by Brill Harper
He’s talking about Megan. Leo and Dixie gave them their trip.
“They landed in Los Angeles. They’re coming home tomorrow. Barbados was awesome, Brad is sunburned, and they have commenced Project Baby.”
“Already?” Nash asks. “Man, so now instead of wedding stuff, she’s going to drive us nuts with baby nonsense.”
“Pretty much,” I reply. “I now know more about my sister’s cycle than is healthy. But we had ten glorious days with her out of the country, that’s something.”
We clink our Coke cans together.
“Thanks for bringing lunch.” He takes a bite and talks with food in his mouth. “Heard from Christopher?”
I shake my head and try to feel Zen even though hearing his name is painful. “No, and I don’t intend to.”
“What did you guys fight about?”
“Nothing,” I answer. Which is kind of true. “We just weren’t right for each other.”
Nash contemplates me carefully. “You know I’m not one to meddle.”
“Are you serious right now?” I take a drink. “Your middle name is Meddle.”
He takes a potato chip from my bag. “I don’t meddle. I just keep things running smoothly. Sometimes that means I have to intervene. Anyway, my point is that you and Christopher seemed to fit. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
“Remember how everyone thought you and I would get married someday?”
“You never thought we’d get married someday.”
“Goddess, no. You’re one of my best friends. I’d never have ruined that by dating you.”
After an exaggerated shudder, he dives back into his food. “I sometimes thought I’d probably marry Perry.”
I pause with the sandwich halfway to my mouth. “Yeah, I don’t think that was ever going to happen. I'm glad you found Tru. I’m glad she makes you happy. You deserve to be happy.”
“Back at you.”
He takes another careless bite. “You talk to Devon lately?”
I recoil in abject horror. “Gross. No? Why? Not you too...Megan thought I should get back together with him.” I shudder. Come to think of it, Devon wasn’t at the wedding.
“She must not know then. About the bachelor party.” The front door opens and Nash waves to the guys who go directly to the pool tables in the corner.
“Pitcher when you get a chance, Nash,” one of them yells and he nods.
“Know what?” I ask, bringing him back to the conversation. “What doesn’t my sister know?”
“Christopher didn’t tell you?”
“Christopher? Tell me what?”
“That night they turned my pub into a roadhouse—the fight was started by Christopher. He punched Devon. First.”
“Christopher punched first?”
“Christopher punched first.”
“My Christopher...well, not mine, but Christopher started a fight? What happened? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
Nash shrugs. “I thought you knew. Devon said shit about you, Christopher popped him in the face, Devon tried to land a punch, but ended up connecting with Brad on accident. That’s when I threw Christopher into the hall and called you to collect him.”
He goes back around the bar to draw the beer. Or whatever you do to beer from taps. Pour? Pump? Pull? I don’t know.
I’m trying to imagine Christopher starting a bar fight. Over me. It doesn’t compute. Not stodgy, boring, retentive...sexy, warm, slyly humorous Christopher Lockwood, DVM.
Goddess, we never would have worked. Never. This Year of Stella has shown me that I have a lot of work to do. But the thing I need to do most of all is make sure the next guy I date actually likes me. The way I am.
Because I deserve that.
But I miss that stupid, perfect face. And those damn beige ties. And the way he would look at me sometimes with a certain kind of wonder in his eyes. I never knew how to handle that look. Maybe if I had, I don’t know, talked to him, said things I was feeling, he would have stuck around.
But instead, whenever I felt things get too serious, I ran away. Good time Stella doesn’t know how to handle it when a guy might really like her. Care about her.
“You okay?” Nash asks. “Hey, I know what will cheer you up. Devon left town.”
“Well, that’s something. For how long and how do you know?”
“Katie is housesitting for him.”
“Your new bartender? Wait, Devon doesn’t have a house.”
“Yeah, I think he’s supposed to be taking care of Nick’s place while he’s in China. But rumor has it, one of his college girls is pregnant so he ditched town.”
“How is that supposed to make me feel better?”
He sets a beer down in front of me. “She didn’t marry a train wreck? Her child won’t be raised by an idiot? I don’t know. I thought you’d be glad he was gone.”
“Well, she’s better off without him, but I’m sure he can afford child suppor. What a weasel.”
I hear the door again and am surprised to see little Misty from the vet’s office in a princess dress and tiara. “Misty, you can’t be in here, sweetie. It’s a bar. Where’s your mom?” I get up to make sure she’s okay.
“You hafta come outside with me.”
“Okay, but honey, where’s your mom?”
She takes my hand and pulls me out the door. Her family is on the sidewalk. So is Megan.
Megan?
She flies into my arms smelling like coconut and Coco Chanel.
“I thought you were coming home tomorrow? Why are you smiling and is that a rose? Why are you holding a rose?”
Megan squeezes me. “We came back a day early as a surprise.”
“Um, okay.”
Something feels...off. Obviously. Everyone is staring at me expectantly. Why would Megan lie to me about what day she was coming home as a surprise? And why include Misty and her family?
Megan fidgets like she has to pee. “Oh, the rose is for you.”
