by B. B. Hamel
I stand up on my tip-toes and kiss him softly. He kisses me back, and I know that I trust him to get us through this.
22
Ethan
I give Shelly an extra room, and she heads to bed early. While Mia cleans up downstairs after dinner, I go into my room, and I start to take down the clippings.
I don’t need them anymore. I trash it all, every photograph I’ve kept, every newspaper story I’ve obsessed over. I’m done letting my past dictate who I am. I fucked up back then and people got hurt, but all I can do is move forward and protect those that are close to me now.
I’ll make amends to those men and their families somehow. But first, I have to save Mia and our baby, no matter what.
When I finish, my room looks clean and empty. No more bottles, no more shrines to my mistakes. It’s like I’m starting all over, and it feels fucking good.
I head back downstairs, but as I get to the steps, something stops me.
Shelly’s standing in the doorway to her room, watching me.
I look back at her. “I thought you were tired?”
She watches me for a second then shakes her head. “I thought you weren’t stupid.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What?” For a second, I think it was a mistake to trust her.
But she just sighs, clearly exhausted. “The girl, you idiot. You really think you can tear her from her world, go on the run with you forever? How the hell are you gonna raise a child like that?”
I bite my lip. “What should I do, abandon her?”
“Fuck, yes,” she says. “We can lead the Bear away, Mia can go back to her life. They don’t care about her, she’s nothing.”
“They won’t leave her alone,” I say. “They won’t risk it.”
She sighs. “Maybe you’re right. But how can you have a life like this?”
I shake my head. “I’ll think of something. I won’t abandon her, no matter what.”
She nods slowly. “I hope not.” She turns and heads back into her room, shutting the door behind her.
I stand there in the hallway for a second, digesting what she said. I know she’s right, I know we can’t have a life on the run, let alone raise a child.
Which is why I have no intention of going on the run. I just have to figure out some way that we can stay here, and keep the fucking Russians off our backs.
I head back downstairs. Mia’s sitting on the couch, knees pulled up to her chest, scrolling through her phone. I gave her the Wi-Fi password when I got the internet back up, but she hasn’t used it until now.
“How’s the outside world?” I ask her.
“The same.”
I sit down and lean up against her shoulder. She looks at me and smiles, but I can see the fear there in her expression.
“It’s going to be okay,” I say to her. “I promise. I won’t let anything hurt you or the baby.”
“I know,” she says softly. “But will this ever end?”
I grimace a little but try and hide my face from her. I don’t want her to know that I’ve been thinking that same thing, and even talking about it with Shelly.
“It’ll end,” I say. “We’ll make sure it ends.”
She puts her phone down. “How?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. I turn back to her and tip her face toward mine. “But we’ll figure it out. I promise.”
She nods a little and I kiss her. This is the mother of my child, the most important person in my life now. I was starting to feel attached to her, starting to fall for her already, but this just makes it so much more real. I’m never going to let anything bad happen to her, and I know I’ll sacrifice anything.
Maybe it’s atonement for the men that died because of me, I don’t know. But I’m going to take care of Mia and the baby. That’s my new purpose in life.
I break the kiss off and softly cup her face. She smiles a little bit and I press my forehead against hers. Wordlessly we stay there for a second before we break apart and I slowly stand.
“Come on,” I say. “Let’s go to bed.”
She gives me a sly little smile. “You’re so forward,” she says.
I laugh a little. It feels good to laugh. “Just for sleeping,” I say. “You can stay in my room with me tonight, if you want.”
“I’d like that.”
I help her to her feet and we head upstairs together, Jones at our heels.
I wake up early, and the night before feels like a dream.
Except it’s not. I find Shelly already awake and in the kitchen, brewing some coffee.
“Morning,” she grunts at me. “You sleep late.”
“It’s barely six.”
She shrugs. “Late. You want coffee?”
“Please.”
