by JD Nixon
We washed up together in the cramped kitchen, giving Alex and Sali some private time together on deck. I washed and he wiped, leaning his divine butt against the tiny dining table as he did. We chatted about the next day. He had an early evening lecture at the university and Maria had invited us over to her house for dinner afterwards, along with a group of her environmentalist friends. The week was drawing to an end and I didn’t think I’ve ever wanted an assignment to keep going before, but I sure did with this one.
Once everything was absolutely spotless, scrubbed down and put away neatly, Meili and I went back up on deck. Sali excused herself not long after, citing tiredness and she did look sleepy. Alex took her down to their little room and settled her to sleep before rejoining us on deck. We chatted for a while, enjoyed another glass of wine and the evening passed.
It was still reasonably early, only about nine o’clock when Alex excused himself as well to head off to bed. I wasn’t feeling at all sleepy, buzzing still from the adrenaline of hauling in the tuna and perhaps Meili felt the same because he wasn’t making any moves either. We chatted and laughed about trivial stuff for ages when I spotted the boat near us moving, returning to shore.
“Hey, they’re leaving,” I said, pointing them out to Meili.
“Strange time to leave.”
“Perhaps we’re being too noisy for them? Or they haven’t caught any fish and have to go to McDonald’s to buy some dinner because they’re starving?”
He chuckled. The other boat passed reasonably close to us, within fifty metres, as it manoeuvred itself back to the harbour. I watched its lights intently, still puzzling over the reason for its sudden departure when I noticed a strange sight. It was as though they’d let off a firework or something.
You wouldn’t do that on a boat, would you? I wondered and turned to comment to Meili.
Without warning, the boat exploded under my feet. Simultaneously, the deck disappeared beneath me and I was catapulted through the air for so long I thought I was flying, only to land with a hard, cruel splash, head first into the cold, bottomless ocean.
Chapter 22
The force of the impact drove me deep into the water, but my life jacket slowly buoyed me to the surface, where mercifully I ended face up. I’d been knocked unconscious for an unknown amount of time and would have surely drowned if I’d surfaced face down. I came to groggily, immensely frightened and not knowing where I was, cold and wet. I watched the retreating lights of the other boat without recognising what I was looking at. In the other direction, the bare hulk of Lady Hawk burned fiercely in the darkness. Despite the devastating implications of it being on fire, at least it provided some light in the general area. But what I saw did nothing to cheer my spirits.
Debris floated everywhere, little patches of fire here and there. I struggled to group my thoughts, but it slowly dawned on me that I was in the ocean, surrounded by the wreck of Lady Hawk. There must have been a bomb on board to cause such an explosion, I thought in shock. Where was everyone else? I couldn’t see anybody. I had survived, so hopefully someone else had as well.
My right leg was hurting badly. I hoped it wasn’t bleeding because that made me think about sharks and then I really started to panic. Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Shit! Shit! Shit! The irony of me being eaten by a shark, after catching and eating a tuna for dinner didn’t escape me. An hysterical giggle broke from my lips. It was loud in the utter silence around me. I began hyperventilating with fear for a minute, which accomplished nothing except using up my precious energy reserves. I gave myself a stern talking to. Stop it! Calm down! I told myself. Sharks feed at dawn and dusk, not night time, I reminded myself. And that helped to slow my breathing down to a normal, stuck-in-the-ocean-by-yourself-at-night-with-no-help respiration rate.
There were other boats nearby; we’d seen them passing us when we’d anchored. There were bound to be people who witnessed a huge explosion in the night. It would have been very noticeable. It was probably visible onshore. And there was the boat next to us, I remembered. They would surely have noticed, I told myself. Even now they were probably on their radio, giving the mayday to Search and Rescue. Soon helicopters and water police would be here and would find me and would take me back to land where I swore I was never getting on a sea-going vessel again. That boat could be turning around right now, headed back to search for survivors. I would be rescued in no time. Those thoughts helped me calm down even more.
