Daddy Dearest: A Christmas Story

by Rachel Burns

  “Are you getting smart with me?” He leaned down, so he could look into her eyes.

  She was confused and didn’t understand why he was mad again. She had done everything he wanted, saying it the way he had told her.

  “Go to your room and stay there.” She felt as if he were hissing at her.

  She bolted to the stairs, running up them as quickly as she could.

  “No running in the house,” he called after her. Martin shook his head. He really should have hired a nanny.

  He went into his office to work.

  ~

  There was a knock at the door. “Sir, your dinner is ready.” Martin’s butler announced.

  He rose from his desk and went to the table. It was set for three.

  “I’m afraid your daughter isn’t feeling very well. She is already in bed for the night. Miss Keaton called. She will be here in a moment, but she told me that you should start with your salad while you wait. She will join you for the main course.” The butler removed the third-place setting.

  He sat down pleased that Miss Keaton wasn’t making him wait. He started right in eating. When his newest conquest arrived, she kissed him on his cheek and sat down next to him. She was a very intelligent woman and a perfect conversationalist.

  When they were finished eating, they had coffee by the tree. They talked a bit longer, and then he took her up to his room.

  ~

  Morgan wasn’t sure what to do the next morning. The sun had been up for a long time already, but she couldn’t hear anything going on in the house. She got out of bed and brushed her teeth. She got into her huge looking shower and worked for a while to get the water temperature warm without being too hot.

  Morgan scrubbed herself with the soap everywhere she could reach. The backsides of her ears had never been cleaner. She pictured him checking them and being pleased that she had thought to clean them.

  Morgan washed the soap out of her hair and got out of the shower. She dried herself off, and then she cleaned up the floor. Everything had to be perfect for him. That was just the way he was. Only perfect was good enough. She got out her best dress which was a little short in the meantime. Her mother had been too weak to go shopping with her. It had all gone so quickly. Her mother had been sick, and then she was gone. Morgan missed her terribly.

  She sat down on the floor and played with her doll as she waited for someone to come and get her.

  ~

  Morgan felt as if she were starving. When would someone come for her?

  She was fighting a battle with herself. Part of her wanted to sneak downstairs to the kitchen to find something to eat, but she didn’t want to make him mad.

  Morgan didn’t care about gifts anymore. She hadn’t had anything to eat since lunch yesterday. She was hungry and thirsty.

  Repeatedly, she stood at her window and looked at the sun. It was high in the sky. At school, she had learned that meant that it was afternoon.

  She had tears in her eyes when she slowly opened her door and peeked out. She could hear him talking and laughing with someone. It was a woman. It sounded as if they were opening presents.

  Did he expect her to join them, or didn’t he want her around? She quietly walked over to the top of the stairs and listened. If they talked about her, wondering where she was, she would go down then.

  She sat and listened, and her name was never mentioned. She had her elbow on her knee and her head was resting in the palm of her hand. He had forgotten about her completely. Now she was bored and hungry.

  Should she go into her room and lay down again? Her tummy wouldn’t hurt so much if she was asleep.

  Should she sneak into the kitchen? She would give anything for a piece of toast and a glass of water.

  ~

  When she heard them coming, she stood and darted off to her room. She felt that was where he wanted her to be, and nowhere else.

  He didn’t come, and her heart slowly stopped racing. She opened her door just a crack and listened. She could hear the tell-tale signs of them eating as she went back to the stairs and listened to them. Silverware would click against porcelain.

  She was so hungry that she tried to guess what they could be eating. She was busy imagining all kinds of things and smiling to herself as she pretended that she was eating with them too.

  When she heard them coming up the stairs, she closed her door and continued to listen.

  They were laughing. She wondered what her father looked like when he smiled.

  She stayed in her room all day. And when it got dark, she put herself to bed, but she couldn’t sleep. Her stomach was bugging her to give it food.

  She waited until the house was completely quiet. Then she sneaked out of bed and tiptoed downstairs and looked for the kitchen.

  She searched high and low for some normal food, but she couldn’t find anything. There were eggs in the refrigerator. She pulled a chair over from a long table and pushed it against the stove. She stood on her tippy toes to get down a frying pan. Then she put it down on the stove with a loud plop.

  Morgan was really quiet then, listening to hear if anyone else had heard her. She turned on the stove and fire came out of it. She was careful to turn it down.

  Morgan cracked an egg, and it sizzled in the pan. Because she was so hungry, two more eggs followed the first into the pan.

  She flipped them, feeling quite grown up. This way she wasn’t bothering her father at all. He would like something like that. She turned the flame off and got down to look for a plate. She found a simple one and moved the eggs over with a fork.

  Morgan turned and was about to jump down from her chair when she saw her father standing behind her.

  He looked so mad, and he was reaching for her.

  She dropped the plate and covered up her ears as if she was willing him away.

  He grabbed hold of her arms and lifted her into the air. “What do you think you are doing, you little beast,” he said, giving her a violent shake.

