by Pamela Wells
What in the hell was she doing coming out here?
It had seemed like a good idea an hour ago when she called Craig Thierot, but now, with the darkness making the road and the woods uninviting, she was seriously considering turning around and going home.
That was the safe option, but Sydney was tired of safe, if it even existed anymore. She’d thought her relationship with Drew was safe. She never worried about losing him and now look.
No, she decided, safe didn’t exist. She kept going deeper into the woods and finally, just through the trees, she could see light. She’d reached her destination: Turner Place. Or the abandoned barn on Matt Turner’s grandfather’s forty acres. His grandfather never came out here and Matt threw parties all the time. At least, that’s what she’d heard.
Finding an open slot among the two dozen or so cars, she parked and got out, her heart thumping against her rib cage.
I’m not intimidated by these people, she said over and over in her head like a mantra, but the flight instinct was rearing in her gut and her fingers were suddenly clammy despite the coolness of the air.
The small door on the barn burst open just as she walked up. Two people moved past her, bringing with them the sound of pop music and the smell of beer. She went inside, sliding along the wall at first as she watched.
The air was warm with body heat and the fire burning in the brick pit in the middle of the barn. Cigarette smoke rose to the rafters, slipping out through the cracks in the roof.
Scanning the many faces in the barn, she hoped she’d see someone she knew and didn’t just recognize. Every face was familiar, but most of these people she’d never bothered talking to.
In the far corner she saw Craig Thierot talking to Lisa, the student council treasurer. Thank God for a familiar face. Sydney made her way through the crowd.
“Sydney!” Craig shouted when she neared. His cherubic face was red, probably from dancing. Several springy blond curls hung over his forehead. He had on a plain white T-shirt, but over that, he wore a tie shaped like a pineapple. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
“I almost didn’t,” she said, glancing around nervously. “This isn’t usually my scene.”
“But it should be. There is much fun to be had.” Craig waggled his eyebrows at her. “Let me get you a drink.”
Did he mean drink like water or drink like alcohol? She decided not to question and said, “All right.” He disappeared into a separate room.
“So,” Lisa said, “it’s cool that you’re here. I’ve been dying to talk to someone that doesn’t have air for brains.” Big gold hoops swung from her ears. Her layered auburn hair was pulled back in a ponytail.
Sydney laughed, checking out the other girls who were hanging around. “You mean like Melody?” She nodded toward a blonde girl near the fire pit who was wearing a cleavage-revealing top and a miniskirt.
Lisa rolled her eyes. “Oh, yeah. You should have heard her a half hour ago. She was trying to tell me the water she drinks seriously makes her smarter.”
“What?” Sydney frowned.
“Yeah. They’re called BrainLytes and she swears they’re infused with some sort of herb that produces more brain cells.”
“Oh, my God. How did she ever make it to the tenth grade?”
Lisa shook her head. “You got me.”
Craig walked up, two drinks in his hands. “Here.” He thrust the cups toward them. “Squirms for the ladies.”
Lisa took the drink and started sipping from the pink straw sticking out of the cup.
“Squirms?” Sydney grabbed the other cup.
“Squirt and rum,” Lisa explained. “It’s one of Craig’s many concoctions.”
“The best one,” Craig said. “Try it.”
Sydney sniffed it first but could smell only the citrus of the Squirt. Then she took a drink and it warmed her throat as it went down. “There’s alcohol in here?”
Craig nodded. “That’s the beauty of it. You can’t really taste the alcohol when it’s mixed with Squirt. It gets you drunk faster.”
“I’m driving tonight,” Sydney said, her old self chattering in her ear like an annoying horsefly. She mentally swatted it away.
“I’m DD,” Craig replied. “No worries. I’ll get you home safe and sound.” Someone called his name out in the crowd. He turned and waved. “Duty calls. Drink up, ladies. Enjoy!”
Sydney turned to Lisa after Craig had walked off. “Are you getting drunk?”
