On the Hooves of Horses

by Emma Taylor

  “I love you too, Mum.” I kissed her on the forehead before walking out the front door.

  Waiting on the dock for the ferry over to Maria Island, I heard an unwelcome voice from behind.

  “I didn’t know Princess Sunshine was coming.” Andrea groaned. I’m right here! I wanted to yell.

  “Always a pleasure Andrea.” I forced.

  “Oh, shut up.” She hissed.

  “Andrea? What is your problem?” Grace asked.

  “Reggie dumped her last night.” Megs stifled a giggle.

  “Oh you shut up too.” Andrea threw a playful, but hard punch at her friend.

  “Reggie? Was that your boyfriend?” I asked.

  “That is really none of your business.”

  “She wanted him to be, but it was more like a few one night stands.” Megs laughed.

  “Classy Andrea.” Grace scolded. Yep, took the words right out of my mouth.

  “At least I’m getting some.”

  “Not anymore though.” Oh, no! I said that out loud, didn’t I?

  “Ah, oh, I’m-” Both Grace and Megs roared with laughter at my comment. Andrea, however was never going to see the funny side of it.

  “Perhaps I could always make a booty call to your boyfriend. I’m sure he would be up for something a little wilder than Anne of Green Gables.”

  “Andrea! Stop it.”

  “Oh, that’s right, been there, done that.” Oh, she didn’t just say that! What is her problem? Andrea doesn’t look at me, except for the snide remarks she makes, she doesn’t even seem to acknowledge my existence, but she did glance long enough for me to see her smug smile.

  “Come on shit stirrer, I wanna have a good weekend.” Megs pulled her friend away from me. The ferry ride over was a little rougher than what I had anticipated. The little waves bobbing up and down from the shore packed quite a punch standing on the deck right in the middle of the journey. Surrounded by an outstretched Island in front and the coastal wilderness behind me that I now call home, I still managed to feel alone. Just like the day that I saw the Derwent River for the first time. The infinite, black hole. I felt completely swallowed then and completely swallowed now.

  “Don’t worry about her. She just likes to test people, you know, take them out of their comfort zone.” Megs had approached me from inside the cabin.

  “Take me out of my comfort zone? Megs, I couldn’t be further from that place. I’m not sure I even have one anymore.” Haylie was my comfort zone. She was my protector. She was my big sister.

  “Well, just don’t let her get to you. The more you do, the more she will treat you like crap. Andrea is a really good friend, she’s really loyal and she’s fierce.” Sounds like she’s describing the family dog.

  “But they’re also the reasons you don’t want to be on her bad side.” Yeah, but I haven’t done anything to be on her bad side! What was the point? Could I even be bothered? I neither want nor need Andrea in my life. “Sure.” Was all I could conjure.

  It took a total of 40 minutes to arrive to the Island. There were walking track signs posted everywhere.

  “Where are the cabins?” I asked. Grace smiled. “Up and over.”

  “Hiking? Up that hill? What is it with you Tasmanians?” I laughed.

  “Not up for the challenge?” Andrea said, lighting up a cigarette.

  “Oh, she’s up for it alright.” Grace smiled. “Which, might I add, Miss Matthews, are you up for it with all that bloody nicotine in your lungs? Camping. Remember, fresh air etcetera, etcetera.”

  “No flies on me, Gracey.”

  We began in single file. One by one climbing up the terrain. I am no stranger to exercise and I consider myself to be fit and strong, but even I was finding this difficult.

  “No flies on you hey?!” Grace called out to her friend on our ascent of the mountain. Grace was putting me to shame, but Andrea was clearly struggling.

  “It’s all because of the bourbon babe.” Andrea rallied back.

  “Last night’s and tonights!” She said pushing past me. What was with this chick?

  “Better try and catch up there Miss Sunshine. Last place on earth you’d want to be left alone.”

  “Catch up? Right here, babe.” I said pushing past her. We had almost reached the top and it was quite a dangerous part of the barely touched habitation, but our game of push and shove had become just that. A game. “You push past me like that again and watch out.” She hissed. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck raise. I looked down and my hand was reaching out for Andrea. With force, I spun her around.

