by Kennedy Fox
I lean in, pinching the skin of her neck between my teeth then trace the shell of her ear with my mouth. “Go write your chapter.” I glance at my phone, then set a timer. “One hour.”
I know by the flush color of her cheeks and how her nipples stand at full attention, that she’s forcing herself to go write, which makes me smile. She may only be here for a few more days, but I’m going to try to make the most of it. I’ll give her an hour, but just one, then she’ll get exactly what she wants and needs to finish that damn book.
Once Vada rushes to the cottage, Wilma pounces down the stairs, and I place some wet food in her bowl. She stretches as if she’s playing hard to get with her food.
“Stop showing off,” I tell her and receive a sweet meow in response. Bending over, I pet her before she walks to her bowl because she can’t be bothered when she’s eating. I climb the stairs two at a time and head for the shower because I’m sweaty from working so hard at the studio today. As soon as the warm water hits my body, I allow myself to relax. I understand what Vada means when she talks about being wound up real tight. We’re more alike than she knows.
As I wash over my muscles, I think back to the conversation I had with Millie this morning.
“Didn’t think you allowed women to stay the night. It was one of your unspoken bachelor rules or something.” She pushed for confirmation as she pulled eggs and bacon from the fridge.
“Aunt Millie, please,” I begged, pulling a coffee cup out of the cabinet. It was weird talking about my sex life with my aunt, but she always liked to pry and keep up with me considering I haven’t settled down after Alana. Don’t plan on committing to anyone either and that drives her insane.
“You know why I’m here, hon. I wanted to make sure you’re doing okay.” She looked at me with concern written on her face.
“I’m fine, seriously.” Though I’m not, and she could see right through it.
* * *
I place my hand against the shower wall and stand there until the water runs cold, which forces me to get out and dry off. So much can happen in a short amount of time, and when my life was turned upside down, then completely destroyed, I realized that. Most people say time makes it easier, but that couldn’t be more wrong. Usually, I try to stay busy, keep my head down, my heart guarded, and my mind somewhere else. This is why I planned a big live demo for this specific weekend at the studio because being around people helps keep my thoughts away from the darkness that tends to haunt me. Another reason why Vada is a Godsend. She’s the perfect distraction and might be the only thing keeping me from self-destructing.
I try to push the thoughts out of my head and think of something else because my mood is turning sour quickly. Looking down at my phone, I notice I have thirty minutes before I can forget everything that’s swirling through my head and focus purely on Vada. And in Vada.
After I’m dressed, I make the climb up the stairs to the tower. The warm glow from the lights reflect below, and from a distance, I’m sure the tower shines like a beacon in the darkness. I try to clean up a bit, but I can’t seem to focus. The kiln is full of mugs I made earlier in the week and won’t be ready for another twenty-four hours. However, as I look around the room, I can’t help but feel a tug at my heart. So much has changed, but some things are exactly the same—this room being one of them.
Before I get too caught up, my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I know time's up. I turn it off, climb down both sets of stairs, and walk through the back door. As I cross the garden, I see Vada sitting at the desk in front of the window of the cottage. Her fingers are flying against the keys, and she barely stops. Chuckling, I wait until I see her fingers come to a halt. While she reads over what she wrote, her lips move, and when she finishes, she sits back and smiles. The look on her face is pure satisfaction. At this very moment, Vada is so happy, that it’s contagious.
Taking this as my cue, I walk down the path leading to the cottage. Sucking in a deep breath, I knock three times on the door. I hear Vada rushing around inside, and when the door swings open, I give her a knowing smile.
“It’s already been an hour?” she asks. The look on her face tells me she lost track of time.
I don’t give her an answer but take a few steps forward, until our lips collide, causing waves of want to rush through me. Vada sighs against my mouth before coming in for more as I kick the door shut with my foot. Taking no time at all, she begins unbuttoning my pants, then unzipping them.
“I want you so fucking bad.” She moans as she forces my shirt above my head.
