by Susan Hayes
Her throat tightened, and a few stray tears welled up and spilled down her cheeks before she got herself back under control. She had only been able to visit her family’s graves once. She had been sent to the city before they were buried, and once there, she hadn’t been permitted to leave again until she turned seventeen. In the scant few days between her seventeen birthday and the day she was to report to Torex for training, she had made the journey and said her goodbyes.
She caressed the weatherworn stone beneath her hand. “He’s never found a way to say goodbye to all of you, has he?”
Her only answer was the trill of birdsong and the whisper of the breeze through the branches of the trees that surrounded her.
It wasn’t fair. They’d both given Torex so much of their lives already. It must have taken Raze years to establish himself here, working alone with no one but the noats and chickens for company. Now, he was going to lose everything again.
She wandered from grave to grave, paying her respects Raze’s family. it wasn’t her fault, but she was a cog in the machine that would descend on this place someday and disturb what should have been their final resting place.
“I’m sorry. I wish I could do more. I can’t save this planet. I can’t even save your brother. I tried, though. I’m just not what he wants. He’d rather die here with you than leave with me.”
She finished her visitation and turned back toward the trailhead. There was only one way out of the clearing, so at least she wouldn’t get lost. Part of her was tempted to take the path all the way back to the valley floor. Maybe the floodwaters had receded enough by now that she could get back onboard her ship and stay there until repairs were done. Her comm device was still at the cabin. She could use that to let Raze know she wouldn’t be coming back. It would be easier than facing him again.
She was still contemplating her destination when she spotted the boots set neatly in the middle of the path. He’d taken off his shoes and left them for her so she wouldn’t have to make the trek in bare feet.
“You are a complicated man,” she muttered. Was this a peace offering? An apology? Or was he just being practical again? After considering things for a moment, she decided it didn’t matter what his reasons were. She couldn’t steal what had to be one of his few pairs of footwear, and as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she couldn’t make the trek to the ship in bare feet. She would have to go back to the cabin.
She slipped on the socks and boots, lacing them up as tight as they would go. They were still ridiculously oversized, but at least her feet wouldn’t take a beating. She had enough cuts, bruises, and scrapes already.
She tromped through the trees and turned up the hill with a low groan. It hadn’t seemed that far on the way down. Of course, the only times she’d been on this trail, Raze had been carrying her. It was easy to ignore the steep incline and increased gravity when someone else was doing all the work.
Still, the sun was shining, the air was clear, and the path was easy to follow. How many times had he traveled along it to pack the dirt so tightly? A hundred? A thousand? She mused as she walked, her thoughts whirling like the dust motes that danced in the sunbeams that streamed through the forest canopy above. Why leave the boots if he didn’t care about her? And if he cared about her, why wouldn’t he even think about leaving with her before Torex came?
She was still trying to make sense of his actions by the time the end of the trail came into sight. Before she made it to the top, though, Raze appeared. He descended the trail with his hands jammed into the pockets of his coat and an unreadable expression on his face. Neither of them said a word as they closed the distance between them.
When he was less than three feet away, he stopped and planted his feet on the ground like he was preparing to block her. She came to a halt and tried to muster an indifferent expression. “Is this your way of telling me I should have gone with my plan to hike back to my ship and leave you in peace?” she asked.
“What? No. I was bringing you your comm device. Eddi wants to talk to you.” He pulled her communicator out of his pocket and held it out to her. “And I, uh, I wanted to apologize.”
“Thank you.” she took back the offered item and slipped it into her pocket. “And thanks for the boots. You didn’t have to do that.”
He rubbed his knuckles along his jaw, and his cheeks actually darkened in a blush. “Yeah, I did. I dragged you down there, yelled at you, then left you with no way to get back safely.”
“I was the one who told you to leave,” she pointed out.
“You had your reasons. And uh, I’m sorry about that, too.” He moved in closer and cupped her cheek in one calloused hand. “I don’t think you’re a freak, Sevda. I never did. Whatever else happens, I want you to know that.”
She shrugged. “You wouldn’t be the first one to think that. You won’t be the last, either.”
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he broke into a grin. “Now who's the grumpy one pushing people away?”
“You don’t have a monopoly on that tactic, Bear.” She hadn’t meant to use the endearment, but her heart seemed determined to override her head. Or maybe that was just her libido.
“I don’t want to push you away anymore. Odds are, you’re going to be the last friendly face I ever see.”
She nodded. “Even if I don’t tell them about you, they’re going to find you eventually. I understand why you don’t want to leave, now. But I still think you’re lying to yourself.”
He scowled, but his thumb stroked across her cheek at the same time, lessening the impact of his stare. “You haven’t been in my orbit that long, scout. What makes you think you know me better than I know myself?”
The truth spilled out of her in a torrent, her words as much a personal confession as they were an observation about him. “I know you. Veth, I’ve been you. You think you aren’t worthy to be alive, that you don’t have the right to every lungful of air you breathe because you didn’t die when they did.”