  “Push me like that again and you watch out.” I growled. Oh my God! I just stood up to her! Where on earth did that come from?

  “I’m shaking in my boots princess.” Ok, so it didn’t actually achieve the outcome I had hoped for, but nonetheless, I stood up to her! “Jayde! Jayde! Get up here! It’s amazing.” Grace said from the top of ‘Bishop and Clerk’. I instinctively reached for my camera, which had been hanging from my neck. Nature was something that continued to astound and inspire me. Untouched nature was so pure, so true. It was the closest to heaven on earth that I could imagine. When I capture the visions, I try to portray the image to transport the viewer to that place of innocence. If you can get ‘lost’ in one of my pictures, then I have been successful. Art is not a handicraft, it is the transmission of feeling the artist has experienced~Tolstoy. My creed.

  “Oh look at Miss Professional Photographer. Please.”

  “Andrea, give it a rest.” Megs defended. I guess I wasn’t the only one annoyed with her.

  “I actually am a professional photographer, Andrea.” I said.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m not hanging around though. It’s time for a drink.”

  It was four in the afternoon when we reached the camping site. Dark falls quickly in Winter. Already the glow of the day was fading rapidly. The temperature had dropped about ten degrees, too. Ok, maybe it was only five or six degrees, but it was getting cold. On top of already being cold.

  “Here, I bought you a jacket to borrow.” Grace said over our campfire, which Megs had just started.

  “Columbia?”

  “Great Winter gear.” Megs said. “You’ll be toasty in that in no time.”

  “Or if you ever get that fire cracking.” Ah, enter my opponent for the weekend. Weekend? Perhaps for life. I can’t see Andrea and I becoming bosom buddies, no matter how much Grace would like to see us forming a friendship. I’m not entirely sure what Grace had hoped for, inviting both of us on this trip, but I’m pretty sure she realised at the boarding of the ferry over that she had made a mistake.

  “Nope, I got this.” Megs insisted. She seemed like a nice girl. I don’t know why she or Grace for that matter were friends with Andrea. She is bully.

  “I don’t need you to be my friend.” Andrea said bluntly. I stared at her in disbelief. Had she heard my thoughts? Or worse, had I said them out loud?!

  “I,I-”

  “I,I, gee you stutter a lot.” She mocked me.

  “No, I just. Well.”

  “Well what?” Well, I don’t know.

  “Wow. You stutter and you’re mute. Is that even possible?” She laughed. I looked around, but Megs and Grace were wrapped up in their own conversation. I wanted so desperately to run and hide. Mum was right, I shouldn’t have come. Andrea stared at me, making me feel more anxious and alone. Why was she being like this? I slowly found my feet and gingerly put one in front of the other, making a path over to my cabin.

  “Hey babe, where are you going?” Grace called.

  “Just grabbing something from my cabin.” I replied, not looking back. I didn’t want to give Andrea the satisfaction of seeing my eyes water. I will not cry. I will not cry.

  “Don’t cry.” I demanded of myself. Looking back at me in the bedroom mirror, instead of the confident and happy woman I should have seen, I saw a scared and lonely girl. The colour had drained from my face and the medication had made the circumfer
ence of my green eyes dry and a tinted mulberry hue. It was then that I realised that I had betrayed myself. In more ways than one.

  “Oh my calves are killing me.” I heard Megs groaning as I made my way back to the campfire. I avoided eye contact with Andrea, but I could sense that she was staring at me.

  “Drink up, you won’t feel a thing.” Andrea said. She handed her friend a glass of alcohol. Megs took one hand away from rubbing her legs and gulped down the mixture with vigour.

  “Holy crap, Rea, what was that?” Megs spat. Her face screwed with the after taste.

  “Home brew sweetheart.”

  “You can keep your home brew.”

  “How about you sunshine? Fancy a turn?”

  “No thanks, Andrea.” I replied.

  “Oh, go on. It’ll do you good.” She persisted.

  “Don’t drink much. Besides, judging by Megs’s reaction, I’d be wise to steer clear from your concoction.” I laughed with Megs. Andrea raised a freshly poured shot glass in the air and toward my direction.

