by A. L. Wood
And then Liam starts laughing hysterically. Either I really have lost my mind, or I am missing something. I glance back at the flashback to the nineties guys and the beast of a woman. One of them takes his ridiculous coke bottle sunglasses off, and I notice a striking resemblance to Gage.
“Gage?” I question out loud.
“We had to come see ya babe. We needed to know that you were safe and sound.” He replies.
I try to stand up out of bed to give him a hug, but the woman stops me. I was so caught up in the surprise of seeing Gage, I didn’t stop to think of who the woman was.
But once I steal a glance into those clear blue eyes, I know just who it is underneath all the outdated garb.
I really wished he hadn’t come to see me. Looking into his eyes, rehashes out all that pain I’ve tried to slide under the carpet today. He was my breaking point in life. I don’t want him to think that he and I have any chance with any kind of relationship. I don’t want to show him any cause to gain hope.
I also do not want to have this out in front of everybody. I don’t think that it is anyone’s business what I did with Steele, regardless of how close I feel to Liam, or how close I am to Layla. In a way, I am doing Steele a favor and protecting him.
I know that Liam is not only his band mate, but he is his best friend. If I made it clear right now what went down between both of us, they would know that Steele was part of the cause of where I am. Liam might start a fight over it, and I know damn sure Layla would attack with her cat-like claws.
She wouldn’t let go of him until she shredded every piece of his being. No. The best decision would be to act friendly, in a civilized way. The same way everyone on that God forsaken tour bus saw us act. I mean the rest of the guys came to see me too.
This isn’t normal for me. For me to enjoy having the guys, or anyone care about me, about my health. I know they had concerts planned this week, so they had to have canceled them or something to be here. They wouldn’t really cancel a show for me, would they? Maybe just Liam canceled, and the guys flew in today.
“Hey guys, I’m surprised you came to see me. And I can’t be the only one here who is wondering, what are you guys wearing? Is there a Rock of The Ages show going on in Boston that I don’t know about?” I ask, ignoring Steele’s presence smoothly. Even though he is seriously invading my space. Zepp replies.
“What? I kind of like our outfits. Ryan’s is my personal favorite. We didn’t want to bring paparazzi mayhem down on you, so we thought it would be better to disguise ourselves. I had a better idea of just grabbing some sweats from the local Walmart and sneaking in. Ryan here though it would make us look questioningly suspicious.”
I chuckle at his expense.
“Have you looked in the mirror? All three of you are rocking a hair band wig, and Steele does certainly not make a pretty woman.”
Steele cuts in.
“I beg to differ. For example, on the way over here I am pretty sure the cab driver was checking me out. I think I make a pretty attractive woman.” He says, while modeling his miniature dress that is four sizes too small.
Layla cuts in. “I could pull that dress off, you cannot. First the color is not flattering to your skin tone, and it’s much too small. Plus who thought you would look good as a blonde? I think you look much better with dark hair Ryan.”
“You like my dark hair huh? So tell me Layla what colors do you think go with my skin tone?” Steele flirts back.
Somewhere along the week, I seemed to have forgotten that Layla had a massive crush on Steele. Looking back, I think she only pushed me so hard to go on this stupid internship, so she could meet up with us along some of the tour stops, just to try to hook up with him. Nothing good can come of this. Fuck. I really, really don’t want to have to tell her.
For some reason it kind of stings, her hitting on him. That she’s attracted to him, and he’s reacting back. It has to be because he was my first. The only person I ever caved to. Just some nostalgic feeling I hold onto unwillingly.
I look between the two and think, is this for real. I wish to flush these feelings out of me. That I could forget that night altogether and the morning after. I don’t want to be mad at Layla. She has no idea what happened and if I don’t have to tell her, I won’t.
Steele pauses his game for a few minutes to inquire about my health, which shocks me. After fucking me and another woman within hours, I would have thought I was just another notch on the numerous beds he must own.