I step past her, into the kitchen. I get a pan and start cooking breakfast, stopping only to take the mug Shelly offers me. She sits quietly, sipping her drink, staring out the large windows that overlook the valley.
“We move today,” she says suddenly, out of nowhere. “We make a run for it.”
“Yeah,” I say, and we don’t talk anymore. I finish cooking and put a plate in front of her. She eats mechanically. Mia comes downstairs a minute later, kisses me, and gets her own plate of food. We all sit at the counter, mostly eating in silence, as Jones runs around the living room.
I feed the dog, let him out, and wipe his paws once he comes back in. He trots away and as I head back into the kitchen, I find Mia and Shelly whispering to each other. They both look up as I enter and stop talking. Mia looks a little rattled, but Shelly’s as passive as ever.
I give them a look. “What’s the secret meeting about?” I ask.
Shelly grins. “Girl stuff.”
I look at Mia, but she doesn’t meet my gaze. I sigh and clean up the empty dishes, although I don’t know why.
I realize with a start that I don’t ever plan on coming back here again, at least not to live.
“We run today,” Shelly says again, this time for Mia’s benefit. She looks at Mia, giving her a significant glare. “Understand?”
Mia shakes her head. “What about Jones?”
“Shit,” I say.
Jones trots over to me and I kneel down in front of him. I pat his chest and face as he jumps up and licks my cheeks, eyes meeting mine, tail wagging happily.
“Dog can’t come,” Shelly says. “He’ll slow us down and he can’t keep up on foot. He’d die out there.”
“Shit,” I say again softly. “I can’t leave him behind.”
Shelly sighs. “We can come back for him later.”
“Not if we’re running,” I say, looking at her. “We can’t come back at all and you know it.”
“I know,” she says softly. “Maybe I can make some calls. There are some local folks that might take him in.”
The thought of losing Jones kills me. He’s been my best friend, my constant companion for all this time. I know he’s just a dog, but he’s a member of my family.
“He’s coming,” I say, standing up. “I have an idea. We’ll pull him on a sled behind the snowmobile.”
Shelly rolls her eyes. “If it slows us down, we’re not doing it.”
“It won’t,” I say. “I taught him how to ride a sled. He’ll stay on it.”
“Fine.” Shelly sighs. “But we have to figure out what the plan is.”
“We take the snowmobiles to your place, fuel up again, and go into town. From there, we head south.”
She nods once. “That’s a fine plan. What about the Bear? He’s going to come after us.”
“We’ll outrun him.”
“Maybe,” she says, but she doesn’t look so sure. “You probably winged him yesterday, but I doubt that’ll slow him down too much.”
“What other choice do we have? Stay here and wait for him?” I meet her gaze, steady and serious. “You said it yourself. We have to do this.”
“I know.” She clenches her jaw. “Truth is, I’m not in any shape to fucking make this tri
p. But we can’t really wait.”
“Why not?” Mia asks softly. “He won’t try to come in, will he?”
“He will eventually,” Shelly says. “Maybe even today, I don’t know. Depends how locked down this house is when the security’s activated and how wounded he is.”
“How long until the thaw?” I ask.
“Another day or two at least.” Shelly sighs. “Running on snowmobiles is the best decision. What comes after that, though, well…” She looks pointedly at Mia.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Mia says.
“You can’t live on the run,” Shelly snaps. “Be sensible. He won’t be.”
I blink. “That’s what you were talking about?”
“She’s pregnant, damn it She can’t survive on the run with a baby. You both know it.”
I clench my jaw. “I’m not splitting up from her,” I say.
“You’re going to get her killed.” Shelly smacks her hands down on the counter and winces from the pain. “You have to be smart, Ethan,” she says more softly.
I stare at Mia and Mia stares back at me. I don’t know what she’s thinking about the idea of leaving her behind, or parting from her, well… I’d rather be dead.
“Maybe I can give myself to them,” I say softly.
