by Radclyffe
“All right.” Sean sighed, knowing she couldn’t stop loving her no matter how deeply her secrets lay buried, no matter how much they both must suffer.
“Do you want me to go?” Drew’s expression was bleak.
“Of course not,” Sean murmured, spreading the fingers of one hand over Drew’s cheek and turning her head, forcing Drew to meet her eyes. “Don’t start thinking that disappearing will solve anything, either.”
“I wasn’t going anywhere.”
Sean took a breath and smiled shakily. “Then don’t scare me, okay?”
“I’ll try not to.” Drew’s eyes softened, and she brushed her lips over Sean’s forehead. “I love you so much.”
Sean’s heart twisted to hear the pain in words that should have been filled with nothing but joy. Still, despite the reservation in Drew’s hushed voice, her own heart soared. She said she loves me.
“Let’s go to bed, then, tough guy.”
That night, wrapped in the solid comfort of Sean’s unwavering embrace, Drew did not dream.
Chapter Fifteen
As November came and went and winter settled in, Sean was as happy as she had ever been. And Drew seemed her old self once more. Susan and Ellen were firmly reunited, and when the four of them spent Thanksgiving together shopping, cooking, and watching videos, Sean felt as if she finally had her family back.
Susan had apparently forgiven Drew for her earlier disappearance and the pain it had caused Sean. The two of them had a settled into a companionable relationship much like two siblings. Ellen, normally the one to rib and chide her friends, was unusually gentle with Drew. Ellen’s eyes were so tender when she looked at Drew that Sean might have been jealous if she hadn’t seen them together that morning on the terrace. Ellen had comforted Drew so innocently then, that now, Sean was only happy for Ellen’s kindness.
It should have been perfect; Sean adored Drew, but some part of her soul ached with the silence that remained between them. There were times, wonderful moments that came more frequently in recent weeks, when Drew seemed free of the shroud of pain that surrounded her. Sean caught glimpses, often in the space of a heartbeat, of a younger, happier woman—one quick to laugh, engaging, and enthusiastic.
Then a word, or more often a nightmare, would extinguish the light in Drew’s eyes, robbing her of that joy. Yet, even when Drew despaired, her love for Sean was obvious—in the way her eyes followed Sean as she moved about a room, in the way she tilted her head to catch each word Sean spoke, in the way she possessed Sean in the night, giving her body without reservation.
There were also fleeting moments when Sean sensed Drew trying to explain her unhappiness, or at least wanting to, but something held her back. Sean did not press her to speak, afraid of causing more pain, but Sean’s heart ached even in the midst of fulfillment.
*
After leaving the dojang one night in December, Sean stopped on the top step of the outside landing and took a deep breath of the unseasonably warm air. “I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas. It feels like spring.”
“It’s one of those cruel Philadelphia moments—a seventy-degree day in the middle of winter,” Drew grumbled, but she grinned up at Sean from street-level, enjoying the expression of sensual delight on her lover’s face.
“Let’s walk to Goat Hollow for dinner,” Sean suggested impulsively.
“It might get colder pretty fast in an hour or so,” Drew pointed out. She and Sean both wore only light jackets and jeans, because they’d driven to class when it had still been quite warm.
“So, you’ll have to figure out a way to keep me warm.” Sean came down the stairs and linked her arm through Drew’s. “You have an hour or so to come up with something.”
Drew leaned close, her mouth against Sean’s ear. “I don’t need time to think of anything, but I might need a few hours to do it.”
Sean’s throat felt suddenly dry. “Hold that thought, tough guy.”
“Anything you say, baby.”
Gently, Sean took Drew’s hand and squeezed. “I love you.”
The words still stopped Drew’s heart. “It feels so good it hurts, when you say that,” she whispered.
“Then I’ll keep saying it,” Sean murmured tenderly. “Come on, let’s walk a little faster. I’m ravenous. I thought Master Cho was going to kill me tonight. How many times did I do that same form?”
“She’s starting to get you ready for your test,” Drew remarked, taking a deep breath of the barely cool night air. “It’s going to get tougher from now on.”
