by Taryn Plendl
I struggled through the evening, finally making it through to close the bar. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Shelly.” I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. “Goodnight, Rob.” I kissed him on the cheek and walked out into the cold night.
I had barely made it across the street when I heard footsteps behind me. My heart started beating faster, and I could feel the panic setting in. I turned around quickly and gasped. “Good grief, Garrett! You scared the shit out of me!” I tried to calm myself.
“Sorry.” He smiled.
“What are you doing?” I put my hands on my hips. Why was he standing there smiling at me?
“I’m walking you home,” he said so simply that it just fueled my fire.
“The hell you are!” I snapped and started walking. I heard him chuckle behind me, and I knew he was following me, but I wouldn’t allow myself to look back at him. I just kept walking.
When I finally made it to my door, I snuck a peek and saw him standing on the sidewalk watching me. I shook my head and went inside. I let myself in the apartment, locking the door behind me before turning on the light and walking to the window.
He was still there. I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. He raised his hand, smiled and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk toward his townhouse. He was infuriating!
The next night it was the same. Garrett waited until I left and walked behind me. “Are you stalking me?” I finally asked halfway through the park.
“No, Payton. I’m just walking you home.” He grinned at me.
“God, I want to just smack that smile off your face,” I mumbled, turning around and continuing. He waited until I turned on the light in my apartment and waved at me before leaving again.
The next three nights were the same. He walked me home after work every night. He never tried to make conversation, he just walked behind me.
“He’s driving me crazy,” I complained to Shelly. Garrett sat across the bar with Lucas. When he saw mw looking at him, he raised his beer to me and smiled. “Ugh!” I groaned and turned around. I smiled, event though I tried not to.
“Why are you smiling, Payton?” Shelly nudged me as she walked by.
“I’m not,” I argued, grabbing the dirty glasses and washing them. I couldn’t help it, I started smiling again. He was crazy.
I grabbed my coat when we had finished closing, stood by the door, and raised my eyebrows at the grinning fool walking my way. “Goodnight, Rob,” I mumbled as I walked by. I heard him chuckle behind me. Great! Now even my friends were amused by this.
I walked across the park and paused when I reached my stairs. “Goodnight,” I mumbled before walking through the outside door.
“Goodnight, Payton.”
He smiled and waved when I looked through my window after getting into my apartment. I shook my head and tried to turn before he could see my smile.
The next week was more of the same. Garrett walked me home every night I worked, but now he walked beside me. We still never said anything other than “Goodnight,” but he was there, nonetheless.
Winter break was starting, and I was looking forward to the break from school. I walked home from my last class until the new year. The weather was cold, but the sun was out.
I'm not sure what made me stop. Maybe it was how small and sad he looked as he sat on the chipping brick stairs, or maybe I was just that crazy. I would venture to say it
was the latter.
I walked up to the stairs, pausing for just a moment before sitting down next to him. I was only about a foot away from him, clearly vulnerable if he wanted to hurt me again, but I knew he wouldn't. To be honest, I'm not sure how he did it in the first place.
I heard him take a deep breath, and without even looking up at me, he started to speak.
“I'm not sure how things got so messed up.” He paused and took another shaky breath. “It was my fault.”
I wasn't sure what we were talking about. I thought it might be about what had happened in the park at first, but I quickly realized it was much deeper than that.
“I killed my parents. Did Garrett tell you that?” Jackson looked at me for the first time, and the pain and anguish I saw in his eyes was almost like looking in a mirror. That haunting look was one I'd seen many times in my own reflection.
I shook my head. “I'm not sure why you would think that, Jackson, but I'm pretty positive that Garrett doesn't see it that way.” I held his gaze and, for the first time, I was able to see the scared young man that he was.
“I know he doesn't think that, Payton, but he wasn't there. I ran a red light. I was so caught up in thoughts of my own social life, that one mistake took away everything I have ever known—everything I loved.” A single tear trickled down his cheek, and I had to restrain myself from reaching out and wiping it away.
I knew about guilt. I knew it would eat away at you until you were just a shell of a human being that moved through life out of sheer survival instinct. I knew that it could destroy a person, and I also knew that most of the time it was irrational.
“It was an accident, Jackson. I don't know why, but bad things happen to good people.”
“Do you think what I did to you was an accident? Do you think I even gave a thought to how my actions would impact you?” His voice trembled.
“I'm not sure why you did it, but I can't imagine that you truly meant to hurt me.”
He looked at me, clearly shocked. “How can you even say that?”
“Jackson, what happened to you?” I whispered.
“That night ... The night my parents died, I ended up in the hospital. By the time Garrett got there, I had been bandaged up and put in casts. I felt numb. I told Garrett I didn't remember what had happened, but I lied.” He stopped and gauged my reaction before continuing.
“After the car came to rest and the shock of the actual accident cleared a bit, I looked over and saw an empty seat. The same seat my mom had occupied just seconds before. My dad was groaning in the back seat, and I couldn't move. I was in so much pain that I couldn't even go look for my mom or reach out to my dad.” Jackson shuddered at the memory.