His eyes widened, but he didn’t deny her words. “I wasn’t there. I was scouting a way out of the valley when the attack came. By the time I made it back, they were all dead. My entire unit. My family. Gone.”
She lifted her hand to cover his. “But it wasn’t your fault. Just like it wasn’t mine that my family died in that fire and I didn’t. We’re still here, and they’re not, and it hurts.”
He nodded.
“You’re not going to tell me I’m wrong? No arguments?” she asked softly.
“No arguments. You’re even smarter than you are stubborn, did you know that?”
“Was that you trying to flirt?” she teased.
“Maybe. I’ve never actually tried before.”
The look she gave him was one of incredulous shock. “Never?”
He shook his head. “When I was in combat, I didn’t need to flirt. The female cyborgs were uh…accommodating. It was part of their programming, and none of us could reveal that we were self-aware.”
“But the wars ended years ago. I mean, you never…”
“Not until you.”
“You really have been determined to punish yourself, haven’t you?”
“Says the woman who flies the riskiest missions she can find to earn enough money to start a new life somewhere. You don’t get to start that life if you die trying to buy your freedom, you know.”
“How did you know about that?”
“I had a chat with Eddi while you were out here.”
Sevda wrinkled nose. “That fraxxing AI talks too much.”
“Maybe. But I’m glad she did.” He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, and she threw her arms around him, rising on her toes to kiss him back.
It was so much easier to stay mad at him when he was doing all he could to push her away. When he was being vulnerable and sweet and kissing her, her resistance melted faster than a snowball in a supernova.
“So, we’re not fighting anymore?” she asked.
“I don’t
want to fight with you. There are better things we could be doing with the time we have left.” He kissed her again, his hand sliding into her hair as he made love to her mouth with a single-minded focus that made her toes curl.
“We could have more time if you agreed to come with me and start again somewhere new.”
He groaned. “I made a promise to them. After they were all buried, I promised them I would be back someday, and that I wouldn’t leave again.”
There was so much pain trapped in his words that her heart bled. “Raze, do you really believe that you’d lose them if you left? Your siblings aren’t here on this planet.” She laid her hand on his chest. “They’re in here. We can’t leave the ones we lost. We take them with us no matter where we go.”
He lifted his hand to cover hers. “They were all I had.”
“Well, now you have me. I don’t have many friends, but I keep the ones I have.”
“Friends?” He lifted his head, revealing brown eyes full of heat. “We’re more than friends, aren’t we?”
“I don’t know what we are. We can’t stop fighting long enough to get that far.”
“We’re done fighting. At least, I hope we are.” He released her and took a step back, then took her hand. “How about we talk instead? I want to know more about you than what little Eddi shared. Friends do that, right?”
“Yeah, they do. Why don’t you show me what you’ve built here, and we’ll talk.” She squeezed his hand and let him lead her up the hill to the plateau. She was determined to use what time they had left to convince him to come with her.
8
Raze kept Sevda’s hand in his as they toured the farm. He showed her everything. His ship, the greenhouses, the shed where he kept his tools, and the cool, earth-scented root cellar he’d dug behind the cabin where he stored whatever bounty his harvest yielded each year.
“And this is my orchard. It’s still a long way from being mature, but it’s finally starting to produce enough I can’t eat my entire harvest in one meal.”
“Raze, those trees. How long.” She paused and pointed to the orchard. “How long have they been growing?”
“About five years, now.” He frowned. “Is there something wrong? Should they be bigger? I’ve never actually seen an apple tree.”
“Wrong? No. There’s nothing wrong. They’re thriving here. I just – it never really sank in until now how long you’ve been here, and how much you’ve accomplished.”
“I didn’t have anything else to do.” Building this place into a home had been the driving focus of his life for years. It kept him busy enough that he didn’t have time to be lonely, or think too much about what he’d lost.
Sevda was still looking around, chewing on her lower lip as she pondered something.
“What is it?”
“I need to ask Eddi to clarify something for me.” He stayed silent as she pulled out the comm device. “Eddi, I need you to look something up for me.”
“Hello, Pilot Rem. I have an update for you on the repair—
“Not now, Eddi. This is important. Review the Unified Galactic Agreement rules for colonizing a planet and confirm that this planet is currently available for colonization claim.”
“Pilot Rem, I can confirm that based on current law, it would be possible for a colonization claim to be filed if the proper criteria have been fulfilled.”
Raze’s head was spinning. He hadn’t planned on colonizing anything. He just wanted to live here in this valley in peace.
“Eddi, what are the proper criteria?”
“The criteria are extensive, but the key elements are as follows. Colonists must have supported themselves for a period of four years on the planet’s surface without any support from outside sources, including eighty-five percent of all food consumed. If at the end of four years, they have proven to be self-sustaining, they can file for colony status.”
Sevda turned to look at him. “How long have you been here?”
“More than four years.”
