by Anne Leigh
My gasp woke Ava up, her eyes groggy from sleep and her voice soft, she asked, “What’s going on?”
“Milo’s banned from swimming. He left already and didn’t say where he was going. I tried to text him back and call him, but his phone’s off.”
Ava’s eyes widened and she almost looked panicked. “What? Where is he going?”
I knew she was concerned for my brother, but she seemed overly bothered and looked like she was about to pass out.
“Ava, he’s going to call me when he’s ready. I know Milo... Oh, and he said he talked to Kieran already.” This was actually the first time my brother referred to Kieran as ‘Kieran.’
Sedona stirred slowly and her eyes opened. “How are you, Brynn?”
I gave her a small smile. “Milo talked to Kieran. Just got a text from him. Milo’s banned from swimming and he said he was going out of town for a while.”
Her eyes looked tired. “Oh no.” Then she looked at her own phone. “Is it okay if I leave and come back tomorrow? Zander’s been texting me that he can’t sleep.”
I gave her a nod. She has done so much for me, both her and Ava had, just by being here for me.
She punched a few keys on her phone, and within two minutes, I heard a knock outside the door.
“He’s here already?” Ava asked with wonder in her voice.
Sedona grinned sheepishly. “He... umm, rented the room right next to yours, Brynn. He said that when I wanted him to pick me up, at least he’d be nearby.”
Zander’s rapping became insistent. Sedona gave me tight hug, and then Ava. She walked to the door, and as soon as she opened it, I overheard Zander, “Babe, why are you texting me in the middle of the morning? Is this a booty call?”
Sedona giggled lightly, and replied, “You wish. You’re the one who keeps texting me you can’t sleep.”
She turned her head towards us and waved with her right hand. Zander peeked his head in, and winked. “Thanks for giving me my wife back. She can’t sleep without me.” He pulled her outside and closed the door behind them.
After they left, I scrolled through my messages again. There were still no text messages from Kieran. Milo had already talked to him, but he still had not called. Maybe it was really over between us. I was about to start crying again, when I felt Ava’s arms around me. We were sitting up on the couch. When we were younger, this was the same exact position that we assumed after having a particularly bad day, and in the morning we would wake up in the same exact position, knowing that even in our dreams we were there for each other. We fell asleep buried in each other’s comforting sisterly arms, helping each other get through the pain of heartbreaks and heartaches.
“I wish to perform with the New York Philharmonic orchestra.”
~G.H., age 15, Shone syndrome
The blaring sounds of my phone woke me up. Ava was calling. I was disoriented for a minute or two. She was here just with me and now she was calling me?
I straightened my body on the couch. Ouch, my neck hurt. My shoulders ached and my legs felt like concrete. Having two people on this couch was not a good idea, but then I realized where I was.
My phone rang again. Ava was relentless.
I hit answer and placed her on speakerphone. “Hey, where are you?”
“I’m home now.” I replied, completely worn out and exhausted. My luggage haphazardly left at the edge of my couch. I had literally just landed a few hours ago.
I was tired from the twenty-two hour flight from Shanghai to Phoenix, with layovers in Seattle and Minneapolis. After what happened with Kieran, I could not stand to be in Shanghai anymore. My heart ached from the anger I had seen in his eyes.
This time, I knew there was no going back. He was blaming me for what happened between Milo and him. I was blaming myself, so I asked Ava to help me book the fastest flight out of the country. It was near impossible to do so, but Ava was a resourceful lady, and she was able to get me on a flight within eight hours after I had decided to leave. She even managed to have me seated in first class. I argued that I was fine with coach, but she flipped me off with her credit card and said, “Girlfriend, I don’t work for my dad for free. What am I going to do with my money if I can’t even afford to help my bestest friend in the whole planet and entire solar system be comfortable on her flight out of the country from her heart having been completely broken by an idiot of a swimmer!” Oh, she had colorful words to describe Kieran and I knew that she was just trying to make me feel better. At the end of the day, she was my bestie and when I was sad, she was also sad. She fed off of my emotions. She wanted to fly back with me, but she had already arranged to attend social and business functions while she was in China for a few days before the mess with Kieran and Milo had happened. She was going to cancel all of them for me, but I dismissed the idea and told her that if she canceled I would be more upset than I already was. She nodded her head, hugged me, and watched me go through the airport security at Shanghai’s Pudong International Airport.