“I glanced out the window and saw my mom. She was lying on the dirty road, alone. The report said that she died instantly, but she didn't, Payton. She reached for me, and I couldn't go to her.” Jackson sobbed, and I finally allowed myself to put my arms around him, letting him sink into me.
“Why didn't you tell anyone this?” I stroked his hair as he continued to cry.
“I don't know. I didn't want it to hurt Garrett like it did me. Knowing that she suffered. It was too much already knowing how much my dad suffered before he died.” He pulled back and wiped the back of his hand across his face.
“I was on pain pills, and between the physical pain from my injuries, and the emotional pain of losing my parents, I allowed myself to get lost in them. Before I realized it, I was addicted to them and could only think about getting more.”
Garrett tried to get me help, but I refused, so he just did his best to keep me out of trouble. Until that night in the park, I hadn't been a danger to anyone other than myself, but I found myself so desperate, that I just acted without thinking.”
Jackson grabbed my hand and looked me straight in the eyes. “I'm so sorry I hurt you, Payton. It's no excuse, but I was so messed up. I've never hurt anyone before that night, and I couldn't even finish what I started. I panicked. Garrett came to help me when I called, and you know the rest.” He shrugged.
My heart broke for him. Jackson was so young to have to deal with this consuming guilt. I know. I had done so for far too long also. “Jackson, I forgive you.” I squeezed his hand and smiled gently at him.
“Thank you, Payton. I don't deserve it, but I am so glad you do.” He sniffled.
“You haven't had the easiest life either, have you?” I chuckled at his comment. He and Garrett had been thrown into the disaster that my father had brought here. I was so thankful they were there, but I hated having them see that par
t of my messed up life.
“You're so lucky to have Garrett. He loves you so much. I've never had someone love me unconditionally like that,” I thought out loud.
“That's where you are wrong, Payton. You do have that; you just have to give him a chance to show you. I've never seen Garrett care so much for a girl. He would lay down his life for you.” Jackson took my hand in his. “You do have that kind of love, Payton. You just need to accept it.”
I nodded, more to myself than him. “I'm so scarred from my past, Jackson. I'm not sure I'm capable of being loved,” I mumbled.
“We all have scars, Payton. Not all of them are external, and I think that sometimes the scars we carry on the inside, the ones that no one else can see, are the ones that truly impact us the most, don't you?”
“I do, but Jackson, how do we heal those scars?” I asked. With my whole being, I wanted to know the answer to that.
Jackson stood up and stretched and then looked at me. “Love,” he stated simply. “And fortunately for us, my brother has more than enough for both of us.” He rubbed his hand over my head in such a tender move that I almost started to cry. I heard the door close behind me. I sat there on the steps for several more minutes before I finally got up to leave.
Chapter 20
I stopped short when I saw her walking away from my townhouse. What was she doing there? Was she looking for me? I wanted to call out to her, but I didn’t. Maybe Jackson could shed some light on it.
I closed the door behind me. “Jackson? Was Payton here?” I found him sitting in the living room. I could tell he had been crying. “Are you okay?” I sat down next to him. He had been so quiet since everything went down at Payton’s apartment. I worried that he was depressed, and I was afraid he would turn to drugs again.
“I’m good. Payton stopped by, and we had a talk.” He smiled at me. “She forgave me, Garrett.”
I put my arm around him. “That’s good, brother. Real good.” I knew he needed that from her, and I was so happy that she was able to give that to him. “Now, if we could just convince her to forgive me.” I smiled as I stood up. “Want some dinner?” He nodded. “Come on, you can help me make something.
***
I watched as Payton grabbed her things from under the bar and slipped on her coat. I hadn’t missed a day of walking her home since she returned to work. At first, she had been livid, just like I knew she would be, but lately she had seemed more comfortable.
She smiled at me as she walked to the door. My heart skipped a beat. That was the first smile she had given me—without trying to hide it, that is. I hadn’t missed the hidden smirks, and I knew she was starting to like having me walk with her.
I followed her across the street where she stopped and waited for me. We walked in silence. She held her hands at her sides tonight instead of tucked into her pockets. I reached down and took her left hand into mine. She didn’t pull away; in fact, she smiled and squeezed my hand instead.
I closed my eyes, trying to memorize the feeling of touching her again. God, I had missed this.
We didn’t speak, and we reached the steps to her building way too quickly. “Goodnight, Garrett.” She reached up and kissed me softly on the cheek before turning and walking into her building.
I stood there like a fool holding my hand against my cheek where she kissed me. When I looked up to her apartment, I caught her grinning at me before she pulled the shades. I laughed out loud as I walked home, feeling like a teenager after his first kiss.
***
“What are we doing again?” Jackson asked as we walked through the Christmas tree lot.
