by Pamela Wells
“Sure.”
“Why don’t you shoot for March thirty-first?”
Drew’s birthday was March eighteenth.
In all the chaos between them in the last three weeks, she’d forgotten his birthday was coming up. She’d bought his gift weeks ago. A white-gold band with the words, “To the day I die,” inscribed on the inside. It wasn’t like a wedding band or anything, it was wider than that. The saleswoman at the jewelry store said it signified love and commitment, which she’d never doubted at the time she’d bought it.
Now it was a three-hundred-dollar purchase sitting in her desk at home, unusable. She couldn’t take it back, since it was specifically inscribed for her, and the thought of giving it to another guy made her ill. She didn’t want another guy. Besides, it was meant for Drew and she’d always know that, even if it was on someone else’s finger.
“Sydney,” Will said, plainly more annoyed than he had been the first time she’d spaced out. This probably wasn’t good for her brain, thinking about Drew so much. And she didn’t even want to think about how low her score was on The Breakup Code. Was there even a score?
“I heard you,” she muttered. “The thirty-first. Got it.”
“Aren’t you going to write it down?”
“I won’t forget.” It’d be the first weekend after Drew’s birthday and more than two months since their breakup. Thinking of all that time spent with a broken heart and without Drew made something slip in her chest. Her eyes stung, but she pulled in a calming breath.
Don’t think about Drew, she thought. Like that was even possible.
That Thursday after school, Sydney checked the messages on her cell phone and heard one from Drew.
“Hey,” he’d said, hesitating between the greeting and the rest of the message. “I have a few things of yours at my house. Drop by after school today and you can pick them up.”
She deleted the message and debated forgetting about her belongings. She’d spent so much time over at Drew’s house, she was sure there’d be at least two boxes worth of stuff. Most likely books and clothes. She always stashed books around his room so she could read if he was busy with something.
But was the stuff important enough to go over there? It was going to be painful stepping into his house, knowing it’d probably be the last time she’d ever be there. It was like her second home now, after two years. How could she say good-bye to it?
Drew’s message sounded like he wanted the things gone more than she needed them back. He was clearing his life of her. Her pink T-shirt hanging in the closet probably didn’t help the process.
Driving out of the school parking lot, she made a left at the four-way stop instead of a right to go home. Chances were, Drew wasn’t even home in the first place. Basketball practice started in thirty minutes, but he was probably going to hang out at school to make things easier when she picked up her belongings.
As she waited at a stoplight, she turned the old AM/FM stereo to the local station. A new pop song blasted through the speakers. “Ugh,” she muttered, and flipped the station to classical music.
She grabbed the vanilla lip gloss Kelly had given her from the center console and spread the sparkly goop over her lips. She smacked them together and checked herself in the rearview mirror. She looked silly. Like she was dressing up as a clown for Halloween.
Lip gloss was Kelly’s thing, not Sydney’s.
Sydney scrounged for a tissue, finding one in the glove compartment.
A horn blared behind her. The stoplight had already switched to green and she was holding up traffic. She stepped on the gas, hit two more green lights, and turned onto Beech Street.
She saw Drew’s truck parked at the curb in front of his house.
Should I drive right past? she wondered.
Heart beating a little faster, she pulled up behind the truck and parked. As much as she wanted to avoid awkwardness or worse—more arguments—she still wanted to see him. Now that they were broken up, she hardly talked to him.
Mrs. Gooding opened the door when Sydney knocked. From the way her face softened, seeing Sydney standing there, Mrs. Gooding obviously knew they’d broken up. “Oh, Syd,” she whispered, pulling Sydney inside and into a hug. “I’m sorry.” She ran a hand down Sydney’s hair.
“It’s all right,” Sydney said. She breathed in Mrs. Gooding’s perfume, a light, fruity scent. “It’s not like it’s your fault.”
“I know, but—” She smiled. “Well, I guess I just feel bad since he’s my son.”