Her excited voice burned a hole in my right ear. “Brynn, turn your TV on right now! Channel 27!”
“What?”
“Just turn it on!” She was almost screaming.
I relented. “Okay, okay, turning the TV on right now.” I reached for the remote control, punched in 27, and hit the green button with my thumb.
Watching the TV with heavy lids, my eyes almost fell on the floor when I saw what Ava was asking me to watch.
It was Kieran, on TV, receiving his gold medal for the sixth time. He was standing on the podium wearing his signature red jacket and warm-up pants. The camera zoomed in on his face and he looked composed and relaxed. His deep brown eyes were amused and his twin dimples were on full display.
“Ava, I can’t watch this right now,” I moaned through a pained voice. Why would she insist on me watching this right now? She counted the buckets of tears I shed the other night and saw just how messed up I was.
Her primadonna voice broke through the phone line. “Just wait, Brynn. Please, continue to watch. I’m going to let you go now but trust me on this one, please.”
She hung up, and maybe I was a masochist or I was just terrified of not following Ava’s commander-at-arms orders. Or maybe I just wanted to see Kieran’s handsome face, the face that my heart recognized with its own beat.
The swim officials finished handing out the medals to the winners. I felt sadness wash over me as I watched Kieran and the other two guys congratulate each other. My brother should have been there. Instead, he was somewhere far away, away from the place that he loved so much, and banned from the sport that was as familiar to him as breathing.
On my screen, Kieran was hugged first by his parents, his brothers, Sedona, Zander, Duncan, Peter, and then … Ava? What was she doing there?
Camryn Michaels, a SwimSensational Sports reporter, pulled Kieran aside after the congratulatory hugs and kisses from his family and friends.
Camryn: Kieran, thanks for giving us your first ever candid interview.
Candid? Since when did Kieran do candid interviews?
Kieran: No, thank you. I’m actually grateful that you’re here to help me carry out this task. A really important one. (Kieran was smiling. Actually smiling in front of the camera. My gosh, the world has gone ballistic.)
Camryn: Before we go any further, I have to ask, how does it feel to be the World’s number one swimmer? You now hold six gold medals!
Kieran: It’s great. Nothing gets better than this.
Camryn: FINA has processed the reinstatement of your gold medals expediently, Milo Tanner’s banned from swimming competitively, and now all his previous events and wins are being investigated. Can you comment on this?
Kieran: (The brightness in his eyes dimmed and his smile faded) I leave all the decisions to the organizing body, the governing committee.
Camryn: Do you think you deserve the disqualification?
Was this reporter for real? Kieran just came off from receiving the gold meda
l, has granted her an interview, and all she could come up with was negative things to talk about? I guess they were important but come on; no wonder Kieran hated the spotlight.
Kieran: The decision was made by the FINA and IOC, and I am happy that they made the right one.
Camryn, probably sensing that she was losing favored status from Kieran, swung her next questions to other things.
Camryn: Is it true that you’re involved with Milo’s sister?
My lungs expanded, almost hyper-inflating, then deflated at the question. Kieran was definitely going to walk out of this interview.
Kieran stared at the camera. His eyes shone like when the official was hanging the gold medal around his neck, and his voice, unsure.
Kieran: You mean Brynn?
My name coming out of his mouth sounded like a caress. I walked to the TV, the screen barely an arm’s length away. Was he going to tell the world how he dumped me and broke my heart? If this was a candid interview, was he going to ‘candidly’ speak about how messed up I was—by hiding our relationship from my brother?