“You bet your ass.” Lisa slurped more Squirm through her straw. “That’s what I came here for.”
“I’ve never been drunk before,” Sydney heard herself confess. It’d never seemed important before, but now she felt kind of lame.
“There’s a first time for everything.” Lisa smiled. “And trust me, it probably won’t be your last.”
Had Drew been coming to these parties to get drunk? Was that what he’d wanted her to do? To live a little, to act like these people? Now that she was here, it didn’t seem so bad. Maybe she’d been overreacting. It was true, what Drew said. It was time they tried new things, had a little bit of fun. She didn’t want to look back on this time of her life and realize she wasted it sitting at home studying.
“Bottoms up!” Lisa yelled, chugging her drink as she held her straw aside.
Sydney ditched the straw and tipped her cup to her lips. When she could see the bottom, she looked over at Lisa.
“Refill!” Lisa said, grabbing hold of Sydney’s hand and tugging her toward the drink room.
Sydney stumbled and her drink sloshed over the rim of her cup, down her arm. She laughed as Craig steadied her.
“Sit down,” he instructed, pulling up a rickety bar stool behind her. She sat, the ripped vinyl poking her in the butt through her jeans. “I think you had too much to drink, Chutney.” He took the cup from her hands and emptied it out on the cement floor.
Somehow, in the last two hours, she’d been given the nickname Chutney. Craig said, “Because you’re full of sugar and spice and a little bit of vinegar!” She’d tried telling him chutney had fruit in it, too, but he said, “So what,” and shrugged. And when she raced Brad Baker in Shot Put—as in slugging back shots of whiskey—the crowd had hollered, “Chut! Chut! Chut!” as they egged her on. She’d won, too.
Now though, the world was tipping back and forth like a seesaw and even sitting was becoming difficult. She put her head against Craig’s side and felt his ribs poking her in the face.
“Drew’s going to be totally pissed if he shows up,” Craig mused.
“Drew,” she muttered, trying to remember why he would be pissed. Then she laughed, tears streaming out the corner of her eyes. “We broke up, you know.”
“Yup. I know.”
“He won’t care.”
“Oh, I bet he will.”
And even through the alcohol haze she hoped that he would care, because if he cared that meant he still loved her. “Call him.”
“Hell, no!”
“Come on, Craigy. Call him.”
“No freakin’ way am I calling him with you slurring in the background.”
The music cut out as someone changed CDs. A few seconds later, an R&B song pounded out of hidden speakers.
“Wooo!” Sydney yelled. “I like this song!” She stood and started dancing. Lisa came up then and grabbed her hand. They swung around together until Sydney lost her balance and tumbled into an old beanbag chair, laughter straining her stomach muscles.
“Sydney?”
She opened her eyes at the same time she heard Craig say, “Oh, shit,” somewhere off in the distance.
“Drew?” she said, then stood and lunged at him. “Drew! Where’ve you been?” He was wearing that army green jacket with the high collar she loved so much. His broad shoulders looked really good in it.
“Are you drunk?”
The feel of his hands around her waist, his blue eyes on her face…wow, she’d missed that and it’d only been…how long? Too long obviously
. How could she ever live her life without him as her boyfriend?
“We’re broken up,” she said, leaning into his chest. She wrapped her arms around him and hooked her hands together. “I’m not letting go.”
“Sydney.” His voice reverberated through his chest.
“Dude, I’m sorry.” That was Craig. “I didn’t think she’d get so drunk. Serious. It was like she was bent on destruction tonight.”
“I’ll take her home,” Drew said.
She pulled away and stumbled into Craig. “I don’t want to go home. It’s boring there. And quiet. No one talks to me at home.” Tears blurred her vision. “Make me a Squirm, Craig.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes.
“What the man says goes.” Craig put his hands up, backing away.
“Fine.” She went into the drink room and grabbed a new cup.
“You don’t need to drink more.” Drew took the cup away.
