by A. L. Sadler
EMMA: Ah, how I would like to cram my mouth with a salad like that!
ASAHINA: A pity you were not there to say so! But as I was saying, one of the palace warriors, Igarashi Kobunji by name, suddenly tried to unhorse me, whereat I, astonished at his impudence, gripped him and pressed him against the saddle-bow, and ground him against it from one side to the other— (seizing Emma) —like this; yes, just like this.
EMMA: Oh, oh! I think I’ve heard enough of the wars of Wada.
ASAHINA: Oh, no, I’ll go on.
EMMA: I’ve heard enough, I tell you.
ASAHINA: Well, then, you shall guide me to the Pure Land Paradise.
EMMA: Oh, if you let me alone, I’ll guide you where ever you like.
ASAHINA: Really? (Glares at him.)
EMMA: Yes, really.
ASAHINA: And truly?
EMMA: And truly.
CHORUS: So Asahina, with determined mien, loads his rake and bill-hook, and iron club, and all the rest of his weapons on the back of Emma, since he had no servant to carry them, and thus they hurry off to Paradise
THE PERSIMMON-SELLER
MOKUDAI* : I am the Mokudai of this province. As I have plenty of money, I am establishing a new market, and whoever will set up a stall in it of whatever kind will have his taxes remitted for a whole year. Herewith I put up a notice to that effect. This may be a suitable place, I fancy. There, that looks all right, so I will return.
PERSIMMON-SELLER: I am a persimmon-seller of Heguri-dani in the province of Tamba. I hear a new market is to be established by some rich man in the capital, so I will make my way thither. I am hoping to set up a stall there to sell these wares of mine, so that I can get my taxes remitted and make a lot of money. Well, I suppose this must be the market. Well, I will go to the head of the market. Persimmons! Persimmons!
MOKUDAI: Ah, I am quite pleased with my market. It seems to be going very well. I think I will just go and have a look around it. Ha! There is a persimmon-seller. Hi! You there!
PERSIMMON-SELLER: What is it?
MOKUDAI: What do you mean, fellow?
PERSIMMON-SELLER: You had better come and see.
MOKUDAI: Here, you! Don’t you know who I am?
PERSIMMON-SELLER: No. How should I know?
MOKUDAI: Well, see if you can guess.
PERSIMMON-SELLER: My trade is to sell persimmons, so I am not good at judging people.
MOKUDAI: Well, you must, whether you like it or not.
PERSIMMON-SELLER: H’m, you seem to be an unreasonable sort of fellow. I must, must I?
MOKUDAI: Certainly you must.
PERSIMMON-SELLER: Well, turn round that way, so that I can have a good look at you. Yes, I see.
MOKUDAI: What do you think I am?
PERSIMMON-SELLER: You are a Satsuma-o.*
MOKUDAI: Indeed I’m not. Guess again.
PERSIMMON-SELLER: Then turn round again. That will do. I see.
MOKUDAI: Well, what?
PERSIMMON-SELLER: You seem to be a man who always wears a hakama,† so I suppose you are a cook or a go-player, or a chess-player perhaps.
MOKUDAI: No, I am none of these things.
PERSIMMON-SELLER: Oh, then I can’t say.
MOKUDAI: I am the Mokudai, the deputy of this province. Couldn’t you see that?
PERSIMMON-SELLER: Oh, you are the Mokudai, are you? Then have a persimmon.
MOKUDAI: Do you think the Mokudai is the sort of person to be seen eating persimmons in the cities or towns of his province?
PERSIMMON-SELLER: I don’t see what harm there would be if he did.
MOKUDAI: You don’t think it would be of much consequence? Then I’ll try one. I say, fellow, these persimmons are nicer than I should have thought. I will have another. Give me one of those in front there.
PERSIMMON-SELLER: All right. But I shall want payment for this one.
MOKUDAI: Very well. I will pay you what you want.
PERSIMMON-SELLER: Ah, then I will give you one.
MOKUDAI: I say, is this one sweet?
PERSIMMON-SELLER: Yes, sweet enough to put your jaw out of joint.
MOKUDAI: Get away, fellow. This is no good!
PERSIMMON-SELLER: What? But it is sweet.