“I’m supposed to be undressing you,” I tell her, doing exactly that.
Within moments, our clothes are on the floor, and she’s standing in front of me naked. Taking my time, I memorize her body with my hands and lips. Her head falls back on her shoulders as I place a perky nipple in my mouth. Kissing across her chest, I make sure to give the other the same attention. Threading her fingers through my hair, Vada lets out a greedy moan which only causes me to smile. She’s ravenous, and I love it, especially when she pushes me down on the bed, like a savage, taking exactly what she wants. I pull the condom out of my pocket, and she takes it from my hand and rolls it down my shaft, then slides on top of me.
“Oh my fuck,” I say, as she throws her head back, and rides me hard and long.
“Yes, yes,” she mutters, taking full control. Her breasts bounce with each time she rocks from the tip down to the bottom of my shaft. Taking some sort of control back, I thumb her clit, which only drives her wilder.
I like this side of Vada, the woman who takes control and takes exactly what she wants.
She leans over, brushing her lips against mine. “Ethan, I’m about to come.”
“Do it, babe. I love watching you.”
Tossing her head back, her mouth falls open, and she rides me slow, rocking her hips in circles.
“Yes, don’t stop,” she begs sucking in air, enjoying every second as I circle her clit.
“Never,” I whisper, secretly wishing this week wouldn’t end as I watch her lose herself on top of me.
13
VADA
I find myself chasing the white rabbit, as curious as the young Alice from Alice in Wonderland, only to be transported to a world other than my own. I’m falling down a never-ending rabbit hole as Ethan forces me to forget all the beliefs I had about casual sex.
He has me second-guessing everything and doesn’t even know it.
My eyes flutter open, and I watch him, watching me ride him. As I scratch my nails down his chest and let out moans loud enough the whole neighborhood can hear, I realize I’ve actually become the sex-crazed woman in my book. My body is fully his, in every sense, and with each thrust, I crumble to dust with him. The orgasm rocks and shakes me so greatly that it can’t be measured on the Richter scale.
As I float back to reality, I topple on top of him. Ethan’s lips trace mine, and I know by the soft look on his face, that he’ll unravel at any moment. His heavy breaths in my ear combined with long, deep movements have my body screaming out in protest, but the problem is I want more of him, all of him. Knowing this will all end when I leave for Chicago, I try to memorize every inch of him. With my legs wrapped tightly around his hips, he grabs my ass and lifts me slightly, controlling every deep thrust, giving me everything he is.
“Harder,” I whisper sinking on him, wanting him to rip me in two, so half of me can stay here while the other half returns home.
Without hesitation, he does exactly that.
“Fuck,” Ethan pants. “Vada,” he says one last time before his body seizes and finally relaxes. We briefly stay like that, the closest two human beings can possibly be, and oddly enough, it’s comforting. Ethan gives me a long, needy kiss before pulling away.
Once we’ve cleaned up and caught our breaths, he crawls into bed and pulls me into his arms. The moment is so intimate that my heart does a quick flutter, which slightly confuses me. Why am I feeling like this is becoming more than
just sex? I wrap my arm around his waist as his fingers draw circles on my bare skin. I try really hard to push the thoughts away, but it’s like my mind wants to convince me that this feels different. It feels right. But it can’t. As I rest my head on his chest with his arms wrapped tight around me, I’m fighting an internal battle that I’m not sure I’ll win.
It’s just sex. I try repeating it over and over, but my heart betrays me.
Swallowing hard, I look up into his honey-colored eyes, and smile. “I could get used to this, E,” I admit, honestly, putting my heart out on the line.
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them immediately. Ethan tenses and forces a smile, but I notice he’s uneasy. His eyes narrow, saying so much, but hiding secrets. I can’t tell if it’s anger or sadness or a combination of the both, and it confuses me. I want to pry and ask questions, but instead, I offer an apology. Saying anything at all was stupid, especially when he’s made it very clear that this is temporary and that he doesn’t do relationships. Honestly, I don’t know what I expected.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “That came out wrong,” is all I offer as an explanation. His heartbeat vibrates hard in his chest, and I feel like an idiot for saying those words aloud.
