by Josh Dean
Scientists who were very patient with my layman’s questions: James Serpell at the University of Pennsylvania, Robert Wayne at UCLA, and C. A. Sharp for her unbelievable knowledge of Australian shepherd heritage and genetics. Speaking of canine genetics, Heidi Parker at the Dog Genome Project provided invaluable guidance. On the subject of doggy smarts, the psychologist Stanley Coren and Alexandra Horowitz, retired fact-checker, Columbia professor, and now bestselling author, helped me greatly.
The bands Sigur Rós and Explosions in the Sky provided musical inspiration (and via Pandora channels helped me discover some alternatives in the category of beautiful orchestral noise), and I could never have accurately recalled what many of the above people here said without the prompt, flawless transcription of Susan Gregory.
Laura Hohnhold, Jason Adams, and especially Gillian Fassel provided critical insight on flaws in the manuscript, and my agent, Daniel Greenberg, has been the loudest cheerleader of this project since I first mentioned the germ of the idea over Belgian fries at a lunch several years back. Mauro DiPreta bought this book and provided a keen eye and excellent support—until he abandoned me and took a new job before we were finished. Kidding! He got an excellent offer and wisely took it, which was a bit of a bummer for me, but ultimately not a bad thing, because it enabled me to befriend and work with the most excellent Denise Oswald, who shepherded me and the book through the stressful final stages of editing and production (that is, when she wasn’t planning the Brooklyn Book Festival, bailing our her Irene-flooded basement, or attending Comic-Con).
I’d like to thank my wife, Gillian, and son, Charlie, for enduring my absences, accompanying me to shows, putting up with a year of arcane dog facts, and preventing me from impulsively adopting a puppy. We’ll get one in due time. I love you both.
My father, David Dean, has been a champion of my work and a supporter of my career and life in general through the highs and lows. I can never truly thank him enough. Likewise, my brother and sister, Eric and Jennifer, have been supporters and fans and sometimes also bonus parental figures who never hesitate to dispense unsolicited wisdom, and my stepmother, Polly, really deserves a better descriptor because she is as much a family member as any of us.
Finally—and with a heavy heart—I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge my mother, who I’m very sorry to say will never actually read these words. My mom passed away quite suddenly a few weeks before I turned in the first draft, complicating the completion of this book in all the ways you can imagine. I miss her terribly, and it is difficult to have to accept that she’ll never read my first book, but I can confidently say that it wouldn’t exist without her. It was her gift for words and love of reading that made me a writer, and it was her strength in the face of tremendous hardship that still inspires me today—especially when I’m having a moment where things seem tough. In comparison to what she dealt with, my life is easy. May our bond in language live forever in these pages. I love you, Mom.
APPENDIX
Finally, A Thoroughly Random Collection of Purebred-Dog Marginalia
I. DOG-SHOW LINGO
* * *
A partial list of useful terms.
ANGULATION:
the angle at which bones meet at joints—for instance, the shoulder or hip
ARTIST:
a judge whose preference is for aesthetics—comparing the dog against his/her mental image of the “perfect” specimen (the opposite of engineer)
BAIT:
any food or other object that a handler uses to get a dog’s attention in the ring
BALANCE:
when all the parts of the dog, moving or standing, produce a harmonious image
BLAZE:
a white or colored strip on the center of the face and/or chest
CAMPAIGN:
the process of showing a champion dog in pursuit of further glory
COBBY:
short-bodied; a dog that is as tall as it is long
CROUP:
the lower back, just in front of the tail
DAM:
the mother
DOUBLE HANDLING:
the act of someone other than the handler getting a dog’s attention in the ring to help the dog to show or look better
DUDLEY NOSE:
flesh- or liver-colored nose
DUMP:
to lose in the ring
ENGINEER:
a judge whose preference is for structure and how a dog is put together
FANCIER:
a dog-show person
FLYING TROT:
a fast gait in which all four feet are off the ground for a brief second during each half stride; highly sought after, rarely achieved
GAIT:
a dog’s stride in the ring
HANDLER:
a show dog’s trainer/coach
HEADHUNTER:
a judge who prefers a perfect head, to an obsessive degree, sometimes overlooking significant flaws in other areas
IN WHELP:
pregnant
LEGGY:
having too much leg, making dog appear gangly
NICK:
a breeding that produces desirable puppies
PACING:
moving both legs on one side simultaneously; a fault
SIRE:
the father
SPECIAL:
a dog that has already achieved its AKC championship and is being campaigned for breed rankings
STACK:
the correct posing of a show dog, when stationary, in the ring
TOOTH FAIRY:
a judge who has a predilection for perfect teeth
TYPEY:
having all the distinctive characteristics of a breed; not always good
WICKET:
a device used to measure the height of a dog at the withers
WITHERS:
the high point of a dog’s shoulder, where height is measured
II. OFFICIAL STATE DOGS
* * *
Alaska can thank a kindergartner for the fact that it now has an official state dog. Paige Hill and her classmates at an Anchorage elementary school were so passionate about the idea that they lobbied all the way to the state legislature, where they testified. In May 2010, Alaska became the eleventh state to name an official dog: the malamute, naturally. Here are the other ten:
LOUISIANA:
Catahoula leopard dog. Sometimes known as the Catahoula leopard cow-hog dog, and neither version includes actual leopard.