“I know. I’m a bit nervous.”
“Why?” Drew looked surprised. “You’re a terrific martial artist. You’ll do great.”
Sean laughed. “I feel good about my progress, but it’s such a big deal—and you’ll be there when I test. God, I’ll even have to spar you.”
Drew frowned. “Do I make you nervous?”
“You make me a lot of things, Drew Clark, but nervous is not one of them,” she said suggestively. “But I want you to be proud of me. Plus,” she added with a laugh, “I don’t want to have to hurt you.”
When Drew failed to answer, Sean glanced over and found her lover staring intently across the nearly empty street. She followed Drew’s sightline but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. It was an area of storefront businesses interspersed with residential enclaves, and, at almost 10:00 p.m., the street was nearly deserted. The block they were on was composed almost entirely of bodegas and small shops, all of which were dark and closed for the night.
“What is it?”
“I thought I saw something up ahead, but now I...”
Then, at the same moment as Drew, Sean saw the three young men emerge from the shadow of an overhanging awning and cross the street rapidly toward them. Trouble? Jesus, I don’t even have my cell phone.
In a movement so swift Sean didn’t have a chance to protest, Drew stepped between her and the rapidly approaching youths, pushing Sean roughly behind her with one arm. In what seemed like no time at all, the strangers were within a few feet of them, and for the first time, Sean saw that two of the boys carried baseball bats. The largest of the group swung the bat casually back and forth very close to Drew’s knees. Drew didn’t say a word, but Sean recognized her stance. Good God, she’s ready to fight.
“Move into that alley behind you.” The biggest one in the front was apparently the leader. His two companions stepped closer on either side of Drew. “Hurry up, before somebody gets hurt,” he snarled. “We just want your wallets.”
It’s only money. Give it to them, Drew. Sean was already reaching toward her back pocket as Drew backed up a step toward the mouth of the narrow, dark alley that ran between the two brick buildings directly to their rear.
“Stay behind me, Sean,” Drew growled, never taking her eyes off the three men. Her voice was cold, harsh. Sean barely recognized it.
One of the boys laughed. “I’ll take the pretty one in the back, there. You two can have the bitch in front. It’ll take two to tame her.”
Sean’s heart turned to stone. Robbery was not their intent. They had backed up a few more feet into the alley when Drew stopped in a spot where the men were still backlit by the streetlights, but she and Sean were shrouded in darkness.
Sean very slowly crept forward until she was almost shoulder to shoulder with Drew. There’s no way I’m letting them touch me. Or her.
Drew registered Sean’s movement, but she was focused on the assailants, imprinting their positions in her mind. When the one in the middle swung the bat at her head, she stepped toward him, chopping at his forearms with the knife edge of her hand. The blow from the bat grazed her shoulder with enough force to bruise but not enough to disable her. He dropped the weapon with an angry howl as the nerve in his arm went dead from her well-placed strike.
Sensing motion to her left, Drew kicked back and to the side as one of the others rushed her, catching him in the groin. He went down gagging, but the third man managed to
crack his bat down on her supporting leg, pitching her to the ground as vessels ruptured and nerves screamed in the torn muscles in her thigh.
Rolling back into her fall, Drew came up on her good leg in time to see Sean pivot, chamber her knee, and launch a side kick that hit the boy who had lunged for her squarely in the chest. He stumbled back a few steps, but in what seemed like only a second, their attackers had regrouped. Now they were slowly circling again, cursing violently.
“Drew, are you all right?” Sean cried. She was too furious to be scared, and the fact that everything had happened in less than two minutes helped. She prepared herself for the next onslaught, taking a slow deep breath. The one who took it in the balls isn’t moving so fast. Good.
“Damn it, Sean,” Drew shouted, drawing the attention of all three assailants back to herself. “Get out of here!”
Drew knew she couldn’t continue to fight them one at a time, not injured. And if they got past her, they’d get Sean. She was slowed by the blood seeping into her thigh muscle, but she ignored the pain and managed to put her weight on that leg.