“Give it back.”
“You don’t need any more, Sydney. Listen to me.”
“Damn it, Drew! I’m having fun! It’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
He chucked the cup in a trash can. “This isn’t what I meant.”
The room careened more, but her senses were coming back and now she was crying. “I don’t want to go home, Drew. I can’t stand it there.”
He grabbed her face in his hands and for a second she thought he was going to kiss her, but no, he was just steadying her so he could look her in the eye. “I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”
“You will?”
He wiped the tears from her cheeks. “If you leave now and let me drive you home. Yes.”
“But you don’t love me anymore.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Then why did you break up with me?”
He sighed. “Not here, Sydney.” He put his hand on the small of her back and led her out of the drink room and through the barn. Drew grabbed her coat from somewhere and put it around her.
Lisa waved good-bye, and Sydney nodded before slipping into the cold. Drew walked her to his truck and helped her inside, even buckling her in. The inside of the truck was warm and cozy and dark and before she knew it, she was sleeping.
“Sydney. Wake up.”
She opened her eyes and looked over at Drew. Had the breakup been a nightmare?
No, the pounding in her head, the dryness of her mouth, the rolling of her stomach reminded her that it was very real, as was the night of drinking.
Now, sitting in Drew’s truck in the alley behind her house, the pain doubled with the toxicity of the alcohol and she jumped out of the truck and heaved everything in her stomach on the ground.
Drew was suddenly there, his hand warm on her shoulder. When she was finished, he wove his arm around her waist. Leaning into the crook of his arm, she shuffled forward, her feet like lead weights beneath her.
“Shhh,” Drew whispered as they went inside, locking the door behind him.
“My dad won’t wake up,” she heard herself say, maybe too loudly. Or maybe Drew hadn’t heard her at all.
They crossed the kitchen to the hallway and then they were in her room safely, her dad still sleeping upstairs, oblivious as he always was, and her mother a good hour away in her other life, trusting that her daughter would be the same, even without her around. But Sydney wasn’t the same now. Nothing was the same. She hated change.
“Bathroom,” she said and went into her private bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She brushed her teeth, eyes barely able to stay open. Worry made her hurry through the ritual, fearing that when she went out, she’d find Drew gone.
She rinsed and pulled the door open. He was still there, leaning against the headboard of her bed. She peeled her shoes off, nearly toppling over as she did. Then she took her pants off, slipping into a pair of shorts. She curled beneath the blanket against Drew.
“You’re okay?” he asked.
She was silent for a long time, wondering what the right answer to that question was. If she said she was okay, would he leave? Did he mean “okay” as in was she going to vomit again, or okay as in was she mentally okay?
“I’ve been better,” she muttered. “How long will you stay?”
His fingers stroked her hair, pushing it across her forehead, behind her ear. She shivered. It was little things like this that she missed the most.
“Until you fall asleep,” he said.
“Stay until morning. I miss you.” She snuggled farther beneath the blanket, hooking her leg around his. “I can’t stand this. Not being with you.”
The thumping of his heart filled the silence that stretched out. She could hear it through his chest as she lay there waiting, waiting for anything. She sat up. “Drew?”
“Go to sleep, Sydney.”
The pounding in her head, the heaviness in her eyes said that yes, sleeping sounded good. She cuddled up next to him again. If this was the last time she did, she wanted to remember it this way. She didn’t want it ruined with an argument.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“You know I love you, too.”
She repeated the words over and over in her head as she fell asleep.
TWENTY
Rule 14: The Ex’s name can’t be mentioned unless the person who broke up with him brings up the name.
Rule 19: If you see your girl’s Ex, you must never mention it to her.
On Sunday, all three girls converged at Alexia’s house. It was snowing again, light, sparse flakes, but the wind was blowing harshly and no one felt like doing anything other than hanging out.
The teakettle on the stove whistled as Alexia set out three mugs.
“I got it,” Sydney said. “You sit down.”