MARYLAND:
Chesapeake Bay retriever. Named for the iconic bay and said to descend from two dogs saved from a boat that sank in the 1600s. Sensible enough.
MASSACHUSETTS:
Boston terrier. Obviously.
NEW HAMPSHIRE:
Chinook. Developed by a New Hampshire man who bred the dogs starting in 1917 to pull sleds, Chinooks got so rare by 1981 that only eleven survived. Things are much better today—the number is at least six hundred, and growing.
NORTH CAROLINA:
Plott hound. This is an actual breed? It is, and it’s named for a family of North Carolinians who developed the dog in the eighteenth century.
PENNSYLVANIA:
Great Dane, chosen because one is shown in a period painting of William Penn that hangs in the state courthouse. When the vote was taken to select the dog, state legislators actually voting by barking. This is true.
SOUTH CAROLINA:
Boykin spaniel. A compact spaniel bred in the early 1900s by hunters who required a smaller retriever for hunting in the narrow channels of the Wateree Swamp. A rare rival, then, to the lundehund for most specific breed.
TEXAS:
Blue Lacy. Herding dogs that are a cross of greyhounds, scent hounds, and coyotes. Most certainly not AKC-recognized.
VIRGINIA:
American foxhound. George Washington is said to have helped create this breed from French foxhounds given to him by the marquis de Lafayette.
WISCONSIN:
III. DOGS NAMED FOR PARTS OF THE UNITED KINGDOM
* * *
All of the following are terriers: Cairn, Yorkshire, Norwich, Norfolk, Bedlington, Staffordshire, Manchester, West Highland, Sealyham, Lakeland, Skye, Airedale, and, I guess, the Border terrier, since it is named for the border between England and Scotland.
IV. REASONS YOU MIGHT BE DENIED A DOG
* * *
Breeders of purebred dogs are honest folk. They don’t want you to own one of their animals unless you’re really, truly a good match. Here are some of my favorite actual reasons I’ve seen or heard as to why you should not choose a particular breed:
1. Because corgis herd by nipping at ankles, they are considered bad dogs for runners. Also, they have very short legs.
2. While otterhounds can be good with children, a young otterhound is big and likely to be klutzy and may not be the best companion for a wobbly toddler or a frail elderly person.
3. Siberian huskies might eat your cat. And I quote (from a sheet handed out by the breed club): “While the Husky is normally gentle and friendly with people and other dogs, owners must be aware that small animals in and around the home such as squirrels, rabbits, birds and CATS, are potential victims of their strong predatory instinct. They are swift, cunning, and patient in their hunting skills.” They also dig holes. If you have a proclivity for landscaping—don’t buy a Siberian husky.
4. Owners of the extremely loyal vizslas joke that you’ll never go to the bathroom alone again. Warns the official breed club for these Hungarian pointers: They can be “mischievous and destructive,” and “they are notorious counter-surfers, trash robbers, paper shredders, refrigerator door openers and tree climbers.”
5. Leonbergers are not for the weak or meticulous. “Even experienced Leonberger owners have had their wrists broken when their leashed Leonbergers took off unexpectedly after deer,” warns the breed club. They also shed “copious amounts of hair all year. When a Leonberger blows his coat, he sheds more than most dog owners can imagine.”
6. Schipperkes love to wad things up—towels, shirts, paper. The end result, once wadded, said one owner, is known as a waddie. Not a dog for hoarders.
V. DOG NICKNAMES, A PARTIALLY COMPLETE LIST
* * *
Dog-show people like to talk in shorthand. An Australian shepherd is rarely that—it is an Aussie. You can go months without ever hearing the complete name. As this list shows, it doesn’t take a poetic genius to come up with a breed’s nickname.
