by Taryn Plendl
“You can’t seriously believe that, Garrett. You omitted some very important details, I would say.” Lucas sat next to me. “Dude, you can’t keep seeing her. What happens when Jackson comes home?” Lucas stared at me.
“I know, you’re right. That’s why I’m here tonight and not there.” I stood up. “Come on, let’s get the stuff and get back.” We walked the rest of the way to the liquor store, got a few bottles of the cheapest tequila we could find and headed back to the party.
“Hey listen, Lucas, please don’t repeat this stuff about Payton.” I stopped right before heading into the house.
“You don’t even have to ask, Garrett, you know that.”
And I did.
Chapter 7
In the last week, it seemed as if every time the door opened to the bar I looked up—hoping that I would see Garrett walk through the door. He didn’t.
“Are you okay, Payton?” Shelly was staring at me.
I couldn’t begin to figure out what happened. Everything seemed fine—better than fine. I was pretty sure I didn’t imagine his interest in me. I must have missed something somewhere. I was so inexperienced with all of this, so it was very possible that I misread the situation. This was exactly why I didn’t open myself up to people. I had let my walls down for a short while, but I wasn’t about to do it again.
There were very few people in my life that I trusted wholeheartedly. Trust didn’t come easy to me. It was a way of self-preservation. When you were a child, you trusted your parents because that is what you were supposed to do. Children loved their parents unconditionally, until they were finally pushed too far and the security of the world they lived in crumbled. It’s hard to fight your way out of that, and it was easy to get buried alive if you let it consume you. I’m stronger than that. Now.
“I’m fine. Just tired today.” That wasn’t really a lie—I was tired. I had a headache, and my throat was a bit sore. I just felt completely run down. I figured I was probably coming down with a cold or something.
Shelly nodded and walked off. She was pretty good at leaving me alone when I really needed to not have to explain myself, and honestly, I think both she and Rob were a bit tired of me being out of it the past week. It was Friday night, and the crowds would be building up soon. I wiped down the dark mahogany bar and made sure we had plenty of ice before I stepped away to take a bathroom break. It would be the only time I would get away before the night was over.
As I glanced at myself in the mirror, I realized I looked as bad as I felt. My cheeks were flushed, and I had dark circles under my eyes. I splashed cold water on my face and took a couple deep breaths. I just needed to get through the next few hours, and I could go home and sleep whatever this was off.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Payton?” Shelly placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a small squeeze, sending an ache through my sore body. I was convinced I was getting sick. I was so achy and cold.
“Shelly, I’m fine, although I think I might be coming down with a cold or something.” She frowned at me, and I tried to smile. “Really, let’s just get through this night,” I begged.
I headed to the other side of the bar where a group had gathered. I had just finished filling their drink order when I saw a familiar face walk in. My heart jumped, and I stared as I watched Lucas come in with the other two guys who had been with him and Garrett before. I waited to see if Garrett would walk through the door, but he wasn’t with them. Lucas looked over at me, and I gave him a small smile before turning around, feeling utterly defeated.
“Payton?” Shelly looked concerned. I just shook my head.
“Hey, Payton.” Lucas was smiling at me. “Can I get three beers?”
“Sure, Lucas.” I grabbed the glasses and filled them, setting them down in front of him. He handed me his money and frowned at me.
“Are you okay?” I wasn’t okay. I felt like total crap, and to top it off, I was pissed at myself for getting my hopes up again with Garrett.
“Not really, I think I’m getting a cold or something.” I smiled weakly as I gave him his change. “How are you?” I avoided asking about Garrett, even though my mind was screaming at me to do so.
“Not bad, I guess. Hey … I hope you feel better.” Lucas patted me on the hand before turning around to return to his friends.
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
***
By ten thirty I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. My whole body ached, I had chills, and I was keeping up with the crowds—just barely, but I felt so damn bad that I was almost in tears.
I was re-stocking the beer cooler when I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Payton, honey, go home.” I turned around and saw Marie, the bar owner. She wasn’t here much, but she didn’t really need to be. Shelly ran a tight ship and managed the bar extremely well.
“Marie, what are you doing here?” I frowned, knowing something must be wrong if she came down on a Friday night.
“Shelly called me and told me you were sick, honey. She knew you wouldn’t leave if there wasn’t coverage, so I’m here now, and you need to go home, and don’t come in tomorrow or Sunday. I want you well, and I know you will push yourself until you can’t move if we let you.”
I couldn’t even argue. I nodded and grabbed my bag from under the bar. “Thank you.” Marie smiled, and Shelly gave me a small wave as I headed to the door. Rob gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. “Get some rest, baby.” The tenderness from my friends almost had me in tears.
The cold air hit me, and I shivered as I pulled my jacket tight around me. I must be running a fever. I set out across the park, just willing myself to move forward. My legs felt so achy. The walk across the park took much longer than it should have, and by the time I reached my apartment I was so weak that I could hardly make it up the stairs. I threw the mail, unopened, onto the counter and headed straight for the bathroom. I managed to get myself in a hot shower to try to warm up, and then I crawled under the covers and fell into a restless sleep.