Alexia hobbled over to the kitchen table. Her ankle felt much better today. It wasn’t swollen or bruised, just a bit sore. She could have gotten the tea herself, but there was no use arguing with Sydney.
Sydney poured the hot water into the waiting mugs. “What kind do you guys want?” she asked over a shoulder.
“Green tea for me,” Alexia said.
“What’s that kind I had last time?” Kelly frowned, raking her bottom lip with her teeth. “Was it orange-something?”
“Wild sweet orange,” Alexia supplemented. “Check the cupboard, Syd. The one by the fridge.”
Sydney went to the cupboard and found the wild sweet orange. With the bags in the mugs, she carried the cups over to the table. “Anything for you, Ray?”
“Nah.” Raven twirled the saltshaker between her hands. “I’ll just get some water later if I get thirsty.”
“Is everything okay?” Alexia asked, dipping her tea bag in and out of the hot water.
Raven shoved the saltshaker aside. “Everything’s fine.” She looked up then and smiled.
Alexia would bet that everything was not okay. Raven didn’t smile like that unless 1) she hated you but didn’t want to tell you to your face or 2) she was feeling like crap but didn’t want to sound like a whiner, so she tried to pretend everything was fine. It frustrated Alexia that Raven couldn’t come right out and say she was upset about something. Why couldn’t she be honest with her friends?
Alexia was tired of coaxing Raven into talking, so she just let it go. She grabbed her notebook. “You guys ready?”
“Yeah,” Kelly answered, then blew across her tea, steam whirling away.
“So what, exactly, are we doing?” Raven asked, setting her hands in her lap.
Alexia said, “We’re going over The Breakup Code again, to see if it needs any improvements.”
“I think it’s working fine,” Raven said.
“Yeah, but you went out with a guy Friday night,” Alexia countered. “Which is against the rules.”
“I didn’t go out with him.” She narrowed her eyes. “I was hanging out with him.”
“You went out with someone?” Sydney asked. “Who?”
Raven pursed her lips, so Alexia answered for her. “Zac.”
“Oh, h
e’s cute,” Kelly mused. “He’s like one of those cute Greek gods.”
“Whether you were hanging out, making out, or hooking up,” Alexia said, “it doesn’t matter. You still broke a rule. So I got to thinking last night and wrote this up.”
“Did you consider that you might have been delirious from the pain meds?” Raven said, taking the piece of paper.
“Very funny.”
Raven read aloud. “‘Additional rules. Number twenty-six: You cannot kiss any boys for at least three months after the breakup.
“‘Number twenty-seven: You must not allow yourself to develop any new crushes for at least three months after the breakup.’” She set the paper down and looked at Alexia across the table. “Rule number twenty-eight: Join a nunnery because you aren’t going to have a life after this.”
“Raven.” Alexia gave her a blank stare. Something was definitely going on with her. She wasn’t usually this snarky.
Raven sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “Sorry. I’m just…tired today.”
“Did something happen to you last night?” Sydney asked, her mug of tea clutched between her hands.
Raven shook her head, avoiding eye contact.
“I like these rules,” Kelly said. “I mean, they make sense.”
“I don’t think I’m going to have a hard time with number twenty-seven,” Sydney said. “I probably won’t be developing any new crushes for at least a year.”
“How are you doing, anyway?” Alexia asked tentatively. “You okay?”
Sydney shrugged, sipping from her tea before answering. “I’m fine. I mean, I miss Drew…but I’m fine.”
“I heard you got a little wild last night,” Kelly said, eyeing Sydney across the table.
“Who did you hear that from?”
Kelly looked chagrined. “Uh…well, from Drew.”
“When did you talk to him?”
“Today. At my house. He came over to see Todd.”
Sydney looked away. “Oh.”
“You totally just broke a rule,” Raven said, curling the corner of the paper Alexia had handed out. “Number…whatever it is…you’re not supposed to mention The Ex.”