I’m not a great swimmer by any means, but I was confident I could keep myself afloat with my life jacket for hours if necessary. I hoped it wasn’t necessary. To help my buoyancy, I used one foot to force the runner off the opposite foot by its heel, before doing the same with the first foot. It made me a little lighter at least, although sad to think of my expensive runners falling to the bottom of the ocean. I’d think about taking off my jeans soon as well, except my leg was hurting so much and it was cold.
I floated in the ocean, alone, lonely and very frightened, for what seemed to me like a very long time. It might have been hours, but I had no reference for that – it may have only been ten minutes. The boat had finished burning and the darkness enveloped me, seeped into me until I felt as though I was breathing darkness. The silence was intense, the darkness deep and immense. The sensory deprivation robbed me of my normal defence mechanisms, disorienting me and encouraging my senses to supply the lack. I started to hallucinate, thinking that I could see a light in the utter darkness. My eyes darted around in joyful hope, but I wasn’t able to ever actually fix my eyes on that elusive light, no matter where I looked or how hard I stared into the inkiness. It always somehow remained off to the side. I started crying with fear and hopelessness.
I was going to die out here, alone.
There was no hint of any human movement near me. I tried not to think about the possibility that I was the only survivor of the blast. I thought of Heller, of Daniel and Niq, of the twins. Then I thought of Mum and Dad and my brothers and my nieces. And Dixie. I’d never say goodbye to Dixie, I sniffed sadly. Oh, and Will. Mustn’t forget about Will, I reminded myself, tears pouring down my cheeks. I was sinking into a dangerous well of self-despair when I thought I heard a faint noise. I stilled immediately, craning an ear, straining to hear in the darkness. I thought I heard someone calling. But then, I’d thought I’d seen a light as well. Perhaps this was real, this time?
“I’m over here! Here! Come and get me!” I shouted as loudly as I could into the darkness. There was a pause before I heard another sound, so I shouted loudly again. Another pause and then the voice was a little closer. I kept shouting and waiting, shouting and waiting, until I heard the voice very closely.
“Tilly!”
“Meili!” I cried with relief.
“Tilly, keep talking. I’m near. I’ll have to find you by your voice. I can’t see anything.”
“Meili, Meili, Meili, Meili . . . ” I chanted continuously, desperately, until he bumped into me.
“Thank God!” I gasped and started crying again, clinging onto him.
“Hold onto this. It’s a life buoy from the boat,” he said and I grasped around in the dark until my hands found the life buoy, hooking my arm over one side into its centre.
“Thank you so much for finding me. I thought I was alone. I’m so scared,” I sobbed.
“I’ve been looking for you for ages. I think we were thrown in different directions. I managed to find Alex while there was still some light from the fire, but he seems to be unconscious and badly burned. Do you think you can hold him up for a while? I need to keep looking for Sali. She can’t swim very well. And I don’t think she had a life jacket on.”
“Don’t leave me alone again!” I begged quietly, terrified.
“Tilly, I know you’re brave. I’ll be back soon. I have to try one more time to find Sali. Here, hook your other arm under Alex’s armpits. Lie on your back a bit so he’s leaning up against your whole body and your arm isn’t taking all the weight. Please don’t let go of hi
m. I’ll be back soon.” And then he splashed away and left me alone in the dark again. Silent tears poured down my cheeks.
Another eon in the choking darkness, the frosty water chilling me to the bone. I shifted to redistribute Alex’s weight more comfortably. Thankfully the buoyancy of the water helped me hold him afloat. I was glad I had the life buoy to cling to; I don’t think I could have held him up by myself otherwise.
He didn’t feel good. His clothes were gone and his skin had a raw kind of feel to it that didn’t bode well. It was a small mercy that he was unconscious because I think if he hadn’t been, he would have been screaming in pain. Poor Alex. Poor Sali, wherever she was. And she was pregnant as well, which only made me cry some more. I really hoped she had slept with her life jacket on for once.