No. You won’t touch her. You won’t hurt her, not this time. This time she’s going to live.
Before the thugs could decide who would strike her first, Drew attacked, an unearthly howl tearing from her throat. Pushing off the injured leg and feeling the muscle tear completely, she then kicked with her good leg—once, twice—so quickly the surprised muggers didn’t have time to react. Two went down. Immediately, she swung toward the third and punched into his solar plexus, doubling him over. After grabbing his hunched over shoulders, she drove her uninjured knee into his face. He fell heavily to the ground, and she toppled to her knees beside him, unable to stand any longer on her damaged leg.
The other two dropped away when they saw Sean pick up one of the fallen bats and rush quickly to Drew’s side to guard her back. Drew couldn’t see Sean; she couldn’t see anything but a different alley, a different night—the night she had failed and lost everything.
Blinded by the rage that poured through her, she reached for the retching boy, whose hands were clasped between his thighs. She pulled his head back by his hair, exposing his vulnerable throat. A tremendous sense of peace floated beneath the fury as she raised her fist to deliver the blow she hadn’t been able to deliver four years ago, the blow that would finally, mercifully, set her free. She gathered her breath to strike.
“Drew!” Sean screamed, dropping the bat before grabbing the raised arm with both hands. She brought all her weight to bear against the iron muscles that felt as unyielding as stone. “Drew, no! You’ll kill him.”
Dimly, Drew heard Sean calling her name over and over, and she finally loosened her hold on her captive’s hair. Groaning, he rolled to one side, and suddenly one of the others darted from the shadows, grabbed him, and pulled him away. As quickly as it had begun, it was over.
Drew fell forward on her outstretched arms, her breath rushing from her chest with a soul-wrenching scream. The anguish in her mind and the agony in her leg struck at once, and she doubled over, vomiting onto the stones. She shook uncontrollably, trying to get air, trying to stop the memories.
“No, no...nonono,” she uttered brokenly. Swallowed by the past, she had absolutely no idea where she was.
More terrified by the sound of Drew’s screams than she had been by the attack, Sean crouched down and gathered her lover into her arms. She pressed her palm to Drew’s sweat-drenched forehead, cradling her head against her shoulder. She rocked her, trying to keep the tremor from her voice.
“Drew, sweetheart, it’s Sean. It’s Sean—we’re all right. It’s over. Drew...Drew.”
Drew clung to Sean hard enough to leave bruises, sobbing as if her heart were being torn from her body. Minutes passed, and eventually the sound of Sean’s soothing words penetrated her awareness. “Sean?”
“I’m here, sweetheart.”
“Take me...home.”
“Hospital for you,” Sean said, her voice quivering for the first time. God, you’re scaring me. No one can carry this much pain. You’re going to break, and I can’t lose you.
“Please, baby. Just...take me home.” Drew managed to find Sean’s tear-filled eyes in the half-light. “I need you...just need to be with you.”
If she had been able to think clearly, Sean might have argued, but she was shaken by the attack and out of her mind with worry over Drew. “You can’t even stand up,” she protested.
“I can,” Drew gasped. “Just...help me.”
Somehow, Sean managed to get her injured lover to her feet and out of the alley to the street. There was no sign of their attackers, and mercifully, they weren’t that far from the dojang. With an arm around Drew’s waist and bearing most of her weight, Sean half carried, half dragged her lover to her car. She helped Drew stretch out in the back seat and covered her as best she could with her jacket. For a minute, Sean contemplated ignoring Drew’s pleas and driving to the nearest hospital, but the look of complete vulnerability on Drew’s face stopped her.
Tomorrow if you’re not better, you go. Right now, I just want to hold you, too. Oh, I need to hold you.
Pushing the horrifying images of the assault from her mind, Sean concentrated on the highway and the sound of Drew’s ragged yet comforting breathing. We’re both alive. I will not fall apart. I will not cry.
When she slammed to a halt in front of her home after breaking every speed limit on the way, Sean thanked providence that Susan’s car was in the car port. Leaving the motor running, she raced to the front door and rang the bell frantically. She was on her way back to the car when the door opened, revealing Susan’s figure, clad in nothing but a T-shirt and boxers, outlined in the archway.