MOKUDAI: Bah! It’s too sour for anything. Ugh! It’s uneatable!
PERSIMMON-SELLER: Why, what d’you mean? I’m sure it’s quite good.
MOKUDAI: Then eat it yourself!
PERSIMMON-SELLER: All right. It is sweet. It’s too sweet for words.
MOKUDAI: There’s nothing so beastly as bran or sour persimmons. If you eat one you can’t whistle, they say. Now whistle, you. Quick!
PERSIMMON-SELLER: All right.
MOKUDAI: Well, why don’t you whistle?
PERSIMMON-SELLER: Wait a moment. I will.
MOKUDAI: Hurry up!
PERSIMMON-SELLER: It’s so sweet, I really can’t whistle.
MOKUDAI: You beastly swindler! The way to treat a fellow like you is take away his persimmons. So.
PERSIMMON-SELLER: Yah! You! Give me them back!
SONG:
Give them back again!
Though they be steeped in “sake”
To take away their sourness,
Best to leave them on the tree,
’Twill better bear next year.
In old times Hitomaru
Lived beneath a kaki-tree,
Gazing up into the sky
And composing verses.
You provoking knave!
You had best pull off your lips
If they cannot whistle.
And if you are sorry,
If you’ve got no “comb persimmons”
To scratch your head withal,
Pick up your persimmons
And take them home again!
Ho! Gather up your kaki,
And get you home again.
Footnotes
* Deputy governor.
* Meaning unknown.
† Divided skirt.
PINS AND NEEDLES
MASTER: Ho there! Is the page there?
PAGE: At your service, sir.
MASTER: A guest has just come, so go and buy a carp.
PAGE: Certainly, sir.
MASTER: And be quick back again.
PAGE: I will, sir. (Aside) From morning till night he does nothing but tell me to go out and buy carp. I will feign illness so that I shan’t be able to go. Oh! Oh! How it hurts!
MASTER: Now the– What is it?
PAGE: It’s the pins and needles. I get it from my parents! Oh! Oh! It’s awfully painful!
MASTER: What’s that? Do you say you’ve got the pins and needles?
PAGE: Yes, sir. Ever since I was quite small, if I thought I would go out, it used to come on suddenly when I least expected it.
MASTER: Then stay at home and rest.
PAGE: Yes, sir.
MASTER: Oh, by the way, someone sent a message to me to ask me to go to an entertainment at his house quite suddenly, and asked me to bring my page too. I’ll just tell him that I can come but my page will not be able to come with me this time.
PAGE: I say, master!
MASTER: Well, what is it?
PAGE: If you are going to that entertainment please take me with you.
MASTER: But your pins and needles will prevent you from going out, won’t it?
PAGE: If I tell it the reason it will soon go away.
MASTER: Then let’s see you do it.
PAGE: All right. Look here, pins and needles, listen to me! If we go with the master to this entertainment at my grandfather’s we shall have a fine feast and lots of liquor, so leave me alone, won’t you? Yes!
MASTER: Who was that that answered?
PAGE: The pins and needles, I suppose.
MASTER: Well, that’s most extraordinary! Is it better?
PAGE: Yes, it’s quite well now.
MASTER: What a wonderful pins and needles. Well, get up if you’re all right.
PAGE: Please
give me your hand and help me up.
MASTER: There, get up, do!
PAGE: Now I’m up; is that all right?
MASTER: Don’t you feel any pins and needles now?
PAGE: If I go to the feast with you the pins and needles won’t come, however many miles I walk.
MASTER: In that case go and buy the fish I ordered.
PAGE: Oh, then the pins and needles will soon come back. Oh, oh, master!
MASTER: I’ll give you something, you rascal! Be off with you!
PAGE: Oh, certainly! Yes, yes, I will!
THE STAG HUNTER
PRIEST: I am a priest who has some business over the hill yonder, so thither am I taking my way.
SAKON: And I am Sakon-no-Saburo, a hunter who lives at the foot of this hill, and today I am going hunting as usual. Aha! That’s a disgusting sort of fellow to meet just when you are starting out after some, sport. I’ll accost him and have some fun with him. Hi! you priest!
