by Tate James
Soft tears filled my eyes and trailed down my cheeks. I kept my eyes fixed on Remy as I talked because I knew if I looked up at the guys, what little composure I had would disappear. “It was really hard,” I choked out. I stopped petting Remy to wipe a stray tear, and the fluffball scooted closer, practically crawling into my lap as if to remind me that I needed to pet him more.
He was so insistent for more cuddles that I smiled. “But things got better. You’ll always miss him, boy, but the world has this funny way of healing you—of bringing you full circle.” I looked back then at Denver, Krew, and Tatum. Even if, at the end of this trip, I returned to Nashville and never looked back, I’d always be thankful that I was granted this short opportunity to find closure and reconnect. I was thankful to know the men they’d become and more grateful than I could express to have been given the chance to understand my dad a little better. I still didn’t know why he felt the need to send me away, but at least now, after seeing his house, I knew it wasn’t because he hadn’t loved me.
Looking up at the guys, I realized we really had come full circle. We’d met in our special spot with me crying on the forest floor, and now they surrounded me once again, comforting me in my time of need. There was still so much to figure out. I needed to know Krew’s involvement with the gang my father was trying to bring down.
But despite the odds stacked up against us, I couldn’t help but feel like this was, once again, the start of something special.
Denver stepped forward and crouched by Remy to pat his back. Krew moved closer and stroked my cheek before laying a reassuring hand on my shoulder. Tatum stood tall and proud over us, and I felt safe beneath his steadfast gaze.
“You ready to go, boy?” I asked before wiping my nose with a sniffle. Denver, being ever prepared and thoughtful, pulled a tissue from his pocket and handed it to me.
“Let’s go home,” Tatum said, making sure to emphasize the word home as he held his hand out to help me up. I took it gratefully, gazing up at him. I saw the unspoken words in his eyes as he stared down at me. Maybe he wasn’t as mad about someone buying the land as he was about losing his ties to me.
Remy stayed close to me during our walk back, bumping his body into mine and matching each stride. We’d just passed the tree line and stepped onto my front yard when my stomach let out a grumble loud enough to startle the dog. The guys chuckled. “I’m so hungry,” I groaned, pressing a hand to my demanding stomach.
Between packing up Daddy’s office and looking for Remy, I hadn’t eaten since breakfast with Denver this morning. Krew pulled his phone out of his pocket, the light from the screen illuminating his face eerily. He checked the time and let out a sigh.
“I’d love to take you to get some food, my Mer, but… ” Krew exchanged a quick look with Denver before continuing, “I’ve got something I gotta do tonight.”
I wasn’t necessarily upset about him leaving. I wanted to spend more time with him, but I wasn’t the clingy type. Being on the road most weeks made me fairly independent. However, I still didn’t like knowing that he was working for his father, and I had a feeling whatever was calling him away had something to do with that.
There was something completely off about that entire situation. Not to mention, Denver cared about Krew and was a cop. How was their friendship surviving if Krew was involved with his father’s gang? “Where are you going?” I asked, determined to get to the bottom of this.
Krew let out a puff of air and tugged on my hand, pulling me to a stop as the others continued towards the house. “My Mer, you always were bad at secrets,” he teased.
I rolled my eyes, refusing to give in to the ridiculously tempting half-smile on his face. I once again found myself wanting to lean in and kiss him, but I held back. Barely. Damn, tempting, sexy, secretive man.
“Remember when I caught you snooping through my room, trying to find your Christmas present?” he asked suddenly with a quiet laugh, the mirth in his eyes was illuminated by the porch light.
I grimaced and felt blood rush to my cheeks in a blush, making him laugh more. I playfully pushed his arm, but he grabbed my wrist and yanked me closer, pulling me into his chest. He held me close and swayed us to a song only he could hear right there in the middle of my front yard like it was a dance floor. We rocked back and forth under the stars with the night time bugs singing. His voice was soft and happy as he continued the story.
