. Seth had said in his note that they were on the third floor, so Oliver took charge finding where they were to go.
