by Tate James
“Is that barking in the background?” Ruby asked.
“Nope. No barking,” I said, only half-paying attention as I pulled Bandit away from taking a snap at someone. The asshole turned and sunk his teeth into my leg. I groaned inwardly as I grabbed him by the scruff and attempted to pull him away from my calf. He bit down harder.
“Strange. I could have sworn—”
“Hey, love, if you text me that info, that’d be great. I’m a little bit busy right now.”
My voice was smooth and easy. There was no way she could tell how hard I was lying without her empathic abilities to help her. Even when I was currently glaring down at a certain furry creature that insisted on taking a chunk out of me.
His teeth stung like a bitch. This “little biting problem,” as Ruby liked to call it, was really getting out of hand.
“Sure thing. The appointment is in half an hour. I’ll send the address right now.” The sound of her voice took me to my happy place, and for a moment, I could pretend her ‘pet’ wasn’t trying to eat me.
“Thanks, love. I’ll see you shortly.”
“You too.”
The line went dead, and I pocketed my phone before returning my attention to Bandit. He glared at me stubbornly, like it was my fault he was angry. It probably was, but I’d tried. He hadn’t made any effort at all. Fucker.
“Let go of my leg,” I demanded. He chomped down harder. “Damnit, let go of me, you vermin—”
“Excuse me,” a shrill voice said. A woman was hovering beside me. I couldn’t tell her age through the pound of make-up caked on her face, but she appeared to have overdone the Botox as well. She looked like the kind of woman that would put plastic over her couch cushions and spend a fortune on fine china she’d never use.
“Yes?” I asked, letting the annoyance bleed through.
“This is a dog park.” The woman straightened her designer handbag, self-importance oozing from her.
I rolled my eyes. “Really? I hadn’t noticed all the dogs,” I said.
Her polite smile turned brittle. “That’s not a dog.”
I nodded like I was listening.
“And I’m not a human. Do you have a point? Because I’m a little busy here.” I kicked out my leg for emphasis. I decided she looked like a Barbara.
“Excuse me?” she asked, utterly shocked by my lack of manners. Tough shit.
There was only one she-demon I bothered with the theatrics for and this lady and the puffy white ball in her arms weren’t it.
“Bandit, I would really appreciate you letting go right about now.” I turned my attention back to the raccoon at hand. Or leg, as the case may be. He stopped gnawing and looked straight at me. Then he flicked the leash.
Message received.
“If I take the leash off, do you promise to stop biting me so we can go to the vet?”
Wild animals can’t speak English, or so I assumed. But still I tried to reason with it—he seemed to respond better when I didn’t just assume what the asshole wanted.
A nod.
Too bad it turned out the vermin could lie. As soon as I undid the leash, he released me and rapidly turned to spring at Barbara. She wheeled away, her expression a mix of fear and outrage. Maybe she was worried about getting rabies?
I shrugged to myself as I grabbed him in midair by the scruff of his neck and carried him towards the car. Bandit attempted to claw and bite me, but his efforts were wasted since his portly stomach prevented him from reaching out too far.
How am I going to get him back in the cat carrier now that he’s a hissing, spitting ball of fur?
The answer: carefully.
“Hello?” I called out, slowly opening the front door.
There had only been one car outside, but the faded sign that read Exotic Pet Whisperer meant this was the correct place. Not that I would ever call a trash-eating mongrel ‘exotic,’ but I wasn’t about to question Ruby’s choice of vet.
A bang sounded in the back and the door directly in front of me opened. With it came the stench of sickness and wet dog. A disgusting, if not expected combination. Out stepped a frazzled woman who appeared to be in her mid-twenties, her curly brown hair pulled back tightly and her large circle-shaped glasses seeming almost comical.
“Are you Dr. Lummus?” I stepped up past the empty front desk that had seen better days. Her receptionist should really dust around here.