Misty’s family is staring at me and smiling. Nash comes out the door and smiles. As does Perry who was in disguise wearing her hair up in a trucker hat, jeans, men’s shoes, and a flannel shirt.
I can’t figure out what is going on, but Misty tugs my hand again.
“Just a second, sweetie.” I look at Perry and throw my other hand out. “Why are you dressed like you just went fishing and your name is Joe or Mike?”
She pulls the hat off, her hair cascading out like a shampoo commercial. “I didn’t want you to recognize me when I came in to pretend to play pool. Duh.”
“Why?” What the heck is going on around here? It’s not my birthday. I don’t have any milestones to celebrate.
“Because I was in disguise!”
“But why?”
She flares her impatient face at me. “Take the rose from your sister and go with Misty.”
“Okay, okay. Geez.”
The street is dotted with people I know and some I don’t. As I walk down the road, Dixie and Leo and Tru step out from the curb and join Megan, Perry, and Nash, who are behind me. Now Dr. Anderson joins our party.
“Why are we having a parade?” I ask, but nobody answers me. People are filming us on their phones as we go down the street. There are cheerleaders on the corner with pom-poms and they fire off a glitter cannon. A spray of colorful paper streamers and shiny confetti showers us. Everything shimmers, catching the sunlight as the breeze picks them up.
“Mom, Dad,” I say as my parents fall out of line on the side of the road and we pause to hug. “What is going on?”
They loop their arms through my elbows on either side of me and propel me to the Victorian house with all the colors.
Balloons and paper stars decorate the Sold sign. Somebody bought the house. I’m disappointed even though I’m not in the market for a house right now. I think lately I just like feeling disappointed.
My great-aunt and her Pekinese are sitting on a chair in the yard and she claps at me.
What the heck is g
oing on?
I get pushed into the yard and everyone crowds around me. “Okay, this is weird. Somebody needs to tell me—” My heart catches when I see Christopher.
He leaves the porch and walks toward me wearing a suit and holding a bouquet of...glitter pens? I still don’t know what is going on, but I wish someone had at least clued me in enough to make sure I didn’t have food in my teeth before I got here.
He’s gorgeous. I don’t know how I ever thought he was awkward. He’s still wearing those huge glasses, but behind them, his eyes are trained on me. The air feels charged, a moment dragging impossibly long between us. Like static buzzing and zapping. I can’t look away from his eyes, even though I know I’ve been staring into them too long. It’s like falling. Or maybe flying.
I’m in love. Dagger through the heart love. Why? Why now? Why him? What is going on? He stops in front of me, a look of determination on his stupid, perfect face. How does he look so damn good?
I want. Goddess, do I want. I’ve never let myself long for anything as much as I long for him. And I’ve longed for stuff before pretty hardcore.
I want him. All of him. I want the taste of him on my lips. The slide of his skin under my hands.
But it wouldn’t be enough.
I want his smiles. The light in his eyes. His laughter and his pain and all the things I’m not entitled to. Because I made him up. He was never mine.
“What are you doing here?” My voice is raw, like I’m swallowing jagged tears. I know better than to hope. “What is happening?”
He takes a deep breath. “My life is incredibly boring. I mean like really, really boring.”
I look around, wondering if anyone else is as lost as I am. They are all smiling.
Hope is a terrible thing. The way it clings like sap. You can wash it off, but a bit always remains, reminding you it’s there.
“Or it was boring until I met you. And then it was boring again when you were gone.”
“I don’t understand. Christopher, what is going on?” Please put me out of my misery. Please finish this.
Please love me.
“Knowing you has fundamentally changed something inside me. A seismic shift. The ground beneath my feet has liquified.”
“Um, okay.”
“I’m having a hard time finding the right words.” He blows out a breath and I remember what his hot breath felt like on my skin. “I like the way the shifting ground feels. I really, really like it...and you.”
Hope shoots up like a sprig of grass fighting to live in the crack of the sidewalk. “You like me?” I look around at everyone assembled. “Is that why we’re all here? Because you like me?”
“No. I’m making a mess of this. Sorry. So, the people on the porch are my parents and my grandparents.”
My breath catches in my throat and they all four wave to me.
“They are here because I want to include my family and yours because they’re important to us. I’m here because you stole my heart the first time I saw you.” I can see the pulse in his neck jumping and a fine sheen of sweat on his temples. He’s nervous. About me. “I’ve never known another person who could irritate me more.” Right, okay. That’s legit. “You make me crazy. I want to throttle you as much as I want to kiss you senseless.” He inhales deeply, and I notice his hands are shaking. “I’m completely and wholly in love with you. That is why we are all here.” He holds up his free hand. “No, wait. Don’t say anything. I need you to listen to all of it. Here,” he thrusts the pens at me, “take these.”
I don’t think I’m breathing anymore.
“Christopher...”
“I bought this house.”
The Easter egg Victorian? “You hate this house.”
He shakes his head. “No, I hate the way it scared me. The way it challenged me to think differently. That it invited chaos and needed to be filled with children and pets and love and hope. This house is like your heart. And I didn’t think I was the kind of man who could fill your heart with children and pets and love and hope. But I am.”