Chapter 8
“Next week, Jackson, I will come up.” Jackson had finally been able to call me. “How are you?”
“Okay. It was a bit rough the first few days.” He sounded better—stronger—somewhat like the brother I knew before.
“And now?”
“Not bad, Garrett, really.” He sounded very reassuring, and I felt relieved.
“Do you want me to bring you anything?”
“No. Wait, bring me a few Snicker bars.” I laughed. That was an easy request. I planned to throw together a nice junk food care package for him.
“You got it. I’ll see you next week.”
“Garrett?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, little brother.”
I hung up the phone with a lump in my throat. I can’t remember ever telling Jackson that I loved him before. It hit me a little hard knowing that he was all I had left of my family. I would do anything for him.
I threw on my sweats and decided to go for a run. On the way back, I swung by the house. I let myself in and went to the kitchen to get some water.
“Hey!” Lucas was sitting at the table eating cereal. His hair was down and hanging in his face.
“Hey, Garrett. What’s up?” I took a seat across from him and opened my water, draining half of the bottle with the first gulp, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand.
“Just out for a run. How was last night? What did you guys end up doing?” I had been an ass all week. I wanted so badly to see Payton—to talk to her again, but I knew I shouldn’t. The guys had put up with my attitude all week, and I decided to give them a break and stay in last night and wallow in my own self-pity.
“We went to Pastimes.” Lucas watched me closely as he said it.
“Oh.” I didn’t trust myself to say anything else, so I just sat there staring at the table.
“Are you going to ask me about Payton?” Lucas leaned forward, pushing his empty bowl out of th
e way.
“I shouldn’t,” I said as I picked at the label on my water bottle.
“I know, but I’ll tell you anyway. She looked like shit.” My head shot up, and I actually felt a little pissed off that Lucas was talking about her like that.
Lucas held his hands up. “Hold on, man. She looked bad because she was sick. She actually left around ten thirty, and she could barely move. I don’t know how she made it home.”
“Why didn’t you help her?” What the hell? He should have offered to walk her home or something.
“Garrett, do you seriously think she would’ve let me? She seems to be as stubborn as you.” He was smirking at me.
“You should have fucking called me.” I ran my hands through my hair. “Damn it!” I was so frustrated and torn.
“Hey, if it makes you feel better, when we walked in she looked hopeful as she watched us. I’m pretty sure she was looking for you, and when you weren’t there, she looked very disappointed.”
“Now why would that make me feel better?” It actually did in a way. It felt good knowing she was still thinking about me, too, but I hated the thought that I’d caused her to be upset. I didn’t want her disappointed. I just wanted her to not want to be around me. That would make it much easier to stay away.
“Well,” Lucas stood up and stretched, “I spoke to the red head, and she said Payton wouldn’t be back until Monday. I guess they told her to stay home and get better.” He raised his eyebrows at me before turning and walking down the hall. “Just thought you might want to know,” he hollered over his shoulder.
I sat there for a few more minutes before I made up my mind on what to do.
***
I had three bags of groceries in my hands as I walked up the stairs to Payton’s apartment. I heard her shuffle to the door after the third knock. I smiled at the peep hole, knowing she was probably looking through it.
The door swung open. “Garrett?” She was bundled up in sweats. Her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, and her eyes were so blue against her pale face, that they almost looked like sapphires, yet sullen. She looked beautiful standing there, but I could tell she was sick. Her cheeks were flushed, and she had dark circles under her eyes.
“Hey, can I come in?” I handed her the stack of mail that was in the box outside the main door.
She frowned at me. “I’m sick, Garrett, it’s probably not a good idea.”
I held the bags up. “I know you’re sick, I’m here to take care of you.”
Her face was so cute, and I almost started laughing at her expression. Finally, she stepped to the side without another word. I followed her in and set the bags on the small table.
“Have you eaten anything?” I looked over my shoulder.
“No.” She tossed the mail into a growing pile on the counter before she walked over to the couch and sat down, curling her feet up under her and laying her head back on the worn sofa.
I went to work heating up some soup and arranging some crackers on the plate. I poured her a glass of Gatorade and brought it all over to the coffee table in front of her. “Have you taken anything?” I placed the back of my hand on her forehead. She was definitely running a fever.
She shook her head again, and I frowned at her. I went back to the table and pulled out some cold and flu medicine.
“Here.” I handed her the pills and then gave her the glass of Gatorade to wash them down. After she took them, I set the bowl of soup on her lap. She looked at me like she might argue, and I raised my eyebrows at her. She just shook her head and sighed, lifting the spoon to her mouth.
“Mmmm,” she moaned softly, and I felt a small pull in my stomach at the sound she made.
“Does it taste okay?” I smiled as I asked. Based on her reaction, it did.
She looked at me and nodded. “Yes, thank you, Garrett. I’ll be fine, you can go now.”
I sat back and folded my arms. “Nope. I’m not leaving.”
Her mouth fell open, and I bit my lip so I didn’t laugh. She lifted her chin slightly and mumbled, “Really? You seemed pretty good at that before.” Ouch! I totally deserved that.