“My Mer was hiding under my bed when I came home, trying to find the bracelet I got her.”
I remembered that day. I was supposed to meet the guys at Krew’s house after school. They were at the arcade, and I only had about twenty minutes before they’d get back. I used the key hidden under the mat and tore their house apart looking for the gift he’d been hinting at all month. When Krew found me, he hauled me over his shoulder, walked me outside, and tossed me in a large pile of snow.
“You were so mad,” he laughed. “Wanna know a secret?” he breathed, leaning down so he was speaking next to my ear.
“Yes,” I whispered, my heart beating a fast rhythm between us.
“My first thought when I saw you under my bed was that you were there to finally tell me you liked me the way I’ve always liked you,” he admitted. “That’s why I threw you in the snow. You weren’t there to declare your love for me; you were hunting for your gift. But this isn’t a pretty little present that you’re looking for. This is shit you don’t want to get mixed up in,” he warned, his voice losing its playful nostalgia, becoming low and serious.
I pursed my lips. When we were kids, the guys were always trying to protect me from something. Maybe last night the stress of the day made me doubt myself, but I wasn’t putting up with that martyr act now. “I don’t like you being mixed up in your dad’s business. When did you even start working for him?” I demanded.
The Krew I knew had a plan. He was going to get out of here the first chance he got. I’d always envisioned him traveling the world and playing his guitar. Did he even play anymore?
I pulled back to look up at him when he didn’t answer right away. He looked like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to respond or not, shifting his eyes to avoid my gaze. I wanted to grab his shoulders and shake out all of his secrets, but instead, I kept still, halting our dance, and waited. “I was gone for a couple years. Just came back about a year and a half ago,” he replied cryptically.
“You were gone? Why on earth would you escape just to come back here, Krew?”
“I had an… obligation… to fulfill,” he said with a wince, as if regretting saying too much.
“What kind of obligation?” I pressed further.
His phone started ringing, and he let out a curse. “I’ll explain soon. I promise,” he whispered before placing a quick kiss on my lips and jogging in the direction of his motorcycle.
I sighed as I stared after him, watching while he mounted and started his motorcycle. With a last wave to me, he was off, roaring down the dirt drive.
Turning back to the house, I looked up and paused for a moment at the sight that greeted me. On my porch, Denver and Tatum were sitting in the rocking chairs my grandad had carved, with their heads bent together as they talked quietly. The soft porchlight lit up their faces, revealing their smiles and their eyes on me.
For a fleeting moment, I wondered what it would be like to have this every night.
11
The next morning when I woke up, I took Remy for a walk. I followed him as he padded through the forest, content to let him roam wherever he wanted while I sipped the tea I’d scrounged in the kitchen.
When I came out of my absorption with the stunning scenery, I realized he’d led us right to the cemetery. I stopped just past the edge of the tree line while Remy continued on. I didn’t go up to my dad’s grave. I wasn’t ready for that, but I was okay with waiting while Remy sniffed the gravestone and sat for a minute before he pranced back to me.
I’d learned a lot about my dad in the time I’d been here. I knew he’d
loved me, but I didn’t think I’d be able to fully let go of my feelings of abandonment until I understood why he’d sent me away. Maybe then, when I knew why, I’d be able to forgive. But for now, I was content to hang back and let Remy have his moment.
I brought my camera on our walk and enjoyed snapping photos of the playful dog chasing after butterflies and running through the creek on the way back to the house. As we walked, I was struck again with how truly beautiful everything was here. The backdrop of the mountains in the distance, the warm late summer air, the smell of the pine and fir trees, all of it combined to give me a sense of being home, something Nashville hadn’t managed to do in fifteen years.
With every picture I captured, I realized just how much I missed this. With every moment of lighthearted beauty, I recognized just how unhappy I was at my job. I didn’t want to capture pain, chaos, and crime. I’d known for some time that my job was wearing on me, but it took coming here to become aware of just how much.