“I am,” she replied. Her voice lilted unnaturally, and I instantly disliked it. “How can I help you?”
“My…” I paused. What was the correct word to describe who Ruby was? Queen? Future mate? No…those all seemed barbaric for what they liked to call each other. “…partner asked me to bring in her raccoon for a checkup. She said she made an appointment.”
The vet paused for a second before smiling. “That’s right. I completely forgot about it, what with lunch break and all…”
“It’s four in the afternoon.” How astute, Rysten. I was being a bit of an ass, but something felt off here.
“We vets keep odd hours,” the woman replied without blinking. I nodded slowly and approached her with Bandit’s cat soft carrier. The furry rat hissed as we got closer, but since he liked no one but Ruby and Laran, I assumed his behavior was a given.
“Where would you like us?” I asked, noting the shelves of animal food lining the walls. Mis-grouped cans were hastily placed together. I’d never had a pet before, and so I’d never needed to go to a vet, but this one didn’t seem to have its shit together. Ruby was a bit eccentric though, so I guess her choice wasn’t that surprising.
“We can just step into the back room here.” Dr. Lummus opened the door and ushered us through. The exam space had a simple table, two chairs, and a counter with assorted jars and a weighing scale on it. She motioned for me to place the kennel down on the table and take a seat. Bandit swiped a paw at the netted side with his claw extended, tearing a hole in the fabric.
“Fucking racoon,” I swore as I moved to stop him.
Bandit wasn’t slow though, despite the pot belly. He clawed his way out of the carrier, screaming his head off and destroying it in the process. He then scrabbled across the table, away from the vet.
Dr. Lummus reached for him, but the bugger leapt off the table and onto my lap, climbing his way up my chest to my shoulder where he perched there like a fucking bird, growling at her.
“You’ve treated him before, haven’t you?” I asked, trying and failing to forcibly remove him from my shoulder. He hooked his talons in tighter, piercing the skin beneath my white cotton shirt. Speckles of dark blue blood bloomed on the material, ruining the ivory fabric.
I glanced back at the vet, who hadn’t answered my question and paused in my raccoon-extraction.
Her brown eyes were large and wide, the pupils dilated, as she stared at the blood on my shirt. The pupils themselves morphed into narrow slits. My mouth fell ajar as her nose grew, turning into a long snout, her skin becoming ashen and moist. The woman’s body began stretching as she grew taller. The sound of tearing fabric echoed through the room as she grew, and instead of a young woman, there was now what looked like an eight-foot-tall albino crocodile standing on two legs, glaring with reptilian eyes.
Skinwalker.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck.
No wonder the damn raccoon didn’t want to go near it. That thing ate people, and it was probably planning on eating us—along with the vet, if it hadn’t already. After all, I doubted that Ruby would take her vermin to a carnivorous people eating monster for a checkup.
The skinwalker focused on us with its slitted eyes. The color around the pupils had changed from brown to an angry yellow.
“Now hold up here—” I started. The monster threw back its head and laughed, a deep and haunting sound. Behind the guffaw, a scream tore through the room. Its stomach bulged, moving as whatever had been its lunch started thrashing.
“Mmmm,” the skinwalker murmured. “Tasty, tasty.”
A flat gray t
ongue snaked out of his mouth as the skinwalker continued to stare at the tiny blots of blood on my shirt. Bandit let out a growl and bared his teeth, but the demon didn’t even notice the warning sound.
“Get me out of here!” someone screamed. It had come from inside the demon. The voice sounded high. Feminine.
Shit.
I could cause a massive bacterial growth that would kill the damn thing in under a minute, but whoever was trapped in there—probably Dr. Lummus—would die too.
I looked to the ceiling and kicked myself internally.
The other Horsemen were right. I am hanging around humans too much.
“Dr. Lummus?” I called out. Mentally I chanted, please don’t be her. Then I can just kill this thing without pissing off Ruby.