“Susan—help me,” she shouted. “Drew’s hurt!”
For the only time in her life, Susan remained calm in a crisis—probably because it was clear that her sister was nearly hysterical. “What happened?” she asked as she rushed down the stone stairs to the drive.
“We got...mugged,” Sean said as she wrenched open the rear door. Drew was sprawled across the rear seat, her uninjured leg off the seat on the floor. “Drew? Sweetheart, are you awake?”
Susan turned off the ignition and leaned over next to Sean to peer at the car’s occupant. Thankfully, she didn’t see any blood. “Is it bad?” she whispered in Sean’s ear.
“I don’t know. I don’t think so...they hit...” She swallowed convulsively for a second. “They hit her with the bat and she fell...but then something else happened...and she was screaming, and then—”
“Okay. Later...tell me later.” Susan interrupted the torrent of words, suddenly afraid that Sean was about to decompensate, and she’d have two patients on her hands. “Let’s just get her inside first, okay? Come on, honey, let’s help her up.”
Sean slid partway into the car and worked her arm beneath Drew’s shoulders. “Sweetheart?”
“Sean?” Drew opened her eyes, but she couldn’t seem to focus. “What...where are we?”
“We’re home,” Sean said, her throat so tight the words would barely come out.
Drew smiled fleetingly and closed her eyes. “Thank...you.”
Together, they got Drew upright between them, each with an arm around her waist. She was shaking badly, trying not to groan with each movement, and her eyes were frighteningly unfocused.
“Let’s put her on the couch in the library. I’ll start a fire,” Susan said. And then I’ll call Ellen and tell her to get over here. Jesus, this is a nightmare.
“Help me get her clothes off so I can see her leg,” Sean said frantically once they had Drew lying on the sofa. She was already pulling at Drew’s jeans.
“Whoa, slow down. Let me get that,” Susan said, stilling Sean’s frenetic movements. “You’re shaking as much as she is. Are you hurt?”
“No...no, it’s just her...they just hurt her.” Sean glanced at Drew’s haggard expression, and the terror she had been holding at bay swamped her. “Oh my God
, they could have killed us. She...she would have died...wanted me to run...”
“Time out,” Susan said sharply, listening to the edge of shock creep into her sister’s voice and knowing she had to distract her, at least until Drew was settled and Ellen could get there. “Sean, go to the hall closet—top shelf in the back. There’s a bottle of brandy up there. Both of you need a drink.”
“What?” Sean was startled into a semblance of clarity by the admission from her sister. “How come...I thought we agreed—”
“Secret stash from my last fall from grace. I forgot about it until just now. Go on, Sean,” Susan instructed firmly as she gently tugged Drew’s pant legs down.
“Sorry,” she muttered as Drew, who appeared to be barely aware of what they were doing, moaned faintly. Her left thigh was swollen to twice its usual size and beginning to darken with the collection of blood beneath the skin. “Jesus.”
“Looks worse...” Drew muttered.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard that before from Sean,” Susan griped, infinitely relieved that Drew seemed a little more oriented. “Usually when there was something bleeding.”
“Sean...she’s okay?”
Dandy. Just great. About to have the screaming meemies. Susan pulled a throw from the arm of a nearby chair and spread it over the shivering woman. “She’s fine. Is there something broken in there, Drew? Because if—”
“No,” Drew rasped. “Just...bruised.”
“Some fucking bruise.”
Sean reentered with an unopened bottle in one hand. “I found this. Is she...is she all right?”
“Getting there. Pour me a glass of that,” Susan instructed as she studied Sean’s pale face, trying to think of things to keep her sister busy until she calmed down a little more. “Ice, that’s what we need. Ice, Sean...get lots. I’ll take care of her until you get back.”
Sean hesitated a second, then took off at a run, grateful for Susan’s presence. She couldn’t quite think clearly, and she was afraid if she tried, she might start crying. This is not me. What’s wrong with me? Ice. I need ice.