“Goodnight, Vada,” he whispers, leaning over and turning off the lamp next to the bed, then pulling me back into position. Ethan holds me tight as if he doesn’t want to let me go. I fall asleep in his arms, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart.
I roll over and reach for Ethan, only to wake up to an empty, cold bed. There’s nothing but crumpled sheets and a blanket where his body was just hours ago. Still half-asleep, I sit up and look around the room, hoping to see him here still. My clothes are exactly where I left them last night, but Ethan’s aren’t. I didn’t realize waking up alone after a night like that would leave me feeling so empty. Instantly, my mind goes to a negative place, but I try not to allow my insecurities to get the best of me.
After I stretch, I head for the shower hoping it will relax my muscles and mind. It feels as if I did gymnastics all night, but I guess in a roundabout way I did. My body is definitely not used to this.
The water somewhat calms me and does exactly what I want, but I can’t help but think about my past and all the bad relationships I’ve experienced over the years. Trying as hard as I can, I push those thoughts away while I dry off and get dressed.
Once I feel somewhat normal again, I work up the courage to head over to Ethan’s just to make sure everything is okay. I mean, I know this is purely physical, and I shouldn’t be concerned, but I am. Last night as we were falling asleep after I said what I was thinking, he immediately tensed up. It wasn’t the first time my honesty has ruined a good moment and knowing me, I’m sure it won’t be the last.
As I walk down the path that leads to his house, I see Henry coming at me at a full sprint.
“Shit. Go away, Henry!” I scream and run toward the back door, somehow making it in before he can attack me.
I look out the window of the back door, and he’s standing there, looking straight into my eyes.
“You’re an asshole,” I say to him as he pecks around, agitating me.
I suck in a deep breath, turn around, and listen. The house is quiet, but coffee has been brewed, and there are dishes in the sink. I close my eyes tight and open them before I decide to make my way up the stairs. For some reason, my heart is pounding hard in my chest. My adrenaline spikes as I reach the second floor.
“Ethan?” I whisper and wait. I don’t hear anything, so I walk to his room and open the door. The bed is perfectly made, so I doubt he came back and went to sleep. Just as I’m turning to walk up the second set of stairs that lead to the tower, I notice the door I’ve never gone through is partially open. I’ve been in the bathroom, guestroom, and bedroom, so this room has me intrigued. Knowing I should walk past it and respect his privacy, curiosity gets the best of me. Instead, I stop, place my fingers around the wooden door and slightly push it open until I can peek inside.
My mouth goes dry when I see a light pink painted room with a dark wooden baby crib on one side. The walls are decorated with pictures and vinyl cut-outs of Eiffel Towers, and when I look at the wall above the crib, I notice wooden-painted letters spelling the word, Paris. A rocking chair sits in the corner facing the big bay window with a cute nightstand next to it. There’s a changing table and dresser on the other side. It’s obvious this is a nursery and a gorgeous one at that, but confusion ripples through me because I know Ethan doesn’t have a child.
“What the fuck are you doing?” an angry voice growls from behind and startles me.
I still and turn my body toward him. He moves around me, grabs the doorknob and slams the door shut.
“I’m sorry, I…” I begin, but I have no words to explain the reason why I opened that door other than being curious and wanting to know more about the man I’m sleeping with, but I know that’s not a good enough reason. Seeing him look at me now, I feel like complete shit for invading his privacy and exposing a secret he’s obviously been keeping.
“I think it’s time for you to go back to the cottage, Vada.” Ethan’s voice is monotonous and firm, which pierces straight through my heart. The man standing in front of me isn’t the same man I’ve come to know. The look in his eyes says everything his words don’t. He’s pissed. I try to reach out to him, but instead, he turns and walks to the stairs that lead to the tower without giving me a second glance.