“Don’t.” Sydney pulled away. “I’m okay,” she lied. She was actually seas away from okay, but she wasn’t going to unload on Drew’s mom. That’d be rude.
Mrs. Gooding nodded. “That’s good to hear.
“Drew,” she called, “Syd’s here.”
“I’m in my room,” he shouted, his tone airy and casual as it would have been any other time she came over. But it wasn’t any other time. Things had changed between them. Why was he acting so normal? Hadn’t this breakup affected him at all? Didn’t he even care?
Sydney took short steps down the carpeted hallway, pretending for a second that things were the same, until she went into his room and the box on the floor reminded her that he was kicking her out as well as breaking up with her.
They’d painted and decorated his room together. She’d picked out the taupe color for the walls. He picked the navy blue bed set. She’d whined until he bought the shadow-box shelves and hung those up. She stuffed them with CDs and a picture of the two of them at a birthday party.
She glanced at the shelves now. The picture was still there. It was just their faces, the birthday party in the background fuzzy. They were both smiling. What would he do with the picture now?
Drew sat up on his bed and set the book he’d been reading aside. His glasses dimmed the blue of his eyes. He smiled uneasily.
“I figured you’d be at practice already,” she said, by way of explanation.
“I wanted to be here when you came.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged and got up. “I thought you deserved that at least, instead of my just sending you off with a box.”
Drew always was polite. Sydney realized she probably would have just sent him off with a box. He’d always been the better person of the two of them.
“Thanks,” she muttered, bending down to open the box. She dug inside, seeing a few T-shirts and a few books, just as she suspected. She pulled out a holey, torn, long-sleeve shirt and wrapped the material around her hands. “I’d forgotten about this.” It used to be her favorite shirt last spring, hence the holes and torn cuffs.
“I was going to throw it away, but I knew you’d be pissed,” he said, his tone mirthful.
“You always tried throwing it away before.”
“I know, but it’s your favorite.”
“I appreciate you keeping it.”
“No problem.” He hesitated for a second, before grabbing his gym bag. “I should get going. I’ll walk you out.”
She picked up the box. Drew held the front door open for her.
The sun started to peek through the clouds, rays glinting off the few inches of snow. Sydney narrowed her eyes, the light nearly blinding her. Drew took the box out of her hands and slid it in the backseat of her mother’s old SUV. She’d probably miss this the most, his need to take care of her, even now when they weren’t together.
“So, I guess I’ll see you,” she said, hesitating. The void between them was growing, and she wanted to fill it with something. She stepped up on the curb and snaked her arms around his neck. A hug was safe, friendly.
Drew returned the hug, and for a second she thought maybe there was a chance they’d get back together. It was hard to even believe they were broken up, as if it were some sort of practical joke he was playing and any minute he’d laugh and say, “Gotchya!” Not that Drew was into playing practical jokes.
When she pulled away, she grabbed the stems of his glasse
s and slipped them off his face, folding them over the collar of his shirt. She didn’t want anything between them right now.
There was something she wanted to say, no, needed to say, because the longer she thought about it, the more she thought this breakup had more to do with her than it did him. It was like a death, their whole relationship suddenly flashing before her eyes and, almost always, it seemed the bad parts were something having to do with her temper or stubbornness.
She was kind of a bitch.
“I’m sorry,” she began, holding his hand. “I don’t think I treated you right or appreciated you the way I should have.”
“Syd, it’s not just that—” He looked out over the street as if collecting his thoughts. “I need space and I need to have some fun. I haven’t had fun lately. And neither have you. You have to admit it.”
He was right, actually. She hadn’t gone out and done anything fun since, well, last summer. “I know,” she said.
His eyebrows shot up in surprise.
How often did she agree with him? Like never.
Letting his hand go, she kicked at the snow with her foot. “I guess that’s it.” She looked up, meeting his eyes. They say it only takes twenty-one days to develop a habit. She’d been with Drew, kissing him every day for, like, 730 days. That wasn’t a habit anymore, it was probably an addiction.