Camryn: (Her brown eyes sparkled. She was probably thinking that she got the scoop of a lifetime) Yes, Brynn Tanner - the woman you kissed a few nights ago on camera.
Kieran: I can’t answer that question (he paused) but I can ask you to show something for me.
The camera followed Kieran and Camryn’s backs as they walked towards what looked like the pool. I have attended the swimming events so many times this past week that I knew the layout of the Aquatic Center.
Kieran and Camryn were talking, their conversation muffled, and finally, they stopped.
Kieran: (Motioned at the camera to focus on him) Ask me again.
Camryn: (Her eyes now lit with excitement) Are you involved with Brynn Tanner?
Kieran: (Eyes unblinking and jaws locked determinedly) Brynn is my golden girl. I know I’m not very good at this on-camera profession of affection but I know she deserves this.
He pulled up his shirt, took off his warm-up pants, threw them aside, and dove into the pool.
The camera followed his fluid movements. Kieran swam swiftly and precisely across the lanes and started flipping rounded blue balloon floaters in the pool. What was he doing? Usually, there were no floaters in the pool. Especially at the World Championship. But this time, it looked like there were tons of them. When he finished flipping over what seemed to be the last inflatable floater, he surfaced up for air and gave the camera a thumbs up.
I gasped in awe and disbelief at what I was seeing.
Against the crystal blue water of the pool, the blue balloon floaters spelled out in white, large letters:
BRYNN I AM SORRY FORGIVE ME I LOVE YOU
The words were so simple, so Kieran, but the gesture so unlike him. The act so invaluable, precious, because he was baring his soul to the world for me.
He stood by the pool deck, shaking off his wet body in his suit, and with hope shining in his chocolate-colored eyes. “Thank you for the interview, Camryn.”
Camryn’s mouth was opened so wide that a dozen flies could have flown in and she wouldn’t have noticed. I guess she didn’t expect this interview to end up like this. I sure didn’t. I had a strong feeling that Ava did. After all, she was the one who asked me to turn the TV on and stick around for the interview.
After taking a quick shower, drying my hair, brushing my teeth, and applying light powder on my face to somewhat make my rough couple of days not show, I gave up trying to look any better.
I was about to walk out of the door when my phone rang.
Kieran.
I picked it up because first, it was Kieran and second, he was calling from China so it was an international call and that would be extremely expensive. When I heard his voice, my heart leaped with so much joy.
“Honey,” he started, “I’m sorry.” His voice was raspy, heavily ridden with doubt and uncertainty.
“Okay,” I said.
“Will you please open the door for me?” he asked.
What? How? I just saw him on TV.
I walked, no ran to my door, paused, took a breath, and clicked the door handle to the right.
There he was.
He was dressed in a red shirt, jeans, and his favorite beach sandals. His tired dark brown eyes locked onto mine and I knew that even after his heartfelt gesture on TV, he was still unsure of my reception.
I wanted to tell him to come in, let’s talk, sit down, and we can work through everything, but he started speaking. “I’m sorry for making you cry. For yelling at you and asking you to leave.” His chest rose and his hands tapped on the side of his legs. He spoke in a low voice, “I’m not good at this Brynn. For so long I have been alone. My mind was set on one thing—achieving my dream of being the world’s best. Then, you came along, and suddenly, I found myself with another dream— you becoming mine, and continuing to be mine.”
“I just saw you on TV and I thought you were still in China?” Unless someone had invented a teleporting machine, there was no way he could be here right now.
He replied, “That’s a delayed feed. I asked Ava to help me set it up with the news stations here so you could see it when you arrived. The minute I heard you left your hotel, I followed you shortly after. I couldn’t see you right away, no matter how much I wanted to, because the IOC asked to meet with me. They reinstated my medals quickly because your brother...” At the mention of my brother, I felt cold and sweaty because he was also hurting and I had no idea where he was. Kieran interrupted my wandering thoughts of Milo. “He admitted to everything, gave them all the evidence, and left no room for doubt that he did it. Usually investigations last a long time, but I’m guessing the committee had everything they needed as proof. I don’t know what Milo did or what he said to them, I talked to him briefly and he just told me that he was really sorry and that he’ll be away for a while. “
My eyes started to get wet from what Kieran was telling me. My brother made a mistake but he was still a good man. I gestured for Kieran to come inside but he shook his head, ‘no’.