  “Thanks, but I reckon you should stick to your day job. What is that again?” I asked innocently. Of course I knew she didn’t have a day job, night job or any job, but I could not resist the chance to throw one back at her. The question had rolled out of my mouth, verbalizing itself before I had a chance to stop it. It worked, too. Andrea slammed the drink down her throat and turned away. There was no wind at the campsite. Nestled in the base of the mountain, we were in a protected area and quite isolated. We were the only campers here, but the ranger and his family were only a few hundred meters away, which in itself was comforting. The fire blazed strong embers of orange and red. It was only when Grace walked past and caused the slightest of breeze that it flickered and I caught a glimpse of figures walking through the carefully cleared habitation.

  “People.” I gestured. A cold shiver ran up my spine. It was only half hour ago that the ranger did his final walk by for the evening. He had told us that there was a group of Japanese tourists due tomorrow morning, but apart from that, we were the only ones who had visitor’s passes.

  “Hey there!” A man’s voice called.

  “Grace?” Megs sounded how I felt.

  “I can’t, quite, make it out.” Grace stumbled through her words.

  “Grace, it’s me, Lucas.” A wave of relief flushed over us all. I think I even saw Andrea’s shoulders ease in alleviation.

  “Hi ya girls.” Lucas’s smile was warm and wide. Quite dazzling. He came straight over to me.

  “Hey Queensland.” He greeted me with an arm around my waist, smirking. “No bum pinching this time.”

  “Hi Lucas. No, I guess bum pinching is off the agenda these days.” I smiled. There were two more shadows making their way from the darkness.

  “Over here fellas. Ads and Paxton.” He said, looking at me.

  “Ads, man this is Reed’s girl, Jayde.” Just the mention of his name put a warm tingle in my belly. I raised my arm up to wave to the young man in front of me. He was tall and lanky, but had very broad shoulders, making him look like he could handle himself well in a fight. His skin was tanned and he had a very friendly and familiar face, too. It wasn’t until he took the hair tie from his dreadlocked, sandy coloured pony tail, that I realised he was the drummer in Lucas’s band.

  “Hey, what’s up?” He nodded in recognition of me. Paxton tripped on his way into clear view. “And that’s Paxton.” Lucas said laughing.

  “Man, there was nothing there.” Ads was laughing too.

  “You would think that for someone who has such mad co-ordination surfing in the water, I would have a little more co-ordination on dry, flat land.” Now Paxton was laughing at himself. It was quite contagious, I reached my hand up to shake Paxton’s outstretched arm and I stifled a giggle.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Jayde. I did see you at the pub not long before you got with Reed, but you probably wouldn’t remember.” Ah, one of Reed’s friends he was with that night. I do remember him. Paxton is short and quite stocky, but it is hair that I remember mostly. White as white.

  “No, actually I do. You were hanging out with Reed. But you left quite early?”

  “Yeah, great memory! I got a call out. Car crash at Buckland Bridge.”

  “Pax is an ambo.” Lucas added.

  “Yeah, cool. Hope no one was hurt.”

  “Nah, we were lucky this time. It was just some old drunk who didn’t know his left from his right. It could’ve been bad though. God knows we’ve seen too many of those.”

  “I hate to interrupt, but how did you guys get here? They cancelled the last ferry cos there’s been no one around.” Andrea said.

  “Well, we actually floored it over on Reed’s boat.” Paxton said, grabbing a spot around the camp fire. Reed’s here?

  “Reed’s here?” My heart jumped in its cavity.

  “Oh, the lovers reunite. Blah, blah.” I let Andrea’s comment fly straight over me.

  A torch flickered in the dense scrub. I could hear the heavy pounding of his boots. Followed closely by the vision of Reed. “Surprise.”

  My cheeks began to glow. My eyes sparkled at his presence.

  “It was actually Lucas’s idea. I thought you might want to spend some time out from me, but when he said he wanted to come over, well, there was definitely no arm twisting needed.”

  Now it was Lucas’s turn for glowing cheeks. He glanced over at Grace, who was hanging on his every word and movement.

  “Well, I just hope you bought some extra supplies.” Andrea said.