  She was too scared to say anything. She had just been so hungry, and now he was going to hurt her even though she had been so good and not bothered him all day.

  Martin sat down on the chair and beat the shit out of her. She could have blown the whole house up, he scolded her, telling her how dangerous the gas stove was. He scolded her for waking him up and not staying in bed like a good girl.

  When he was finished, he grabbed onto her earlobe and pulled her up to her room. She was still sniffling. “Stay out of my way. I’m warning you.”

  She nodded and rubbed her sore behind.

  ~

  The next day, the staff was back. Morgan got fed regularly again. She wanted to kick herself for not waiting. She avoided her father like the plague, which was easy because he never seemed to be home.

  Every night, she put herself to bed early, so they wouldn’t have to eat together. When the day arrived that the driver wanted to take her back to school, she was relieved. She quickly got her doll ready and waited by the front door.

  Her father came out of his office and looked down at her. He just stood there, staring at her. She felt as if she were shrinking.

  “I told you that I expected proper greetings and farewells.” His lips were pressed together so tightly.

  She felt a tear run down her face. She swallowed so she could speak. “Goodbye, sir.”

  He nodded at her and turned on his heel and left her standing in the entryway alone.

  Morgan sighed when he was gone. She turned and opened the door. She went out in the snow to wait for the driver. He parked, and she jumped forward to get in. He scolded her that it was his job to open the door.

  She cried most of the way back home to school.

  ~

  Martin worked in his home office all day. Now that she was gone, he ordered the servants to clean away all the Christmas crap.

  A couple of hours later, a servant knocked on his door. Martin called him in, and the man gave him some of the junk he had seen under the tree
and had ignored on Christmas.

  “Your presents from your daughter, sir.” He laid them down on his desk and left.

  Martin could hear that the man thought that he was an ass, but he was the ass that signed his paychecks. The butler had no right to judge him.

  He picked up the things from Morgan and threw them in her file. He would open them some other time when he had more time.

  Chapter 4

  Morgan stood outside of school with her doll and her bag. The other girls teased her about her doll a lot. She just couldn’t go without her. Her mom had given it to her, and her doll meant the world to her. She pretended that her doll was real, and she was her best friend as well as her baby.

  A man walked up to her and asked her if she was Morgan Swift. It was a different man than last time. It was always a different man. At Easter, it had been someone else too. She went with him, thinking about what her teacher said about getting into cars with strangers. The worry of being kidnapped was less than the worry of seeing her father again, so she got in without a fight.

  Morgan was at his mansion all too soon. She got out and went to her room. She dropped down on the floor and played with her doll.

  When it was dark, she was about to change and go to bed when her door opened and her father called her to his side.

  “Hello, sir.”

  “Hello, Morgan. It’s time to eat.” He turned and walked down the stairs. She followed him, knowing that if she didn’t, he would get mad at her.

  He sat down at the head of the table and started right in quizzing her about this and that. He informed her that he wanted to see her report card after dinner. She was to bring it to his office.

  “Yes, sir.” They ate in silence. Morgan watched him eat, sort of surprised that he did earthly things like that.

  Once they were finished, she went off to do as he had told her. She hurried to his office. The door was closed, so she knocked.

  “Come in, Morgan,” he called out, knowing that the soft low knock could only be her.

  “Close the door behind you and step up to my desk.” He sat up a little straighter, so he could see her tiny form.

  She held the card out to him, and he took it. His face dropped when he saw it. He looked at her just standing there. She didn’t even look ashamed of herself.

  “How dare you bring a report card this bad into my house and stand there as if there is nothing wrong with getting three C’s and two B’s. Come over here right now. I’ll teach you what is expected of you.”

  Morgan hadn’t seen that coming, so she backed away from him. Her hands had moved to cover up her bottom. She turned and tried to run for the door, but her father caught her before she could get away.

  He pulled her back to his desk and spanked her. “A hundred for each C and fifty for each B and the belt for trying to run away.”

  By the time he was finished, she was hysterical. He sent her to her room, and she stayed there until a woman showed up two days later.

  The woman saw to it that she got new clothes that fit her, and she studied with her. She ate with her in the kitchen, and Morgan didn’t have to see her father.

  Her nanny kept her busy all summer long until the day came that she had to leave for one of her summer camps. Her father had signed her up for three of them. The first went one week. It was a French camp, and her father wanted her to excel at that.

  After that, she went to fencing camp for two weeks. They offered many different things. She enjoyed the ballet lessons the most.

  The last camp was a religious camp, which her father’s secretary had picked out for her. Because Morgan’s mother had never talked about such things, so it was all new to her. She really liked that one too. She was starting to feel good about herself.

  ~

  Morgan learned how to deal with her father. She stayed away from him. He didn’t like her, and if he didn’t see or hear her, then he didn’t hurt her.

  She tried hard to please him with all the hobbies that he wanted her to learn. It was constant, hard work, and she often felt tired, but a couple of years later, she had gotten the hang of her lifestyle.