Without thinking about it, Sydney reached up to kiss Drew on the lips. But just before she planted the kiss, he turned away.
“Sorry,” she muttered, anger and embarrassment burning her cheeks. She hurried around the front of the SUV and got inside. She drove away, avoiding looking at Drew, still standing there on the sidewalk.
The aftershock had finally reached her, like the boom of the fireworks in Eagle Park.
“Damn it,” she cursed. Maybe this was the first step to becoming a hermit cat-lady. God, she hoped not.
If Drew could be happy without her, then she could be happy without him. Like he said, he needed space. He wanted to have fun.
So where should she start? What would Raven do right now?
She’d burn the Drew tombstone. Sydney stepped on the gas and headed home.
FIFTEEN
Rule 7: You are required to stay up late on a Thursday night eating popcorn as you and your girls laugh over a fifty-page list of The Ex’s flaws.
I hate Valentine’s Day, Kelly thought as she parked out front of Sydney’s house. The motion light on the garage clicked on, illuminating the driveway. Alexia’s silver Cavalier was there, as was Raven’s Sentra. Looked like Kelly was the last one to arrive. Better late than never, right?
She grabbed her fifty-page Ex’s flaws list from the passenger seat and got out of the car. She zipped her white down vest up around her chin. It wasn’t that cold, considering how frigid it’d been in the middle of January, but still, cold was cold to her. And any kind of cold was bad.
They’d all decided Valentine’s Day was the perfect day to spend inside, hanging out with each other while reading their ex’s flaws out loud. It wasn’t like Kelly had anywhere else to be.
A twinge of sadness wedged in her chest. She should have been de-virgined by now. She should have been Will’s girlfriend and they should have been together right now, eating dinner at Bershetti’s.
But instead she’d barely talked to him in the last week, yet it seemed she spent every waking minute thinking about him. Wondering where he was and what he was doing. Who was he hanging out with? And whether or not he wanted Brittany as a girlfriend because she was so much skinnier and prettier than Kelly.
Will hadn’t even called her once in the month since they’d broken up.
Sydney pulled the door open before Kelly rang the bell. Syd’s hair was up and disheveled, as if she’d bent over, bunched her hair up, and wrapped a rubber band around it. Kelly took in a breath and her shoulders loosened. She hated to think of how much pain Sydney was going through, but Kelly couldn’t help but be somewhat happy that she wasn’t going through a broken heart alone. It was always better to share pain than bear it alone.
Although it’d been a month since Sydney and Drew officially broke up, Sydney was showing no signs of getting over it. It wasn’t just the careless way she wore her hair now, or her neglected clothes. It was the attitude and her lack of focus, as if suddenly she didn’t care. Maybe she didn’t, but they knew Sydney so well. It was in her nature to care about everything.
Now she put a wide smile on her face. “Kelly!” She waved Kelly inside. “Finally, we’ve been waiting forever.”
“Sorry,” Kelly muttered, setting her purse on the table near the door. “Monica wouldn’t leave me alone, and then my brother hid my car keys.” She groaned, the irritation still fresh. Her older brother, Todd, sometimes was more of a pain in the butt than her little sister.
Kelly unbuttoned her vest and hung it on a hook beside the door. She headed into the living room with Sydney and stopped just over the threshold to look around. Black crepe-paper streamers hung around the room. Black cardstock hearts, torn in half, were taped on the walls. Spider confetti was strewn all over the coffee table. Kelly bent down and picked a piece up.
“It was all I could find.” Raven shrugged as she fingered a big, silver hoop in her ear. “They should make broken-heart confetti for Valentine’s Day. I bet they’d sell more of it than stupid chocolate.”
“Chocolate,” Kelly breathed. “You got chocolate, didn’t you?”
Raven nodded. “It’s for later though. After the popcorn.”
Alexia turned sideways on the couch and straightened her plain green J. Crew T-shirt. “Did you bring your list?”