“Has a Doctor Reed shown yet?” He asks.
I thought Liam had called him because he was concerned. Nope. I should have known he couldn’t mind his own business. Or maybe it was because he didn’t want to have to fly out. His doctor was a way to keep an eye on me.
“Actually he made an appearance this morning. How do you know him?” I play along. I want him to admit he was responsible for this over active doctor. Ordering labs to be done and scans of this and that. When all I want to do is get home and sleep my days away in bed until school starts.
“I don’t know him. One of the guys mentioned that he was going to be on your case. I just have it on good authority that he is one of the best doctors. Did they say anything about releasing you? I mean you are healthy right?”
Steele showing concern over my well-being. I’ll be damned.
“I haven’t seen a doctor since the MRI they conducted not long ago. The nurse told me that she thinks they might cancel the other tests, because the MRI came back that I was healthy. No severe damage. I could be released as soon as tomorrow morning.”
His body, previously tense awaiting my response, suddenly loosens.
“If you are released are you coming back on the tour, or do you have other plans?” He asks.
“I don’t think…” I get out before Liam cuts me off.
“I don’t think she should join us on the tour, Ryan. I’m not sure it’s good for her health to be running around all over the country. I was hoping to be able to discuss it with you later actually.”
“Well Liam maybe if you answered my fucking calls or texts. Fuck!” He yells. “If you answered any of your calls or text messages, we could have talked about whatever you wanted. We were resorted to sneaking in, because you wouldn’t communicate with us. So say whatever it is you wanted to talk about now, while we are here.” Steele says clearly pissed off.
Liam hesitates to reply awkwardly. “I really didn’t want to discuss this here in front of everybody.” He says, while nudging his head in my direction.
My guess is that Liam hasn’t told Steele that I caused myself this hospital stay. I would rather this not be revealed and hashed out in front of everyone. I would give anything to not be put on the spot right now.
I know that Layla and Liam have stayed away from this topic on purpose. They’re afraid of the answer. Of my reasoning’s. Right now I am not ready emotionally, let alone do I have the endurance to talk through this conversation today; maybe in a few days, weeks. I don’t fucking know, but it’s not today.
Quickly defusing the discussion that’s on stage in front of us all, I suggest that they go talk outside. Allowing myself to visit with the rest of the guys and Layla.
“Hey, why don’t you guys take this conversation outside? You both can blab, and I can hang with these four.” I say, smiling.
Steele glances at me questionably, seeing through that facade, most likely wanting to dig into why I am basically shoving him and Liam out into the hall. I want to smirk at him with my head held high, but it is so hard to take him seriously while dressed this way.
“I guess I can trust you alone for a few minutes Princess. After the past few days, I don’t want to let you out of my sight. Wait until they release you.” Liam says, while pulling Steele out into the hall with him.
I roll my eyes at his statement. If I didn’t feel the way I do toward him, I would tell him to shove that pet name Princess up his ass. As for being out of his sight, I’m all right with him being close. He
makes me feel like everything is going to be all right.
I go back to talking to the guys. With Steele and Liam out of the room, they have no one to set them along that straight and narrow path, regarding holding back information.
I lean back against the hospital bed. Layla is still sitting in a chair next to the bed. Zepp, Gage and Jason are standing around us forming a semicircle. I fill the empty space with conversation.
“I know it’s only been what, a week since I have seen you all? How did your show in New York go? Tell me what you guys have been up to.”
“Ha! Within hours of Ryan finding out that you left by airplane, then with Layla’s call to Liam, he canceled the show. We boarded a plane, and we’ve been here for a few days now. Locked away in a hotel room awaiting news of your health. Ryan was a mess, not that he shouldn’t have cared. It’s just that he seemed to care a lot more. For some unknown reason, he still hasn’t cared to share with us. Would you like to share any information?” Jason is quick to reply.