Diminutive Category
ROTTIE:
rottweiler
RHODIE:
Rhodesian ridgeback
SHELTIE:
Shetland sheepdog
BERNER:
Bernese mountain dog
GOLDEN:
golden retriever
BEARDIE:
bearded collie
AMSTAFF:
American Staffordshire terrier
FRENCHIE:
French bulldog
NEWFIE:
Newfoundland
CHESSIE:
Chesapeake Bay retriever
SAMMY:
Samoyed
GRIFFS:
wirehaired pointing griffon
TIBBIE:
Tibetan spaniel
PYR SHEP:
Pyrenean shepherd
Elaborate Category
THE CHARLIE:
English toy spaniel
KING OF THE TOYS:
miniature pinscher (aka min pin)
THE SMILING DUTCHMAN:
keeshond
LITTLE CAPTAIN:
schipperke
THE CANINE FENCE:
Beauceron
THE MILK-CART DOG:
Bouvier
THE MUSTACHED LITTLE DEVIL:
affenpinscher
THE BARKLESS DOG:
basenji
POACHERS BEWARE:
bullmastiff
THE LITTLE LION DOG:
lowchen
THE DOG WITH THE SMILING FACE:
Samoyed
THE SILENT HUNTER:
Akita
THE TURNSPIT DOG:
Glen of Imaal terrier
VI. ON DOG SIZE
* * *
World’s smallest dog: Boo Boo, a Chihuahua—4 inches tall, 6 inches long, 24 ounces
World’s biggest dog: Giant George, a Great Dane—43 inches tall (tallest dog in history, by the way), 7 feet long, 245 pounds
VII. BREED–SPECIFIC PUBLICATIONS
* * *
A partial list of the author’s favorites and other notables.
The Lhasa Apso Reporter
The Spotter (dalmatians)
The Bulldogger
Boston Barks (Boston terriers)
The Bagpiper (Scotties)
The Pom Reader
Headlions (lowchens)
The Modern Molosser (all mastiff types)
Komondor Komments
Better Beagling
Doberman Digest
The Alpenhorn (Bernese mountain dogs)
The Third Eye (Ibizan hounds)
Tassels & Tales (Bedlington terriers)
The Courier (Portuguese water dogs)
Staff Status (American Staffordshire terriers)
Schnauzer Shorts
Great Scots (Scottish terriers)
The Bagpiper (Skye terriers)
Chin Chin Chat
Havanese Hotline
Just Frenchies
Pinscher Patter (min pins)
The Dew Claw (briards)
Border Lines (border collies)
VIII. BREEDS I HAD NEVER HEARD OF PRIOR TO STARTING THIS BOOK (An Extremely Partial List)
* * *
BERGER PICARD (AKA PICARDY SHEPHERD): A herding breed euphemistically described as “rustic” (read: ugly) from the Picardy region of France, the BP had a moment in America thanks to the movie Because of Winn-Dixie and nearly went extinct between the two world wars. It is still largely unknown here, and a fact sheet handed out by fanciers includes this, one of the more confounding sentences about dogs I read all year: “Picards are often mistaken for another canine actor, the Wirehaired Portuguese Podengo Media, another scruffy looking rare breed.” Also, according to the BP Club of America, the dogs, “with their crisp coats, were used to smuggle tobacco and matches across the Franco-Belgian Border. The tobacco would be put in goatskin pouches, hairy side up, and attached to the dog’s shaven back.”
BARBET: Also known as the French water dog. Currently in the process of applying for AKC recognition, this breed, too, was nearly extinct after WWII. It has thick woolly “hair,” not fur, and comes with its own terminology. A male is a barbet, a female a barbette, a young male a barbichon, a young female a barbiche, a male puppy a barbichet, and a female puppy a barbichette. A barbet fancier, naturally, is a barbetier.
CIRNECO DELL’ETNA: An endangered sight hound that originated in Italy. The first one came to America in 1996—her name was Cy’rena Seta dell’Oro—from Slovenia.
PUMI: A Hungarian herding breed, like the puli as well as the mudi (which, come to think of it, is another breed I’ve never heard of)—the three were considered to be the same breed until the turn of the twentieth century. It is thought that the pumi came from breeding pulik (the black-haired dreadlock dog) with a terrier, which resulted in a narrower, longer head and a livelier attitude. Fewer than a hundred in the United States.
CESKY FOUSECK: A Czech gun dog that looks a lot like a German wire-haired pointer. Also, the rare breed most often mistaken for a winger on the Slovakian national hockey team.
BOERBOEL: A South African farm dog. Not to be confused with a boerewor, which is a tasty South African sausage.
IX. ALTERNATE AND/OR DEFUNCT BREED NAMES
* * *
ALSATIAN:
German shepherd
Y
E ANCIENT DOGGE OF MALTA:
Maltese
FRENCH MASTIFF:
Dogue de Bordeaux
TOY BULLDOG:
French bulldog
GROENENDAEL, OR CHIEN DE BERGER BELGE:
Belgian sheepdog
RUSSIAN WOLFHOUND:
Borzoi
X. MOST WESTMINSTER BEST IN SHOW WINS, BY BREED
* * *
1. Wirehaired fox terrier, 13 wins
2. Scottish terrier, 8
3. English springer spaniel, 6
4. (Tie) Airedale terrier, boxer, Doberman pinscher, smooth fox terrier, standard poodle, Sealyham terrier, 4