PRIEST: Is it me you want?
SAKON: Indeed it is.
PRIEST: And what may you want?
SAKON: Where are you going?
PRIEST: Oh, just over to that hill.
SAKON: So am I, so we can go together.
PRIEST: But you seem to be a samurai, so I shall hardly be a congenial companion for you. Pray let me go on alone.
SAKON: Oh well, priests and samurai are not so very different after all. Let’s go together.
PRIEST: But I am in a hurry, so let me go on.
SAKON: Now look here my priest. You’d better go with me or—
(Makes a motion to draw his bow.)
PRIEST: Oh, oh! Yes. All right.
SAKON: Ha, ha! I was only joking. It doesn’t matter.
PRIEST: Well, then, will Your Honor lead the way?
SAKON: Oh, I don’t want holy company. You go on.
PRIEST: Thank you. I will.
SAKON: But I say, priest. There’s something I want to ask you.
PRIEST: What is it?
SAKON: About fish? Do you eat it?
PRIEST: Oh no. Recluses never eat fish.
SAKON: I think they do.
PRIEST: Oh no they don’t.
SAKON: But you have eaten it. Now, haven’t you?
(Menaces him.)
PRIEST: Oh yes. Yes I have.
SAKON: I thought so. And look here, priest. I expect you’ve got a wife.
PRIEST: Oh no, recluses never have anything to do with women.
SAKON: Oh, don’t they. Are you sure you don’t?
(Draws the bow.)
PRIEST: Oh well. Yes, yes, I do.
SAKON: Ah, well, that’s nothing. I think you a very worthy fellow really. In fact, I should very much like to have you for my chantry priest. How about it?
PRIEST: Oh, of course I should be highly honored to have you for my patron. Are you indeed serious?
SAKON: Oh, certainly. I shall be much obliged to you. And so, as my chantry priest, you will be at my service both for this world and the next, won’t you?
PRIEST: Indeed I shall.
SAKON: Well then, there is something I want you to do for me now.
PRIEST: What is that?
SAKON: Just take this bow for me for a bit.
PRIEST: Oh, but I have never carried one in my life and I don’t know how to handle it.
SAKON: Well, if you don’t know I’ll teach you. You hold it so.
PRIEST: This way, you mean?
SAKON: Yes, that’s right. That’ll do very well. Now go on.
PRIEST: All right. Now there’s something I should like to ask you too.
SAKON: Well?
PRIEST: Since you have kindly become my patron I should like to know your name so that I can write it in the temple Roll of the Blest Departed.
SAKON: Oh, don’t you know. I am Sakon-no-Saburo.
PRIEST: What? The hunter? Why should I carry the weapons of such an unclean fellow.
(Drops the bow.)
SAKON: Hi! What have you dropped my bow for?
PRIEST: It isn’t right for a holy priest like me to carry weapons for taking life.
SAKON: Oh, and does Buddha dislike taking life?
PRIEST: Why, of course he does.
SAKON: Well, explain the matter to me then.
PRIEST: Certainly. Recluses must observe the five prohibitions: of taking life, of stealing, of impurity, of lying, and of drinking intoxicants, and of these Buddha particularly emphasized the first.
SAKON: Look here, priest. Your head may be shaven, but there is a lot you don’t know. There are texts that allow taking life. For instance, in the Daruma Sutra it says: “Take like, take life, every moment! If you don’t you will go to Hell like an arrow.” What do you say to that, eh?
PRIEST: Oh, that refers to what is within oneself. There are plenty of texts that consign to Hell those who take life.
SAKON: Yes, but how about this too: “If you don’t live in the Universal Mind there is no guilt before the Law.” If there is no guilt there is no Law, and if there is no Law there is no Buddha? So it seems to me there is no harm in taking life.
PRIEST: Yah, whatever you say, if you shoot a stag you can’t help being reborn a stag.
SAKON: Oh then, if that’s so, if I shoot a priest I shall be reborn a recluse.
PRIEST: Don’t you dare shoot at me. I have a three-inch figure of Amida on my breast.
SAKON: Then I’ll cleave it and see what’s inside.
PRIEST: Then you’ll be like the fool who split open the Yoshino cherry-tree to find the blossom.