Sneaky bastard. As soon as Liam and Ryan are out of the room, he tries to get any information that he can obtain. Although, I am a little surprised that Steele canceled a show just to come here. For me. I have a knowing that Liam wouldn’t have let anything stand in his way to be with me. But Steele, I didn’t think he would have given any fucks that I walked away.
“I wasn’t aware that Layla called Liam.” I say, while glancing over at her to give her a menacing look. I mean there was no way for her to consult me, as I was unresponsive. But she knows me. She is well aware that I wouldn’t want anyone to pity me.
Fuck! I did this to myself. The only one that I feel like I have known my entire life, other than Layla, is Liam. He’s the only one I would feel remotely comfortable besides Lals, in knowing what I did. Trying to fight off my embarrassment and resentment toward Steele, I continue the conversation.
“Anyway, four days locked away in a hotel room huh? You guys didn’t find anything entertaining to do besides play dress up? Come on give me some details, I need details. Who knows how much longer I’ll have to stay in this place.”
Gage interjects. “Well I was able to escape one night. It wasn’t long before Steele found me though. I tried to explain to him I couldn’t sit inside of four walls while waiting for news about you. No offense...”
“None taken.” I interrupt.
He goes on as I didn’t interject what he was saying.
“I made it as far as the hotel bar. Mind you, it wasn’t some high end upscale bar. No, it was like a hole in the wall with four tables placed around, beer in a refrigerator and the label ‘Bar’ stuck on it. It’s not like I even enjoyed myself. He’s lucky I didn’t leave the hotel altogether. A man has needs you know.”
“Too much information Gage.” I laugh. “So, what happened?”
“Well he caught me. He wasn’t even looking for me. He didn’t know I escaped. The hotel doesn’t allow smoking inside, so when he went outside to light one up, he saw me talking a girl up at one of the old outdated tables. He could have just stopped and said hey. He didn’t have to fabricate a complete lie, resulting in the ruining of the nicest outfit I had time to pack and bring with me, and to cause me to miss out on getting my needs taken care of.”
Within minutes of meeting Steele, I could tell one of his character traits was to be compulsive. He acts first and foremost without thought and care when everything is said and done. In the end is when he thinks about what he could have said differently, or how he could have acted.
“Well now you have to spill the beans. Pray tell, what did his mind ostracize?” I ask rather enjoying his unsuccessful evening.
“He walked right up to the table, without even fucking looking at me and started talking to the girl I was hoping to lie in sin with that night. All of a sudden the woman threw her beer all over me and started cussing me out loud. She kicked her chair back and left. Steele started laughing and walked away. I waited in our suite for him to get back, just to find out what he told her. Do you know what the hell he had the gall to tell her?”
“Well seeing how Steele doesn’t possess a filter, I could only imagine what kind of madness he could come up with.” I reply.
“He told her that I was a male prostitute, trying to earn a living for my six kids at home. Get this though- She believed him. I was ready to go off on him for ruining my night, when he starts reprimanding me that I should have stayed in the room with everyone else. Like I’m not a grown ass adult.” Gage vents.
I start laughing, because I would have enjoyed seeing Gage get splashed in the face with a drink. These guys are easy to connect with; easy for me to find a familiar bonding, though we are worlds apart.
I’m still giggling when Liam and Steele walk back in. I look at both of them, trying to survey their emotions. By the looks of it, their conversation didn’t end well.
What I would have given to have been a fly on the wall, just to hear what was so important they discuss, before they both exploded in front of everyone with male testosterone. I seriously hope that Steele keeps what we did in the past. It can rot away and die for all I care.
“All right guys, I think we have intruded on Natalie long enough. I’m sure she could use some rest.” Steele says to the guys, excluding Liam.
Gage, Zepp and Jason all give me a hug goodbye and walk out of the room, leaving a lingering Steele. He slowly makes his way over to me.
“We’re going to hang around here for a little bit longer. I’ve already canceled the rest of the shows that were booked for this month. We all want to stay to make sure you’re okay. I want to make sure you are going to be all right.” Steele tells me.