“You hurt me, Kieran,” I stated. When he asked me to leave, it took a lot for me not to beg him to ask me to stay.
His tone filled with remorse and his face filled with so much love, he professed, “Brynn, I am standing here before you, asking you to forgive me for my insensitive actions...” I nodded and reached out to caress his face, stalling his words, his hand covered mine and he continued, “I know it’s not your fault. You had no knowledge of what he did. And, even if you did...” He stopped, his expression light and filled with tenderness. “I would have forgiven you. You bring me peace, Brynn. You’ve claimed a piece of my heart that’s never been touched. I said that I loved a girl once. I did. And, I never fought for her because it was a different kind of love. One that I could give up, and know that I’d be okay losing, especially if that meant she found someone else to be happy with.”
I had a strong feeling he was talking about Sedona. When I looked back at the interactions between Sedona and Kieran, I knew without a doubt that he loved her only as a friend.
His hands wrapped around my head, and he whispered, “I will never be okay if you find your happiness with someone else. I won’t be able to sit back if I saw you with another guy,” His fists clenched around my head, and his voice hardened. “You are mine, Brynn. Mine. I will fight for you. Always.”
In his arms, I felt the love that I have given him completely and utterly reciprocated. With his words, I knew that he meant everything that he said. And in his eyes, which were looking hopefully at me, I understood what it was like to hand over your heart and be secure that it would not be returned broken.
Smiling at him, my eyes telling him that I felt every word and every meaningful gesture, I commended him. “For a man with few words... you sure know how to make a big impression, Stone.”
He gave a small rumble of laughter, and then he kissed me. I melted in his mouth, molded myself against his body, and that had
him picking me up in his strong and muscular arms, as if I was weightless, and closing the door behind us. His eyes alight with the promise that he loved me completely, with everything that he had. And I, a girl who would fight for him through hell and high water, was counting on him to make good on that promise. But at that moment, we had important matters to take care off—like him taking his clothes off, him undressing me, and worshipping my body, which I was all in for. After all, it wasn’t every day that a girl made love to a World Champion, many times over.
Six something months later…
Traveling was much more pleasurable, though still not easier, when you were with the girl that you loved, and in the company of friends.
For the past few months, Brynn had been accompanying me to media-related events to which I had committed myself, though they were still few and far between. Ever since Ava helped me pull off that grand gesture for Brynn, she had opened my eyes, and twisted my fingers, to making my name a platform to bring swimming into the forefront, and at the same time, use it to help people become aware of the plight of children who were suffering, and in need. I knew I still wasn’t a media darling, but for some reason, the swimming world has embraced the charities that I championed, and they have given their full support. Leif has even attended a few events with me. International swim competitors have also launched their own local programs and charities to support.
Now, Brynn and I were here in New York to attend the fund-raiser for childhood cancer. She could not go to every event with me since she worked at the hospital, but I always let her know a month in advance on where I was planning to go so she could coordinate her schedule. She loved to travel. She was a much more enthusiastic traveler than I was. We have been to Australia, Johannesburg, and Italy. I groaned each time we had to travel overseas because it meant that I would be stuck on a plane for hours. She made it all better by playing games with me on the computer, kissing me whenever she felt like it, which was constantly, and groping me under the blankets when she thought I was drifting off to sleep. I had to stop her wandering hands and fingers from descending a few times, because I was going to make a mess right then and there. Brynn just shrugged it off, “You make a mess, we can just clean it up.” She was easy like that. Easy in a way where she didn’t fuss about the smallest things.