Just days ago I’d been determined to get in, pack up my father’s house, and get out as quickly as possible. Now, I found myself cringing at the thought of returning to Nashville. It was more than just not liking my job and not wanting to go back to it. I would be leaving behind Denver, Krew, and Tatum. I’d be leaving Remy behind. I’d be giving up any chance I had at finally understanding why my dad had sent me away. All to return to what? A tiny, cramped apartment that perpetually smelled of my next door neighbor, Mrs. Koch’s sauerkraut, no matter how many of those plugins I bought. A job I hated and a needy, demanding boss who drove me insane. A mother who I saw once every other week and who only wanted to talk about her life and the shallow, materialistic things that filled it.
But was staying here really an option? If I did stay, would I be forced to choose one of the men I loved over the others, losing two thirds of my heart in the process? Or choose none and watch from afar as they moved on, fell in love with someone else, and got married?
That sounded as appealing as a slow, agonizing death.
Just because they hadn’t reacted negatively to my kissing them the night before, it didn’t necessarily follow that they would okay with me furthering my relationship with all of them. At the same time. Maybe, if I hadn’t been taken from them, if we’d grown up together, we could have explored something so unusual and taboo, but now? We were still figuring each other out, still tentatively opening ourselves to each other and trying to pick up the broken pieces left behind after our forced separation.
Remy pulled me from those heavy thoughts when he licked my hand. I glanced down at the dog with a smile and, feeling impulsive, crouched to hug him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt him rest his chin on my shoulder.
“The circumstances are bad, but I’m glad I got to meet you, boy.”
After a minute I stood back up and we continued on our way, taking our time as we followed the creek back to the house. I snapped so many photos of the mountains, trees, and Remy that my battery died before we made it back at noon. As soon as my dad’s house was in view through the trees, I spotted a familiar tall figure in flannel pacing on the porch. I paused for a second within the cover of the trees and watched him, wishing my camera hadn’t died so I could take a picture.
Remy gave us away, letting out a happy bark as he ran to greet Tatum. Tatum’s agitated steps faltered, and he spun around to zero in on me, his gaze skipping right over the excited dog. I emerged from the woods, my own steps slowing when he stomped down the porch stairs. I caught Remy trotting inside the open front door with my peripheral vision, but my attention was locked on Tatum. The scowl on his face, visible from twenty feet away, gave me pause. Did he have bad news? Was it Krew or Denver? Panic bloomed in my chest as those thoughts swirled in my mind.
“Where have you been?” he shouted from across the yard, his long legs steadily closing the distance between us. I looked up at him when he came to a stop inches from me, my eyes wide in confusion while his were narrowed and glaring. I would have thought he was just being an asshole again, trying to rile me up, if I hadn’t seen the frantic worry hiding behind the anger.
“I was in the woods… I took Remy on a walk and took some photos,” I replied slowly. “What’s wrong, Tatum? What happened?” I braced myself, dreading the worst. My heart began pounding in my chest, and my tea mug slipped from numb fingers, thudding to the ground, as visions of Krew or Denver hurt exploded in my mind. Something had happened. There was no other explanation I could think of for Tatum to be so upset.
“Fuck. I thought you were gone again,” he said on a shaky breath, thrusting his hands through his already disheveled hair before letting them fall limply at his sides. He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them to glower down at me. “You can’t just go off like that without telling anyone, dammit.”
I gaped at him then shook my head incredulously. The panic I’d felt seconds before immediately turned to anger. “What the hell, Tatum! I thought something awful had happened! You scared the shit out of me!”
“You scared the shit out of me, too, Merritt! I thought you’d left! You didn’t answer your phone. I searched the house! You weren’t with Krew or Denver. What the fuck was I supposed to think?” he growled, meeting my outrage with his own.
“So you immediately think I left? Just like that?” I asked, hurt he would think I’d do that to them. I cut him off before he could say anything. “I don’t owe you an explanation,” I fumed, side-stepping him. Changing my mind, I stopped and spun back around.