My leg was incredibly painful. And it was so cold. And so dark. I was frightened and tired. I was afraid of falling asleep because I might let go of the life buoy and drown or let Alex go. I shifted again and swapped Alex over to my other arm, trying to find a comfortable position with his dead weight on my arm. I screamed loudly when I felt an inquisitive nibble on one of my sock-clad toes, kicking out ferociously at whatever it was that had dared. I was coming precariously close to a full-blown panic attack.
“Tilly?” I could hear Meili’s voice in the distance, his splashing more frantic as he heard my scream.
“Meili, Meili, Meili, Meili . . .” I chanted again to help him find me in the darkness. He bumped up hard against us and I almost let go of Alex with the force.
“Sorry,” he panted and clung on heavily to the life buoy. “I can’t find her anywhere. I think . . .” and he took in a ragged breath and sniffed. “Are you okay?”
“Something was tasting me,” I said quietly, tears surging down my face. “Poor Sali. She was going to have a baby.”
“Tilly . . .” he started, but was too emotional to continue, taking in deep breaths. “We might be here all night. They can’t search for us until dawn. We have to stay awake. Hyperthermia will be an issue, so we need to keep moving as well.”
“But I’m so tired, Meili.”
“Let me take Alex from you for a while. We’ll have to share him through the night. Can you do that for me, Tilly? I really need you to be strong tonight.”
I took a deep breath, enjoying the lightness of floating without the weight of Alex. “I’ll try. Oh God! What happened? Was it a bomb?”
“I don’t know. Maybe that other boat fired at our fuel supply. One minute we were talking about the other boat, next thing I’m flying through the air into the water.”
“That’s my memory too.” Sharp pain stabbed me in the leg. “Ow!”
“What’s the matter? Are you hurt?”
“There’s something wrong with my leg. It’s getting worse. I’m worried I’m bleeding and it will attract sharks. What if I’m bleeding so much I lose consciousness? You can’t look after two unconscious people.” Hysteria was rising in me again.
“Tilly, stop it! You have to be strong.” And he fumbled in the dark until he found one of my hands, grasping it tightly. I clung to it. “We’re here together. We’re going to make it together. Trust me.” And strangely enough, I did.
The night passed slowly. We talked about everything to keep each other awake, taking turns to choose a topic. After a few hours we’d exhausted all the usual suspects – favourite movie, music, book, food, blah, blah, blah. We’d then traversed the personal – first kiss, first lover, first time you dumped someone, first time you were dumped, have you ever cheated on a partner.
“I’ve never slept with anyone else besides Inge,” he admitted, managing a weary laugh. “I was probably the oldest virgin on the planet when I met her.”
I drew back with tired astonishment. “Now you’re kidding me?” He was a world famous sex-symbol for thinking women.
“I’m not kidding you, I promise. I had a weird name and came from a weird family. I was a gangly, weedy nerd and outcast at school. I did a PhD in chemistry, for God’s sake! I was no chick magnet, believe me. Inge worked with me at that petrochemical company and was the first woman who paid me any attention at all. And then I became famous with my environmental work and suddenly every woman wanted me. I find it repulsive.” I don’t know where I found the energy to be surprised at his confession, but somehow I was.
And after exhausting that topic, we ended up in the philosophical – do you believe in reincarnation, in God, what is the meaning of life?
It was my turn to take Alex again and we did an awkward shuffling manoeuvre to transfer him across. I was fatigued with treading water to keep warm and poor Alex was feeling heavier each time I held him. I grasped him tightly, not even sure that he was still alive. I was in so much pain by then that I found it hard to concentrate or communicate.
“Who do you have the most complicated relationship with?” Meili asked me, yawning.
“Heller, no competition,” I replied, equally weary.
“Do you love him?”
I didn’t answer for a while. “I don’t know. I have a boyfriend that I might love. Can you love two men at the same time? Or does that mean that you don’t really love either of them?”
“Big questions, Tilly,” he said slowly, as if rationing his energy for each word. “If you could only ever see one of them again, who would you chose?”