Kelly held up her pathetic page and nodded remorsefully. “I tried super hard.” Which was totally true. She’d spent the last hour trying to think of something negative about Will, but he was just too darn perfect. Maybe that was one of his flaws.
“It’s okay,” Sydney said, coming up behind her. “I didn’t get fifty pages either.”
“I did!” Raven gloated, fanning her list in the air.
“She cheated though.” Alexia narrowed her eyes at Raven. Raven stuck out her tongue. “She only put one thing on each page.”
“No one ever said there were rules for the rules,” Raven countered, tossing a piece of popcorn in her mouth.
“Where are your mom and dad?” Kelly asked Sydney, ignoring the argument starting in the living room.
For the first time in a few days, Kelly saw raw emotion pass across Sydney’s face, but she was quick to recover her stony expression. “Dad’s upstairs reading. Mom’s staying overnight in Hartford.”
Kelly didn’t miss the air of disappointment in Sydney’s voice when she talked about her mom being gone. From what she’d gathered over the last few months, Syd’s mom was staying in Hartford more and more. She even had her own apartment there now and stayed a lot through the workweek.
Kelly felt sorry for her friend. She didn’t know what she’d do if her mom started spending more time away from home. Mrs. Waters was like Kelly’s best friend. Kelly could tell her mom practically everything.
“Should we get started?” Sydney said quickly.
Kelly sat next to Alexia. Sydney lay down on her stomach on the floor.
“Let me go first,” Raven said, bringing her list in front of her. “Caleb’s Flaws. Number fifty: He doesn’t go over his tongue while brushing his teeth.”
All the girls wrinkled their noses in disgust.
“And you used to kiss him?” Sydney asked. She bent her legs at the knees, her feet swinging back and forth. The TV behind her played a commercial for diamond jewelry. “Get your Valentine something special this holiday,” a delicate female voice said over the display of glitzy diamond earrings.
Kelly waved her list around. “I only managed to get thirty-eight flaws. So, this is thirty-eight. Will doesn’t eat candy.”
Alexia groaned. “He is such a freak.”
“How can you not eat candy?” Sydney asked, shaking her head
in disbelief.
“Now you, Syd,” Raven said.
Sydney picked at something on the floor. “Well…”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t do a list,” Alexia said.
“I have a mental one.” Sydney sat up, crossing her legs in front of her. “Drew always has to have a plan.” She visibly swallowed, then nodded, as if satisfied with that flaw.
Raven popped a few more pieces of popcorn in her mouth. Kelly took a handful out of the pink plastic bowl and started picking at the buttery pieces. When was Raven going to bust out that chocolate?!
“All right, good enough,” Raven said. “Number forty-nine for Caleb is he never puts things back where he found them.”
“Drew does the same thing!” Sydney laughed. “I was constantly searching for my stuff.”
“Well, that’s Drew’s next flaw then,” Alexia said.
“Yeah.” Sydney nodded thoughtfully. “I guess it is.”
They continued like that for the next hour. Raven undoubtedly had the most flaws to share since her list was the longest. Kelly ran out of steam about halfway through and Sydney had a hard time listing Drew’s flaws fifteen minutes after they started.
After hearing about Caleb’s nasty BO and his tendency to jerk like crazy when he was falling asleep, Kelly had to wonder how Raven ever put up with him. And when Kelly asked her, Raven thought for a minute and said, “You know what, I’m not really sure.”
Listing Will’s flaws and laughing about them with her friends made Kelly ten times more aware of how perfect Will tried to be. Did he seriously not like candy? Or did he not eat it in front of anyone so people thought he was healthy? Did he seriously like spending ninety percent of his time doing things that would look good for colleges?
Kelly just couldn’t imagine spending the rest of her life with someone who strived for such high extremes of perfection. Also, Will’s habit of hoarding those little moist towelettes you get at restaurants drove her nuts.
When Kelly listed that flaw, her friends guffawed.
“He is the biggest dork,” Sydney said.