“That’ll stop them,” Shelly agrees. “Too bad it would mean I wasted my fucking time trying to save your stupid life.”
I glare at her. “I’m trying here.”
“Killing yourself isn’t trying, asshole,” Shelly says.
“Stop,” Mia says, “both of you.”
Shelly and I both look at Mia, surprised. She sighs and looks up at me.
“I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m going to see this through with you.”
“But, that’s so stupid,” Shelly starts, but Mia stops her.
“Listen, okay?” Mia takes a breath. “We need to get through today and tomorrow. And when we do… maybe then we’ll talk about the future.”
It hurts so fucking bad, listening to Mia say these things. She doesn’t want to be apart from me even though I’m the reason she’s in danger, and it fucking kills me. She never needed to get pulled into this in the first place. Shelly’s right, Mia can’t live on the run, and she needs to get far, far away.
But she won’t. I know her well enough now to recognize that gleam in her eye. It’s determination, and she’s determined to stay right by my side.
“Are you sure?” I ask, walking toward her.
She nods once. “I’m sure. Ethan, I know I wasn’t supposed to get pulled into this, but maybe… maybe I was. Maybe I’m here to help you.”
“How?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” she admits. “But I want you to rejoin the world. I don’t want you to run from it.”
I stop in front of her and pull her against me. I hold her tight, breathing in the smell of her hair, and I hate myself for this. But I can’t let myself fall down the well of self-pity again. I have to be strong for her.
“This is touching and all,” Shelly says suddenly, “but we really should get the fuck moving.”
I pull back from Mia, smiling slightly. Shelly sure is a damn treat.
“Let’s pack,” I say. “Meet back here in an hour.”
“Fine,” Shelly answers. “Just be quick. Get cash, passports, that sort of stuff.”
I nod once, take Mia’s hand, and pull her upstairs with me.
I can still hear Shelly muttering to herself, but I don’t care. I pull Mia up to my room, heart hammering in my chest. I push the door closed behind us, and Mia cocks her head at me.
“I don’t have anything to pack,” she says.
“I know,” I whisper, walking toward her. I back her up to the bed, and kiss her deeply.
I pull back after a moment. “I don’t know what’s going to happen,” I say softly. “And I don’t want to go out there without doing this.”
I kiss her again, thoughts of our future shifting through my mind.
23
Mia
I don’t believe for a second that this is the last time I’ll kiss Ethan.
His hands, his lips, every inch of him has this urgency about him, intense and overwhelming. I should be afraid.
But I’m not. I know there’s a killer out there, looking to finish the job they started years ago. I know that the last time Ethan’s enemies sent men against him, others ended up hurt, and I’m in the crosshairs this time.
I just don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me. All I want is to be with him. I don’t know how this happened, at what point I decided that a life without Ethan wasn’t a life worth living, but that’s where I am now.
I think it was the moment that I realized I was pregnant with his kid. Or the moment he kissed me, or the moment he brought me into his house. It’s hard to really pinpoint the exact second.
But it’s how I feel now. My life before him was fine, nothing special. I worked, I ate, I slept, and I did that day in and day out. I don’t have many close friends, I don’t have a boyfriend, nothing like that. I wasn’t really living before Ethan, but ever since coming here, I realize that I’m so alive.
If we get through this day, I don’t know what we’ll do from there. Shelly’s right, I can’t have a baby with Ethan if we’re on the run. He said he’ll find some way to get us out of this, and I believe him. I just have to have faith.
So when he takes off my clothes, lips against my neck, hands on my breasts, I don’t think this is the last time he’s going to make me gasp. I don’t think it’s even close to the last time that I’ll unbutton his pants, tug them down over his hips, get on my knees, and take his thick cock between my lips.
That groan as I let him slide into my throat is a groan I know I’ll hear over and over and over.
“Fuck,” he grunts. “God damn. You feel so fucking good.”
I suck his cock fast, taking him deep, suppressing my gag. I’m surprised by how badly I need this right now.