I thought seriously for a moment, but it wasn’t really a hard decision. “Heller. I couldn’t imagine never seeing him again. My life would be so . . . diminished without him.”
“He told me that he cared for you a lot. After he said that and gave me all those warnings, I sort of formed the impression that you and he were –”
“Well, we’re not. He’s my boss.”
“How do you feel about him?”
“Depends what day it is. Depends what time it is. Depends how objectionable he’s being.”
“But what’s your underlying foundation feeling for him, regardless of anything he does?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it seriously,” I said quickly, wishing he’d change the subject.
“You don’t like to examine your feelings towards him?”
“No.”
“Okay, topic dropped.”
“Thank you.”
We were quiet for a while, Alex a dead weight on my arm, my other hand grasping Meili’s, the life buoy wedged under my armpit.
“Tilly, look!”
I turned my bleary eyes around to see something, anything. The faint promise of dawn glowed in the eastern sky.
“Oh, thank God!” I whispered and started crying again. He squeezed my hand and we watched the promise turn into a guarantee that the sun would surely rise again on a new day. I tried not to think about sharks again. Alex and I must be sending off a multitude of scents throughout the ocean depths.
Not long after dawn broke properly and visibility improved, we heard a helicopter and spotted a Search and Rescue boat heading towards us. Meili waved his arm lethargically until we knew that we’d definitely been spotted. The boat sped towards us.
The next few hours were a blur. I remember eager hands helping me onboard and attending to my leg. But there was too much activity and too many people with too many questions. I slipped away into sleep to escape, overcome with exhaustion.
When I woke up, I was in hospital again, clean and dry in a hospital gown, my leg throbbing with dull pain. Heller was sitting next to me holding my hand tightly and Niq was hovering close by, his small face pale and pinched with anxiety.
“Hey guys,” I said weakly, trying to sit up but failing, flopping back on the pillow. Niq gave me a crushing hug and Heller leaned over to kiss my forehead.
I managed a wavering smile. “I caught a really big fish and we ate it for dinner.”
Niq took that out-of-the-blue comment in his stride, smiling back. “Cool! Tilly the hunter!”
But Heller struggled with some strong emotion that made it difficult for him to speak, his eyes fastene
d on mine. I watched him unhappily, guessing that he was having all sorts of problems with nearly losing me for a second time this year. I wasn’t coping with it all that well myself, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill.
“Matilda, what happened?” he finally asked, his voice steady and neutral, but his features grim. Before I could even begin to answer him though, Heller and Niq were unwillingly ushered from the room with polite firmness and much flashing of badges and I found myself speaking to two detectives. Wearily, I told them everything that I remembered, even the smallest detail, even about the vengeful, dying tuna. And that drew a couple of suppressed smiles from them.
“Does anyone know what happened?” I asked them.
“No idea yet. From initial investigations, the debris doesn’t appear as though it was caused by an onboard incendiary device. Possibly some kind of missile from another vessel?”
I stared at them in horror. “Are you telling me that the other boat deliberately shot at us with a missile?”
The kind-eyed sergeant in a badly-fitting suit patted my hand. “Some kind of missile, love. We won’t know anything for a while yet. The forensics people will need some time to sort through this one.”
Heller and Niq returned when allowed, followed by Meili. His eyes were red-rimmed and he looked beyond exhausted.
“Meili,” I greeted emotionally. He sat on the edge of my bed and hugged me fiercely. “News of Alex and Sali?” I asked when he pulled away.
His face expressed his resigned despair. He swallowed hard and rubbed his eyes before he spoke, his voice cracking as he did. “They found Sali’s body at lunchtime today. And Alex passed away around the same time. He was so badly burned . . .” Meili stopped to wipe his eyes with the heels of his palms. “Third degree burns on eighty percent of his body. There was nothing they could do except make him comfortable and pain free until the end. He was never going to make it, Tilly. Not without immediate medical care. We only survived because we were up on deck and didn’t suffer the full impact of the blast. Alex and Sali didn’t have a chance below deck.”