“We are getting a tree for Payton.” I grinned. I had bought a box of decorations and lights for her tree already, and I wanted to find the perfect tree for her.
“Do you think she’s going to be mad?” Jackson worried his lip.
“Nah, I think she’s going to love it.” I grabbed a full tree and stood it straight. “What do you think of this one?” I asked.
“Kinda short, don’t you think?” Jackson frowned at the five foot tree.
“Well, Payton is kinda short, too.” I grinned, and he laughed. It was perfect.
We hauled the tree up the stairs to her apartment and knocked. Jackson carried the box of ornaments and lights. I could hear Payton shuffling around by the door, and then I actually heard her gasp which made me laugh.
The door swung open. “What is this?” She stood there with her mouth open.
“This, my dear, is your Christmas tree.” I walked through the door when she stepped aside. I carried it over to her window in the living room. “Jackson, dig the tree stand out of the box for me.”
We adjusted the tree until it was straight and stood back. “What do you think?” I asked.
“It’s kind of bare.” She giggled.
“No kidding smarty!” I chuckled.
“We bought ornaments and lights.” Jackson grinned. It had been a long time since I’d seen him so happy, and it warmed my heart.
“Do you guys want some hot chocolate?” Payton asked as we started digging through the box.
“Yum! That sounds perfect.” I smiled at Jackson’s reaction. He was still such a kid in some ways. It made me miss Mom and Dad a bit, but I was also so happy at how far he had come in the last year.
We went to work trimming the tree as Payton whipped up some hot chocolate and came in to watch us. I looked back several times, excited to see the light that had been gone from her eyes return. She looked happy.
“Well?” I sat on the couch next to Payton, and Jackson sat on my other side.
“Its perfect! I’ve never had a tree of my own.” She grinned at me and then leaned forward and patted Jackson’s leg. He grinned back at her. We sat on the couch, drinking our hot chocolate, just looking at the tree.
“This is perfect.” I smiled at both of them. “I’m here with the two people I love more than life.” I sat back and wrapped my arms around the both of them.
Chapter 21
“Do you want to stay for bit longer?” I wasn’t quite ready to let him go yet. The day had been absolutely perfect from the moment the guys had walked through my door with the tree. We spent most of the afternoon just hanging out. It was the first time I had been able to be around Jackson when the circumstances weren’t so heavy, and I was amazed at what a sweet young man he was.
I could see why Garrett loved him so much, and the more I was around them together, the more I understood why Garrett did what he did. He protected Jackson because he loved him. He was his family. I think it hurt me at first because I didn’t understand that type of bond. I never had that, but as I watched them together, I craved it.
“I’d like that.” Garrett smiled up at me.
“It’s okay, I’m going to go home and order a pizza.” Jackson winked. “Payton, thank you for a wonderful day.” Jackson threw his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug before kissing me on top of my head.
I reached up and cupped his cheek. “Thank you for the tree. It was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.”
“Well, I have a feeling you better get used to being spoiled.” He grinned as he walked out the door.
“He really is sweet,” I told Garrett after the door closed.
“Don’t go falling for my little brother now,” he joked.
“I think the Taylor men are easy to fall for.” I felt nervous suddenly. We hadn’t been alone since everything had come to a head.
“What do you want, Payton?” I closed my eyes so I could concentrate. I couldn’t do that with those warm brown eyes taking me in.
“I’m afraid of getting hurt again, Garrett. I know why you did what you did. He is your family. I get that, but I’m just me, and I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t have anyone to help me pick up the pieces.”
Garrett took my hands in his. “Look at me, Payton. I am not perfect, but I love my family without hesitation. I would sacrifice everything for them. The happiness and
well-being of my family always comes first.” I nodded. “But you also need to realize that I love you, and as far as I’m concerned, you are my family, too, so that applies to you. You have to trust me.”
I couldn’t believe what he just said. “Don't tell me to trust you, show me I can. Don't tell me you will be there for me, be there. And don't tell me you’re sorry, because you’ve already shown me that you are. I love you, too, Garrett.”
He pulled me into his arms, crushing his lips to mine. Instantly, I couldn’t get enough. I opened my mouth, inviting him in, groaning when I felt the warmth of his tongue.
His hands were everywhere, and I knew he was feeling the desperate need to get close, just like me. “Make love to me, Garrett,” I moaned. I felt the cold on my body as he pulled back.
“Are you sure, Payton?” He stared at me in shock, and I knew at that moment that I had never been surer of anything in my life.
“Yes. Without a doubt.” I leaned up and kissed him gently before taking his hand, leading him to my room—the place I had put a halt to things many times before with him, but this time it felt different. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever feel secure enough to give this part of me to anyone, but I knew Garrett loved me, and I knew I loved him right back.
My hands were shaking as I unbuttoned my shirt. “Here, let me.” Garrett moved my hands aside and carefully undid each button, never looking away from my eyes. It was like we were one, like he was absorbing me into his soul. It was the most intimate thing I’d ever felt.