I taste him, sucking him hard, sliding my hands along his shaft, and slowly all of my fear starts to evaporate. I’d be insane not to be nervous, but feeling him like this, hearing him groan, tasting his cock, it takes me away from what’s about to happen.
The future’s still uncertain. It’s dark, terrifying, and coming sooner than I want, but I can still embrace the present. I can embrace my life with Ethan, and I can hope.
That’s the thing, and it hits me hard. I suddenly realize why I need to taste him and feel him like this. The baby growing inside of me, Ethan’s desire to take care of us, it all gives me hope.
I haven’t had hope in a long time. I’ve just been living life, going from one day to the next, but I never really felt alive. The future never mattered to me, not really. This moment, though, his cock in my mouth, his body hard against me, this moment makes me realize that I love the present, and I want so much more of it.
He pulls me to my feet, kissing me hard and deep and I know it’s more than just a kiss. It’s a promise for something, although I’m not sure what yet.
He pulls my top off, pulls off the baggy jeans, and he pushes me onto the bed. He spreads my legs wide as he kneels down between them and starts to suck and lick my clit, tongue lapping me up, moving up along my pussy.
I gasp in deep breaths, letting the pleasure wash over me. I let him take me completely, make me his, make me feel good. I’m anchored in the moment by this intensity that’s rolling down my spine as his hands grip my hips, as he sucks and licks my pussy. I groan and move my hips, hands lacing through his hair, gripping it and pulling softly, tugging him closer and closer, needing more and more. He responds by licking me faster, tongue moving in circles and grinding down along my clit, making my whole body tense, my spine curl, my toes flex. It’s almost hard work, feeling this good, and I can barely take it. I’m walking right along that fine line between too much and just enough, and it feels so fucking incredible that I can’t stop myself.
“Fuck me, Daddy,” I gasp out
suddenly. “Oh, shit, fuck me. Please, I need it right now.”
He smirks but he gives me what I want. I watch as he finishes undressing, grabs my legs, pulls me to the edge of the bed, and slides his thick cock between my legs. He pulls my calves onto his shoulders as he rolls me up slightly, pushing even deeper, making me gasp with pleasure and pain.
He’s so thick, I don’t know how I can even fit him, but he knows what he’s doing. Slowly at first, gently, getting me used to him, getting me ready for him, before he starts to fuck me faster. I can feel my breasts bounce as he slams into me, and his hands grip my hips, tease my nipples, slap my ass. He puts a thumb between my lips and I suck it as he fucks me deep and slow, rough stroke after rough stroke.
He slides me over onto my side, left leg over the right leg, cock still inside me. He slaps my ass as he fucks me like this, moving faster, my pussy tightening even more around his thick cock. I don’t know how he does it, managing to find new angles, new ways to make me feel something intense, but he doesn’t hold back.
He wrecks me, slams into me, big body intense and muscular and fuck, he’s my big Daddy, and I feel so fucking good I can barely breathe.
He turns me around then, pushing me further onto the bed, climbing up behind me. He grabs my wrists, pulling them back toward him, holding tight as my face goes down into a pillow. He rocks into me, fucking me hard from behind, gripping my wrists and keeping me locked there.
I love it, I love being dominated, controlled, fucked deep and rough by my big bad mountain Daddy. My whole world zeroes into a single point between my legs of pressure, intensity, pleasure, and motion. I’m a blurred existence of subservience and need, and that’s more than enough for me, more than good enough. Everything inside of me tightens, contracting further onto his big cock, and I’m aware only of his rough hands on my skin and his breath against my back as he pulls me upward, letting my wrists go as he pulls me back onto my knees, his lips at my throat.
“I could taste this every fucking hour of every fucking day,” he whispers. “This tight little cunt, this dripping fucking pussy. I want to turn you inside out, make you scream and beg and do things you never thought you’d do, all because you need my fucking cock.”