I look around again at the public spectacle he’s created for himself. Not unlike his failed proposal. Where did he find the courage to put himself out there again? All for me?
“It occurs to me that I never asked you to be my girlfriend. We just sort of...accidentally started dating.”
“Accidentally...” I look around at the crowd, wondering if I should come clean with them all at some point. Perry shakes her head, reading my thoughts.
Christopher takes my hand. He pushes those damn glasses back up the bridge of his nose, and I’m done for. Of all the nerds in the world, this one is mine. “I’d like you to be my girlfriend.”
“For real? But...”
“Nobody will ever love you like I do. I promise you will never question how wonderful I think you are. I will love you with the dagger to the heart you want so much, but I will also give you wool sock love every day for the rest of our lives.”
“The rest of our lives?”
This whole thing is like something I would have cooked up, and I think that is the point. He’s trying to show me he understands me. But what about him? “What changed? You don’t want the kind of romance that feels like daggers. You want someone sensible. That’s not me. You know that’s not me and never will be. I don’t want to make you unhappy. You should have what you need.”
“Unhappy? You make me see stars, Stella. How could I ever be unhappy?”
I inhale sharply. I don’t think I will ever get a full breath again.
“And all this?” I gesture to our family and friends. “I thought you’d have had enough of flashmoblike events.”
“I have. I’ve been a wreck all day. But I knew that you would understand. That this is me doing the scariest thing I can conceive of to prove to you that you are more important to me than anything.”
There’s a strange ball in my throat making it hard to swallow. “I’ve never been in love before. I’m pretty sure I’m going to screw it up.”
He takes my hand. “We’ve got this.”
I’m conscious of all the eyes on us. Of all the love and support behind me. “Yes, Christopher. I will be your girlfriend, officially. Again.”
We lean into each other for our first kiss that didn’t come with a lie attached to it. Everyone around us cheers. I can’t believe this is happening.
“I love you,” he whispers against my mouth, his arms tightening like bands around me, which is good because I am about to fly apart into a million pieces.
There is only one first kiss after a first I-love-you, and I want to commit it to my memory with a glue gun and glitter. The soft glide of lips meeting lips soon becomes more. Christopher deepens the kiss, growling a low sound of satisfaction. My bones melt more with each slant of his mouth as we trade promises without words.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Christopher
Stella pulls back, that wonderful dazed look on her face again. “Did that really just happen?” She holds onto my wrists, my hands framing her face. “Are we going steady?”
“Looks like it.” My heart is performing a thundering rock concert in my ribcage.
All the onlookers have moved closer now, and there are hugs and well wishes and champagne on the lawn of our new house. My parents are chatting with Stella’s parents. Perry is crying. Kids are running. Dogs are barking. And the cheerleaders break into a chant spelling out words. It’s a circus.
It’s my circus now. I am oddly proud of this.
An hour goes by when people finally start leaving to get back to their own lives. I’m not sorry I brought them all into this, but I’d like to have some alone time with the woman I just invited to my life.
We make plans to get the families together next weekend. Brunch at Stella’s folks’ house. Megan asks me if when I’m planning on proposing, but Brad steals her away before she starts in about venues.
I’ve never been so happy.
Stella and I stand on our porch as
the last of the visitors go. This is it. This is ours now.
I reach for her hand. “It feels like it’s been a lot longer than two weeks since I’ve touched you.”
She turns to me, her face tense. “Are you sure about this?”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s too perfect. I’m going to wake up and this will have been a dream.”
“Hey,” I pull her into my arms, cherries and vanilla the scent of home now, “are you having second thoughts?”
“Christopher, it’s just like me to rush into something that’s better to be taken slow. I’m worried that I have lured you to my dark ways.”
“I meant what I said. Until you came along, I wasn’t really living. But if you’re not sure, we can go slow. As long as we’re together, that’s what matters to me.”
“I love you, Christopher. I’ve never told a man that.”
“I love you, too. Want to look inside your new house?”
“My new house?”
“Well, I’m not going to live here by myself.”
She sucks in a breath. “You want to live together?”
We walk in, hand in hand, and it feels right. Also, it feels empty.
The house I mean.
“I figured you’d want to help pick out furniture, so I didn’t get much.”
She lets go of my hand and wanders through, room to room, on the bottom floor. “Are you going to commute then?”
“Actually, no. Dr. Anderson offered me a partnership buy-in. She needs to be able to spend time with her dad. I made her promise not to tell you until I was ready. I’m surprised she was able to keep the secret that long.”
“So am I. So, you’re moving here to Brazen Bay. You bought a house. After everything you’ve been through, weren’t you even a little scared I’d say no?”
“Terrified, actually. But I realized I could just stick around until I wore you down. I don’t ever want to go back to my beige apartment and wonder ‘what if?’ What if I’d told you how I felt? What if I’d not let you walk away from me at the wedding? What if I’d begged you to let me love you? If you’re not ready, we can take as long as you need.”