“I know … I’m sorry.” I leaned forward and put my head in my hands. This was a bad idea.
“It’s fine, Garrett. You don’t owe me anything, and I don’t need you here.” She set the bowl back on the table.
“Maybe not, but do you want me here? I can tell you that I want to be here.” I stood up and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her, kneeling in front of her so I could look at her. “Well?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Whatever.”
I smiled, sitting back down next to her. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. “Anything you want to watch?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She leaned back and closed her eyes.
“Do you want to go lay down in your bed?”
“No, I’m tired of being in there.”
I started flipping through the channels and finally stopped on one of those restaurant/bar rescue shows where they fix up the place and re-launch the business. There wasn’t much else on.
Within fifteen minutes I felt Payton shift slightly as she leaned against me. I could smell her shampoo—cinnamon and vanilla—and feel the warmth of her feverish body. I carefully lowered her so that her head was on a small pillow in my lap. She curled her legs up and slept. She looked so incredibly peaceful. I ran my fingers over her hair, smoothing the dark, wild strands that escaped her ponytail. Her puffy, chapped lips were parted slightly as she breathed so softly in a steady rhythm of little puffs of air. She was beautiful, and I knew right then that I should have known all along. I couldn’t stay away from her. Maybe she didn’t need to know about Jackson. After all, she never saw his face or anything, right? I struggled with the internal argument for quite some time before just giving in.
I watched her sleep for almost an hour before she stirred and opened her eyes. “Hey,” I spoke softly so I didn’t startle her. I expected her to move when she realized she was lying on my lap, but she didn’t. She just looked up at me, blinking. “Are you really here?” she mumbled sleepily.
I chuckled, “Yes, Payton, I’m really here. How do you feel?” I brushed her hair away from her face. It appeared that her fever had broken while she slept as her hairline was damp with sweat and so was her shirt that was now sticking to the front of her stomach and breasts, defining every curve. She didn’t appear to be wearing a bra, and I instantly became aroused as I took in the beautiful sight before me, quickly chastising myself for being such a jerk and perving on her when she was sick.
“I think a little better.” She sat up and looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes. “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you.”
“I’m not.” I laughed when she looked up at me with her mouth open, making sure to keep the pillow strategically placed on my lap. “Do you want something to eat?”
“No, I think I want a shower, though.” She pulled on her shirt, frowning, when she saw how clingy it was.
“Do you need help?” I waggled my eyebrows at her, and she giggled.
“No, I’ve got this. I’ve managed to wash myself alone for many years now.” She stood up and walked down the hall. I sat back on the couch and flipped through the channels. When I heard the shower turn on, I decided to make her a sandwich so she could eat something.
By the time she came out I had soup and grilled cheese sandwiches made for both of us.
“Wow! That actually smells good.” Her hair was lying damp against the back of her shirt, and I don’t think I’d ever seen grey sweat pants and a t-shirt ever look so good. She had rolled the waist of her sweat pants down and they hung low on her hips. The t-shirt looked worn and soft. She looked comfortable and cozy, and so incredibly sexy.
I handed her a couple more pills as she sat down at the little table to eat. She popped them into her mouth and swallowed them down with a drink and then looked at me. “Can I ask you something?”
>
“Sure.” I wasn’t sure where this was going, but I wanted her to talk to me.
“Why now? I mean why avoid me all week and then just show up when I’m sick—by the way, how did you know I was sick?” She raised her eyebrows as she studied me.
I rubbed my face and groaned. How did I begin to explain this? “I got scared.” This was obviously not what Payton was expecting because she paused mid-bite of her sandwich and put it down.
“What do you mean?”
“Payton, I can’t explain it. I just know that I want to be around you, and I … shit!” I was frustrated trying to explain it without letting on why I shouldn’t be with her.
“I want to be around you, too.” She reached over and placed her hand over mine. “This isn’t easy for me either. I’m not used to letting people in.” She released my hand and sat back, picking up her sandwich again.
“Why don’t you have any pictures of your family?” I regretted the question immediately after it left my mouth. She froze and sucked in a deep breath before schooling her features and looking back at me.
“Um, my family is dead.” She pushed her plate away from her and looked at me. I could see the pain in her eyes.
“When?” I whispered.
“When I was thirteen.” She looked away.
There was so much about this girl that I didn’t know. She was haunted by something. I could see it in her eyes as she sat across from me at the worn oak table with mismatched chairs. That explained the lack of family pictures in the place. She obviously still carried some sort of pain regarding her family, and I felt a pang of hurt shoot through me, knowing that we had the loss of family in common. The big difference was that Jackson and I made a point to remember our parents, but Payton looked like she wanted to bury the ghosts of her past deep below the surface.
Chapter 9
I wasn’t ready for these questions, and my guard came up abruptly. I waited for the pity—the look everyone gives you when they find out you have no family. I hated that look. Part of me ached for the mom I used to know. The one who took care of me and loved me. The mom she was before my dad took all of that away and left her just a shell of a woman. Before he stole innocence that wasn’t his, and in many ways, mine too.