She beamed. “And you never left the planet at all, right? And I was your only visitor?”
“Right.” He nodded, dazed.
“Eddi, please scan Raze’s entire holdings and compare to all criteria. Determine if there is a likelihood that Raze has met all criteria for colonization.”
There was a brief pause. “I estimate a ninety-eight percent chance that is the case, Pilot Rem.”
Raze tried to wrap his head around what was happening. “Did you just figure out a way for me to stay here?”
“I think so. A legal, non-rule breaking way.”
He hauled her into his arms and hugged her until she gave a grunt of protest.
“Ribs!”
“Sorry.” He eased his grip but didn’t let go. “Thank you.”
“There are no guarantees this will work. I’m betting you’re going to be sick of paperwork before this is over, and they might reject your claim, but…”
“But there’s a chance I can stay here.” He slipped a finger under her chin and lifted her head so he could look her in the eyes. “And so could you.”
Her haunting, multi-hued eyes shimmered with tears. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. But not adjoining plots.”
“Oh. Of course. You want to keep this valley for yourself. That makes sense.”
He stroked his calloused thumb over her soft cheek. “No, sweetling. I want you to think about staying here, in this valley, with me.”
“But I have to leave,” she pointed out.
“And this isn’t a colony planet, yet. We’ve both got work to do, scout.”
“You’re sure? Yesterday you were planning on spending the rest of your life alone.”
“Yesterday, I didn’t have you.”
The smile she gifted him with made his heart overflow with emotions he had almost forgotten existed. Happiness. Affection. Hope. “I knew the cranky loner thing was an act. I like this version of you much better.”
“Yes, yes. You’re very smart, sexy, and amazing. And yet, you still haven’t agreed to my offer. When you’re free of Torex, will you come back here, to me?”
She tipped her head into his hand and nuzzled his fingers before answering. “Only if you promise me that if you can’t get approved for colony status, you’ll come with me instead of staying here to die with the planet.”
“Leave?”
“Not leave. Live.”
He looked around at the home he’d made for himself, then back at the woman in his arms. For most of his life, he had simply existed. Sevda was offering him a chance to have a life. For a moment, he thought he heard the voice of his siblings whispering on the breeze. Say yes.
He wasn’t ready to commit to leaving. Not yet. So instead of agreeing, he asked, “Can I bring the noats?”
Her laughter filled the orchard. “They go on your ship.”
“Fair enough.”
“Is that a yes?” she asked.
“It’s as much as I can give you right now.”
She rose up on her toes to kiss him. “Then I’ll take it. For now.”
He lifted her into his arms and kissed her back. He’d renounced the world once, and she’d brought it all back to him. Even if he wanted to, he didn’t think he had the strength to turn his back on everything again. Not if he’d have to give up her, too.
He loved the way her curves pressed into him and the way her kisses tasted of cinnamon. It was a flavor that he suspected he would quickly become addicted to. Her short, blue-black hair was like silk in his hands, and her laughter warmed the coldest recesses of his heart. It wasn’t love. Not yet. But what burned between them was so much more than lust, or a need to end their loneliness.
He carried her to one of his favorite spots; a stretch of flat, grass-covered ground beneath the limbs of the largest tree in his orchard. It was indigenous to the planet, and once he had discovered that the fruit was edible, he’d transplanted several of the trees.
“Where are we going?”
“What do we need to be thinking about right now?”
“We have a lot of things to consider, and plans to make, but right now it’s the closest place I can think of where I can get you naked again.”
She laughed and nipped at his lower lip. “Outside?”
“Cabin’s too far away.”
“I think you might be the perfect man for me.”
“I’m not a man. I’m a cyborg.”
“In case you’ve forgotten, technically, so am I.” She stroked his cheek with her artificial arm.
“So you are. And a very sexy one, at that.”
He crouched beneath his favorite tree and laid her down in the sweet grass.
“This is nice.” She stretched out indulgently, back arched, arms over her head. It was enough to test the limits of his control.
He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside. “Clothes off. Now.”
She stuck out her tongue at him. “Words good. Use more.”
“Scout…” his voice dropped to a low growl of warning.
“Yes, Bear?”
He shed his pants in seconds and dropped to his knees at her side. “Time’s up.”
“These are your clothes. Do you have enough left to tear this to shreds, too?”
“Don’t care.” He had her undressed in less than a minute, spurred on by needs and desires that he could barely control.
“I’m going to need to go shopping for you before I come back, here, aren’t I?”
“Or we can make this valley a clothing optional area.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re making jokes now? Who are you and what did you do with my grumpy bear?”
“Your bear is right here, sweetling.” He stopped any further comments with a kiss that made her moan and writhe beneath him. How had he ever thought that he could be happy alone?
Sevda let go of everything but this moment. Plans for the future, hopes, and fears and considerations all faded away as she let herself get lost in the fire that burned between them.
He had finally shown her the man behind the mask, and he was everything she suspected, and more. This was a man she could love someday. She knew it.
