by Alexis Angel
The worst part is sitting in the little café area that they have having a smoothie and engaging in my mom’s definition of “girl talk” which is her asking questions as I cringe. Here is today’s snippet:
Mom: So, Alexis, I’m SO glad you’re gonna be here for a few weeks!
Alexis: Awww, me too Mom! But you know, I can come over anytime! With my new job I can work from anywhere!
Mom: I’m not worried about you working! I’m worried about grandbabies! When am I gonna see some?
Alexis: (rolling eyes) Moooom…we talked about this and I want kids too eventually but it’s gotta be with the right guy. I don’t wanna have to go back on match.com like 8 years down the line because the first one didn’t work out. It’s also a legal hassle.
Mom: Only you would think about legal things when we’re talking about guys! You should be thinking about their bodies!
Alexis: Oh my God! Can we not talk about guys and their bodies?
Mom: What? I’m sure you like looking at men’s bodies. Especially if they have that V.
Alexis: Mother!
Mom: Makes you wonder what it leads to and how big a package they have.
Alexis: Mom!!!! STOP IT!
Mom: Oh grow up. I’ve been paying for your birth control pills since high school. I’m sure you know all about sex.
Alexis: (sulking) I just wish I was having more of it sometimes.
Mom: Oh. You and that Highway guy not working out?
Alexis: Freeway. And no. He sorta had some issues.
Mom: Like what?
Alexis: (takes a chance opening up to Mom, even though it might be awkward) Well, he uhm…liked wearing women’s underwear.
Mom: Yeah, but was he able to find your clit at least?
Alexis: (passes out from embarrassment)
I mean it just didn't stop. My mom asked to see what I had on my reading list, since I'm an "expert". I showed her what my smut sister Jess Bentley has been working on and stood there in embarrassment as she read the blurb. Then said she was off to go download it while my Dad was at golf.
Hugs and kisses and lots of love,
Alexis
Sexting
Me So Horny...
Right, so it’s been a couple days at home, and I’m starting to do two things.
I’m reverting to a lil girl. Like going to sleep in my bedroom from high school. Waking up. Eating pancakes if my dad made some. Or cereal or fruit if he didn’t. Going to the same gym I used to when I was in high school. In some cases seeing the same people there I used to see. Dinner that’s home cooked freshly made every night. Eating as a family. Getting tucked in to bed at 10:30 pm. And then not being able to sleep so waking up and talking to Lana online and writing smut lol.
What else is happening? With no male member to please me, I’m getting very, very, very, VERY horny. My fingers and toys are working overtime trying to satisfy the desire to have WineBar inside of me.
And we’re talking a lot more. Like today he told me via text that he wants to do ungodly things to my body and make me black out as he does me. Which is so sweet. But makes me so ready for the real think. Then I’m trying to get him to sext but he’s like no. So like he doesn’t wanna sext. And his reason?
He only sexts with girls he’s exclusive with. Like that’s a criteria for him. He says it helps him differentiate between fun and serious relationships.
So what do you guys think? Is WineBar right in withholding nasty text messages from me until he’s sending them as my boyfriend?
Is WineBar making the right decision, waiting to be exclusive to withhold sexting from me??
No!!!
To each their own!
No! Go find some local dick!
Woman, don't this man go!
Hugs and kisses and lots of love,
Alexis
Mrs. WineBar?
57% of you like WineBar
That's right. Based on your poll resutls, 57% of you said DO NOT LET THIS MAN GO!
A whole bunch of you even emailed me back and were like OMG Girl do not let this guy go. Instead, wait for him and have his wine bar babies with him because he's a keeper!
To date:
1. He's not rude
2. He's not mean
3. He's not an asshole
4. He doesn't cheat
5. He wears men's underwear
6. His dick makes my eyes roll back in my head
7. He has no kids
8. And apparenlty, now he's relatively well off?? Like he just opened his third bar? I didn't know he owned any bars omg! He's a business owner!
So the big questions then becomes...whats holding me back???
Seriously, this is the question that popped in my head this morning when I woke up. Like, what am I doing not with him?
So when I get back to San Francisco, we're going to have a big discussion. I'm gonna go get a table at either the Rotunda at Neiman Marcus (if the Rotunda is still open) or maybe Sens or Hog Island Oyster Bar at the Ferry Terminal or maybe Foreign Cinema. That's it. I'm gonna make him take me out to dinner to Foreign Cinema.
And over oysters and the giant screen playing Casablanca, I'll tell him I like him and wanna date him more seriously.
Till then I'm not gonna tell him anything. Until I see him on July 7.
Good plan?
Yes! Spring it on him in a memorable way!
Call him and tell him now!
No! Don't settle for WineBar!!
You don't deserve WineBar!
Not that I'm in love with anyone. Baby steps. Sheesh.
Hugs and kisses and lots of love,
Alexis
WineBar Babies….
I got winebar babies on the brain...
I went to the museum this afternoon with my Mom and I swear to God all I kept thinking about was WineBar and what it would be like having his babies.