SAKON: Blossom.* Well, you’ve got one anyhow.
PRIEST: Where?
SAKON: Why, on your face, of course.
PRIEST: How silly. Do go away.
Footnote
* Hana = blossom and also nose.
THE THIEF AND THE CHILD
WET-NURSE: Now then, I’ll get it to sleep in the reception-room. Ah, that’s fine. Now he’s asleep down here I shall have time to go and get a cup of tea.
THIEF: I am a great gambler of these parts. Of late I have had bad luck, for I have lost all my money and even my wife’s clothes playing with those worthless fellows whose company I keep, and now I don’t know where to turn. So I suppose there is nothing for it but to take what I want from someone who has a superfluity. Well, there is a man not far off who has any amount of money and rice and other things, and tonight I intend to pay him a visit and slip into his house and help myself to what I need to try and retrieve my fortune again with the dice.
PILGRIM-SONG: ’Twould have been better to have taken people’s advice and given up this life before. But you always think you are going to make your fortune and take no heed, and so it comes to this pass. Well, here I am, and it is just getting dusk. Ah, he has repaired his house lately it seems, and it looks quite imposing. It’s no use trying the front, so I’ll go round to the back. Now there’s this wall. I cannot reach the top. Still I’ve got to get over it. Perhaps it can be managed. Let’s see. Ah, that’s good, I’m over. Now there’s a reed-fence. I must break a hole in that. That’s awkward, I’m afraid someone will hear. No, it seems not, for no one has come out. That’s a good thing. Now I’ll creep through the hole. Right. Now if I open this door into the corridor I shall soon be in the reception-room. Ah! There’s a lantern burning. It seems they had guests here last night. I wonder whether anyone has heard me. No, it seems not. There are some fine things here. There’s a tea-kettle and brazier and a tea-caddy and tea-bowl. Yes, they are excellent. If I can get away with these I shall be quite set up. Ah! There’s a wadded coat. Better and better. When I took my wife’s clothes to gamble with she wasn’t a bit pleased I can tell you, in fact ... well I’ll take this for her and it will brighten her up wonderfully no doubt. Well, it’s time I took my leave I think. Eh ... what’s this? There’s a child sleeping in it. Dear me, what a huzzy of a nurse they must have to leave it sleeping here while she goes off to amuse herself. Well ... what a nice child. Ah! It’s stuck its
hand out. Suppose I nurse it a bit. Yes, I think I will. Ah! That’s got it. There’s a good boy. Now then, I wonder if it knows any tricks. Bo-peep! Bo-peep! Bo! Ah! He’s up to it. How charming. Now, what else can you do. Let’s see. Ah! What a clever child. Your parents must be proud of you. Ah! I laughed a bit too loudly. I must have startled him. Well, I will try to get him to sleep. I’ll rock him in my arms. So. There– (sings)–“The little puppy-dog over the way hasn’t yet opened its eyes.” Ah! Now he’s begun to smile. Now he seems all right.
WET-NURSE: Now I’ll just go and see how that child is going on in the reception-room. Bless my soul! There’s a thief in there. Here! Here! There’s a thief nursing the baby.
MASTER: What’s that? Oh, a thief has got in, has he? Just send someone round to the front. Where is he? I’ll soon cut him down.
WET-NURSE: Oh, mind! Wait a moment!
THIEF: I am not a thief. I’ve just come to have a look at your reception-room.
MASTER: That won’t do. Don’t try to take me in. I’ll soon settle you.
WET-NURSE: Oh, do mind the child! You may hurt him!
MASTER: Oh, bother the child! I’ll cut him down!
THIEF: Well, if you really mean to cut me down there’s the child— (puts it down). Now strike— (slips away).
MASTER: Where’s he gone? I didn’t get him. Confound him!
WET-NURSE: Eh, what now! He’s dropped the child and run, has he? Now then, darling, come to me and I’ll give you some of my milk. Well, I wonder that didn’t give me the colic.
THE FOWLER
EMMA: I am Emma-O, the Lord of Hell! I propose to go forth for a while through the Six Ways of Sentient Existence! Yai! Yai! Are my retainers there?