Minutes pass, and I stand there completely shocked and upset. I want to tell him how sorry I am, but I’ve learned to give people their space and calm down, though it’s not always an easy thing to do. Like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs, I walk down the stairs, through the back door, and across the path until I’m standing inside the cottage.
Emotions swirl through me, and I wish he weren’t so upset.
I sit on the edge of the bed and thoughts from my past come rushing in full force.
The rain poured down in buckets as I walked the few blocks home from school. I’d taken a half day and skipped my afternoon classes to surprise my boyfriend for our one-year anniversary. Lucas and I had been living together for a few months, but I knew deep in my heart that at any moment he’d propose, and as soon as I graduated college, we’d get married and start the rest of our lives together. With a bag of Chinese food gripped in my hand and an umbrella in the other, I crossed the street and followed the sidewalk that led up to our apartment building. Once inside, I climbed the flights of stairs and walked down the hall with a cheesy grin on my face.
When I slid the key in the door, I thought I heard a woman’s voice, but chalked it up to being exhausted. Once I opened the door, I noticed panties, a bra, a T-shirt, and blue jeans in a line on the floor. The Chinese food slipped from my grasp and slammed to the floor causing a mess. Moans echoed from our bedroom, and my first reaction was to leave, to pretend it wasn’t happening because this had to be one big nightmare, but then the anger set in.
I walked down the hall until I was standing in the doorway watching my boyfriend fuck my best friend.
“Are you kidding me?” I screamed out. Horror and anger on my face.
Lucas pushed Emma from on top of him as she tried to hurry and hide her body. Guilt and shame covered them both.
“Get the fuck out,” I said in an oddly calm voice. “Both of you, get out right now. I can’t stand looking at either of you.” I stood my ground, not allowing my emotions to take hold though I felt like I was dying inside. The two people I loved the most betrayed me in the bed I’ve slept in since I was a kid.
I watched Emma as she wrapped the sheet around her body, not making eye contact as she walked past me and picked up her clothes from the floor.
“Vada, baby. It’s not what you think. Emma means nothing to me. I love you,” Lucas begged with his dick in his hand—literally.
“So did Emma just fall on your dick or what? Because I’m a little confused as to why you’re
fucking my best friend in our bed after everything I’ve done for you while you go to law school. You make me sick!” I hissed at him, years of trust issues coming full circle.
He walked over to me, pleading, telling me how much of a mistake it was, but I couldn’t listen to his lies anymore. I turned around and walked away. After he realized I wasn’t taking his bullshit, he packed a bag of clothes and left. I watched as the two of them walked in the rain together toward her car that was parked a few blocks away. I should’ve realized everything wasn’t perfect like I had built in my head. Our relationship was based on lies and broken promises, and I was the stupid girl who believed it was going to be my happily ever after.
After that day, I promised myself I’d never let that happen to me again.
Lucas was smart, but also one of those bad boy types. He lured me in with his charm and hot body. He was also a big flirt, so I shouldn’t have been surprised, but in my mind, I created this faux hope that he was different.
I’ve always been attracted to the wrong guys. Even though deep down, I knew they meant trouble and heartbreak. I’m sure Dr. Phil would have a field day psychoanalyzing my attraction to men who are most likely to cheat, lie, and break my heart. After watching the way my father lied and manipulated my mother, it’s somehow the only thing I know. What would Freud say? Daddy issues, no doubt.
Lucas, Jason, Brett, Tyler, and Todd. Hell, my ex list is as long as Taylor Swift’s.
Lucas was a cheater. Bastard.
Jason was a liar and thief. Money from my wallet just miraculously vanished every time he was around.
Brett was an alcoholic. Jack Daniels was a better match for him anyway.
Tyler was a womanizer. Apparently charming and sexy are my weaknesses.
Todd, well, he was gay. At least he made a great shopping partner.
I could probably write the lyrics to a breakup song with my track record.