  She never had a moment to herself where she could just do as she pleased like the other girls at school. Her doll laid in her bed and waited for Morgan to finally be able to rest at nighttime. It was the only time she had to cuddle with her doll, which was still her favorite thing to do.

  ~

  Then it happened again when Morgan was ten-years-old. She had a bad report card. It had two B’s and a C on it. She knew what that meant. She hadn’t seen her father over Easter vacation. A nanny had been there to pick her up, and she spent the two weeks with Morgan.

  Obviously, the woman hadn’t been instructed on how to deal with Morgan because she went swimming with her every day, and she didn’t write down how many laps Morgan swam, and she didn’t push her to do more. They played tennis together and baked cookies and cupcakes and played tea parties, and she never told Morgan that she was too old for her dolls.

  She didn’t study with Morgan, but she made her smile and feel good about herself, telling her how nice she was and how pretty. Morgan loved the attention she got from Nanny Jolene.

  It was the best two weeks that Morgan had ever had, and it would leave her with the only good memories she’d ever have in her father’s house.

  Morgan hoped that Nanny Jolene would be in the car with the driver when he picked her up from school.

  She wasn’t.

  Perhaps she would be waiting for her when she arrived at home. Morgan raced up the front steps and opened the door to the large stone house, hoping to see her beloved nanny.

  Instead of seeing the kind nanny, her father was looming above her. She almost asked him what he was doing here. He was never here at this time of day. The sun was still up.

  Martin held out his hand. “Give me your report card.”

  Morgan glanced around and saw the servants scurrying off. She was all alone with her father. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

  Martin looked as if she had slapped him. He might have slapped her back, but the driver entered the foyer with her luggage.

  “Take her things up to her room. Morgan, go with him and do what you have to, and then I want to see you in my office with your report card. Don’t keep me waiting,” he warned her.

  Morgan followed the driver up. He set her things down and left her alone. Morgan went to the bathroom, and then she fished her report card out of her bag.

  She took a moment to look at it. It wasn’t good enough. Only perfect was good enough. She hadn’t managed it this time around. He was going to punish her, and she would feel as if he was trying to kill her.

  Why hadn’t she done better? She remembered thinking that a bad report card would get his attention and make him notice her. But now that it was time for him to notice her, she wanted nothing more than to disappear into thin air.

  She knew that he didn’t want her. Maybe it would be better if she ran away. Why had it been so difficult to concentrate this semester?

  She got up and slowly walked to the top of the stairs.

  “Morgan!” her father called up to her, making her freeze. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go down to him, not knowing what would happen when she did.

  “Get down here this instant.” Martin’s hands went to his belt. He glanced down to open the buckle, and Morgan took the chance and ran for it, dropping her report card.

  She darted for the back stairs. The ones the servants were supposed to use. They led down to the kitchen. Instead of going down them, she ducked into a spare bedroom and hid in the closet. She heard her father scream that he was going to kill her.

  Morgan backed away from the closet door as far as she could, believing that he really would kill her. She folded her hands as she had been taught to do at the church camp she went to each summer and prayed that her father would never find her.

  Her heart pounded as she laid her life in God’s hands and waited for what wa
s to come. She thought of herself being buried and covered with dirt. No one would cry for her. She didn’t know much about the Bible, but she was certain that you didn’t get to go to heaven if no one missed you.

  She cried because she was going to go to hell, and she was going to go soon. If her father got the servants to help him look for her, they would find her faster.

  Her heart was beating so fast, and she was breathing too quickly. The tiny space quickly got too hot, and sweat gathered at her brow, and it was running down her back. She leaned into the corner, telling herself that she needed to calm down.

  She was thirsty, and she had a terrible headache.

  Morgan pictured her mother coming down from heaven and standing in front of her so her father couldn’t get at her. She couldn’t remember what her mother looked like anymore, but she thought that maybe her mother had liked her. But she was dead and couldn’t cry for Morgan. It would be better if Morgan passed on. Then she could have some peace of mind even if she had to go to hell.

  “Come out now, or it will be worse for you.”

  Morgan gasped. Her father was near. He would find her soon. She rolled into a ball, trying to make herself as tiny as possible in the darkness of the closet.

  A while later, the door was pulled open. Her father reached in, grabbing her by her hair and dragging her out. He sat down on the floor and whipped his daughter with his belt. Morgan screamed for help, but no one came.

  “You little brat. I wish you were never born. How dare you?”

  Morgan was beside herself with pain, and she hoped that she would die quickly, but she wouldn’t die, and her father wouldn’t stop. Her legs kicked as she screamed.

  He told her to shut up and straighten up her act. Then he pushed her aside and rose to his feet, feeling like an idiot for having to chase her.

  His anger was nowhere near spent. He took hold of her by her hair again and lifted her to her feet. “Don’t you dare ever run from me again.” He shook his hand to loosen the hairs wrapped around his fingers. He had to brush his hands together to get rid of the hairs clinging to his right hand. It disgusted him. “Go to your room and make sure that I don’t see you again, ever.”