“Yes! It’s me! Help! Please get me out of—”
The skinwalker jutted its head back, wrenching its mouth open, it made a gagging sound, followed by a pungent smell of cat piss, barf, and rotten eggs.
“Oh, that’s disgusting.” I pinched my nose with two fingers.
Grabbing hold of the raccoon, I dove out of the chair and bumped into the one beside it as the body-snatching bastard lurched forward and spewed an oily yellow substance at me. It splashed half the wall and the chair I’d just been sharing with Bandit.
I felt like I was going to be sick and I was the devil-damned Horseman of Pestilence. Nothing in either world compared to the stench their acidic venom put off. It and the flames of Hell were one of the few things that could kills demons outright. After eons of death, decay, rot, and plagues, you’d think it wouldn’t bother me. Just one more ‘human’ thing the guys would give me shit for. Ugh, but that smell…
The chair melted, the acid-like substance eating through the floor as well as half the wall, opening a window into a second exam room and earth below. I glanced between the yellowish guck on the ground and the skinwalker that was backing away from its own acidic venom.
I leaned over and grasped the half of the other chair that hadn’t melted yet. Gripping the sturdy metal leg, I snapped it off from the base and tossed the rest of the chair into the steadily growing pile of dissolved wall.
Wielding the metal leg in one hand, I swung it like a bat, smashing the skinwalker in the jaw. Its massive, footlong mouth snapped with a bone-crunching sound and it shrieked in pain. It recovered quickly and leapt forward. I dodged, Bandit clinging to my shoulder precariously and screaming as my back hit the still-intact segment of wall.
The skinwalker ran for us and I side-stepped, wincing as the demon smacked into the wall and bounced off. I reached around behind me, feeling for a door handle, but there was nothing except smooth plaster. Fuck. A light switch jabbed into my back and I got a wicked idea.
Skinwalkers had two things in their favor: the most corrosive acid spit known to any creature, and a hulking size that gave them great strength and durability.
Know what they didn’t have?
Good eyesight.
I flipped the switch and shadow walked through the darkness, falling into the grey behind me and coming out on the other side of the room behind the demon.
“First rule of picking a fight—make sure you can win.”
I swung the metal leg a second time and cracked him on the head. He didn’t even have time to react as his brains splattered the remaining wall. As it started to collapse, I lunged forward, catching it just before it landed in its own acid. Pulling it through the shadow realm with just a slight redirection and small amount of power, I let the body drop inside the lobby, where the floor was solid and smelled a lot better.
Given that the vet building was kind of dingy, that wasn’t really saying something.
I couldn’t hear any screams from Dr. Lummus as I flipped the carcass over. Striking just above where its stomach bulged, I stabbed through the thick layer of skin and pulled the sharp edge of the chair leg downward. It cut through the hide about as easily as a plastic knife through a watermelon rind, but with persistence, there was a hole big enough for the doctor’s head to pop out.
Blood and mucus smeared across her face and hands as she pushed her shoulders through the opening and wriggled her way out. I turned the skinwalker on its side so gravity would help her the last bit of the way. She hit the linoleum floor with a wet thud and body juices from the skinwalker poured out behind her.
“Are you alright?” she asked. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”
“You’re covered in all of that stuff. Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” I responded, a bit incredulous.
Bandit jumped off my shoulder and approached the woman, sniffing the air cautiously. I went to pull him back away from the woman whose smell was nauseating, and the raccoon smacked me away. Clearly I was chopped liver now that the brat didn’t have to fear for his life. Ungrateful shit.
“Well, it’s not ideal. Can’t say it’s the first time a skinwalker has swallowed me. I always date the wrong guys.” She shook her head and scratched Bandit behind the ear, leaving a smear of grossness. The raccoon purred, all but forgetting how I’d just saved his furry little hide.
“You mean to tell me you dated this guy?”
