“Does…does that mean it’s okay?” Did it? I really didn’t expect him to accept it so easily.
“I don’t know if it will ever be okay, but this is a package deal. If I want you, I have to realize who you are.”
“Um, okay. Does that mean you still want me?”
“I do. But we need to work on our relationship for a while until I get used to it. Is that all right?”
I nodded. Then I dragged him into the bedroom for some scorching-hot howler monkey sex.
“Where are we going?” Lex asked as we stood on the tarmac in San Jose. He looked really good in his white linen shirt and new sunglasses.
“I thought we needed a little time away, just the two of us.” I spotted the Bombay jet and picked up my bag. Lex followed.
“We need to spend some time getting to know each other,” I added.
Lex’s eyebrows went up as we climbed aboard and the pilot greeted us. I was really impressed that he didn’t say anything about money.
We taxied down the runway and I leaned against him. Lex smelled like coconut and cocoa butter. That’s a good smell.
“You sure you can take more time off of work?” I asked him as the plane lifted into the air.
“Oh, I think I can swing it.” He leaned to kiss my hair and I sighed. This was only the beginning. We had two weeks ahead of us to explore the attraction that held us together. For now, we would take it slowly, getting to know one another.
But I had a good idea that everything was going to turn out just fine in the end.
Epilogue
Let the others make statues of Apollo and Mercury and Hercules…. You’re the man I want to chisel.
—Gracie Allen
It only took a few months and a lot of sex for Lex (hey, that rhymes) to decide I was more important than what the Bombays do. It took a lot of talking to draw it out, but somehow he chose me. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for outsiders to marry into the Bombays. Men have to take the family name as their own and become part of a secret that has made many men lose their minds. The women seem to have no problem with it, though. I wonder why that is?
After a quick trip to the mainland to get married and a two-week honeymoon in Mongolia, my new husband moved into the condo on Santa Muerta.
By this time, the boys were visiting colleges in the States nearly every weekend and I’d accepted that. Lex took to my workshop with bizarre zeal and together we’ve blown up a lot of stuff.
Of course, that meant he eventually found my B-list bobbleheads, and after some counseling I think our marriage will survive it.
Actually, Lex’s talents as a stuntmaster have improved my game. He’s been able to look at my inventions in a whole new way. This is largely because before, he had to stop people from getting hurt whereas now, death is the desired result.
Mom threw a huge reception on the island when we returned from our honeymoon and the whole Bombay clan attended. Mostly this was because my relatives wanted to see what kind of man the goofy inventor would choose. Yes, I know what they all think of me. It’s never really mattered and they don’t care, especially when I can whip up cell phones that shoot lasers and can still hold five thousand songs.
It was wonderful to see everyone. Gin, Diego and Romi flew in with Dak, Leonie, Louis and Sofia. Liv and Todd and their kids were there. Coney gave me a beautiful felted bag he picked up during his travels. The wool had had been dyed into the shades of a Caribbean sunset and I loved it.
In the end, it all worked out. Moe was tried and convicted and sentenced to a lifetime in prison. Duh. Sami started her own business, teaming up with a female plumber and carpenter. The company slogan is “If you want it done right the first time, hire a woman.” She’s doing very well. I sent her the swear jar. She mailed back a note saying, “Fuck you.” I had it framed.
As for Alan, he ended up a porn star in Thailand. I heard he’s pretty popular with the sex tourism trade there. I know, you’re thinking, “how predictable.” I guess the network launched a huge lawsuit so he fled the country to avoid paying. Maybe I’ll get a contract on him someday. His stage name is Dick Dangleballs and he does this really weird thing with mayonnaise and rope you have to see to believe. What? It’s on YouTube.
Julie became a cruise activities director for a shipping line in Finland. She did okay for a while, until the entire boat—passengers and crew—mutinied, marooning her on an uncharted island near Kiribati, known to be populated with cannibals. No one has seen her since.
As for the others? Let’s see, Dr. Andy had a talk-radio show in Mobile, Alabama. He had a pretty good run too. If only he hadn’t dared that suicide caller to actually take those pills. Now he works at the Department of Transportation asking people how their driver’s license photos make them feel. One woman stabbed him in the shoulder with a pencil. He’s doing better now.
In happier news, Silas achieved his ultimate fantasy when he was killed accidentally by a canon misfire during a recreation of the Battle of Gettysburg. (I’ll bet he was ecstatic—he actually died at Gettysburg.)