Like I swear to you maybe it was the art or something. Maybe it was the eggs I had for breakfast? Or the apples? I dunno. But I mean we were looking at some sculptures and I was like omg what would it feel like if WineBar got me pregnant (like non-surprise pregnant) and we had to go shopping for baby stuff and a nursery?
What is wrong with me?? I know what you guys said. This is the same guy you guys are reminding me who didn't check up on me when I was like so drunk after his barbecue. This is the guy who's really clingy and possessive.
But I can't help it. I'm really tired after the museum with my mom so I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and call WineBar. I'm gonna FaceTime him and tell him I need to talk to him. And I'm gonna make it clear (without words ;) exactly what it's about.
I'm a woman on a mission.
I feel kinda relieved actually. Like I've settled on a decision. Boom!
Hugs and kisses and lots of love,
Alexis
FaceTime
I did it!
I called WineBar this morning. I FaceTimed him.
His beautiful face came on screen. He was getting out of bed and he walked to the living room, talking to me.
“I wanted to see you,” I ended up saying.
“What’s up?” he asked me, his face smiling as he sees me.
“I think we need to talk when I get back to San Francisco,” I said, and took a deep breath. “About us.”
“I’d like that too,” he said and I smiled.
Yeah. All that happened. In Happily Ever After Land.
What actually happened is I got all dolled up and called him. And he didn’t answer. So I tried again. No answer.
Two hours later, got a text asking if everything was okay.
I said to call me when he got a chance. His answer?
Today is kinda busy.
So what do I say?
How about tomorrow?
And what does he reply?
Well, can he just talk to me when I get back next week?
The suspicious part of my brain is starting to swirl. 1) Is he with someone? 2) Why doesn’t he want to see me? 3) Am I
making a mistake? 4) Is he with someone?
Love is blind, they say. Well, I’m gonna bitch slap that way till she gets her sight back because I NEED to see what’s going on with WineBar! Pronto!
Hugs and kisses and lots of love,
Alexis
WorkMom Is Back
Awww...WorkMom Is Back!
So Tia Siren, my work-mom just released her new book today! That means its time for another exclusive behind the scene peek at the lives of authors and the convo’s that they have!
Just for full disclosure, this convo happened while I was in Cancun with Tia. It did not happen like this completely but the parts I don’t remember I tried to fill in to the best of my ability!
Tia: Hey Alexis - can you take a look at my blurb?
Alexis: Sure thing WorkMom!
Tia: Sigh. We had this discussion already. I don’t know why you’re calling me your Work Mom.
Alexis: Because you’re like my work mom! You make me feel all warm and fuzzy when I feel low!
Tia: Do you help on blurbs when you feel warm and fuzzy?
Alexis: Sure do! I’ll get on it right as soon as I get back to the hotel.
Tia: Back?! You’re still out?
Alexis: Yuppp!
Tia: Young lady! You know it’s 6 am?!!
Alexis: Uhhhhmm
Tia: How are you going to wake up in time to go to Tulum or Chichen Itza like I told you about? The tour leaves at 7 am!
Alexis: Uhm….
Tia: You’re just gonna spend the day on the beach aren’t you?
Alexis: Sigh. Yes. But I wasn't gonna tell you because you want me to do all this cultural shit...I mean stuff.
Tia: Instead of doing the cultural you’re gonna bake on the beach and then go drinking at night?
Alexis: But I'm on vaca and it’s so much funner!
Tia: Alexis…
Alexis: I know…. :(
Tia: Well, if you had listened to me, you'd know that If you go past Tulum, like I said, there is a nude beach?
Alexis: (perking up) huh? Serious?
Tia: And let’s just say that they’re packing…how do you say it…12 inches?
Alexis: OMG! That’s why you told me to head to the pyramids?! I’m so there! Heading to the bus now!
Tia: Let that be a lesson! Always listen to your Work Mom!
To celebrate my WorkMom, just drop a reply back to me saying #WorkMom.
Hugs and kisses and lots of love,
Alexis
Slutting It Up
Oops. I Did It Again.
I swear to God I can't get Britney out of my head. Because after several days of not hearing back from WineBar, I kinda let my hormones do the talking for me. Or at least the screwing.
I dunno what's going on with him. Firstly, he hasn't called or texted me back since he and I spoke on FaceTime.
Second, I have texted him a few times. Just to draw him out. But no response. For whatever reason, this guy has gone dark on me. He's stopped answering everything.
I'm sorry. But you don't get so busy so fast that you can't even respond to one text message? With maybe even just a smiley face? It's not that hard?? Right???
Add to the fact that after not getting some for a few days, I'm really really really REALLY uhmm....horny?
My Naughty Angels who I talked to were like just cool it. Take a cold shower. Do something else to get your mind off. But sorry, my occupation is to write about love and sex. And everything I do reminds me of the fact that I'm not getting any.
So Thursday, I went out. No Mom. No Dad. No friends. Dressed in my black fuck me boots and wearing the tightest and most eye-catching Dolce dress that I have. Boobs literally spilling out. And I headed to a bar downtown - Foley's.