“Don’t feel obligated to cancel your shows for me. I wouldn’t want you guys to lose out over this. I’ve got Lals. She'll be here with me every step of the way to recovery. Don’t worry about me.” I say as friendly as possible.
Condescending prick. Preach to me how you give one shit about me. If he had cared at all, he wouldn’t have been in my bed, naked, one minute and then another’s the next.
He steps closer to me. “Just let us be here Minx. It doesn’t make a difference what you say, we aren’t going anywhere.”
Then he leaves.
Chapter 11
Natalie
I lay awake unable to close my eyes and fall asleep. I tried throwing my earphones in and listening to music, but it no longer works. I start thinking about how much my life has changed the past couple of months. I think the good has far outweighed the bad. Liam and Layla being the good.
The hospital discharged me eight weeks ago with promises that I would seek after care counseling, to help deal with the anxiety and the loss of my parents. In that time, Liam nor Layla have allowed me any time alone, unless it’s to attend to personal or hygienic needs. I understand it’s because they are afraid I will harm myself. Past has proved to lose their trust.
For the first few nights back home in our apartment, Liam slept on our uncomfortable two person loveseat in the living room. He would wake up frequently to come check on me, and while doing so he would wake me. We somehow ended up in a routine that he would just crawl into my bed and fall asleep.
Layla has cut down her shifts at the bar to be at home more. She feels that Liam and the band are sacrificing a lot to be able to stay here. I agree. I’ve been trying to talk Liam into heading back out on tour, but every time I bring it up, he cuts me off from finishing what I was going to suggest and smacks the idea down.
Even with my eyes open, I can’t make out anything in my dark room. I have an issue sleeping with any lights on, or any light shining through the window. I roll over and feel for Liam. He usually sleeps on top of my blankets and throws his own over top of himself.
For some reason tonight, I just want to be held. My hand reaches out and comes into contact with his back. He’s facing away from me. I gently tug on him to roll over facing me. He doesn’t comply, so I continue tugging while whispering his name out loud.
; “Liam.”
“Liam.”
I tug again, and he pulls away.
“Liam.” I say much louder, no longer a whisper.
He jumps up and away from me suddenly, yelling in a haunted tone. “Get your fucking hands of off me!”
He hops off the bed and continues yelling profanities. He is mad, a side of Liam I have yet to see. Until now.
I can’t even make out his shadow, so I turn on my bedside lamp and toss the covers off of me. I walk over to Liam on the other side of my bed, near my dresser. He is looking away from me, as if he is talking to someone there. Someone who is not physically there.
I keep my voice low and smooth and just repeat his name over and over to get his attention. After a few minutes, he stops talking, so I think it’s safe to assume that I caught his attention. I step closer and reach my hand out to take one of his.
His hand hangs loose in mine, until I give his a squeeze. I think it shakes him out of his nightmare. He looks to me as if I am about to judge him for what happened, or maybe ask questions. His eyes tell me that he is deeply afraid.
“Natalie.”
“Yeah, Liam?”
“Did I hurt you? Please tell me I didn’t fucking hurt you.” Liam asks, his voice quivering with uneasiness.
I reach out, grabbing his neck and pull him to me. Cradling him into me. I reply with a soothing tone.
“No Liam, you didn’t hurt me. I don’t even think you could, even if you wanted to.”
He pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “Are you sure?”
“I would tell you if I were hurt. I was trying to wake you up. I wanted you to hold me. To take the pain away. You yelled and jumped away from me, that’s all. I promise.”
He holds his gaze for a moment longer, probably debating whether to believe me or not. “Let’s just go back to bed.”
He pulls away from me and chills instantly run over my skin, missing his touch. I walk back to my side, lie back down in my bed, cover myself up, and turn the lamp off. Liam laid back down the same exact way he was when I woke him.