To everyone’s surprise, Kit made it as a model. She’s the poster girl for the Society to Prevent Anal Leakage. I’ve seen her commercials and constipated-looking countenance everywhere.
Lilianna has actually started creating art. No longer does she just think about it. Lex and I went to a show she had in a small town in northern Montana. It was pretty interesting to see busts of famous Montanans carved out of patchouli-scented mashed bananas.
I heard that Brick/Norman was doing a one-man show in LA about his experience on Survival. Of course, no one even knows what that is since the show never aired, but oh well.
Bob the politician finally ran out of political positions to run for in his hometown of Leavenworth, Kansas. After a disastrous, yet inspired campaign for county coroner (on a platform that included the ability to slay zombies should the dead ever rise in the morgue), he decided to launch a bid for president of the United States. He’s counting on being a write-in. I guess Kit endorsed him, so he may have the incontinence vote sewn up.
Turns out Cricket and Jimmy the cameraman were screwing around during the show and she was keeping his hotel-room key hidden in her pockets while with us. In the aftermath, they got Bert and Ernie to help them set up a filmmaking camp for blind kids in Banff. I’m pretty sure the irony is lost on them.
So everything worked out okay. Lex even has some great ideas for using stunts with my inventions on assignments. (I just loooooove the human catapult he came up with.) Who knew I would really enjoy having a man in my life? Well, okay, my mother did. And after I’ve had my fill of tormenting her by spiking her tea with my severe, intestinal gas–producing and sleep-inducing powder (laxatives are sooooo juvenile and she’s a hit at Council meetings), I might just agree with her.
Acknowledgements
I’d like to thank Leah Hultenschmidt and Kristin Nelson for making my life as an author possible. Thanks to Emily and Ava Cummings, Brit and Ali Reschke for helping with my writing time by keeping the kids occupied. To Dad, Uncle Mike, Uncle Steve, Uncle Tim & Aunt Anne for your support. To Bernie and Michelle for loaning me Conor this time for this book. And, as always, thanks to my family; Tom, Margaret and Jack.
A huge thanks to Todd and Lisa Welvaert for twenty years of laughter. Here’s hoping for at least twenty more.
CRITICS ARE WILD FOR THE NOVELS OF
LESLIE LANGTRY!
GUNS WILL KEEP US TOGETHER
“Langtry’s ability to make this lethal and outrageous clan both funny and somewhat endearing is a testament to her style. Who knew the assassination business could produce so many laughs?”
—Romantic Times BOOKreviews
“If you need a really good laugh, then get Guns Will Keep Us Together. The characters and plot emphasize a funny, even wacky view of life, and a guaranteed happily ever after.”
—Romance Reviews Today
“This novel is uproariously funny and will have you chuckling
until the last page is turned….Guns Will Keep Us Together proves to be a definite keeper novel as it one of the funniest romances I have read in a long, long time.”
—Romance Reader at Heart
“Another wicked blend of action, romance, mystery, and dark humor, Guns Will Keep Us Together gives readers bullets, buff guys, and bad boys…I hope the Bombay family continues on with their deadly misadventures.”
—News and Sentinel
’SCUSE ME WHILE I KILL THIS GUY
“With an irreverent, tell-it-like-it-is, suburban-mom-assassin narrator, Leslie Langtry’s ’Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy delivers wild and wicked fun.”
—Julie Kenner, USA Today Bestselling Author of
California Demon
“Darkly funny and wildly over the top, this mystery answers the burning question, ‘Do assassin skills and Girl Scout merit badges mix?’ One truly original and wacky novel!”
—Romantic Times BOOKreviews
“Those who like dark humor will enjoy a look into the deadliest female assassin and PTA mom’s life.”
—Parkersburg News
“The fast-paced romantic suspense chick lit thriller is over the top, but fans will want to follow suit as Leslie Langtry provides a satirical family drama.”
—Midwest Book Reviews
“Mixing a deadly sense of humor and plenty of sexy sizzle, Leslie Langtry creates a brilliantly original, laughter-rich mix of contemporary romance and suspense in ‘Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy.”
—Chicago Tribune
Also by Leslie Langtry
Other Making It titles by Leslie Langtry:
GUNS WILL KEEP US TOGETHER
’SCUSE ME WHILE I KILL THIS GUY
Copyright
A Making It Book®
September 2008
Published by
Dorchester Publishing Co., Inc.
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New York, NY 10016
Copyright © 2008 by Leslie Thompson
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Stand By Your Hitman Page 20