  “Sure did.” Lucas said, retrieving a bottle of whisky from his duffle bag.

  “Oh thank Christ, I don’t think I could possibly swallow another home brew.” Megs piped.

  “And I bought the extras.” Ads said, pulling out a silver container. He lifted the lid to reveal tally-ho’s lying on top of a brimming pile of marijuana.

  “Wicked.” Andrea said sidling up to Ads.

  “You smoke, Jayde?” He asked me. Oh, god, it felt like grade 8 all over again. All eyes were on me.

  “Of course she doesn’t Ads,” Andrea shook her head. “She’s too prim for that.”

  If my face was any redder right now, I would simply blend in with the roaring fire. Did she have to put me down like that?

  “Nothing wrong with that. There are days I wished I had never started. One day I’ll give up. But in the meantime, babe, guess it’s just you and me.” Just you and me? You mean no one else here smokes marijuana? Of course! Grace didn’t, because of her brother, naturally Paxton didn’t due to his job. I guess I hadn’t really given the others any thought. Not so smug now, are you Andrea? Trying to embarrass me and make me a minority, but it appears to have back-fired.

  “You’re ok that we came over?” Reed asked when he accompanied me to the toilet. I turned to take in all his glory. He was so gentle. I sighed with relief. “Of course. I was beginning to think I had made a big mistake, coming over here.”

  “What do you mean? You ok? Did you take your meds?”

  “What?”

  “You seem a little on edge. Did you remember to take your medication?” He asked again. I pushed back from his embrace.

  “Reed? Did my mother ask you to check up on me?” His eyes darted quickly. “Jayde…”

  “Reed!” I scolded.

  “Come on babe. She’s concerned.”

  “She’s domineering! She’s controlling. Jesus, Reed.”

  “You are on edge, Jayde.” He repeated.

  “Because of Andrea, Reed, not because of the medication. Quite frankly, now because of you.” I stormed off, leaving him standing in my wake only to cross paths with Andrea.

  “Lover’s tiff?” She surmised, her face smug.

  “Oh shut the fuck up.” I barked. She laughed at me.

  “Nice to see there’s a bit of spark in you.” She said offering me her joint, along with it a small glimpse of humanity. “It might help to chill.” She put the lit joint down on top of the sto
ne wall that divided some of the cabins. I stared at her until she disappeared. My eyes then turned to the devil’s offering.

  I’m not sure how long I had been on my own. Long enough for the tip of my nose to feel like an ice block. I made my way back to the camp fire. Everyone had settled in for the night. The boys had made themselves comfortable. Placing around the circle went male, female, male, female. How convenient? I was happy for Grace and Lucas though. Finally, they might embark on the adventure that they both obviously wanted together. Lucas and Ads were singing along to a tune, which wasn’t familiar to me but sounded great. Lucas had bought along his guitar and Ads had picked up some of the nights cooking utensils and was in his element making rustic drum beats. Reed motioned toward me when I came into view. I hope Andrea hadn’t told anyone about the marijuana.

  “You ok?” Reed asked gently leaning into me.

  “Yeah, why?” I asked lazily. I wasn’t sure if I felt slow and numb from the marijuana or whether I was just tired and it gave me the permission to stop caring.

  “I’m not the enemy, Jayde. You were gone for a bit. You sure everything’s alright?” He asked again. Gone? Everything’s alright? For Christ’s sake!

  “Reed, you are not the enemy, but I’m not the frigging mental case either. Let’s just drop it now, hey?” I stared into the crackling fire and thought of my most prestigious picture to date. Haylie’s fire hair dance. If only I had known at the time of selling it that it would mean so much to me now. Two weeks. Just two weeks later. What I would give to have that photo back, just for me. Sharing it with a complete stranger felt intrusive in hindsight. At the time, of course it was a celebration, but now, I have no photos of Haylie, just for me. I could hear Lucas’s voice mustering over the top of my trance. Trying to break through.

  “Breathe in right away, nothing seems to fill this place, I need this every time, so take your loss, get off my case, someday I will find, a love that flows through me like this and this will fall away, this will fall away.” I knew this one.