“And his brother,” she replied happily enough. I shook my head and did a double take of her. Now that I could see her, she was clearly a demon, but not full. Succubus, if the lilt in her voice was to be believed. She had nothing on Ruby, but it explained why my blue-haired firecracker would come to her. A fellow succubus would be less likely to feel the draw and wouldn’t put up with bullshit. Given how well she was taking her dead boyfriend trying to eat her, I’d say she was going to be just fine.
“Something tells me you don’t have a lot of luck with our kind,” I muttered.
Dr. Lummus smiled. “No, I can’t say that I do.” She let out a raucous laugh. “Let me take a quick shower in the back and I can give Bandit his exam. Ruby mentioned something about Moira and being worried about tinnitus.”
I snorted. If anyone was going to end up with tinnitus, it would be me.
“That would be lovely, thank you.” I backed away from the dead skinwalker pretending nonchalance. The smell was getting to my stomach.
“No problem, it’s the least I can do.” She stood and turned for the hallway that must lead to this supposed shower. “And Rysten,” she paused, waiting for me to look up. “If the smell is too much, there’s a trashcan behind the desk. We keep it for the interns with weak stomachs.”
The smile she gave while covered in guts was unnerving.
The sun was setting on Portland when we walked out of the office. Dr. Lummus held Bandit in one arm — and a can of sardines that she apparently kept for when he came in — in the other hand. The fat lard was purring like a cat while she rubbed his belly and fed him smelly fish, all the while giving me dirty looks like I was the reason his day had been so terribly stressful. The one time she’d tried to hand him over to me, he let out a stinky fart and scrabbled to get away, lifting his tail to show me his asshole while he was at it.
A car door shut just behind me. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” Ruby called across the parking lot.
Dr. Lummus flashed her a smile and a sardine-filled wave, no mention of the dead body in her office.
“It’s no trouble at all. I was just telling Rysten that Bandit’s looking great and his hearing doesn’t seem to have suffered at all from Moira.” She winked at Ruby as she handed over the raccoon. His baby act with Dr. Lummus was nothing compared to the show he put on for Ruby. I bit my tongue.
“Oh, awesome. I was worried about how he would do for his check up without me. Was he good?”
“Better than he’s ever been. I think he’s a little fonder of Rysten than he was of your last guy,” she snickered.
I doubted that she knew Josh was dead, but Ruby paled for a second before allowing a nervous laugh. Hatred of the human that had hurt her stirred the darkness inside of me, but my rage wasn’t for the vet and so I stowed it away, wearing as much a mask as the one that
Dr. Lummus wore for Ruby.
“Yes, well that’s good to hear. Rysten’s a little more…permanent than the last one.” She gave me a small smile and my heart thudded.
“Aw, good for you,” the doctor told her. “I have a few things I need to clean up before heading home for the evening, so I’ll leave you to it.” She shook my hand and waved at Ruby, stepping back inside her clinic like it was just another day at work. Hell, for her it might have been. All the better Ruby not know.
“How was Bandit for you today?” she asked, her voice hopeful. She was trying so hard to make it all work that I smiled and nodded.
“He was great, love. We still on for dinner tonight?” I asked her, smoothly deflecting from the demon in her arms. There were hellbeasts that I would rather watch more than that thing.
“Definitely, let me just drop Bandit at the penthouse and we can pick up Moira from the shop on the way.” I kissed her on the cheek and watched her turn for the car.
Dinner with the banshee was not my preference, but I’d take it.
After the day I’d had, I’d take just about anything that didn’t involve the trash panda. Something told me that Hell wasn’t going to know what hit it when we got there, because Ruby and Bandit were nothing but trouble.
As Ruby unlocked her car, the raccoon looked at me over her shoulder with too much awareness to be just a dumb animal off the street—and then he winked at me.
That fucker. I didn’t know how to interpret raccoon, but that couldn’t be good. There was definitely something going on with him, but that was a problem for another day.
I had a dinner to go to, and a she-demon to impress.
The End.
About the Author
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