I scowled up at him, my hands balled into fists at my sides. “What are you doing, Tatum? One second, you’re pushing me away, and the next, you’re pissed at the thought of me leaving. Why don’t you just spit it out? Tell me what you fucking want!” I demanded.
I knew I was yelling, but I couldn’t make myself calm down. Tatum always knew exactly how to drive me completely insane, and that hadn’t changed one bit, even after all these years. “You!” he shouted back. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out in a rush, scrubbing his hands over his face before locking turbulent eyes on me again. “I want you, Merritt,” he rasped. “I need you. One thousand, one hundred, and ninety-eight miles apart. Fifteen fucking years, and I still can’t stand the thought of being without you.”
My lips parted on a shuddering breath, and all the anger drained from me only to be instantly replaced with urgency and sharp need. Tatum and I collided. I don’t know who moved first, but one second, we were staring at each other in shock and desperate hope, and the next, we were in each other’s arms. Greedy moans and hungry growls sounded as we devoured each other, starved for the other’s taste. It was one of those kisses that twisted and warped your senses. Colors now had sounds. Touches felt like nirvana. Desire had sharp claws pulling us closer together.
I wrapped myself around him when he lifted me up, fisting my hands in his thick hair. I kept our mouths locked together as his long legs and sure footsteps walked us across the yard, up the porch stairs, and through the front door. He kicked it shut behind us and carried me down the hall to my bedroom. His big hands gripped my ass, kneading my flesh and rocking my hips against his stomach as he held me effortlessly.
Tatum made a beeline for the bed, crawling atop it to kneel in the middle of the mattress with me still clinging to his chest. I released my tight grip of his hair to tear at his shirt, frantic to have his skin against mine.
Only when he was shirtless did I break from our frenzied kiss so I could look at him, sliding down his body to kneel with him. His broad chest, rising and falling with rapid breaths, was tanned, thick with muscle, and scattered with the perfect amount of soft, reddish hair. The afternoon light shining through the curtained window haloed him, making him seem even bigger.
I took my time, admiring his ripped abs, hard pecs, up to his broad shoulders, then to his intense gaze. I didn’t hide my hunger, and he didn’t hide his satisfaction at my admiration. Here, now, there was no pretense between us, no insecurities or bitterness over the years
we’d lost. There was only anticipation, desire, and happiness.
“My turn, Butterfly,” he purred, reaching out to lift my shirt over my head. He kept his eyes on mine as he brought my shirt to his nose, staring at me intently over the fabric as he inhaled deeply. He growled and fisted my shirt before letting his gaze drop to my chest. Need tightened his features, making him look harsh.
“Show me yours, and I’ll show you mine,” he quipped, flashing me a predatory grin. I laughed lightly and reached back with one hand to unsnap my bra, but held it in place with the other, teasing him. Rising to my unspoken challenge, he slid his palm over the thick erection straining his jeans then chuckled when my breath hitched. Still playing the game, I narrowed my eyes and let my bra drop a little farther, until it was barely covering my nipples.
Both of us were trembling slightly, balanced on the knife’s edge of wanting to draw out the delicious anticipation and needing to satiate the fiery passion between us.
Tatum flicked open the button on his jeans and slowly slid the zipper down, revealing the base of his cock and the fact that he went commando. I bit my lip, my gaze glued to that arousing sight as I dropped my bra, letting him see the tight pink tips of my nipples. Tatum’s groan was deep and tortured.
He had a wild glint in his eyes as he watched me flick open the button on my jeans, but I didn’t stop there. Raising up on my knees, I pushed them down until my black lace panties were revealed. That was apparently all he could take.
I went down, laughing against his lips when he tackled me to the bed. Tatum had us both stripped of our remaining clothes in seconds. My laugh shifted to a moan when he settled between my thighs and slid his cock against my wetness. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my head into the pillow below me, spreading my legs wider and grinding my hips into him.