I'm from the city. I'm a city girl. Versed in the ways of seduction. It literally took me 10 minutes and one Cosmo to find the guy that I settled on for the evening. Spent the evening making sure he wasn't a weirdo. Made sure I had condoms in my purse. He's a doctor at the hospital that my Mom works at (go figure?). Single. No kids.
It was a foregone conclusion this guy was taking me back. Cock, not as big as WineBar and WineBar has better abs, but DoctorDick knew how to use what God gave him. And he took me to paradise. Plenty of times. Enough to satisfy me at the end and leave me panting.
I went home around 3 am. Snuck in like I used to back in high school. Lay down on the bed. And wondered whether I should feel happy or sad.
Hugs and kisses and lots of love,
Alexis
To Ho or Not to Ho?
OMG! You wanna know something? At first I was kinda worried that I would get back like horrible backlash from the NL because of what I did with DoctorDick from #TeamWineBar…..but not so.
Like honestly, I felt like such a ho kinda and I was talking to Mischief Angel about this like am I in the wrong? Its not like I’m exclusive to WineBar and he’s not answering me, so I shouldn’t feel bad, right that I had THE TIME OF MY LIFE shucking myself on DoctorDick’s uhm..dick the other night?
She’s like no if you’re feeling good about your time with him, that’s okay. But I wanna know what you guys think because Sunday is my day to read and reflect on the week (and the sex I had which was like OMG so good) so I have the next survey!
Even if you are TeamWineBar, am I ho for wanting to climb DoctorDick’s cock?
Yes! You should be ashamed of yourself!
No! You only live once!
You’re okay, but you still need to talk to WineBar when you get home
I am so lost
I'll send you the results of the survey later tonight! One lucky respondent will get a free Naughty Angel book!
The Doctor is In!
62 Percent of You Gave the OK to DoctorDick...if I Still Talk to WineBar
Not surprising. I mean, a girl’s gotta live but she’s also gotta get her head on straight. I was thinking about this, reflecting like I do on Sundays...and also reading.
This new book from Layla & Ana really has me thinking about how lucky I am that WineBar’s a stand up guy. Thank goodness for the HEA! Carter in Boss Me, Bind Me, well, I could never deal with a bossy guy like that, well, maybe with the right 12 inches…Seriously, WineBar’s a stand up guy!
Well, except for the part where I had to get all serious and FaceTime him to get him to talk to me. July 7 is either not getting here fast enough or coming up way too fast. Kinda both because I need to have some relief. Err. Answers.
Doctor Dick…Again
So I Saw DoctorDick Last Night. Again.
It was GOOD.
Seriously, none of the drama of WineBar. None of the OMG does he like me or does he not like me. Just knowing one thing – he wants to stick his fat cock inside of me and boom. It's simple not having to think about anything – just mindless pointless animal sex.
And I mean, let me tell you about this animal sex. It’s like every which way and direction. It’s like I’m shucking myself on a tree trunk. The noises coming out of my mouth, the words spewing out of my mouth – it’s like filthy times three! I dunno if a part of it is me sitting in my parents house and needs to get extra dirty or something but I’ve never done some of the things I’m doing with this guy – and I’ve like done a lot. Like a LOT. But like the shit that we’re doing, is like outta 12 Inches or something ya know?
Anyways, I’m sore. And 24 Inches is almost done. I’m gonna finish that up and also do some reading.
Feedback
Definitely Not Getting Any New WineBar Fans
And I started a fresh week with some eye-opening emails and trying to have this like whole new outlook about things. We're not playing old-fashioned here but sometimes it is nice for a man to take charge.
Just not sure that in charge means waiting on him. Ya know that's not Alexis style. I agree!!
Because we can enjoy a good filthy alpha male ready to take charge...in a book. Cuz we know our romances will get us that HEA.
For us in reality?
We
ll, we gotta make sure we're not collecting the shirts...check out these emails I got from some of you and let me know if you agree!
Hey Alexis!
NO HO!!! No how, no way!!! Winebar doesn't know how you feel (cuz the damn man wont pick up his damn phone and text a girl!) DAMN IT!!! Enjoy DoctorDick while you're there.
<3 -- Toni
Toni's feels that freedom, so here's one for my female independence. Wooo!!
Here's a long ride toward going after Today and not Yesterday's messes...have a read!
Okay, let's face it, Alexis, this isn't the 1950's where you sit at home flipping through the latest copy of Ladies Home Journal or Redbook collecting recipes and learning about how to keep your man, while you wait for your man to make up his mind what the hell he wants to do! I'm of the mindset right now to say Fuck Winebar and enjoy the good Doctor. If the other can't even pick up the damn phone and send one damn text, you get your pretty little ass out there and enjoy yourself. Don't sit around and wait for no man. I did that one too many times, been there, done that, have the tee shirt, want to give it back!!!! Call the Doctor, down a few Cosmos, or whatever is your pleasure and get busy. Marie
